30 days
by the-shiny-girl
Summary: Snape and Hermione are captured. Observe their relationship in 30 days as they are locked together in a dungeon.
1. Day 1

**Day 1**

I open my eyes slowly, groaning at the feeling of pain at the back of my head. My body feels sore and I can feel the muscles in my legs tensing.

What has happened to me? Where am I?

As I take in my surroundings, panic starts to build inside my chest. I do not recognize the place. It is dark and damp and _cold_. Unbelievably cold. It appears as if I am lying on a mattress. Quickly I pull myself up, taking in short breaths and trying to get accustomed to the darkness. My eyes scan the room and then I notice a small window. _No_, not a window. It looks more like a small _hole_ in the wall. And there are _bars_ on it.

I can feel myself trembling, cold sweat slicks my body, I shiver. The window is too high for me to reach. Perhaps if I could stand on a chair –

Something moves and I freeze completely.

The room is too dark to see anything. It did not occur to me that someone else might be in the room with me. I stand completely still, holding in my breath. A few long moments pass and the only sound I am hearing is the sound of my own heart beating uncontrollably.

My whole body is shaking with anticipation and fear.

And then suddenly someone speaks.

_"Miss Granger?"_

I flinch at the sound, feeling as if someone just dropped a bucket full of ice-cold water on my head.

Should I answer? Who is he?

He is a man, that much I can tell. But why is he calling me _Miss Granger_? Where am I? Who is _he_?

"Y-Yes?" I stutter, my ears listening carefully for any sign of movement.

"Finally you are awake."

A sigh of relief leaves my mouth as I realize who the voice belonged to.

"_Professor_?"

"You have been unconscious for quite a few hours," he states calmly.

I can barely see him through the darkness. He is sitting on something, facing me.

"What's going on, Professor? Where are we?"

I need answers.

"Has it perhaps escaped your notice that we are in a dungeon, Miss Granger?" he asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I am too confused and scared to get annoyed by his snarky remarks. And I can't help but feeling a bit safer knowing I'm not alone. Wherever I am, whatever has happened to me, at least I am not alone. Professor Snape is here as well.

"What happened?" I ask, trying to stay calm, "I can't remember anything."

I can hear him take a deep breath and then he speaks.

"It appears we were caught by Death Eaters. I was brought here yesterday and only a couple of hours later they brought you as well."

"W-Why?" I ask, feeling panic rising in my chest.

"Use your brain, Miss Granger," he barks at me, "What could they possibly want from us?"

"Information?"

"Possibly," he agrees, then adds, "Perhaps a trade. You for Potter. Or they simply wish to harm Potter by harming you."

I absorb his words and take a deep breath, thinking hard about my question. I don't let myself think about the horrible situation we are in. I decide the best would be to focus all my attention the the salvation of the problem.

"When are they going to save us?"

"_They_?" he asks.

"Yes, the Order. By now they probably now what has happened to us and-"

"Do not get your hopes us, Miss Granger," he interrupts me, his voice cold and icy,"Even if they do know what has happened to us, the chances that they know about our whereabouts are very slim."

I am shaking. The mere thought of not being rescued is too much to handle.

"I-I don't understand," I admit quietly, "What are you saying?"

"I am saying that _you should not get your hopes up_," he repeats emotionless.

I shake my head furiously, even though he probably can't see it. Of course they will save us. Instead of arguing with Professor Snape, I decide to put the pieces of the previous day back together.

"The last thing I remember is...getting a detention. From you, because I was helping Neville and I had to serve detention with Filch," my voice strengthens up, "That's it! I was captured while serving detention or returning to my dormitory."

"Miss Granger," he starts slowly, "I did give you a detention. But that was _four_ days ago."

I take a few steps back and slowly sit back onto the mattress, trying to understand what he was saying to me. I could feel all the blood leave my face. Silence fills the dungeon and all I can hear is my own heartbeat.

"How is the injury on your head?" he suddenly asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

My hands flies up to the back of my head and I can feel the slight bump there. It hurts, but it is nothing serious.

"It's fine," I answer, "They probably hit me or I hit myself..." I trail off, various scenarios playing in my head and a few moments later I finally snap,"_Damn_ it! Why can't I remember anything?"

"You cannot rush these things," he says in his teacher voice, "Your amnesia is temporary, very likely a result of a mild head injury or concussion."

I simply nod and try to calm down. I remember reading about such things. The lost memory tends to return when people least expect it. The harder they push and try to remember by force, the less success they have.

Then something accurrs to me.

"What about you, Professor?" I ask quietly, "Why are you here?"

I can hear him let out a deep sigh and then he finally speaks:"It would be..._imprudent_ to discuss such things with you."

I open my mouth in protest, but then realize I don't know what to say. Perhaps he is not allowed to tell me why they captured him as well. I know some things. Things we never really spoke about, but there were always _whispers_. Whispers that Professor Snape is still a Death Eater, but at the same time he's the member of the Order. Dumbledore trusts him and that is more than enough for me to trust him as well. There is a connection between Professor Snape and Voldemort. But perhaps he cannot speak of it while being held captive by them.

"Do you think there is a way they could be listening to our conversation?" I ask carefully, wrapping my arms around myself.

"No," he answers, "But the less that you know the safer you will be."

I accept his answer. _For now._

We are both silent for a few long minutes. It seems like forever. And I wonder how could he be so calm? Why is he not panicking like me? He perhaps isn't that worried about our situation and that is a good thing, right? But what if he is simply pretending not to be worried? Perhaps he feels the need to be strong. Because of me. After all, he is the grown up and a teacher. What if he is simply pretending not to be worried? That frightened me the most.

"What do you think they are going to do to us?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"Do I look like Professor Trelawney to you, Miss Granger?" he replies sarcastically.

I start to get annoyed by his behavior. This isn't my ideal situation either. And I hate the way he is talking down to me, like I don't know anything about anything.

I lean against the wall and pull my knees up, resting my head on them. Neither of us spoke for a very long time.

ooo

I open my eyes and realize it's day already. How could I have fallen asleep? I am in a mortal danger and I fell asleep. Feeling embarrassed and angry at myself, I look around and notice Professor Snape standing in the corner or the dungeon, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his face unreadable.

I can't help but wonder if he had gotten any sleep last night. It seems weird imagining Professor Snape sleeping. I've never thought about it. It would seem more normal to me if he never had any sleep.

Pushing that though aside, I take the chance to look around and observe the dungeon for the first time. It's small and there are two mattresses, on opposite sides. There is only one chair in the middle of the dungeon and…nothing else. Absolutely _nothing else._ Not even a pillow or a blanket. Not even a bathroom.

I look down at myself and realize I'm wearing my Hogwarts robes and it doesn't look like I have any injuries. I force myself to look at Professor Snape. He's wearing his dark teaching robes and it doesn't seem like he's injured either. That means he did not fight his captors. Or perhaps they used a spell on him before he could do anything. That theory seemed a bit unrealistic. I am positive Professor Snape is a good duelist and I seems strange someone had taken him down that easily.

"Merlin," I start nervously, "How long-", I stop mid sentence, then start again, "What are they planning on doing with us? How long are they going to keep us here?"

"As long as necessary," is his only reply.

I start to get annoyed by his emotionless behavior. Even though I don't know what I would do if he started panicking, it still annoys me that he is so calm by everything that is happening. It puts me in a bad light, like I am doing something wrong simply by being worried by our situation.

He says nothing for a long time and it seems as if he is lost in his thoughts. I don't wish to disturb him and try to concentrate on other things instead.

I'm thirsty. _Really_ thirsty. Thankfully I am not hungry yet and don't have to worry about that. But there's one problem as well. I have to go to the bathroom.

I look around, convincing myself there has to be _something_. Doors to the bathroom for example. I probably missed it before. But as I look around, I realize I didn't miss anything. There were simply two mattresses, a chair and a window. Too high to reach.

I let out a deep breath. Things could not get worse.

ooo

"Have you tried wandless magic, Sir?" I ask.

Deep sigh, then an answer, "I have."

"And?"

"As you would expect, Miss Granger."

"No kind of magic is possible here."

Silence.

"Where do you think we are?"

"I haven't got the slightest idea," he says with difficulty in his voice.

It's probably hard for him to admit ignorance about something.

"Have you tried to reach the window?"

"It's too high to reach, even while standing on the chair."

"But...what if-"

He raises a brow in interest.

I continue slowly,"You could stand on the chair and I could-"

"I will not have you climbing all over me, Miss Granger," he says coldly.

"But it might work, Sir," I insist, raising my voice a bit, "We could see where we are."

"And that would help us how?" he asks, looking at me, expecting an answer.

I have nothing to say. He is right. It would not help us.

Silence again.

ooo

How can he stand there? He's been standing in the same spot for the last couple of hours. Why doesn't he sit down?

A loud thud pulls me out of my thoughts. The dungeon doors open and I reflexively stand up, my whole body tensing.

A man enters. He's wearing black robes and there is a wand in his hand. I look at his face, but there is nothing familiar there. I have never seen this man before. He has to be forty-something.

"You," he points at me, "Come with me."

I freeze at the spot.

"Leave the girl," Snape speaks, "Take me instead. I demand to be taken to the Dark Lord."

I open my mouth in shock at hearing that. Why does he want to be taken to Voldemort?

The man shakes his head and then he smirks, "Your demands will have to wait," he looks at me again, "Come with me."

"Where are you taking me?" I ask, keeping my voice strong.

"You will see," he answers, then his tone gets threatening,"I will not ask nicely again."

I shiver at that statement, but my face remains emotionless. I look at Professor Snape and there is a hard look in his eyes. We both know what it means. I cannot turn to him for help. He is as helpless as I am. I cannot expect him to do anything to help me, because it would prove useless and it could get us in bigger trouble.

Without words I walk over to the man and he grabs my arm, leading me out of the dungeon.

ooo

I am pushed back into the dungeon and the doors slam shut behind me.

"What happened?" Professor Snape asks, walking closer to me.

I look up at him and find myself surprised to find concern written over his face.

"You have only been gone for a few minutes," he adds, his brows frowning.

"He took me to the bathroom, it was only that," I explain, "He said we are allowed a visit to the bathroom twice a day and that he'll be coming soon for you."

He simply nods at that, walking away from me.

An hour later, perhaps more, the man comes again and this time takes Professor away with him. The moment I am left alone in the dungeon, the reality of the situation comes crashing down on me. My throat closes up and I find it difficult to breath.

All the horrible thoughts make their way into my brain and I can see myself dying in this very dungeon. Dying at the hands of the Death Eaters or from starvation. Perhaps am I never going to be found and my corpse will be left here for centuries and centuries.

I miss my friends and my family. I miss Hogwarts. I miss feeling _safe_.

Tears start to build in my eyes and I don't even try to stop it. I allow myself to cry, to weep loudly and at the same time I know I only have a couple of minutes. I use that time to allow myself a complete breakdown.

Professor Snape returns a few minutes later. By then there is no evidence of my breakdown on my face. He must never know about it.

ooo

"Does the Cruciatus curse have long-term consequences?" I ask, breaking the silence.

He shots me a glare, "I hardly think that is an appropriate conversation, regarding the situation we are in."

"I want to know, because…if they…"

"If they decide to use that kind of torture, you will not be worrying about the _long-term consequences_. You will be worrying about surviving every next second."

His words cut through me like a knife.

It's starting to get dark already. I can't believe it's been one day already.

The doors open and there is a small elf this time, carrying a small platter. Both I and Professor Snape simply stare at the small creature as he leaves the platter on the floor and leaves, not even looking at us. We both know it would be usless trying to get any information from the elf.

I walk over to the platter and notice there is a small piece of bread and one glass of water on it. Just _one_ glass of water.

I lick my dry lips, thinking hard about what to do. Looking up at Professor Snape, I realize he did not move from the spot where he is standing.

I clear my throat and start speaking, "I guess we should split-"

"You can have it all, Miss Granger."

"What? No," I argue, "You've been here longer than I, Professor. If anything, you should get a larger part."

"No need for sympathies," he barks at me, "You will need your strength. Eat."

I realize there is no chance of convincing him with my words, so I simply take the small piece of bread into my hands, splitting it into two parts. I then grab the glass of water and bring it to my mouth. It feels wonderful as the water slides down my throat, but after three drinks I put the glass down. It takes a lot of mental strength to decline myself the rest of the water, but it is the right thing to do. I turn all my attention to eating my piece of bread.

"I've left half of it for you," I say, ignoring his glare, then walk back to my mattress and sit down, enjoying the taste of bread in my mouth.

He does eventually drink the rest of the water, but leaves the piece of bread untouched. I decide not to question it, because he seems to be in an awful mood. And I can't blame him.

Soon the darkness takes over and I force myself to lay down and close my eyes. It would do me no good staying awake the whole night. If anything, while sleeping I can't think about the horrible situation we are both in. Sleep is the only escape I have now.

**Hey, guys! This is my new story, obviously.:) I'm not sure where I want to take it, but I know how I want it to be written. The story will be happening in the dungeon _only_, it's like an experiment. How is the relationship between Snape and Hermione going to change day by day while being locked together for exactly 30 days? Oh, and the story is happening sometime in the sixth year.:) Tell me your opinion on it and if you'd like me to continue.:)**


	2. Day 2

**Day 2**

I wake up slowly and it takes me a couple of long moments to remember where I am and how I got here. I close my eyes again, afraid to open them and realize it was not a dream. I try to convince myself I am still at Hogwarts, in my bed. Few moments slowly go by and then I force my eyes open again. A horrible feeling of despair dawns upon me as I realize I am really in a dungeon. It's a reality.

Blinking a few times, I notice Professor Snape sitting on the chair in the corner of the dungeon. He throws a glance at me, then looks away again, not saying anything. He looks tidy and his robes aren't crumpled at all. I look down at myself and notice I look like trash. And I could only imagine what my hair looks like.

"Morning," I say to him, pulling myself into a sitting position.

He simply looks at me and then finally nods his head before removing his gaze from me.

I let out a sigh. I don't know what to say or do. I hate waiting. Especially when I don't know what I'm waiting for. It's hard to sit still and let someone else decide about your destiny. And what was the most nerve-wracking was not knowing what they want from us. And when can I expect the torture to begin? They did not kidnapp us to simply lock us in the dungeon and leave us there?

"How long have you been awake, Professor?" I ask quietly, feeling the need to talk to someone. Even if it's just a small, unimportant conversation.

"I never went to sleep," he answers.

I open my mouth in shock, then close it, feeling ashamed of myself because I _did_ fell asleep. What does Professor Snape think of me now? I'm captured and thrown in the dungeon and I fall asleep like nothing happened? I am so angry at myself.

Minutes pass in silence.

I feel so dirty, having not taken a bath in two days already. And I need to brush my teeth and change my clothes. Those are the things on my mind, but I don't say them out loud. What would Professor Snape think of me if he found out how I'm losing my time thinking about such unimportant things? I know I should be thinking about escaping or about the ways to stay alive, but I can't help myself. Perhaps it's a good thing to think about those small things. It keeps my mind busy so I don't torture myself with horrible thoughts of my future.

ooo

"I don't understand," I say, breaking the silence.

Professor Snape looks at me and raises an eyebrow in interest,"Miss Know-it-all admits to not understanding something?"

I blush, but still nod,"Yes."

"And what, pray tell, would that be?"

"Voldemort –"

"Don't say his name, you foolish girl!" he snaps at me.

I flinch a bit at his tone, but then continue,"You-know-who...he's half-blood himself."

Professor's face hardens but he remains silent, waiting for me to ask my question.

"I never understood why would anyone follow him and his ideas. There are so many conflicting ideologies, regarding Vold-...You-know-who's perspective of the world."

I can see he is struggling with himself as if not knowing how to comment that. But then he takes a deep breath and answers slowly,"When people want to believe in something, they don't ask questions. And besides, his followers have been following him for many years now. After so many years no one dares to admit they were wrong from the very beginning."

I nod my head, understanding what he's saying. But at the same time I find it disgusting that good people are dying simply because some are ashamed to admit they were wrong and because they let themselves be led by someone who's even contradicting himself.

ooo

"Would you stop that, Granger!" Professor barks at me and I stop immediately, looking up at him.

He takes a deep breath through his nose then speaks, this time quietly and calmly,"Your _tapping against the floor_ is very distracting and annoying."

"S-Sorry," I mumble.

I wasn't even aware of the fact that my feet was tapping against the floor. I was probably too lost in my thoughts. Thoughts of our rescue. That is the only possible ending to our situation. I don't even allow myself to think about other possibilities.

ooo

Finally it is the time for the visit to the bathroom. A man enters the dungeon, points at me and I walk over to him, not resisting as he leads me out of the dungeon.

ooo

I am pushed back into the dungeon, a bit too roughly and I end up on the floor. I quickly stand up and rub my knees, noticing my left knee is scratched a bit and bleeding. Also my black tights are ruined now. I let out an angry sigh and sit down onto my mattress, observing my bleeding knee.

"Now you," the man addresses Professor Snape and leads him out of the dungeon.

I notice the slight feeling of panic at being alone in the dungeon. It suddenly seems too big and a bit scary. Wrapping my arms around myself, I try to think positive. I am not alone. Professor Snape is with me. I know I am selfish for being thankful for that, but I don't know what I would do if I were alone. Even though we don't talk much, it's easier having some kind of contact with another human being.

ooo

He is finally back. I look up at him and can't help but feeling relieved at seeing him again. The doors close and we are alone again.

Professor Snape walks over and kneels down beside me, observing my injured knee.

"Did you trip?" he asks, his brow furrowing.

"No, he...he pushed me, I think I got on his nerves a bit," I answer truthfully.

"How is that?" he asks as he pulls a handkerchief from his pocket.

"I asked a couple of questions while he was taking me to the bathroom," I admit.

He looks into my eyes and points to my injured knee,"Can I take a look?"

"It's not that bad, really-"

He cuts me off,"Let me decide on that."

I open my mouth to protest again, but then I simply nod and he gently touches my knee, cleaning the wound with his handkerchief. I flinch at the first contact, but then I hardly feel anything. I remain silent, simply observing him.

"The cut should close soon, but I'm afraid the scar will remain," he says and gets up.

"I don't care about a scar," I say,"I'll be proud of it if we survi-"

I stop mid sentence, horror written on my face as I realize what I was about to say. Professor knows it too, but he simply looks away and sits down on the chair, letting out a deep breath.

ooo

"Why haven't they demanded anything from us yet?" I ask.

"Be grateful they did not."

"But I want to know _why_," I insist, "If they want information, why keep us in the dungeon for two days? What are they waiting for?"

He sighs and then looks at me, his eyes hard,"It's a common method."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a psychological method of torture. Leaving a captive alone for a few days. All that person has is his own mind and that is often the most dangerous enemy. A few days without contact, without knowing about the reasons for his capture, without knowing anything...It makes him vulnerable, more open to suggestions."

I can feel a horrible shiver go through me at his words. I am not sure I want to listen to him anymore. He can probably see the fear in my eyes and he does not continue. Silence fills the dungeon again.

ooo

"Would you ever betray the Order, sir?" I ask, not able to stand the silence any longer. Though I am not sure I want to hear the answer, I force myself to look at him. And I wait.

He does not answer immediately and that scares me.

But then he finally meets my look,"Would you ever betray Potter?"

"Of course not!" I shoot back, feeling insulted he even asked that question.

He simply raises in eyebrow and smirks slightly,"_Gryffindors_."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You act before you think. Would that be considered smart, Granger?"

"I don't have to think about anything before answering such question. I would _never_ betray Harry."

"Are you positive?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"What if you had to choose between your parents and Potter?"

I tense at his words.

"My parents are not a part of this," I say quietly.

"How silly of you," he comments, "You are a part of this, therefore _they_ are a part of this too. The sooner you realize that, the better."

My breathing accelerates and I bite my lower lip, thinking hard about his words.

"I ask again, who would you choose?" he asks calmly, "Potter or your parents?"

My throat closes up and I have a feeling I have completely lost my voice. I even open my mouth to speak, but I simply can't say a word. My mind is a mess.

"Think a bit about that, Granger," Professor says to me and then looks away.

The conversation is over.

ooo

It's getting dark already. Everything is easier in daylight. When night comes, the dungeon seems so small and cold and dark. And _unfamiliar_.

We are given food again and this time there are two glasses of water and I couldn't be more grateful for that. I drink the whole glass without even breathing, but I'm still thirsty.

Professor Snape drinks slowly as if savoring every gulp. I look away, not able to stand the sight of water. I lay down onto my mattress, leaving my piece of bread for later.

"You never answered my question, sir," I say quietly.

He does not look at me.

"I have answered your question."

"No, you turned the question against me," I insist.

This time he looks at me, "Think harder, Miss Granger. There was an answer hidden in my words."

I allow myself to think back to our conversation. He has answered my question with a question. But perhaps it wasn't a question exactly. Perhaps it was his answer. After a few long moments I think I have his answer.

"You..." I try again, "You mean...you _would_ betray the Order if there was something on the other side that you truly cared about?"

It's really dark by now but I can still see his slight smirk as he says,"And I believe you have just answered _my_ question, regarding the choice between Potter and your parents."

I open my mouth in shock as I realize he's right. He has manipulated me into revealing my decision. The decision I myself am not sure about. Was he right? Would I betray Harry to save my parents? Am I ready to make sacrifices? The sacrifices that are needed to win the War.

I close my eyes and force those thoughts out of my mind. I will not think about it. Not now.

**Hey, guys! A big Thank You to all of you who read, who put this story on alert or their favourite and those of you who review. Thank you so much! Tell me what you think of this chapter. :)**


	3. Day 3

**Day 3**

I wonder if he ever sleeps. I have never seen him sleep. It is _me_ who falls asleep first every night and the last to wake up every morning. He simply sits or stands in the corner, lost into his thoughts. I hope he doesn't notice I'm observing him. He seems...tired. His face is not as smooth as before, obviously, he hasn't shaved in three days. How do wizards shave anyway? Do they have some kind of magical foam? Or do they use a spell? Is there a spell for that kind of thing? Perhaps they do it the Muggle way?

I suddenly realize how foolish my thoughts are. Being locked in a dungeon for three days is starting to get to me.

It is still early in the morning. And it's raining outside. I can hear it. I have always liked the sound of rain.

I look at Professor Snape again, feeling the need to talk to someone. But what can I say? He doesn't seem to be in the mood for conversations. He is never in the mood for conversations.

I take a deep breath and force myself to speak.

"Sir?"

His eyes land on me and he waits for me to continue.

"D-Don't you think it's strange we haven't been taken to Vold-...You-know-who? It's been three days already."

He takes a deep breath.

"I do not know what their plans are," he says, "Nothing is up to us anymore."

"All we can do is wait?" I ask and he nods.

End of conversation.

ooo

I can't take it anymore. The _silence_. The _coldness_. The feeling of _despair_. _Fear_. The _waiting_.

Before I even realize what I'm doing, I am punching the dungeon doors with all my force and yelling at the top of my lungs.

"What do you want from us? Let us go!" I scream, barely recognizing my own voice.

_Nothing._

"Do you hear me?"

I kick the doors and yelp at the pain that shoots through me. But that doesn't stop me.

"What do you want?"

Suddenly I am being grabbed from behind and dragged away from the doors.

"_Enough_," he says calmly, not letting go of me.

I struggle hard, kicking and screaming, trying to break free. It's useless.

"Professor, let me go!" I demand, struggling even more.

"Stop this nonsense at once, Miss Granger!"

I recognize the authority in his voice and I feel like I'm in school again. But...I'm not in school. I am in the dungeon, trapped, waiting in fear, while I should be helping Harry and doing something useful.

"No! I want to know why we're here!" I yell, still struggling against Professor Snape. He's much stronger though and he is not letting go of me.

"Do you actually believe they will tell you anything?"

I don't answer him as I struggle harder, my whole body shaking with emotions. I have to do _something_. I can't simply sit and wait.

But I'm trapped. Professor Snape has his arms around my waist and he's not letting me go. After a few minutes I can feel all energy leave my body and I slowly calm down.

"I have to do something," I admit quietly.

"You need to calm yourself down."

He leads me to my mattress and I slide down, curling myself into a ball. I know I should be ashamed of my behavior. I never wanted Professor Snape of all people to see me like this, to see my breakdown. But I can't help myself. The isolation is driving me mad.

I close my eyes and try to relax.

ooo

I slowly come back to reality, blinking a few times. Nothing has changed. I am still in the dungeon. A feeling of despair creeps into me, but I try to ignore it.

I notice Professor Snape sitting on the chair in the corner. He barely throws a glance at me. I can feel my cheeks blush with embarrassment as I remember how I've behaved. He probably thinks I'm immature and weak.

"Sir," I begin, "I apologize for my behavior earlier. I-I don't know what else to say."

"No need to apologize, Miss Granger," he replies, "It is perfectly understandable."

I look at him, a bit relived:"Really?"

He simply nods, "Yes," then adds, "But I would appreciate it if you could refrain from acting like that again."

"Of course, sir."

Silence.

I look around and then notice a small platter on the floor.

"Have they brought the food while I was asleep?" I ask.

He looks down at the platter, then back at me:"_Obviously_."

I blush at my own stupid question.

The meal is the same as the last two days. Water and bread. I just drink the water and return to my mattress.

"I advise you to eat, Miss Granger. It would do us no good if you starve yourself."

"I'm not hungry," I reply weakly.

He raises his eyebrow in disbelief.

I correct myself, "I _am_ hungry, but I can't eat...that. Bread is all I've eaten in the last few days. I can't anymore..." I trail off and I think he understands because he doesn't say anything else.

ooo

"I know the Muggles started it all," I start the conversation, not able to hold the thoughts to myself anymore.

He sighs in annoyance, "Would you at least _try_ to make your sentences seem like they have a beginning, a middle and an end?"

I try again, "I _mean_, I know the Muggles are also responsible for everything that is happening in the Wizarding World."

"Explain."

"The racism and the belief that Muggleborns are not worthy of the magic. Muggles started it all. In the past many alleged witches were persecuted and burnt at the stake. Witch-hunts claimed thousands of lives every year."

"No history lesson needed, Miss Granger. I am aware of those facts."

"I don't doubt that, sir," I quickly say. I never meant to insult his intelligence.

I continue, "They believed that witches were in league with the Devil and used their powers to harm people and property. I can't even imagine how many innocent people died."

"The ones who died were mostly non-magical," he added.

"I know and it doesn't make it any less horrible."

Silence.

"The Death Eaters, the Pureblood's beliefs, it's simply a revenge for how we've treated them in the past."

"It does play an important part."

"I always said how all the Pureblood supremacy is old-fashioned in something like that could never happen in a modern society."

Professor Snape looks at me as if he knows I will continue.

"But I'm wrong," I say quietly, "Muggles don't believe in witches anymore. But if they _did_...I have no doubt there would be witch hunts again."

"It's understandable. People are afraid of the things they do not know."

I nod and lose myself in my thoughts again. Many wizards hate muggles and muggles hate wizards. Is peace ever even possible?

ooo

I am brought back into the dungeon and the guard leaves and slams the doors behind me. I wrap my arms around myself and lean against the wall, taking a deep breath.

"He wouldn't even talk to me," I admit.

Professor Snape looks at me, surprised and a bit amused, "You have tried to get information from guards _again_?"

"Y-Yes."

"Even after what happened last time?"

"Yes."

He sighs, "Miss Granger, do not annoy them. What happened last time, when you were pushed to the ground, that is nothing in comparison to what they can do."

"Tell me."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

I take a deep breath, preparing myself, "Tell me what can we expect from them. I know you know a lot about them, sir."

"It wouldn't be wise to-"

"_Please_," I cut him off.

"Some things are very unpleasant. Not for your ears, Miss Granger."

"Professor," I start slowly, "We are in a dungeon, captured by the Death Eaters. The chances that we will be saved are...minimal," my voice breaks a bit, but I continue, "I want to know what to expect. You don't have to protect me anymore, sir."

I look at him and notice he's staring at me, a hard look in his eyes. I can tell he's arguing with himself whether to tell me or not. It takes a lot of will power, but I hold the eye contact with him and after a few long moments he sighs and nods.

"You are aware of my history with the Death Eaters, am I correct?"

I quickly nod.

"The methods they use are..._harsh_. They have no respect for a human life. No conscience."

I don't even know why I'm listening to him. All I want is to cover my ears and pretend everything is alright. But for some strange reason I keep listening to him.

"Unforgivable Curses, mental torture, murder, rape, anything. You name it, they did it."

I shiver uncontrollably.

He continues, "They are willing to do anything to get what they want. And sometimes they do it simply out of boredom."

"My god," I whisper quietly to myself.

"There are no boundaries for them. It doesn't matter if you are 100 years old or 11 years old. They have killed infants," then he says in a low voice, "I have seen it."

I feel sick. My hand covers my mouth as I wait for the sickness to pass. Everything he has told me, only caused horrible images to form inside my mind.

Then a question pops into my mind. Has he-?

"S-Sir, everything you have told me...have _you_ ever-?" I don't finish the question, but he knows what I was about to ask and he tenses, his eyes suddenly very hard.

"Do you truly want to know, Miss Granger?" he asks.

I look at him and then quickly shake my head,"N-No."

"Smart decision."

ooo

It's dark already. I am alone in the dungeon. The guard came and took Snape with him. It was his visit to the bathroom. I try to make a use of the time while I'm alone and I quickly move the chair under the small window. I want to see where we are and I don't understand why Snape doesn't seem interested in that. Without thinking I stand on the chair and realize the small window is still too high for me to reach. Groaning in annoyance, I shakily stand on the chair's top rail, supporting myself on the wall.

I'm so close to the window. Just a bit more...

The dungeon doors open and I flinch in shock, losing my balance and falling unceremoniously to the floor.

The guard laughs at me, "You girl ought to be more careful with your stunts."

With those words he leaves the dungeon, still laughing, leaving me alone with Professor Snape again.

He makes his way to me angrily, grabs my arm and pulls me up from the floor.

"What were you thinking?" he barks at me.

"I-I was simply trying to see through the window," I defend myself.

He lets go of my arm,"You could have hurt yourself. Use your brain for once, you foolish girl!"

"I _am_ using my brain!" I raise my voice a bit, "At least I am trying to do something, while all you do is sit around and feel sorry for yourself."

Rage flashes in his eyes and he moves closer to me, his voice low and controlled, "Watch your tongue, Granger. We might not be at Hogwarts at the moment, but I am still your teacher and you will show respect towards me. Is that understood?"

I open my mouth to argue, but something in his eyes stops me. He is right. I shouldn't forget what he is to me. I have overstepped the line.

"I apologize, Professor," I force the words out.

He simply nods.

I drop myself to my mattress and turn around from him, closing my eyes, feeling the tears form slowly. I must not let him see me like this. Within a few minutes I fall asleep.

**A/N: 27 more days to go! :) Your reviews really mean a lot to me. Tell me your opinion or suggestions for this story. What would you like to see happen in the next 27 days? I would also like to tell you that things are not as they seem at first sight. ;) You will see soon. Thanks for reading and please leave a review! :)**


	4. Day 4

**Day 4**

I groan as I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times. I realize I'm still in the dungeon and strangely that does not surprise me. It feels like I've been here for years. With each passing day I'm slowly losing hope. No one is going to save me. They probably don't even know where I am. And even if they knew, it would be foolish of them to risk everything just to save me.

I take a deep breath and put on a strong face. I can't expect them to risk everything for me. Winning the War is more important. I have to believe that. Professor Snape believes that.

_Professor Snape._ Where is he?

I quickly look around. He isn't sitting on the chair or standing in the corner like usually. My eyes land on the mattress on the other side of the dungeon. I can't help but open my mouth in shock at seeing him there, _sleeping_. He's actually sleeping. This is probably the first time he allowed himself some rest.

Slowly I pull myself up, my eyes never leaving his sleeping form. I walk over to him, making as little noise as possible.

He seems so...stiff. Even while asleep, his face is hard and determined. His arms are crossed over his chest and I can't help but think the position he's in in not comfortable.

As my eyes travel back up to his face, I jump in shock as I realize he's staring back at me.

"P-Professor-"

He moves and sits up, still glaring at me,"Have you had enough or perhaps should I lay down again so you can continue with your rude staring?"

"I-I wasn't staring," I say, even though I know I was.

He raises an eyebrow at me,"Is that so?"

I can't lie to him. But I can't tell him the truth either. I don't even know what I was thinking.

"I was simply checking if you...are really sleeping or-" I trail off.

"Or what?"

"I wasn't doing anything wrong, why can't you just let it pass?" I ask, angrily.

"Because, Miss Granger, you were invading my privacy."

"What?" I can't believe what he's saying. I was simply looking at him. I didn't do anything else.

"We are forced into this, Granger. Forced to be together 24 hours a day. We have to learn to respect each other's privacy or things will end badly."

"I was simply-"

He cuts me off,"What if the roles were reversed? If you had woken up and caught me staring at you?"

I open my mouth to protest, but realize how disturbing that would be. He's right.

"I understand. It will never happen again."

I return to my mattress and slide down, looking anywhere but at him.

ooo

The atmosphere is still very tense, I can feel it. It is all because of our fight last night when I confronted him about not doing anything useful. I overstepped the line, but he was wrong also. I can't understand his behavior. Why isn't he doing something, _anything_? Not only he sits all day, but he is also against it that I try to do something.

I flinch as the doors open and a man enters. It isn't the guard from before, this is another one.

"Both of you, follow me," he orders.

I stand up, looking at Professor, so many questions burning in my eyes. He looks at me as well, then back at the guard.

"Where are you taking us?" he demands, his tone controlled and low.

The guard smirks,"You shall see."

"Are you taking us to him? To Voldemort?" I ask, my voice shaking slightly. I can hear Professor Snape let out an annoyed sigh, but I ignore it.

"Is that it?" I ask again.

This is it. After three days, it had finally come. I can't believe I was actually looking forward to this. Being locked in a dungeon, not knowing why and for how long, almost made me lose my mind. I wished for something to happen and now that something is happening, I desperately want to take my wish back.

"Come," the guard says.

I can't move. I am literally frozen with fear. I don't want to face Voldemort. I don't want to face Death Eaters. The reality of the situation comes crashing down onto me.

Professor Snape takes a deep breath and then walks over to the guard before looking at me. There is something in his eyes, a message, a warning. I think he's trying to tell me not to argue and simply do what they demand.

I decide to trust Professor Snape. He is the one who knows best what to do. He has dealt with Death Eaters before, he's older and wiser. After a long moment I nod and then we are being led out of the dungeon, not knowing what awaits us.

ooo

I stumble back into the dungeon, shivering and hugging myself with my arms. I lean against the wall and fix my eyes at the spot on the ground, not daring to look up.

Professor Snape goes to stand in the other corner, as far away from me as possible.

The guard leaves, laughing and closing the doors behind him.

Such a horrible silence.

I want to start crying so badly, to let out everything, the frustration, the anger, the humiliation. But I can't. The tears simply would not come.

I am so cold. My hair is wet, my clothes are wet. I am shaking uncontrollably, the coldness ripping through me like a knife.

"Miss Granger," I hear him say.

"Don't."

I can't talk about it. It's humiliating and wrong and sick.

"At least it is over now," he says quietly.

I shake my head furiously,"It's not over. I can still see it, hear their laughing, feel the cold water. I-"

"Stop it," he orders and I flinch at the sharpness in his tone.

I still refuse to look at him.

Silence.

"You are shivering," he states and I simply shrug my shoulders.

He's beside me the next moment, taking off his cloak and offering it to me. I don't move. I can't move.

Letting out an angry sigh, he wraps it around my shaking form, then backs away.

I can't even thank him. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to look at him and I don't want him to look at me. I wish the earth would open and swallow me whole.

"It was simply a shower, Miss Granger," he drawls, not taking his eyes off of me.

I close my eyes, pretending not to hear him.

"That is nothing compared to what could have happened," he says and I know he is right, but that does not make it any less horrible.

"Professor," I start slowly,"I-I would like to thank you for standing up for me."

"There is no need, Miss Granger. I simply did what any normal person would do in such circumstances," then he adds quietly,"Sadly it did not do much good."

Silence again.

God, I am so embarrassed. I thought we would be taken to Voldemort. Instead, they took us to some dirty bathroom. It reminded me of bathrooms I saw in old prison movies, where the prisoners showered together. They demanded we take our clothes off and I refused. It did not do much good. They said either I did it or they would do it for me. Professor Snape tried to help, offering to shower first and then I could have a go, but they would not have any of it. We had to shower together. It amused them.

I can still feel the humiliation I felt as I took off my clothes. I tried to ignore them and their comments.

_Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me._

The most horrible thing was the fact that I was naked in front of my Professor. Not once did I look at him and I think he refused he look at me as well. We were turned away from each other, both hurrying, trying to get the deed quickly over with. The water was cold as ice, but that did not bother me. All I could think about was how disgusting everything was, how revolting the situation we were forced into was.

I want to push those memories out of my mind, I want to forget it ever happened.

Slowly I walk over to my mattress and sit down, tightening the cloak around myself. Everything is so messed up.

ooo

"Why don't you eat?" he asks, his voice breaking the silence.

"Not hungry," is my only response.

I am hungry, but I can't eat that bread anymore. I need vegetables, fruit, anything, but that bread.

"We are not in a position to refuse food, Miss Granger."

"I'm not hungry," I repeat.

He is quiet for a couple of moments, then says,"You are even weaker than I thought."

That catches my attention,"Excuse me?"

"Pathetic. Weak. It has only been four days. How long do you think you will last if you continue like this?"

"None of your business."

He raises his eyebrow,"Cheeky. In only four days you have forgotten all your manners."

"Leave me alone," I say quietly, then add,"Please."

"No."

"What?"

"No."

I look at him,"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You have disappointed me. You deliberately put your life in danger by annoying the Death Eaters, pulling stunts and trying to reach the window, refusing food, crying where there is nothing to cry over-"

"When was I crying?" I ask with anger in my voice, even though I know he is right.

"Oh please, Granger," he rolls his eyes,"You should be thankful that nothing serious has happened. We are both still remotely sane and in one piece."

I grit my teeth in frustration. He does not understand.

"Am I not allowed to feel angry, humiliated, _hurt_?"

His voice softens a bit,"I did not say that. I am merely saying you should keep your emotions locked inside you. Do not show them how much everything affects you. Do not give them the pleasure."

I don't know what to say. Our eyes are locked for a few long moments and then I look away, nodding my head. I stand up, walk over to the platter on the floor and take my piece of bread. I will not make it easier for them to destroy me.

ooo

It's getting dark. I should probably go to sleep. That's the only way to escape the horrible reality.

I stand up and walk over to Professor Snape to return him his cloak.

"Keep it," he says without even looking at me.

"But...it's yours."

This time he looks at me, eyeing me up and down,"And you have less clothes on than I. There are no blankets, no sheets, nothing. And the nights are cold.

Keep it, Granger."

"I- thank you," I say awkwardly.

He simply nods and I turn around to walk back to my mattress. Then a flashback hits me.

_Potions classroom. Professor Snape_. And then _nothing_.

"What?" I whisper quietly, but he hears me.

"Miss Granger?"

I turn to face him again, a look of confusion written on my face.

"Sir," I start slowly,"I-I think the memory is coming back to me."

His face tenses, but he says nothing as he waits for me to continue.

"I remember being in your classroom and then nothing. You were talking to me and-"

"I remember no such event, Miss Granger."

"I know it's weird...I don't even remember why was I in your classroom in the first place. There was no one else. And there is a feeling...like I wanted to leave but-"

"Now that is ridiculous, Miss Granger. I do not lock myself in my classroom with one of my students. _Especially_ against their own will. Your memories are probably interfering with one another and adding your imagination-"

"Why can't you tell me how you were captured?"

Something flashes in his eyes and I can't recognize it. It's gone as quickly as it showed.

"It would not be prudent," he simply says.

"Did they find out about your double-"

"Miss Granger!" he raises his voice and I flinch away.

The look he gives me is enough to silence me. I was foolish to bring that subject up. But he will have to tell me his story sooner or later. Nothing matters anymore. We are captured, probably never to be saved.

**A/N: Another chapter! I would like to thank all of you who read and review, especially to those who helped with suggestions. I will try to use everything you have suggested. Special thanks go to _., _who suggested that Hermione catches Snape asleep, which I used in this chapter.:) Looking forward to more suggestions. Tell me what you think.**


	5. Day 5

**Day 5**

I open my eyes.

It's dark. I can barely see anything.

I recognize the place. It's the dungeon. I'm still in the dungeon.

It's so small and dark. There is no way out.

There is no air.

I start shaking as I pull myself up from the mattress.

My heart was beating like crazy.

I was sweating.

My hand flies to my chest as I feel a slight stabbing pain there.

There is no air.

I'm choking. I open my mouth, trying to breath, but there is no air.

I let out a silent cry as I helplessly try to force some air into my lungs.

God, what is happening to me?

"Granger?" I hear a voice from another side of the dungeon, "What are you doing?"

I can't see him. I try to answer, but no voice comes from me.

Please, help me. Someone help me.

Suddenly he's beside me, grabbing me by shoulders, shaking me slightly, but it doesn't help.

"Granger!" he barks, "Breath! Take short breaths."

I shake my head, my hands around my throat, "C-Can't-"

"You _can_!" he says firmly, "And you will."

I look at him. I can barely see him in the dark. But I notice his eyes, such dark eyes. Such strong and commanding eyes. I try to focus on that.

"Short breaths," he orders and I try to obey.

Breath in. Breath out.

I can feel warmth through his hands and it gives me a strange feeling of comfort.

As minutes pass by I can feel myself relax.

Professor Snape takes my hand and checks my pulse.

"You are alright," he says and lets go of me, "Do not forget to breath."

I nod, still not able to talk.

My heart is beating normally and my hands aren't shaking as much anymore.

The worst is over.

He remains there, looking at me. It feels as if he's afraid I might break down again if he does as much as looks away.

"I-I don't know what happened," I admit after a long moment of silence.

"You had a panic attack. Not a surprise," he answers.

"What do you mean by that?"

"This is the fifth day," he explains, "Five days locked up in a dungeon does a horrible damage to your psyche. It was expected you would have a nervous breakdown sooner or later."

I press my hand against my forehead to find I'm burning up.

"What about you?" I ask.

He raises an eyebrow at me, "What about me?"

"Will you have a panic attack?"

I can almost swear I saw a slight twitch of his lip, like a smirk, but he hid it immediately.

"I doubt it, Miss Granger. I am older, much more experienced. I have gone through much more than this."

"You have?" I ask before I can stop myself.

He pulls away immediately, "You should try to get some sleep."

I watch as he walks back into darkness.

Forcing myself to lay down again, I can't help but think about Professor Snape and his past.

What horrible things did he experience? Is he truly a double agent?

And the most important question: Why is he here with me? Why did they capture him as well?

ooo

I keep my eyes closed even though I am not asleep.

There are so many things I need to think through.

It's the _fifth_ day. And still we know nothing.

I don't know how long we will be here. In this dungeon. All I know is that it will get harder and harder.

I can't believe what had happened yesterday. It felt good finally being able to take a shower, but the way in which it happened made me sick. It seems surreal. I was naked and in the same room as Professor Snape. I did not allow myself to look at him. All I accidentally saw was his chest as he took of his shirt, but then I turned away, keeping my eyes fixed on the wall as tears of humiliation streamed down my face. I can only hope he did not look at me. Just the thought that he saw me, turns my stomach upside down.

The fact that I had to strip in front of the guards was mortifying, but being naked in front of my Professor was much _much_ worse.

I push those thoughts away and open my eyes.

It's a new day.

ooo

If we could only talk. It would make everything much easier.

The silence is killing me.

And what about him? How can he be silent for so long, simply staring at the wall, almost not moving?

"What do you think the Order is doing?" I ask, breaking the silence, "Are they trying to find us?"

He lets out an annoyed sigh, then answers, "I does not do you good to think about that."

"Then what am I supposed to think about?" my voice is a bit angry, but I don't care.

He looks at me, "Think about yourself. Think about the situation we are in. Accept it for what it is. Do not lie to yourself and feel false hope, when there is none."

That sentence stabs me like a knife, "Y-You think there is no hope?"

He says nothing, but I would not let it drop.

"Is that it?" I stand up, "You think there is no hope?"

"Granger-"

"No! Tell me!" I raise my voice, "If there is no hope, then what is the point of all this? We can just-" I look around, "Smash our heads into the stone wall and be done with it!"

"Granger,_ calm down!"_ he orders, "I only meant you should not allow yourself too much hope. Concentrate on yourself, concentrate on remaining _remotely_ sane. Do not lose your time with thoughts about whether or not we will be rescued. That can take a while. It can be tomorrow or next month."

"Well, _Professor_, I have faith in the Order and I know they will not rest until they find us. And that will not take months."

I turn around, not able to look at him anymore. I know I should not be yelling at him and fighting, but I can't help myself. How can he just sit there and say we will perhaps never be saved?

I know we will be. All I have to do is be patient and wait.

ooo

A few hours later there is still horrible silence in the dungeon.

And I can't help but think perhaps I should apologize to him. My behavior was out of line. But so was his.

Still, I desperately need to talk to someone, about anything, it does not matter as long as there is some contact.

But he does not seem to be interested in having a conversation with me.

"Professor?" I ask timidly.

He rolls his eyes before looking at me, waiting for me to continue.

Please. talk to me. Say something. Please.

But all I that comes out of my mouth is, "N-Nothing."

Silence.

ooo

"You," the guard points at Snape, "Come with us."

I try to hide the fear from my face as two guards enter the dungeon.

Professor Snape walks over to them, his face hard.

There is no need to be afraid, I tell myself. It's probably time for the bathroom visit.

Professor does not look at me as they leave the dungeon, slamming the door and leaving me alone.

Everything is going to be fine. He will be back soon.

ooo

He is still not back. And it has been a few hours already.

I can't help but panic. So many horrible thoughts push their way into my mind, but I try to ignore them. The last thing I want is another panic attack.

He will be back. He is _Professor Severus Snape_, after all.

ooo

Finally the doors open. I immediately pull myself up.

Two guards enter and they push Professor forward. He falls to the ground.

I kneel down next to him, completely shocked.

"P-Professor-"

He's hurt. Badly. He's clutching his midsection, letting out silent whimpers of pain. His clothes are slightly torn, there is blood on his face and his right eye seems to be slightly swollen.

It's a complete shock to me.

I hear the guards laugh, then one of then says, "You better take care of him, little one."

The other one adds, "He's been real brave, but it did no good to him."

I feel absolute fury explode inside of me as I stand up, "You animals! What have you done to him?"

They simply laugh again.

Without thinking I jump at the first guard, hitting him with my fists, screaming, before the other guard pulls me off, almost breaking my arm in the process.

"_Granger_-" I hear Professor Snape say weakly.

"Hold her," the first guard orders and suddenly my arms are behind my back and I can't do anything, no matter how hard I struggle.

The guard pulls out a wand and points it at me, "Perhaps a bit of this will calm you down?"

I freeze with fear, but there is still defiance on my face. I bite my tongue to keep silent.

"What should we try? Crucio?" he asks, the tip of his wand pressed into my neck.

"Wait," Professor Snape interrupts, "Leave her. Take me instead. She will break under the first curse. What fun is that?"

I can hear he has trouble talking. Even _breathing_.

I can't let him take my punishment.

"No!" I reply, "If they want to torture me, let them."

I am shaking with fear.

The guard looks at me with disgust, then simply shakes his head and backhands me hard across the face. I cry out in immense pain, tasting the blood in my mouth.

"Leave her," the guard orders and I am dropped onto the floor, next to Professor Snape.

"Let that be a warning," are the last words from the guard before they both leave the dungeon.

The moment we are alone again, I look at Professor Snape, a look of concern on my face.

"What have they done to you?" I ask, not knowing what to do.

He is hurt and I need to help him, but there is nothing I can use.

Then I remember.

His cloak.

I grab it from my mattress and then gently wipe the blood from his face.

He winces at the contact and pulls away, "I am alright, Granger."

"But-"

"No but. I have been in worse conditions," he says, "These are only cuts and bruises."

I shake my head and open my mouth to speak, but he interrupts me.

"You on the other hand, have a split lip," he notices, taking his cloak from my hands, "Allow me," he says before slowly pressing the material onto my wound.

I hurts, but I ignore it.

He uses the water left from our meal to clean my split lip. I find myself thinking how gentle his hands can be. So different from his cold personality.

I can't believe what is happening. He is the one who is seriously hurt, yet he is the one taking care of me.

"You should not have attacked the guard, Granger," he says quietly, "Use your brain. Be smart."

"They shouldn't have tortured you," I reply, "What did they want?"

"Information."

"About?"

"The Order, the members, the secret locations."

"You didn't tell them."

"Obviously," he replies.

I remain silent, lost in my thoughts.

"Keep the pressure on to stop the bleeding," he orders, handing me the material.

I take it, never taking my eyes off of him.

He grunts in slight pain, trying to stand up. I immediately help him and somehow we manage to get to his mattress. When he is seated down, I look at him awkwardly.

I open my mouth to speak, but decide against it.

"What is it, Granger?" he asks.

"N-Nothing," I reply.

"I can see there is _something_," he says, annoyed.

I take a deep breath, "I am..."

"Well?"

"I'm afraid."

I regret the words immediately.

_Pathetic_. I am pathetic. What am I thinking admitting that to him?

His face softens just a bit and he does not speak for a long moment.

Just as I am about to turn around, thinking he will not comment, he speaks.

"It seems real now, does it not?" he asks.

I nod.

"Before we were simply sitting in this dungeon, waiting, and now it has finally began. The torture. The thing we knew would happen."

"And now when it's happening, I-I...I'm afraid, terrified."

"Miss Granger, there is nothing I can say to make it better."

Cruel reality.

"I know that," I say quietly.

Silence.

"But what can I expect?"

His face hardens and he does not speak.

"What did they use on you?" I ask.

"The Cruciatus Curse, a few slicing hexes and beatings. Mostly beatings."

I shiver at hearing that, "S-So it's safe to say I can expect the same?"

"Miss Granger," he starts, then pauses, "The fact that you are a female makes things different."

I can feel my throat close up with fear. He did not say much, but I can understand what he is trying to say. The look in his eyes says it all.

"I-I understand," my voice breaks a bit at the end.

Silence.

"I will try to protect you," he speaks and I look up at him, "They will have to go through me. But...I cannot promise you will not be harmed."

I smile weakly, "Thank you, Professor."

He simply nods.

Walking back to my mattress, I blink the tears away, not allowing myself to be this weak. There was too much weakness for one day.

I close my eyes and try not to think about what day six will bring.

**A/N: So sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've been so busy with my other story, but finally I've found time to write this chapter. Hope you like where the story is going. Special thanks to _fatgirlsarehardertokidnap_ who suggested that Snape could be tortured.:) I am open to suggestions and will try to use every suggestion some time in the story. :)**


	6. Day 6

**Day 6**

It find it difficult to believe that it has been six days already. It feels like it was yesterday when I was safely at Hogwarts. What are my friends doing? Are Ron and Harry trying to find me? And Dumbledore? Are they doing anything? Of course they are. Besides, it's not just me that's missing, it's Professor Snape as well. Surely, they are doing the best they can to find us.

I did not sleep well. All I could think about was what they had done to Professor Snape and what they are going to do to me. I am terrified. And the worst is that I have admitted it to Professor Snape. I never wanted him to find out how weak I really am. People always saw me as smart, confident and strong. I always tried to be the best in everything. And now there is nothing I can do. Absolutely _nothing_. All I am allowed to do is sit in a dungeon and do nothing.

It's been _six_ days! Why haven't they saved us yet?

I look at Professor Snape. He is standing, leaning on a wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He seems awful, his hair is messy, even more than usually and he really needs a shave. It's strange seeing him like this.

But then again, I can imagine how I look like. I need a bath, my shampoo, my soap, fresh clothes, toothpaste...so many things, but we are not allowed anything.

I have to stop thinking about that. Those are small, unimportant things. I have bigger problems at the moment.

"How is your lip?" his voice cuts through silence and I look up at him in surprise.

He was never the one to start a conversation. I've been the one to talk to much and annoy him with my inability to remain silent. His question throws me completely off balance and I can't even remember what he's asking me.

"W-What?"

"Your _lip_," he repeats in a steady, yet annoyed voice, "How is it healing?"

The next few moments pass in uncomfortable silence and I quickly try to think of an answer.

"It's alright," I finally say, even though that isn't the truth.

My split lip burns like crazy. I can't even imagine how it was supposed to heal on it's own. I try to ignore it, but I can't help but worry it might get infected. I really don't need that as well.

Professor Snape seems to be alright. He took the yesterday's beatings quite well. There are a few bruises on his face, but he does not seem to be in any kind of pain. Perhaps he heals quickly?

"I was thinking," I start, "They haven't visited us yet today."

"It's still early."

"What..." I pause for a moment, before continuing in a strong voice, "What if we try to negotiate?"

His eyes snap towards me and he simply looks at me for a long moment. Realizing he is not going to comment, I try to explain.

"We could just tell them _something_...demand our freedom in exchange for information," my voice is weak and I can't even believe what I'm saying.

"If I understand you correctly," Snape starts slowly, "You are suggesting we meet their demands, tell them everything we know? Is that it, Miss Granger?"

I quickly shake my head, "No, of course not. Not everything. Just enough to let us go."

"There is no half-way, Miss Granger," he says, "Either we tell them absolutely everything or we keep our mouth shut. And even if we do tell them what they want to know, do you truly believe they will let us go?"

I swallow hard, averting my eyes. I can feel this weird feeling inside of me, _shame_. What was I thinking suggesting that?

"So there is no way out? Unless we are saved?" I ask quietly.

He does not answer. That somehow bothers me more than an answer would have.

ooo

A few hours later I close my eyes, feeling extremely tired and sleepy. I can't allow myself to fall asleep, it's irresponsible. I am kidnapped, I should be strong and awake and smart, but I can't help but feel being carried away into unconsciousness. It's so peaceful there. But before I completely lose myself, the doors to the dungeon fly open and I am immediately awake and alarmed.

_They are just taking us to the loo,_ I try to tell myself.

_No. They came to take you away. And torture you. Kill you._

I try to push those horrible thoughts away, but it's impossible. That small little voice will not shut up.

"He demands your presence," the guard says and my blood runs cold.

"You," he points at Professor Snape, "Come with us."

I open my mouth at surprise. They want him again? Why? Isn't it _my_ turn? I don't understand anything. I look up at Professor Snape and our eyes meet for a moment. He is calm, _relieved_ even. Why?

He does not object or struggle as they lead him out of the dungeon. I do not move as they leave and close the dungeon doors. What are they going to do to him? What if they get rid of him?

I shake my head, not allowing myself to think about that. The mere thought of staying alone in the dungeon forever is mortifying. The only reason I have lasted this long is because of _him_, Professor Snape. It's comforting knowing there is another person you can talk to, relay on. Even though that person is the snarky Potions Master.

Breath.

In and out.

He will come back.

ooo

My worry grows with each passing second and it seems as if my own mind is working against me, thinking up horrible scenarios and situations that could happen. The guards could throw Professor's dead body back into the dungeon or they could -

Stop it!

Everything is going to be fine. Think positive.

As soon as I hear the doors opening, I pull myself up, "Professor-"

But it's not him.

It's a man. I've never seen him before.

"I apologize, did you expect somebody else?" he asks, a cruel smirk on his face.

I remain silent, observing him from a safe distance.

The mere sight of him, sends shivers down my body. His hair is dark and tied in a ponytail, his eyes are as dark as his robes and there is something vile in his stare. Something twisted. He has to be at least forty years old.

I am struggling hard to keep my mouth shut and not ask where Professor Snape is. Perhaps I don't even want to know where he is and what he is going through at the moment.

But as if he could read my mind, he smirks, "Your Professor is having a living hell tortured out of him."

I let out a whimper and my eyes widen in fear, but no words leave my lips. He's lying. He has to be.

"He will not be back soon and that leaves more time for you and me," he says, a cold smile on his lips.

I take a step back, though I know it won't do me any good. I can't escape him. I can't run away from him. It's pointless to even try.

"I have a few questions for you and I would appreciate it if you could answer them willingly," he explains, looking at me.

It seems as if my voice betrayed me. I want to laugh at him, insult him and scream that he won't get anything from me, but all I can do is open my mouth. Nothing comes out. I'm paralyzed.

He smiles again, "Well, I think this might go better than I expected."

No. You are wrong. You won't get anything from me.

Again, nothing leaves my mouth.

"First, I would like to know how close you really are to Harry Potter."

I blink in confusion. I did not expect that kind of question.

Silence.

"Do you understand the question?" he asks.

I nod.

"Then answer it."

Silence.

"We are f-friends. Everyone knows that," I say after a few seconds.

The man nods, then meets my eyes, "Just friends?"

"Yes."

"Has he ever talked to you about his visions? His connection to the Dark Lord? Has he told you what he saw?"

"I want to see Professor Snape," I suddenly say, ignoring his question.

That makes him look down at me in surprise, but a cold smile quickly replaces his initial reaction.

"You are not in a position to demand anything, little girl," he says, then continues, "Where were we? Has Harry Potter ever-"

"I will not answer your questions, so you better stop losing your time," I bark at him, surprised at my own courage.

"Is that so?" he asks calmly.

"Yes."

ooo

I did not break. He got nothing from me. At first he used the Cruciatus Curse.

It hurt like hell and I actually thought I would die.

Such pain. Fire, bones breaking, knives stabbing.

My throat hurts from screaming.

My face is completely wet from tears. The last thing I wanted to do was cry, but that is something I have no control over.

I am curled up on the floor, shaking and taking in short breaths, waiting for the pain to pass.

"Are you ready to talk now?" he asks, bored.

I ignore him, keeping my eyes closed.

I will not look at him. I will not listen to him. Perhaps then he will go away?

He sighs, "Are you sure you want to play this game, girl?"

Silence.

I try to calm my breathing, try to ignore the twitching of my legs and arms and then I hears steps. He's walking away from me. I open my eyes just to see him closing the doors behind him.

He left.

I am alone again.

Does this mean I won?

No. Of course not.

His last question is the evidence he did not lose. Perhaps he decided to change the rules.

It hurts being on the hard and cold floor, so I somehow manage to crawl to the mattress. Professor Snape's is closer than mine, so I pull myself over there and crash down onto it, not caring that it's his.

I can actually smell him.

Herbs.

Mint.

I close my eyes and try to rest. My body really needs it.

ooo

Not even twenty minutes later they are back.

I immediately pull myself into a sitting position, waiting with fear.

That man from before enters and looks at me, "I asked you if you are sure you want to play the game."

Confusion shows on my face and then another guard enters, bringing Professor Snape with him.

"Professor!" I almost scream, "Are you alright?"

"I am fine, Miss Granger," he answers.

I smile and relief replaces the worry I felt. Then I look up at him. He _is_ fine. He seems the same as before, when he left the dungeon. But wasn't he being tortured? I push those thoughts away, all that matters is that he's alright.

"I will ask you again, girl," the guard asks, "Are you sure you don't want to answer my questions?"

"I'm positive," I reply, sending him a look full of loathing.

"Are you sure?"

"Did I stutter?" I ask, raising my eyebrow.

He smirks, then takes a deep breath, "We are not fools, Miss Granger. We have done our research about you."

I look up at Professor Snape, but he's not looking at me. He's glaring at the guard, his stare is so cold and murderous that it frightens even me.

The guard continues, "Your personality profile revealed your one major weakness."

"What are you talking about?" I demand and I can already feel that uneasy feeling in my stomach.

Without words he points his wand at Professor Snape and the next second he falls to the ground, his body twitching in pain.

Oh God.

"Stop it!" I scream.

Professor Snape is shaking uncontrollably, but there is no sound coming from him.

"Interesting," the guard comments, "He does not let out a sound, no matter how long I hold him under this curse. Quite a strong mind, I must say."

"Please, stop!" I beg, not able to look at Professor Snape. It feels as if I am the one being tortured, perhaps even worse. I feel sick. The pain, the guilt, the fear, the anxiety, it's too much.

"Stop it!" I scream and the guard finally lifts the curse.

Professor Snape gasps for air, shaking.

I can feel tears in my eyes. There is no solution. No escape from this situation.

"I-I'm sorry," I whisper, looking at my teacher.

"Do-Do not apologize, Miss Granger," he replies, still a bit out of breath, "What happens to me is not your fault."

I say nothing to that. But I do not agree. It _is_ my fault.

"Have you changed your mind now?" the guards asks, looking at me.

"We haven't changed our minds, you bastards," I can hear Professor Snape answer instead of me.

The guard simply smirks.

"I-I don't know..." I say quietly.

I can't say anything. I can't help them. But at the same time I can't allow them to hurt Professor Snape because of me. I couldn't handle that. Another person being tortured because of me...it's a horrible thought.

"You will not say anything, Granger," Snape orders me in his teaching voice, though he is still out of breath.

"Perhaps you need a bit of convincing as well, _Severus Snape_," the guard says, turning his attention towards Professor Snape.

"You can do whatever you wish to me," he answers coldly, "It matters not. You will get _nothing_ from me."

The guards throws a glance at me, then looks back at Professor Snape, "She is your student, right?"

Silence.

"As a teacher, your most important task is to protect your students, is that correct?"

I can see Professor Snape simply glaring at the guard, killing his with his eyes.

"She is quite lovely," the guards says and I can feel shivers go down my body, "We will hurt her. We will torture her, we will rape her, we will make her suffer and we will make you watch it. Do you want to be responsible for that?"

My hand covers my mouth, preventing me from throwing up. I am sick. I am shivering, tears are running down my cheeks, but I can't say a thing. All I can do is observe. I am frozen.

Professor Snape looks at me, meeting my eyes and I can recognize the panic in his look. He can probably see the same in my eyes. There is disgust on his face. And _rage_. Pure rage and loathing.

He looks at the guard and simply says, "You will not get nothing from us."

I don't know what to feel at that sentence. I should be glad that Professor Snape is so strong, that he does not break under their threats, but I do not feel happiness. Only fear. Absolute _fear_.

"You are bluffing," the guard says, "I find it hard to believe you would endanger your student."

Silence.

Long and uncomfortable silence.

Then, that superior guard turns around and addresses the man behind him, "Richard, do enjoy."

What does he mean by that? There is no time to think about what he meant by that.

The other guard is suddenly on me.

I scream.

I struggle.

I can feel hands on my body.

Strong hands.

Ripping of material.

Cold air hits me and I realize my blouse is completely torn off of me.

My mind can't process what is happening. It's too much.

I almost choke on my sobs and my screams.

Nothing helps.

I can't stop him.

I can't push him away.

I scream.

I beg for help.

"Stop it, you bloody bastards!" I hear Professor Snape finally growl.

Immediately the man, Richard, stops and gets off of me. I simply lay there on the mattress, not moving, simply sobbing and shaking uncontrollably, staring at the ceiling.

"I knew you would change your mind."

"Animals."

"I believe you will want to help us now."

Silence.

"We will come back tomorrow. We are giving you time to collect your thoughts and all the information you have. Now take care of your...student."

Steps.

Doors closing.

Perhaps I can mentally leave this place if I try really hard. If I close my eyes and pretend I am somewhere else.

"Miss Granger?"

My eyes fly open. I can hear my heart beating. It seems as if it wants to escape my ribcage.

"Here," he says quietly and covers me with his cloak.

"Can you hear me?" he asks.

I wait a few seconds, then nod.

"Are you alright?"

That question touches something inside of me and I burst into crying. Loud and hysterical crying. I don't care what he thinks of me.

He does not touch me. He does not even place his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. Nothing. But he is there. And that is enough for the moment.

"Try to get some rest," he says gently, "We will talk when you wake up."

I am surprised at hearing his voice. I have never before heard him use that tone. It seems strange that he was even possible of that tone.

_Gentle. Soft._

He says nothing more. Neither do I.

I close my eyes.

**A/N: This story is going to get darker, so I must warn you to stop reading if you are not into the dark stuff. I love your reviews and hope you will leave your opinion on this chapter. :)**


	7. Day 7

**Day 7**

I am cold.

That is the first thing I realize as I wake up.

I am _really_ cold.

What happened?

I open my eyes and I am met with darkness.

The cloak. I'm completely covered with the cloak.

Then memories hit me. _The torture. The attack. The guards._ _Professor Snape. My blouse._ My blouse is missing.

I blush furiously as I realize I'm only wearing my white bra. I can't believe what almost happened. If it were only a dream. But no. It _happened_. I can still feel the pain from the Cruciatus Curse and the bruises on my body.

What time is it?

I almost move to pull the cloak away from my head, but then decide against it.

No.

I can't face him. Professor Snape. He had seen it all. _Everything_.

I'm so ashamed. I am weak. I couldn't stop them, I almost told them _everything_ they wanted to know, they tortured _him_ because of _me_.

I do not move for a few long minutes, trying to keep my breathing even.

Where is he? I can't hear him. Is he even in here? Perhaps they have taken him away again. Panic shoots through me at the thought of that. Even though I can't face him, the thought of being left alone is even more terrifying.

Then I realize how cowardly I'm acting by hiding under the cloak and pretending to sleep. The troubles will not go away if I just lay there. With a deep breath, I slowly move and uncover my head, pulling myself into a sitting situation.

He is still here.

He's sitting on the chair in the middle of the dungeon. Immediately his eyes land on me and I avert my gaze, pulling the cloak tighter around my body, making sure I am showing as little skin as possible.

Uncomfortable silence.

I regret waking up. If I could only stay asleep. _Forever_.

Then I realize I'm not sitting on _my_ mattress. I'm on _his_.

"Oh," I start, "I'm sorry. I-I'll get out of your way-"

I start go get up, but his voice stops me, "Miss Granger, it's alright."

"But it's your-"

"I feel no emotional attachment to it," he sneers, "If it were me, I would burn the bloody thing to never have to see it again."

I almost smile at that. I agree completely. If we could only set the whole dungeon on fire, the memories, the pain, the smell, everything would be gone. If it could only be that easy.

I look down again, no sure how to continue. I have a few questions I need to ask him, but at the same time I can't bring myself to look at him. I don't want him looking at me. I don't want to see pity in his eyes. I couldn't stand it.

But then I remind myself that's Professor Snape. He is cold and has no emotions. Why would he feel pity for me? He's probably just annoyed he has to share the dungeon with me.

Yes, that thought makes me feel much better.

I finally gather enough courage to ask, "What are we going to do? They are coming back tomorrow and we have to come up with a plan-"

"Tomorrow?" he interrupts me, "Granger, they are coming _today_. You have slept through the rest of the day yesterday."

"W-What?" I gulp.

It's not possible.

He remains silent, simply observing me with a hard expression.

"Why didn't you wake me up? I can't believe I've slept through the whole day," then I start to panic, "And they are coming here soon and I'm not ready, _we're_ not ready. What are we going to tell them? We should've come up with a plan-"

"Miss Granger!" he raises his voice a bit and I look at him, "It's still early. Just a few minutes ago it was still dark outside. I think it is safe to say we still have a couple of hours."

I nod, calming down a bit.

My stomach twists with fear and anxiety at the mere thought of facing the guards again. I now know what they are capable of. Nothing is prohibited to them. _Nothing_.

Silence.

I look around, desperately trying to find my blouse. I can't stand being in the same room as my Professor without enough clothes on. It feels wrong. Just as bad as when we were forced to take a shower together.

"M-My blouse?" I ask quietly, not meeting his eyes, "Have you s-seen it?"

He stands up and approaches me. I unintentionally flinch away when he extends his arm, offering me my blouse. I look up at him and notice his slightly worried look before taking the blouse from his hand, not making skin contact.

"It's slightly torn, but it's still wearable," he comments, moving away from me.

I nod, then look around awkwardly, "Um-" I start, but he cuts me off.

"I'll give you some privacy," he says, turning around and walking to the other side of the dungeon.

I wait for a few moments, then quickly pull the blouse over my body, doing the buttons all the way up. It takes a bit longer because my fingers are shaking too much. I look down at myself, checking if I'm completely covered.

"You can turn now," I say quietly and he obeys.

He walks back to the chair and sits down, taking a deep breath as if preparing himself.

He looks uncomfortable, as if he's preparing to give some teenager _The Talk_. I can't help but smile a bit at that ridiculous thought.

Then the smile dies on my lips as I am reminded about the situation we are in.

We have to talk.

ooo

"The situation we have found ourselves in is...unrealistic," he starts, "It's unfair."

"I know."

Silence.

"We need to set priorities," he explains.

"Right."

"And I can see two options. Either we tell them everything we know and they dispose of us or - "

"We don't tell them anything and they still...kill us?"

"No," he says coldly, "Or we play them."

"What?"

Silence.

"Our only mission at the moment is to stay alive as long as possible, Miss Granger. The rescue is not up to us. It is up to other people. All we can do is wait and try to stay alive for as long as it takes."

"What are you saying? We are the ...victims here. They have all the power, how can we play them?"

"By using our brain," he answers, "Giving them bits of information, sometimes false, sometimes so small it could not do any damage to the Order, but enough for them to keep us alive."

"We have to convince them we are submitting to them."

"Exactly. It will he difficult and risky, but it is the only reasonable choice."

I nod.

"But, Professor, how do I know what can I tell them?"

"Follow my lead."

ooo

I almost have a heart attack as the dungeon doors open and a guard walks in, carrying a platter. I have never seen that man before. I watch him, my eyes wide open with fear, but he simply leaves the flatter on the floor and leaves the dungeon.

I let out a breath I've been holding and then look at Professor Snape, noticing he is just as tense as I am. Then our eyes move to the platter on the floor.

There are even two bowls of soup this time, beside the bread and water. We both move towards it, each taking their own meal. The modesty is long gone, we are both starving.

As we eat in silence, I can't help but look at him, opening my mouth to say something, then deciding against it.

Obviously he noticed it.

"Stop gaping like a fish and say what you want to say," he cuts through the silence.

I tense, his hard voice like a slap to my face. But it's better than the pity in his eyes.

"I just wanted to ask...yesterday," I start nervously, "Have you ever thought of not saying anything? Of not stepping in and...stopping them?"

He looks at me and there is an unreadable expression on his face. But I do not back down. I want to hear the answer. I need it.

He sighs, "This is a difficult situation for me. Perhaps on some level even more difficult than it is for you."

I look at him in surprise.

"I am the adult here," he explains, "I am the teacher, your Professor and you are my student. As the...guards mentioned yesterday, it is my most important task to protect my students and I am failing miserably."

"That's not true, Professor," I argue, "I know it's selfish, but...I'm glad you're here with me. I don't know how long I would've lasted if I were alone."

Silence.

"I am caught between protecting the Order and protecting my student," he says after a few moments, "It is not exactly a dream situation."

"Well," I start, "In that case, I set you free from all your obligations."

He looks up at me in surprise.

I continue, "Don't worry about me. Do what you think is right. I...I'll be alright."

He remains silent, then shakes his head, "It is not that simple, Miss Granger."

Silence.

ooo

A few hours pass.

There are no guards.

It's like they know they are torturing us by making us wait in anticipation. I am shaking, I'm so nervous.

"I've been thinking," Professor Snape suddenly says, "Has Potter ever talked to you about The Dark Lord?"

I blink a few times, not understanding the question, "Well, yes, of course."

"Has he...mentioned anything about how to defeat him?"

That catches my attention. Why is he asking me that?

I take a deep breath and form an answer, "He said something about splitting one's soul. Something about _Horcruxes_."

He tenses at that, I notice, but says nothing more.

I don't know why, but that question seemed strange. And the way in which he asked. I can't understand it. There is no logical explanation, but I can feel _something_. Something was _off_.

ooo

The fear from guards is still there, but something much larger has somehow replaced it. _Suspicion_.

It's a horrible feeling and it's eating me from the inside. Those voices. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shut them up.

My split lip burns and itches.

My body is still shivering from the aftershocks of the Cruciatus.

I have bruises all over me.

And what about him?

There is _nothing_ on him.

I narrow my eyes and scan his body, looking for some kind of injury, but I can't seem to find anything. He had supposedly been tortured, but he seems alright. There are no cuts on his face, no bruises, he is in a good condition. He seems almost too alright for a person that was tortured only a few hours ago.

His eyes suddenly snap to me and I avert my gaze, panic rising inside of me.

He says nothing. I can only hope he does not sense my discomfort.

Suddenly it feels like he's a stranger.

It's a terrifying feeling.

He could be working for Voldemort and is just trying to play me. Why else is he hiding the reason for his capture? Why is he the last thing I remember before my blackout? And why is he denying it?

So many questions.

But all I can do is stare at him.

ooo

"Why can't I remember anything?" I suddenly ask, "About when I got captured?"

"These things take time," he explains, "I have told you before."

"You said it will come to me when I least expect it. It's been a week already."

He sighs, annoyed, "What do you want me to do?"

"I want answers."

His only response is a cold glare.

"Why can't you tell me anything about _your_ capture?" I ask.

"It is not wise. Not yet."

"Why not?"

"Trust me."

"What are you hiding?"

"Everyone has secrets."

I remain silent at that, realizing he is not going to tell me anything. It would be pointless to keep attacking him.

Besides, what if I am wrong?

Perhaps the isolation and the anxiety are slowly destroying me, creating horrible scenarios in my head, placing suspicion and doubt where before it was trust.

I don't know what to do.

ooo

The moment I've been waiting for, finally comes.

The guards return.

It's the same vile man from before. That sick and evil man.

He seems pleased, probably expecting to get information from us without any problems.

I pull myself up from the mattress, but don't go to stand next to Professor Snape as I usually did. I don't expect protection from him anymore. Everything in my head in messed up.

Is he one of them?

Is he on my side?

"As we promised," the guard starts, "We are back. Have you two decided if you want to cooperate?"

"Yes."

"No."

We both answer at the same time, then look at each other, surprised.

He wants to cooperate?

The guard interrupts our eye battle, "Well, what is it going to be?"

"We _will_ cooperate," Professor Snape continues, his voice low, "But under a condition-"

"No," I cut him off, "We will _not_ cooperate."

They all look at me. Guards with a surprised expression and Professor Snape slightly angry.

"You are Death Eaters. You are evil. I would rather die than help you and endanger good people," I say, my voice trembling.

The guard simply smirks at me. It's not a reaction I expected. I want him to be angry, furious, anything but what he is doing right now. Smirking back at me. I can't help but wonder what he's planning. There has to be something. Why else would he be so calm?

"I ask you again," he drawls, "Are you sure?"

I nod, "I know what you are capable of. I know what you are going to do to me. And I don't care."

_I care._

_I am scared._

But I can not show it.

I have to be brave.

For Harry, for the Order. For good people.

"Never assume you know us, _Miss Granger_," the guard smirks and raises his wand.

I tense, but keep my head high.

"You _fool_," I can hear Professor Snape snarl, but I do not look at him.

"I have heard you are the brightest witch of your age," the guards comments, "What do you know about the Imperius Curse?"

ooo

I have never felt like that before.

My body is not mine anymore.

I am trapped inside of it. I can feel everything.

But I can not think.

I can not move as I want to.

Professor Snape is standing completely still. Our eyes meet as I approach him. There is panic in his eyes. His lips our moving, he's saying something, but I can't understand it. It feels as though I am trapped inside a bubble.

Before I realize what I am doing, I am pressing my lips against his.

It's wrong. It should _feel_ wrong.

But all I feel is _bliss_.

Everything is alright.

No fear. No panic. No worries.

Nothing.

I try to move my lips against his, but it's difficult because he is not responding. He is simply standing there, not moving at all.

When I finally break the kiss, I can see his lips moving.

What is he saying?

_"Fight..."_

Fight? But I don't want to fight it. It feels nice. Everything is alright.

_"Fight it."_

Why does he seem disgusted?

Before I know what I am doing, I am pushing his robes apart, trying desperately to undo his pants. I drop to my knees and when my injured knee meets the cold floor, pain shoots through me and I break free from the curse.

What am I doing?

Confused, I look up at Professor Snape, realizing what I was about to do. I can feel the bile rising inside my throat and I flinch away, crawling as far away from his as possible, fighting the urge to throw up.

I can hear the guards laughing, then, "Finite incantatem."

I can't even look at them. I am so ashamed and humilliated and _sick_.

"You see," the guard starts, "You do not know us, nor what we are capable of. All we wanted was the information, but you wanted to play. Now we will play. We are in no hurry. We have all the time in the world."

With those words they left the dungeon, slamming the doors shut behind them.

I try to take deep breaths to calm down, but it's not working.

"Granger," he calls, but I ignore him.

"Granger!"

"Don't talk to me!" I scream at him, "This is sick! This is - "

"I know - "

"No, you _don't_ know! You can't _possibly_ know!"

"You need to calm down and listen to me," he says in his teaching voice.

I shake my head, "No! Don't talk to me. Leave me alone," then I add, "I don't trust you."

With that I lay down onto the mattress, covering myself with the cloak, not leaving any part of me visible.

All I want is for Earth to open and swollow me.

I am all alone.

**A/N: Another chapter! There will be a lot of twists in this story, hope you will enjoy. Your reviews mean a lot to me and they make me write faster! :)**


	8. Day 8

**Day 8**

I did not even close my eyes.

The night went by and I was awake the whole time. Thinking, remembering, putting pieces together.

It's making me crazy. Who can I trust? Is Professor Snape one of them? Or is he innocent and I am doing him injustice?

He remained silent the whole night, not even trying to talk to me. But I never expected him to. Not after I snapped at him and accused him of things, saying I don't trust him.

I did not mean it that way. _Yes_, there are some things that I find strange. There is suspicion, but I shouldn't have snapped like that. I should have used my head. I should be controlled by my mind, not my emotions.

But that rule is difficult to follow when you find yourself on your knees in front of your most snarky Professor.

I can feel bile in my throat rise just at the thought of that. It's _disgusting_. I can't even...

What about him? Is he disgusted as well? I could see it in his eyes when I was under the Imperio, but he could have been pretending.

My head hurts from all the theories and the suspicion.

I have to discover the truth.

But how?

If he's pretending, then he's one hell of a good actor.

ooo

We should be getting breakfast soon. I think it's that time.

I look at Professor Snape again. I can't help but wonder why is he not hurt. Where are the bruises, the cuts? Why is he not in pain?

Should I ask?

Would he even answer?

He is angry with me, I can see it. And he has the right to be angry if I was mistaken. In that case I would owe him an apology.

I need to do something.

I sigh, then force myself to speak, "You are the last thing I remember before waking up in here. Why is that?"

Silence.

He does not even look at me.

Nothing.

It was as if I said nothing.

"I want answers," I demand.

Nothing.

"Professor?"

This time he does look at me, raising his eyebrow, "_Professor_? I am a _Professor_ now? Last night I was a traitor, a liar."

I look down for a moment. He is right.

"You ought to make up your mind, _Miss Granger_," he says, his voice cold.

"I have every reason to doubt you."

He simply glares at me, but I continue, "I was told you were tortured. But...I see no evidence of that."

His glare turns even colder, but he remains silent.

"Why are you not defending yourself?" I ask.

Shaking his head, he turns away.

"Answer me!" I raise my voice a bit.

He snaps. He had to eventually.

He's on his feet, making his way over to me. I flinch and press myself into the wall, trying to escape from his terrifying presence.

"You foolish girl," he barks, unbuttoning his shirt.

My eyes widen in shock and fear, "W-What are you doing?"

He says nothing and then he finally unbuttons his shirt all the way and pushes up his undershirt, but I refuse to look at him, my eyes on the floor. The situation is very uncomfortable and inappropriate. I don't want to see my Professor without his shirt on.

"Look," he orders.

I shake my head, "I-I don't -"

"_Look_," he repeats, stronger this time.

My eyes snap towards him and then stop on his bare chest.

Bruises.

Cuts.

Blue and purple bruises.

The cuts are mostly closed, but there is dried blood on his chest.

"Oh god..." I whisper, not able to tear my eyes away from his damaged body.

It looks like Sectumsempra might have been used on him.

"Satisfied?" he asks, lowering his undershirt and covering himself.

I can't even speak.

"Does it meet your expectations?" he asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I -"

"I would show you the damage on other parts of my body, but I doubt you would like to see that."

I quickly shake my head, "N-No, no."

Long moment of silence.

Then he simply turns away and walks to the other side of the dungeon, leaning against the stone wall.

I take a few calming breaths, then somehow force out, "I don't know what to say."

"Apology would be in order, Granger."

I bite my tongue in slight frustration and remain silent for a few long moments. _Should_ I apologize? But there are still suspicions about him. I have many questions, but I doubt he would give me the answer. Especially now. Perhaps I could pretend to trust him, to find out what he wants. Until the things are clear, I could trust him, couldn't I?

The feeling of uncertainty and loneliness is killing my spirit, I can't stand feeling all alone. And to think that the only person I trusted, could be the enemy, is too much.

I sigh.

I _will_ trust him. For the moment.

"I apologize for my behavior, Professor," I force out.

He simply nods, nothing more.

The tension in the air remains.

ooo

There was no breakfast. No food. _Nothing_.

Perhaps they have forgotten about us?

_No_, I shake my head. That's their plan. Everything, their every action, every word, every move was a part of their plan.

Are they trying to starve us now?

I gulp, panic rising in my throat.

I don't know how much more can I take.

No sun. No food. Isolation. Torture.

People break sooner or later.

I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down. I just need to make it through each day.

Don't think about tomorrow, Hermione. Think about today.

Surviving through this day is all that matters at the moment.

ooo

"Why didn't you do anything?" I ask quietly, the silence killing me.

He looks at me, narrowing his eyes in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

"Yesterday," I say, forcing myself to speak, even though the last thing I want to do is remember that incident, "When I was...when they...when I-I-"

"Miss Granger," he says coldly, "Speak only when you have the sentence already formed in your mind."

I nod, then pull myself together, "When I was under the Imperio Curse. You just stood there."

I can still see him clearly in my mind. Standing completely still, but with such disgust and panic in his eyes.

"I was put into the full Body-Bind Curse," he explains, not looking at me.

"Oh."

I can see he is uncomfortable talking about it. I can imagine why. For the first time we were forced to do something sexual to each other. Yes, we have showered together, but that was different.

What almost happened yesterday was..._disgusting_.

Perverted.

Sick.

I need to stop thinking about it.

"They haven't brought us food," I say, desperately needing to change the subject, push those images out of my mind.

"Yes," he drawls, annoyed, "I has caught my attention."

"What do you think their plan is?"

He is silent for a moment, then, "I do not know, Miss Granger."

I'm annoying him. I can see it on his face. He wants me to shut my mouth and stop talking.

But I can't. I can't stand the silence.

But he remains silent and so do I.

ooo

"Sir, what is the 10th ingredient for the Polyjuice Potion?"

"Excuse me?"

"I can't remember it."

Silence.

I start," There are 12 lacewing flies, 1 ounce of crude Antimony, 4 leeches, 16 scruples of fluxweed that were picked at full moon, 3 drachms of pulverised Sal Ammoniac, Pulverised blades of knotgrass, Filings and rasplings of Saltpeter, Mercury and Mars, Shredded dried skin of a Boomslang and Extract of The-Transfigured-Being-To-Be."

He glares at me.

"I know there is one more ingredient," I say, "And I can't remember it!"

"1 pinch of powdered horn of a Bicorn," he drawls in a bored voice, looking at me.

My face lights up, "That's it! How could I have forgotten?"

"You did not forget it," he replies.

"What - "

"You are like a book on legs. You have memorized every Potion and I doubt you have forgotten the ingredient for this particular Potion, especially when you brew it succesfully at the age of twelve."

I open my mouth in shock, but no voice comes out.

He smirks, "Yes, I know about that."

"But-"

"And I also know you were the one who stole the ingredients from my personal store."

"I'm sorry. I-I needed it to -"

He cuts me off, raising an eyebrow, "So it _was_ you?"

"But..." a short pause, then I understand, "You did not know it was me, did you?"

"No, but I do know now."

I look away, a blush appearing on my face. I did not expect the conversation to turn into that direction.

He obviously notices my discomfort, "Why that face, Miss Granger? It is not as if I can take away your house points."

A small smile forms on my lips.

"Not as long as we are here, anyway," he adds, "But expect a punishment when we get back."

I look up at him in surprise, my whole face lights up because of the hope I found in his words. He said 'when we get back'. It was just a figure of speech, but I can't help but hang onto his words as if my life depends on it. He notices and immediately looks away as if he's regretting what he said.

It does not matter.

He said it. That means even if he does not want to admit it, he does believe deep inside of him that we will be rescued.

Unless, he is lying to me. It could all be a part of his plan to gain back my trust.

_Again!_

Those horrible voices in my head return, convincing me that I can't trust him.

I can't stand it.

ooo

My heart nearly stops when the guards finally come.

This time there are only two of them. The leader and the other one. I don't recognize him.

The leader smirks as he looks at us.

"Perhaps we should allow you another shower," he says, "You look...revolting."

I start to feel small sparks of anger through all the fear and desperation that I feel.

That's good. I'd much rather be angry than afraid. Fear has become a friend of mine in the last couple of days. I friend I am not interested to keep.

"What it is that you want?" Professor Snape asks, "Let's make this visit as short as possible."

I look at him in surprise.

"Are you willing to give us the information we need?" the Death Eater asks.

Silence.

They know my answer. I have not changed my mind. They will get nothing from me.

The question is what Professor Snape wants to do. I can't stop him if he decides to talk and cooperate with them.

"I am afraid we cannot help you," he finally says and I let out a breath I've been holding.

The guard does not seem surprised, "I expected as much."

He did?

He crosses his arms over his chest, thinking hard, "What should we do now? Hmm?"

I remain silent. All I want is to disappear, not wanting to deal with them anymore. I am sick and tired of of the anxiety and the anticipation. How I miss my wand! I wish to be able to defend myself. I can't stand being so helpless all the time.

"Girl," the guards suddenly calls out and looks at me, "Have you nothing to say?"

I shake my head, "I believe Professor has said everything."

"_Professor_?" the guards repeats, "You call him _Professor_."

Confusion shows on my face at that, but I remain silent.

"I wonder if you would still call him Professor if you knew about his past."

Professor Snape takes one step forward, "Do not talk about things that are dangerous for you," he says in a low voice.

The guards does not seem afraid, "Does she know?"

Silence.

Do I know what? About Professor Snape's past? I have heard rumors about him being a Death Eater. Well, I have heard as well that he is still a Death Eater. But that is all. I do not know more and I do not want to know more.

"Have you told her that there were times when you were doing the torturing?" the guard asks, smirking.

I do not react to that. That is exactly they want from me. I will not give them the satisfaction.

The guard continues, "Killing, torturing, thinking of new curses, one deadlier than the other."

Professor Snape curls his hands into fists, but that is all he does. He does not even respond. He does not even defend himself. Why? Probably because the guard was telling the truth.

Suddenly Professor's eyes are on me and I can see he is observing my face for emotions. I do my best to remain cold and emotionless.

"Well," the guard asks, looking at me, "Have you got nothing to say?"

I simply shake my head.

"Interesting," he comments.

Silence.

I observe the guard's face and I can almost see as an idea forms in his mind. His eyes light up and a smirk forms on his lips.

"Grab her," he says casually to the other guard and before I realize what is happening, the guard is behind me, holding my arms and I struggle, but it's pointless. I can't do anything.

"What are you doing?" Professor Snape demands, but the guards points his wand at him, "Do not move. We are not going to hurt her, we are simply going to give her a makeover."

What?

He continues, "But if you interfere, we will give her much more than that, is that understood?"

Professor Snape does not answer, but there is murder in his eyes as he stands there, breathing hard, his eyes on me.

Calm down. I need to calm down.

I force my body to stop struggling, but that does not make the panic go away. I meet the guard's eyes and for some strange reason I can't look away. I will not look away. He will not make a coward out of me.

Suddenly his smirk grows wider and he pulls something from his robes.

My blood runs cold when I look at his hand.

He's holding a large pair of scissors.

I almost choke at the thought of what he might do with them. Horrible images of blood form in my mind, the scissors stuck in my abdomen, blood pouring out...

Involuntarily I start struggling again, fear taking over me. But the other guard behind me does not let me go, if anything his grip tightens more, almost cutting the blood flow to my arms.

"Calm down, I said we will not hurt you," the leader says, walking over to me.

I don't believe him. He's a Death Eater, he's lying.

Oh god.

He's standing before me, scissors only a few inches away from my face.

I can't breath.

Perhaps he is going to cut my throat.

I am going to bleed to death.

They are going to cut me and leave the dungeon. Professor Snape will be the last thing I see before I die. I can see him in my mind, desperately trying to stop the blood, but nothing will help. He will both be covered in blood and then I'll die.

I let out a sob, my whole body shaking.

I close my eyes, preparing myself for pain.

God help me.

But then nothing happens.

No pain.

But...

He's touching my...hair.

My eyes fly open just to see him cut off a long lock of my hair.

W-What is he doing?

For a long moment I can't even react. It is not what I was expecting.

Another cut. And another.

I can hear my hair being chopped off, bit by bit. It falls down on the ground next to me.

"Please," I quietly ask, not fully realizing what is happening.

He ignores me, not stopping.

My eyes land on Professor Snape in desperation. He simply stands there, looking back at me. He seems...relieved. Why is he relieved? Can't he understand who much this hurts me? Not physically, but emotionally. It's deeper. They could have tortured me and it would hurt less.

It seems to last forever.

I can't stand the sound the scissors make.

Finally it's over.

The leader moves away from me and the guard from behind me lets go of my arms.

I simply stand there, shaking, afraid to look down and see my hair laying on the ground, lifelessly.

"There," the leader says, satisfied, "I think this looks much better, don't you agree?"

No one answers him.

"I warned you," he continues, "In the end, _you_ will be begging _us_ to take the information you have. You are next," he says to Professor Snape, smiling cruelly.

Then they both leave.

I can't move.

I'm afraid to see how much he's cut off.

Professor Snape lets out a sigh, walking over to me, "They are playing with us, but it cannot last forever."

I remain silent.

"I think they are starving us on purpose," he says, "It's all a part of the game. We have angered them and this is our punishment. We simply have to -"

He pauses, probably finally noticing the state I am in.

"Miss Granger?" he asks quietly, looking down at me, "Are you alright?"

That questions sends me over the edge and tears roll down my face. I don't let out a sound and I simply stand there, staring into nothing.

"Miss Granger?"

I take a shaky breath and finally my hands reach up to my head.

My hair.

I only start sobbing harder at the horrible discovery that my long hair is now only to my chin.

It's gone.

I look down and notice my long locks of hair simply lying on the floor.

It's gone.

They have taken it away from me.

"Miss Granger," Professor Snape says, "It's only hair."

I know it's only hair. I understand it should not affect me so much, but I can't help it. They have changed me. They have left their mark on me. Even if we are saved someday, it will always remind me of my time spent in the dungeon.

I simply shake my head, turning away from him. I am afraid if I open my mouth to speak, only sobs would come out and I would embarrass myself further.

"Think about what could have happened," he says.

I know that. I know it's stupid to cry over hair, but I can't help it. I feel different. It's like I'm a new Hermione Granger now.

No. I am not Hermione Granger anymore. I'm their toy and they can do whatever they wish to me.

"J-Just give me a f-few minutes," I manage to say, my voice breaking.

"Of course," is his only response.

I nod, swallowing hard, then kneel down, gathering my hair in a small pile.

I've always complained about it, annoyed by how wild my hair was, but I never wanted to cut it off. It was a part of me.

It's not anymore.

ooo

"Did you really torture people?" I ask.

He tenses up and his eyes turn darker.

"Miss Granger-"

"_Please_, I think I have a right to know," I say quietly, "You've seen _me_ at my worst."

Besides I need a distraction. I need to think about something else.

He sighs, looking away from me.

Then finally he nods, "Yes. Everything they have told you is true."

"Everything?"

"And they have left some things out."

I tense up, feeling a bit uneasy at that. It's hard to imagine Professor Snape torturing someone. No matter how unfriendly, sarcastic and cold he was, I can't imagine him actually hurting someone.

"W-Why?" is the only question I could manage.

"I was young, foolish," he admits, his eyes distant as if remembering a memory, "I was obsessed with power."

"How long were you -?"

"A few years."

A few years? I can only imagine how many horrible things he could have done in those years. Was he a different person back then? Perhaps he has not changed. What if he is still that Death Eater?

"I will not go into details, Miss Granger," he says, "But believe me, the real torture has not even begun yet."

My throat closes up.

Can I take even more of it?

"I think I'll try to get some sleep," I say, turning around from him and covering myself with his cloak.

I stomach complains loudly at not getting any food today, but I ignore it. I have bigger problems at the moment. I try to ignore the feeling of my short hair as I close my eyes, hoping I would get some sleep tonight.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I hope you still enjoy the story! Soon things will get even more complicated. :)**


	9. Day 9

**Day 9**

I yawn and pull my arms over my head, stretching for a long moment before opening my eyes. It does not surprise me anymore.

The sight of the dungeon. A small chair in the middle of it. A mattress on the other side of the dungeon.

Professor Snape.

What does surprise me is the fact that he is always the first one to wake up. How does he do that? In all nine days I have only once woken up before he did. Then I remember rumors in the Gryffindor common room about him being a vampire, but I quickly push that thought away.

I clear my throat and pull myself into a sitting position. He looks at me, but immediately averts his gaze again.

"Good morning," I say, desperately needing something normal to hang on to.

We could pretend everything was normal. Even if only for a few moments.

"Morning," he says awkwardly.

He seems to be thinking hard about something and I don't want to bother him more than I need to. I look around, noticing the pile of my hair is no longer where it was. My eyes search the dungeon, but it's nowhere to be seen.

I look up at Professor, "Where is -?"

He understands the question, "I...moved it."

I'm a bit taken aback by that, "Why?"

"It would do you no good to have to look at it."

That's..._nice_ of him. I know it would not be easy to look at what used to be my hair and remember what the guards have done.

"Thank you," I say quietly and he simply nods.

ooo

I wrap the cloak around me, feeling a bit cold. There is that strange feeling in my stomach. We haven't gotten food in a while and my body is already starting to protest.

I wonder if he's hungry as well.

He _has_ to be. He is simply not showing it.

I tense up as the doors open and a guard enters. But it's a different one. I don't recognize him.

"Time for the loo," he says, looking at Professor.

He does not say anything, simply follows the guard out.

I try to make the best of the few minutes of loneliness, but it does not work. I don't feel safe when I'm alone. I'm all nervous and on edge, wondering if Professor is going to return or not. I can never know that. Every time he leaves the dungeon might be the last time I see him.

Or...

Perhaps he is talking to Voldemort, telling him everything he has found out about me. He could be eating and preparing to come back to the dungeon and play the part of the victim again. He could be laughing with the guards, saying how naive I am to believe him.

_Is_ he pretending?

Do I even want to know the truth?

He is the only stable thing I've got at the moment. Do I want to lose it?

I cringe and press my hand to my stomach. I feel weird.

My feet are really cold and my back hurts. The mattress is not very comfortable.

I sigh, remembering my bed at Hogwarts. Large, warm, comfortable bed. Am I ever going to see it again? It's strange the things you miss.

ooo

They bring Professor back and I stand up, knowing it's my turn for the loo. Without words I am being led out of the dungeon.

ooo

I am shaking. I am sick to my stomach.

The guard does not notice anything and he simply pushes me back into the dungeon and leaves, closing the doors behind him. I stand still, hugging myself with my arms and looking down.

What now?

What am I supposed to do now?

"Miss Granger?" a voice snaps me out of my deep thoughts.

I don't look up at him. I don't know what to say.

"You are pale," he comments, walking over to me.

I immediately take a step back, not wanting to stand too close to him. Not right now.

"What is the matter?" he asks, "Did something happen?"

I say nothing.

His tone changes, "Did they do something?" he asks, slowly.

I shake my head.

No.

It's not anything like that.

Nothing has been done to me. Everything happened as usually. I was taken to the loo as in the last couple of days. But this time...

Should I tell him?

I have to.

I-I don't know what to do.

But how can I tell him something like that?

He's _Professor Snape_ for god's sake.

I let out an angry groan and turn away from him.

Why does this have to happen to me? Why _now_?

I can hear concern in his voice, "Miss Granger? What happened?"

I hate being a girl at this moment.

"I...I have a problem," I force out, still not facing him.

"What kind of a problem?"

"A small problem."

"Yes?" he drawls.

"Actually," I start, "I-It's a _big_ problem. A _large_ problem and I don't know what to do."

He simply listens to me.

"I mean, I-I _usually_ know what to do, but now I'm stuck here and I can't...can't..."

_"Miss Granger,"_ he interrupts me, "Care to explain the problem to me? And do stop with the drama."

I bite my lip, wanting to crawl into a hole and die.

My silence annoys him, "Granger, what kind of a problem?"

After a long moment, I whisper, "Girl problem."

"Care to repeat?"

I force out, "Girl problem."

Silence.

I hope he understands what I'm trying to say, because I really do not want to explain.

"I see," is his response.

I still can't face him. I can't look up at him and pretend like it's a completely normal thing to speak to your least favorite Professor about your monthly visitor. It is _not_ normal. It is not something I am comfortable with. It's something I don't _ever_ want to be comfortable with.

He does not speak for a very long time.

He is uncomfortable too.

I can feel the tension in the air.

"How bad is it?" he finally asks, carefully.

"W-_What_?"

Why is he asking me that?

He swallows hard before speaking again, "I am merely trying to figure out what you could use to...help yourself."

It goes from uncomfortable to even _more_ uncomfortable.

"Umm...normal, I guess? I don't know..."

"Miss Granger," he starts, "If you could turn around, please? I am finding it difficult to talk to your back."

I can't.

_Hermione Granger._

You are an adult. Act like it.

I take a deep breath and slowly turn around. My eyes meet with his for a short second, but then I avert my gaze, stopping on his shoulders.

"It is rather...unfortunate," he says, "But it is not the end of the world."

I am biting my lip nervously, looking around.

Silence.

"Five days," I finally find my voice.

"Excuse me?"

"It usually lasts five days. I-I don't know what to do. I have no supplies, nothing..."

He thinks for a moment and silence fills the dungeon again.

I want to slap myself for telling him. He can't help me, why did I even tell him?

Suddenly he starts removing his robes. I look at him in surprise, backing away a bit. He undoes his buttons and I look away in shame.

"What are you doing?" I ask, hearing the rustling of robes.

He does not answer, but then I hear material tearing. My eyes snap towards him and I see he is tearing his undershirt into several pieces.

When he is done, he quickly puts his shirt back on, then takes a step closer, offering me the pieces of his undershirt.

"It is not much, but hopefully it will help," he says.

I awkwardly take the material from his hand, forcing myself to look at his face.

"Thank you."

He nods, then backs away, clearing his throat, "Are you going to..."

He does not finish the question, but I understand what he means. I quickly nod and he turns and walks away into the corner, not looking at me.

I awkwardly attend to myself, not actually knowing what I'm doing.

When I'm done, I quietly say, "You can turn now."

I am positive my face is completely red by now.

I cannot believe what situation we are being forced in. Because of this event I start to wonder will I be able to look at him when..._if_ we are rescued? Will I be able to sit in his classroom, listening to his lecture and not replaying everything that's happened to us in this dungeon?

ooo

"Professor, why did you decide to become a teacher?"

"Miss Granger, that is highly inappropriate."

"Why? It's a simple question. We can't sit in silence all day."

He lets out an annoyed sigh.

"I owed someone a favor," he answers.

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"It does not matter."

"So that is all? Simply because someone else asked you?"

"No, that is _one_ of the reasons."

"Oh."

"I was young, I wanted to learn as much as I could, I wanted to pass the knowledge that I had. I wanted to teach."

I notice the bitterness in his voice.

"I did not know how many dunderheads there are in this world."

"So..." I start carefully, "You don't like teaching anymore?"

Silence.

"I did not say that."

"But-"

"There is always at least one student in the crowd of dunderheads that wants to learn, that is capable to learn and that is thankful for the knowledge," he explains, "And that student is the reason every teacher at Hogwarts is still teaching."

I smile a bit at that. I hope am I one of those students he appreciates. I have to be. I am smart, hard working and I am thankful for knowledge. But then why is he so hard on me? Why did he seem annoyed every time I raised my hand in class or asked questions?

He can see what I'm thinking in my head but his expression stops me from asking more questions. He is not in the mood for answering them, I can see that.

ooo

"Miss Granger, are you alright?"

I open my eyes, looking at him.

"Y-Yes."

I can imagine how I look like, covered with the robe, curled into a ball.

"It's not even evening yet, why are you sleeping?" he asks.

"I am not sleeping, I'm just not feeling well. It'll pass."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Of course I'm sure. I go through this every month.

He does not ask anything else.

ooo

A few hours later I am still resting, hoping the day will pass quickly.

Then they decide to pay us a visit. The guards.

I somehow manage to pull myself up and I go to stand next to Professor Snape.

I can imagine how ridiculous I look if he is actually working with them.

The leader looks at me, then smirks, "Have you done something with your hair?"

Anger shoots through me, but I remain silent. He wants a reaction from me. He wants to see how much he's hurt me. And I will not give him the satisfaction.

After a few seconds he looks at Professor, then back at me.

"Have you two changed your mind?"

We do not say a word.

"Still stubborn, I see," the guards says, then crosses his arms over his chest.

"And you are still with him?" he asks me, "Even after everything I've told you? About him, about his past?"

"I trust him," I say, hoping I sound convincing.

"He has tortured men, women, _children_. He has obeyed orders without questions. He is the one who came up with this interesting curse that -"

"That is enough!" Professor Snape raises his voice.

"Ashamed of your past, Severus?" the guard asks.

Professor Snape does not answer, he simply glares at them, killing them with his look.

The guard turns his attention to me, "And _you_," he starts, "You always stand next to him as if he would protect you. You are a Mudblood. And Severus Snape would not risk his life for a filthy Mudblood."

His words slap me across the face, but I try to hide it.

He continues, "Perhaps we will only spare one of you. The one who decides to help us first."

Horrible silence fills the room.

"Think about that," the guard says, "We will come for your decision tomorrow."

He turns to leave and I step forward, "Wait!"

He turns to look at me, surprised, "Perhaps we do not have to wait until tomorrow?"

"No," I shake my head, "It's not about that. It's...when will we get food? Are you planning to starve us to death?"

His smirk grows wider, "No, of course not. That would be...counterproductive. We are simply hoping the lack of food will make you more acceptable to our idea."

"Well," I start, "Good luck with that."

I am breaking on the inside, my body is screaming for food, but I keep a calm face. I have no idea how I'm capable of doing that.

He simply smirks, then they all leave the dungeon.

ooo

Silence.

We have not spoken a word ever since the guards left.

I look at him.

Then away.

Then again at him.

His head snaps towards me, "Is there something you wish to ask me, Granger?"

There _is_ something.

"Can I...Well..." I can't finish the sentence.

"Are you perhaps wondering if you can trust me?"

I don't say anything.

Any smart person would try and save their own life. Why is Professor Snape any different?

He sighs, "I will not help them."

I nod, "Good. I won't either."

He raises an eyebrow at me.

"What?" I ask, "You don't believe me?"

"And you are offended by that?"

I simply open my mouth, not knowing how to react.

He continues, "You are allowed to doubt me every few hours and I am supposed to blindly trust you? Talk about double standards."

"I would never - "

"I cannot know that for sure. You are young, you want to live. I would understand on some level if you decided to help them."

"Stop it!" I raise my voice, "I would never do that."

"Why are you so sensitive about that? We are merely discussing a possibility."

"It's not even a possibility."

He glares at me, but I hold my composure.

After a minute he looks away and our conversation is finished.

Neither of us say a word to each other for the rest of that evening.

**A/N: 21 more days to go! Hope you are still enjoying the story. :)**


	10. Day 10

**Day 10**

_"Miss Granger?"_

Someone is calling my name. The voice seems to be from far away.

_"Granger?"_

Like a whisper.

I groan and try to ignore it.

_"Granger."_

Someone's hands are on my shoulders, shaking me slightly.

Immediately my eyes fly open and I snap the attacker's hands away from me, pressing myself into the wall, away from the danger.

Wait - ?

I blink a few times. It's him.

_Professor Snape._

"I-I'm sorry-" I start, "I thought..."

I let that sentence trail off, but he understands and accepts the apology.

"Are you alright?" he asks.

"What...what do you mean?"

"You were tossing around and talking."

I tense, "Oh," then I start to worry, "What was I saying?"

"Nonsense mostly," is his only answer.

I relax, taking a deep breath as I try to remember my dreams, but there is nothing I can recall. Absolutely nothing.

"Thank you for waking me, Professor," I say, brushing the stray of hair from my face.

He simply nods, then awkwardly clears his throat before walking back to his part of the dungeon.

I look at the small window above us.

It's a new day.

ooo

I pull my knees up against my chest and rest my chin on the top of them, forcing myself to remain silent. Ever since I woke up I started to feel unwell, there is that usual pain in my lower stomach and it doesn't seem it will soon go away. Usually when I have cramps I lock myself into my room where I can suffer in silence and not worry about anyone witnessing my weak moments. But now I have no other choice. No privacy. Hopefully he will not notice anything.

"You are unusually quiet," he comments not a minute later.

I look up at him in surprise. I didn't think he paid any attention to my talking habits.

"I-I don't know what to talk about," I answer quietly.

"But that has never stopped you before, Miss Granger," he smirks, "Why are you not talking my ears off with Potions ingredients or plans of escape?"

I sigh, "I guess I don't feel like it, Professor."

That catches his attention, "Yes. And that makes me question if you are feeling entirely yourself."

I bite my lip, but then simply shake my head. For the first time in days I am the one who does not wish to talk and suddenly he is overly talkative. Suddenly I realize how much I annoyed him by trying to talk in the last couple of days.

"Miss Granger?"

"What?" I snap, raising my voice a bit.

His face turns cold, "I am going to forgive you for your impoliteness, given you are...in your hormonal time."

I look down, embarrassed. Does he have to mention that?

"I am sorry, Professor. I'm just...not feeling well. I wish I'd be able to take a nap, but...the guards might come any minute.

"I will wake you up when that happens," he offers, "You do look a bit pale."

I take a minute to think, then I nod, "Alright."

Breaking the eye contact, I lay down, covering myself with his cloak. Then I realize how much he's given me in these ten days. How much he's helped me. I don't know how I'd be able to handle the situation if it weren't for him.

I make a mental note to thank him, then close my eyes and try to get some rest.

ooo

My eyes snap open and I immediately pull myself up in a sitting position, looking around nervously.

"Miss Granger?"

I relax as I realize we are alone in the dungeon. I shouldn't have fallen asleep, I need to be awake and ready for everything the guards decide to do to us.

"No one has visited us yet," Professor Snape says.

I nod, moving the hair away from my face, cringing at the reminder of how short it is.

Silence.

Then I remember something.

"Do you realize this is the _tenth_ day?" I ask quietly.

He sighs, "Yes, it hasn't escaped my attention."

"Ten days," I repeat, not believing it myself, "It...it seems longer."

He does not comment.

"Do you think they are trying to find us?" I ask.

I can see him rolling his eyes, "Miss Granger, we have already discussed this topic -"

"I know, but...I wonder what Ron and Harry are thinking. Do they know what's happened to me? And...my parents? Do you think they've been informed about my disappearance?"

I look up at Professor Snape, eager for answers.

He starts slowly, "I believe the Headmaster had informed them."

My heart sinks a bit at that. I don't know what is better. Them knowing or not knowing. If they know about my disappearance, then they are worried and I can't even think about it. It hurts too much. And besides, them knowing makes it more real. It's _really_ happening. No one can pretend it isn't.

But if they know...then they are probably trying to find me.

I tense up, realizing how dangerous the world I live in is. I don't want my parents anywhere near it. If it's safer for them, I don't want them looking for me.

Suddenly Snape speaks, "The Headmaster is probably doing his best to find us. The Order is looking for us and I am sure your parents are not involved in the search as it would be too dangerous for them."

How does he do that?

Sometimes it seems like he's reading my mind. He know exactly what I'm worried about and ...

_Wait_.

Could he be reading my mind?

"Professor," I start cautiously, "Are you...have you ever used Legilimency on me? In these ten days, I mean."

He does not look away from me as I expected him to, but there is a change on his face, perhaps slight shame? I hold the eye contact, waiting for him to speak.

"After years of practicing that particular craft, I am sometimes unable to...shut it off," he explains.

I open my mouth in slight shock, "So...that is a _yes_?"

He struggles for a moment, then simply nods, "Yes."

"That's..."

I am speechless for quite a long. I did not expect him to admit it. I was not prepared for it.

Then suddenly shame takes over me, followed by anger.

"That's personal," I say, my voice accusing, "I didn't want you to...What did you see?"

"Miss Granger, it is not what you think."

"Then explain it to me."

"It was never mind reading, it was just...slight probing, one which I am unable to shut off."

"Unable to?"

I am really uncomfortable. Just the fact that I am stuck with him and being put into these disgusting situations is awkward enough and I really do not want him to invade the privacy in my mind.

"Well...try harder," I snap at him, "I don't want you knowing everything. It's horrible as it is."

"I understand that -"

"_Do you_?" I demand, "You got angry because I was simply looking at you while you were sleeping. How would you feel if I was reading your thoughts?"

He sighs, obviously annoyed, "I apologize again, Miss Granger. You have to understand that it has become a habit of mine and sometimes I do it subconsciously."

I nod, letting put a deep breath, "Just...don't do it again, please."

"You have my word that I will try."

I decide to leave it at that. It would do us no good to fight.

I stand up, stretching my legs and leaning against the wall.

"It has to be afternoon already and no one came," I say quietly.

"They will come. And it will not be pleasant," he replies, moving closer to me, "After what they said yesterday, I think we both know what we can expect."

A shiver goes through me, "Torture?"

He nods, looking down. Then he tenses and his eyes slowly find mine. He's uncomfortable, I can see it. He opens his mouth to speak, but decides against it.

"What?" I ask, narrowing my eyes in surprise.

He does not answer, but tenses again.

I look down, wanting to see what made him behave in such a way.

_Oh god._

There is a small, but noticeable red stain on the mattress where I was sitting before. I blush furiously and immediately cover the stain with the robe he gave me, shaking slightly in embarrassment.

He clears his throat, but the silence that follows is mortifying.

I close my eyes for a moment, wishing for all to just go away.

Only a second later the doors burst open and I could not be more glad for the guard that came in. It made Snape turn his attention away from me and my little accident and I could not be more thankful for that.

The guard throws two pieces of bread onto the floor and conjures two glasses of water, then looks at us with disgust on his face.

"It stinks in here," he says, "Be prepared for a short visit to the showers in a few hours."

With those words he leaves the dungeon.

Such short visit, but pure horror flooded through me.

Shower? Now?

I _am_ glad, I could not be feeling more dirty, but at the same time...I don't want to shower if it is going to be the same as the last time. Especially now when...

"I don't want them to know," I suddenly say.

"I beg your pardon?" Professor Snape looks at me.

"I don't want them to know about...you know. It would be too...humiliating. I want this thing to stay private."

He narrows his eyes in confusion, "Well...it will be slightly difficult to hide if we are going to be forced to shower."

I blush again, "I know. I-I don't want to hide it, but...perhaps...blame the blood on something else."

He remains silent, waiting for me to continue.

"I-I could cut myself...a deep cut on my thigh and they will think..."

"Miss Granger, I do not think that is wise. It would do us no good to help them hurt us. They will to that without our help."

I don't listen to him, shaking my head, "I don't want them to know."

"I know it will be uncomfortable -"

I cut him off, "How would you know? It's...humiliating and it's horrible enough that..._you_ know. I-I don't want _them_ to know anything about it."

"I understand that, but hurting yourself -"

"Only a cut. I am sure there will be much worse torture in the future," I say bitterly.

He simply looks at me and does not react in any other way. I nod, walking over to my glass of water, quickly drinking all of it, them throwing the glass to the ground, smashing it into thousand pieces.

"Well, I didn't expect that to go as smoothly," I admit, "Aren't they afraid we might kill ourselves or...attack them?"

"I am positive they have put anti-sucide spells on the dungeon," he explains, "Besides, that small piece of glass would be nothing compared to their wands."

As he finishes talking, I pick the largest shard from the floor, taking a deep breath, looking down at myself. The cut would probably have to be somewhere on my thigh to fool them.

Alright, I can do this.

It has to be deep enough so that the blood would... I feel sick simply by thinking about it. My fingers start to shake at the thought of hurting myself to the point there would be blood. A lot of blood.

I have heard of people cutting themselves on purpose, but I don't think I am one of them. I most certainly am not. But I have to do it.

"Miss Granger, I insist, that idea of yours is crazy," Professor Snape speaks again.

"I will do this with or without your consent," I shot back, "You don't know how humiliating it would be. I can't stand them using _this_ against me. I will not allow them."

Taking a deep breath, I lift my skirt slightly, looking at my thighs, deciding how to proceed. Ignoring my shaking fingers, I grip the shard tighter and bring it to my skin high on my inner thigh. I lick my lips hesitantly, mentally convincing myself to move the shard, but something is stopping me. I can't seem to be able to push the shard into my flesh. Just as I start to feel nauseous, the shard is snatched away from me.

"What are you doing?" I demand, looking at Professor Snape angrily.

"Helping you, you insufferable chit," he barks back.

"Helping - ?"

"Even though I think you plan is _foolish_, I cannot risk you cutting an important vein and bleeding to death."

I quickly nod, "A-Alright," then add, "I hope you are not squicked out by blood."

He simply sends me a look.

Stupid me. Of course he isn't squicked out by blood.

He takes a deep breath, "You should sit down."

I obey, sitting down onto the mattress and leaning against the wall.

Then it starts to get uncomfortable again.

"Where do you think the cut should be?" I ask, looking up at him awkwardly.

"I suppose on the thigh, high up."

Well, this is awkward.

"Alright, let's just get this over with," I force out, pulling up the skirt and revealing my left leg.

He clears his throat awkwardly, then approaches me, kneels down and tries to make as little eye contact as possible.

"Would you change your mind if I say I think this is a foolish idea?" he asks again.

"No," is my only answer.

I can see slight anger pass his features, then he looks down at my leg, not saying anything else.

I tense a bit as his hand touches my skin, bitting my lower lip like crazy, expecting the pain to hit me any moment.

One second passes.

Then another.

And another.

_"Oww!"_ I cry out, my hands covering his on my leg as a hot pain shoots through me.

He pulls my hands away, "Do not touch it."

I let out a pained growl, taking a deep breath to calm down. Finally I am able to look down and it isn't as bad as I expected. There is blood, but it is not as deep as I thought it would be. A sick realization comes to my mind, that Professor Snape is very good at cutting people and handling sharp objects, but I quickly push those thoughts away.

He stands up and moves away from me.

I resist the urge to cover the cut with something, thinking if it was a good idea in the first place.

"I have never thought I would have to cut one of my students," he says quietly, his back turned to me.

"I-I'm sorry," I say, "But...you helped me a lot and I thank you for that."

He does not say anything.

ooo

We did not have to wait long. The guards came for us only half an hour later.

I was a wreck by the time they arrived.

One reason was because I did not want to shower in front of them. I was sick and tired of the remarks they made last time.

The second reason; I did not want to shower next to Professor Snape.

Third reason; I did not want the guards to know about what was happening to me.

ooo

I hug myself with my arms as they push me back into the dungeon, laughing and snickering. Professor Snape walks in after me, then turns to look at the guards with murderous eyes, while I just walk into the corner, hoping to turn invisible.

The guards soon leave.

The tension in the dungeon is almost unbearable. Somehow it seems even more awkward than the first time we were forced to shower together. It obviously does not get easier with time.

"At least my plan worked," I say quietly and he snorts.

It did work. I managed to undress myself quickly and get under the cold water without the guards noticing anything. They did notice the cut on my thigh and the blood, they made a few comments about that, but then concluded it was probably from the torture.

Still, it was very uncomfortable. Again, I refused to look at Professor Snape. I would turn away from him and try to pretend he was not there.

I only hope he did the same.

I do feel much better and cleaner. At least physically.

At least that.

ooo

Professor Snape has been a bit snarky ever since we returned. He does not talk to me and when he is forced to answer, he only manages to use one or two words.

Desperate for a conversation, I ask him, "Who do you think has taken over Potions?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?" he replies and I am a bit taken aback.

Still, I try again, "How many classes have we missed by now?"

I know the exact number, but I need something to talk about.

He looks at me, irritated, "Granger, perhaps you failed to notice, but I am not in the mood for such conversations."

"Oh. A-Alright, we can talk about something else then?"

"Of course," he says, then added, "How about the art of silence? I think that might be an art you still have not mastered."

I look down, his words stinging a bit. I don't say anything else.

Silence.

ooo

It's late and the guards still have not visited us. I am nervous, expecting them to burst into the dungeon as they promised, but there is no one. Perhaps it is one of their games again?

I sigh in boredom, then finally allow myself to look at Professor Snape.

He is sitting on the chair, next to his mattress and he seems to be...sleeping? His eyes are closed, but his body seems tense with his arms crossed over his chest. Perhaps he is simply resting. I stand up slowly, feeling the need to stretch my legs. I make a few steps, quietly as not to disturb him and then flex the muscles in my neck.

As I yawn, I suddenly notice Professor's robes are not in place as they have always been. They are no longer covering his legs and his black trousers can be seen. And then I notice something. Something I wish I have not noticed.

There is a large bulge in his pants.

I gasp in surprise and shock and his eyes suddenly snap open. In a second he rearranges his robes, covering himself.

My mouth is still open and no voice comes out.

I am in shock.

Did I just see what I think I saw?

It has to be. I am positive that... _thing_ does not look like that in it's...normal state.

I blush furiously and turn away, willing those thoughts out of my mind.

"Miss Granger," he starts, but he is uncomfortable. He cannot even hide it.

I let out a short breath, "I-I didn't want to...look. It was an accident, I swear, Professor."

"That is...quite alright."

It's _not_ alright, I can hear it in his tone.

"Is that the reason you were...unpleasant before?" I ask.

Silence.

"A part of it, yes."

Oh god.

I don't want to be talking about it. But I can't pretend I didn't see anything. That would be even more uncomfortable.

Then a sick realization hits me and I turn to face him.

"I am not saying I am an expert on such things, but I know enough to know what causes it," I babble, "And...was it...because of the...us showering together?"

I am sick to my stomach.

Was he _looking_ at me?

I do not want to hear his answer. I would not be able to stand it.

Shame takes over him, but he shakes his head, "No. It does not have anything to do with that event."

I can see the last thing he wants to do is talk about it. Especially with me, but I have a right to know.

"I really hope that is true, Professor," I say, looking down at my hands.

He takes a deep breath, "Sometimes such things occur with no good reason. And let's leave it at that, Miss Granger."

I quickly nod, walking back to my mattress.

I can't help thinking about his...problem. Will it go away by itself or...does he have to do something for it to go away? I throw a quick glance at him and notice he is looking quite uncomfortable.

_Stop it, Hermione._

At least he got a taste of how it feels being humiliated in front of others, having your body doing something you do not wish it to do.

Still, I wish I would not have seen it. It made me uncomfortable as well and it changed the things between us. _Again_.

If we are not saved soon, too many boundaries will be crossed and we will never be able to look at each other the same way again.

It's night already.

The guards are obviously not coming today. I don't know how to feel about that.

Has something happened?

Or are they thinking up new ways to torture us?

Too many things to worry about.

It has been such an uncomfortable day.

I can't wait to fall asleep and forget about it all.

And see what day eleven brings.

**A/N: Sorry for not updating in almost a month! I had a bit of a writer's block. But I am working through it. Hope you like the chapter. I have to thank all my reviewers! I love you guys! :) Special thanks to _HarryPotterGirl_ who gave me a few ideas, I could use in the future. I have already used one suggestion in this chapter. Thank you for your review, I enjoyed reading it, I actually read it quite a few times. I cannot believe someone would take time and write a review like that. Thank you so much! Looking forward to hearing from you in the future. :)**

**And as for this chapter, I realized I still have not put Snape in an awkward situation, so I kinda tried that here. Hope it worked.;)**


	11. Day 11

**Day 11**

God.

It's been eleven days.

_Eleven_.

I can't even believe it. It seems so long, but at the same time I have a feeling it was only yesterday I was safe at Hogwarts.

How did it come to this?

I look at Professor Snape, sitting on the chair next to his mattress. He seems uncomfortable. Immediately my cheeks blush as I remember the scene from yesterday. He had a...little problem yesterday.

Is it gone now?

By the expression on his face, it does not seem like it. Or perhaps he is just moody this morning?

It's wrong. I should not be thinking about that.

How I am ever going to be able to look at him without remembering...? If by some miracle we are rescued and everything goes back to normal, will I be able to sit in his classroom, listening to his lecture? As if nothing had happened? And what about him? Would he even want to be my teacher?

But I _want_ him to be my teacher. His snarky personality aside, he is one of the best teachers at Hogwarts.

I take a deep breath, realizing how dumb my thoughts are. We are still captured and I am already thinking about the life after the rescue.

Stupid.

ooo

"Professor, I am starting to believe...I've been Obliviated," I say, cutting through the silence.

We haven't spoken much since we woke up. And that leaves a lot of time to think, to analyze, to put pieces together and try to remember what happened to me.

"Care to explain?" he looks at me with a dark expression.

He does not seem interested in my theory, only annoyed. Why is that? Does he not want to know how we ended up in this dungeon?

"Well...I can't remember anything...the last thing I remember is getting a detention from you."

Snape raises an eyebrow at me, waiting for me to continue and I take a deep breath, collecting my thoughts.

"You said I had hit my head and the memories would eventually come back to me."

"I did," he agrees.

"Only they didn't. I still can't remember anything," I say, frustrated.

He remains silent and that annoys me even more. Why is he like that? It seems like he's deliberately trying to be unhelpful.

"What bothers me is...you said I served detention with Filch. Why with him? Why didn't I serve detention with you?"

He sighs, "Miss Granger, what is the point of this conversation?"

"How were they able to kidnap me at Hogwarts?" I ask, looking at him.

"Perhaps you weren't at Hogwarts at the time."

"What? Where could I be?"

"I do not know. We were not...brought here at the same time."

"You were here earlier?"

"At least half a day earlier."

I nod, trying to process that. But it does not help. I am still no closer to the truth.

Looking around nervously, I try to decide whether or not to ask the next question. Perhaps it would not be smart, Professor has already said he does not want to talk about it. But I _need_ answers.

After a few long moments, I gather my courage and force myself to speak, "Professor...what about you? Do you remember how _you_ got captured?"

His face hardens and he does not answer immediately, but when he speaks, it's low and quiet, "I told you it would not be wise to discuss it."

"And that was a few days ago. It was different. Now...I want to know. _Tell me_."

"Granger - "

"Are you afraid they might be listening to us?"

He shakes his head, "No, that is not what they do. They like free will. If they are going to get anything useful from us, they would want us to do it because we _want_ to."

"Alright, then why can't you tell me? Where were you? What were you doing? Was it at Hogwarts?"

"Too many questions, Granger," he snaps.

I bite my lower lip, preventing myself from snapping back at him.

"There are some things you are not supposed to know," he adds quietly.

"Why?"

"This is becoming tiresome," he says, rolling his eyes at me.

"Well, I apologize if I am trying to remember what happened to us, _Professor_," I turn away from him, anger boiling inside of me.

He says nothing. Neither do I.

ooo

A short laugh escapes me.

I don't even know what is funny. There is nothing even remotely funny about being locked up in a dungeon with Professor Snape.

But again, a laugh escapes me.

Professor Snape looks at me, his face actually concerned.

I laugh again. And again.

And again.

Soon, I am laughing hysterically, the sound of it hitting the walls of the dungeon.

My eyes are watering, I am laughing so hard.

"Miss Granger?"

His voice sends me over the edge and I laugh even harder, if possible.

"Miss Granger, stop that right now."

I can't stop. My whole body is shaking with laughter and the more I try to stop, the funnier everything seems.

It actually comes to the point where I can't breath and my stomach is hurting, but still the laughter does not stop.

What is wrong with me?

"_Granger_!" he snaps.

I immediately press my hand against my mouth, trying to calm down. And it actually works and slowly my body stops shaking. It's over.

Clearing my throat, I remove my hand and try to look serious. I don't want to embarrass myself even more in front of Professor Snape. He is still looking at me oddly, but says nothing.

A chuckle escapes me and I cover my mouth with my hand, stopping it before it turns into laughter.

Soon I start feeling normal again.

"Better?" he suddenly asks and I look at him, slowly nodding.

For some reason I do feel better.

ooo

"You," the guard points at Professor Snape, "Come with us."

I look at him, worried, but his expression is calm. It's probably just the visit to the loo. Nothing to be worried about.

Once I am alone in the dungeon I finally allow myself to curl into a ball, taking deep breaths and wishing the cramps would go away. It's bad enough I have to go through that while being locked up in a dungeon and the last thing I want to experience are cramps.

I press my face into the mattress, groaning loudly at the painful feeling of something contracting in my lower stomach.

It will go away. It always does. I just have to be patient and wait.

With my eyes closed, the silence in the dungeon causes my breathing to slow down and I almost fall asleep. Just as I am about to lose myself, the doors open loudly.

Professor Snape is back and he seems unharmed.

His eyes land on me and he arches his eyebrow in interest. I can just imagine how I look like, curled up, covered with his cloak, almost dying.

"It's your turn, little girl," the guard says and motions for me to get up.

Taking a deep breath, I somehow pull myself up. I really do need that visit to the loo. I've got one of the pieces of Snape's undershirt with me, desperately needing to attend to myself.

I can feel Professor Snape's eyes on me as I slowly walk over to the guard, wrapping my arms around my torso. I try to straighten up, but fail miserably. Thankfully I am then led out of the dungeon, away from Snape's suspicious eyes.

ooo

"You do not seem alright," he comments as soon as the guard disappears, leaving us both alone in the dungeon.

I sit down onto my mattress, covering myself with his cloak. Has it gotten really cold or am I just imagining it?

_He_ does not seem cold.

"Miss Granger?" he asks.

"I'm...not feeling so well," my own voice shocks me, it's so weak and quiet.

Professor Snape nods, "Yes, the lack of food is starting to affect us. Still, I do not believe they will continue with this for too long. We are of no use to them dead."

I lower my eyes, not saying anything.

"Perhaps..." he continues, "It is not the lack of food that is affecting you."

"I'll be fine," I assure him.

I am always fine.

"What is the matter?" he asks, not looking away from me.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk with him. All I want and need at the moment is sleep.

And a warm bed.

And a cup of tea.

And - .

_Stop it, Hermione._

I sigh, closing my eyes for a moment, "My stomach hurts."

"I understand. I assure you, Miss Granger, I am going through the same thing."

A laugh escapes me at hearing that, "No, I don't think you are, Professor."

"My body is protesting too, the lack of food is quite a torture."

"I...I'm not talking about that," a smile vanishes from my face, "I'm having a...really _really_ bad cramps."

Silence.

"Oh," is all he says.

I look up at him and notice the slight blush on his face. He is probably feeling foolish of being so ignorant about the whole situation. And of course, he is a man, he does not want to talk about such things. Especially with his student.

"I never realized it could have such an effect," he comments, observing me with a serious expression.

"It's been worse," I reply, then suddenly it hits me what I'm discussing with Professor Snape and I look away in discomfort.

He takes a deep breath, "Is there...anything I could do to help?"

I shake my head, forcing a slight smile, "Thank you. But it'll pass on it's own. I just...need a bit of rest."

He nods, then walks away to his side of the dungeon as if giving me privacy. But privacy is something I haven't had for eleven days. And perhaps this is the way is will be until the end.

I quickly push those thoughts away. I cannot allow myself to think like that. Positive thoughts are what I need at the moment.

Sadly, I am unable to find any.

ooo

The thing I feared the most has come.

After two long days the guards finally decided to visit us.

It's not just a visit to the loo. It's _that_ guard, the _leader_, the most disgusting human being I've ever met.

I quickly stand up and move as away from him as possible. There are two guards with him, I can't remember ever seeing them before.

"My sincere apology for keeping you waiting for so long," the leader speaks, looking at both me and Professor Snape.

"No apology needed. All that matters is that you are here now," Professor Snape replies and I can feel the venom in his voice.

The guard laughs, "True."

I swallow hard, remembering the ultimatum we were given the last time that man was here. He said that only one would survive, the one who decides to help them first.

Professor Snape is not going to help them, at least that was what he said to me. And the last thing on my mind is helping those criminals. So I can't imagine what they would do to us when they realize we are still not willing to cooperate.

"Here is what we are going to do," the guards says with a cruel smile, "The one who decides to help us, will be led into elegant, warm rooms with a dinner waiting."

My stomach complains loudly at that, but I keep my face emotionless.

"What have you decided?" he asks, waiting for us to reply.

I say nothing.

Neither does Professor Snape.

Silence.

Seconds pass and the expression on the leader's face turns from satisfied to annoyed and then to angry.

"Still stubborn, I see," he comments, then shakes his head, "How foolish."

Then suddenly Professor Snape steps forward and my eyes widen in shock. He isn't going to - ?

What is he doing?

I _trusted_ him.

The guards smirks, "Excellent. I do admit I was hoping it would be you. You do posses more valuable information than that little girl."

I can't even hide the shock and disbelief on my face. I simply stand there, unable to do or say anything.

Professor Snape finally speaks, "You will get me...if you let her go."

What?

"That was not a part of our agreement," the guard replies.

"I am making it a part," Professor barks back, "Let her go and you can use me as you wish."

I step forward, grabbing Professor's arm, "You are not doing this!"

"Granger - "

"No! It's not an option," I insist.

"How..._sweet_," the guard comments, a smirk on his face.

I ignore him, turning all my attention to Professor Snape, "We are in this together."

"Be smart, Granger!"

"I will not be a coward!" I raise my voice, "You are not going to sacrifice yourself for me!"

"Touching," the guard says and I look at him, "But you forget that I am the one to make decision here."

I let go of Professor's arm and turn towards the guards.

He continues, "And I am not letting anyone go. Either you help us or you die. There is no other option."

"Then you can forget about getting anything from me," Snape says, his voice cold.

"I am not so sure about that."

What does he mean by that?

There is that dangerous and sick look in his eyes. It sends shivers down my body.

"I have just realized something," he continues, "I was wrong by trying to get _others_ to hurt you."

What?

"Perhaps you two could turn against each other," he finishes and my eyes immediately turn to Professor Snape.

I realize he is already looking at me. He's worried and that frightens me. If there is concern in Professor Snape's eyes then there is a reason to be concerned.

"Severus Snape," the guard smirks, "I am aware of the fact that you are able to resist the Imperious Curse. But...if you are weakened, perhaps your resilience would be weakened too."

What is he talking about?

Whatever he is planning, it is sick and twisted. I can just see it on his face.

He suddenly raises his wand, "Crucio!"

I let out a scream as Professor Snape drops to the ground, his body shaking and twisting violently.

Oh God. Oh God.

"Stop it!" I demand, not knowing what else to do.

I feel so pathetic.

So helpless.

If only I could look away. My eyes are stuck on Professor Snape as he shakes under the Curse. No voice is coming from him, expect for the short breaths that he takes.

"Please, stop it," I whisper, dropping to the floor.

Suddenly the Curse is lifted and Professor's body stills. Only his chest is moving and I crawl up to him, not knowing what to do.

"Professor?" I ask quietly, deciding should I touch him or not.

He opens his eyes and looks at me, his breath still coming in short, painful gasps.

"Imperio."

I look up at the guards, noticing the smirks on their faces.

"_Professor Snape_," the leader smiles, "What should I make you do? Hmm?"

I try to calm down. Whatever it is, I will handle it. Everything is going to be alright. I look at Professor Snape and even though his eyes seem calm and soulless, there is panic in them. I can see it through the blankness, caused by the Imperio.

It's like he is warning me.

Suddenly I try to stand up and get away from him, but find myself unable to.

I can't move.

My body is not obeying me.

Panic shoots through me at the horrible realization.

Body-bind Curse.

We are completely at their mercy now.

_Breath, Hermione._

_Just breath._

"_Professor Snape_, do slap that pretty face of your student," the guards orders, malice evident in his tone.

I close my eyes and immediately I can feel a hand connect to my cheek. My head turns with the force of it and a cry of pain escapes me.

God, it hurt.

It still hurts.

Is my jaw broken?

Opening my eyes, I can see Professor Snape staring at me, his whole body tense and...trembling. His head is twitching and I know what he is trying to do. He is attempting to break through the curse, but he is weak. The Cruciatus has left him completely weakened.

My eyes connect with his and I try to assure him that I am fine.

I don't blame him.

_He_ has not hurt me.

I try to smile, but fail miserably.

"Did that feel good?" the guard asks, "I am positive she annoyed you during all those years. The Death Eater in you surely wanted to put her in her place, correct?"

Professor's eyes do not move away from mine.

"What should we do now?" the guard continues, "Since you two seem to have formed a bond, how about we take that up to the next level?"

"N-No," the word silently escapes Professor's mouth and my eyes widen in hope that perhaps he is resisting the Curse, but when he does not move, all my hope is destroyed.

"We could start with a kiss?" the guard's voice cuts through me and I start feeling sick to my stomach.

_No, no, no._

"Severus Snape, give your student a proper kiss."

NO!

I try to move away from him, but my body is frozen.

_Come on, Hermione. Move!_

Nothing happens.

My own body is betraying me.

Before I realize what is happening, his lips are on mine, pressing, claiming, demanding.

My stomach turns as I realize what is happening.

It's sick.

Then suddenly strong arms push me away and I land on the ground, next to the wall. Then everything happens in less than a second. I look up and see Professor Snape grab the leader, but then he is sent flying and his back hits the wall painfully.

"That...was not playing nicely," the guard drawls, pointing his wand at both of us.

I am still in shock and completely speechless.

After straightening his robes, the leader speaks again, "This was only a sample of what could happen."

"Bastards," Snape mutters, his eyes burning with rage.

"We can do much worse, we can make _you_ do much worse."

Silence.

I can still feel Professor's lips on mine and I furiously wipe my mouth with my hand, wanting to erase any evidence of what happened.

"Think about that," the guard says, then conjures two glasses of water, "We cannot allow you to take the easy way out, can we?"

They all leave then.

The water is completely forgotten. Neither of us even acknowledge it.

I know I should go to Professor Snape and see if he is alright. He was the one tortured with the Cruciatus Curse and sent flying into the wall. He could be seriously hurt. I know all that. Still, I don't move. I can't move. I can't be close to him.

His breathing is the only sound in the dungeon.

Am_ I_ even breathing?

"Damn it!"

My eyes snap to him at hearing his angry voice. He punches the wall with his fist, then hisses at the pain that shoots through him.

I still don't move.

He is furious.

"Damn it all!"

I realize I have to speak.

It would not be good for us if he goes crazy.

I need to make everything right.

Even though it's not right.

"Professor," I start, then realize how wrong that sounded, "Calm down, please."

"That is not possible, Miss Granger," he snaps.

"Please - "

"I have just...forced myself on my student."

"No," I shake my head, "_You_ were forced - "

"And I might be forced to do other things, bad things, disgusting things and there is nothing I can do to prevent it!"

I close my eyes, trying to not react. His words frighten me, sicken me, but I must not give in to fear.

"We will think of something," I say quietly.

"I _have_ thought of something and you wasted that chance!" he is furious, "I could have gotten you out of here and you refused!"

"I can't leave you here."

He snorts, "That was foolish of you. Now you will face the consequences."

He is angry at me.

And I can't stand it.

I want him to be considerate, to be wise, to tell me that somehow everything is going to be alright.

But he's not.

"Prepare yourself," he speaks with disgust, "I will be doing things that your innocent little mind has never even imagined existed."

"Stop it."

"Why? I think you have every right to know what you got yourself into," his voice is cold.

"I'm sorry!" I cry out, "I just couldn't leave you here. Why are you punishing me for that?"

"_Because_," he says, "Because of your unwillingness to be selfish and leave, I will have to go through much worse things. I would be better off with you gone."

I am stupid.

Why did I have to open my mouth and protest?

He clearly does not want me here.

"I'm sorry," I repeat.

"That does not change things, Miss Granger."

He does not even look at me.

It's like I'm not even there.

Darkness fills the dungeon and I realize I have never felt this alone before.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait! Hope you like the chapter, soon worse things will happen, hope you are prepared for it. A big Thank You to all who read and review. I like hearing your suggestions, hopefully I will use them all some time in the story. Tell me what you think! :)**


	12. Day 12

**Day 12**

Is he still angry with me?

Judging by the look on his face, I would say he is _furious_. A small part of me is glad he does not have a wand, because he would probably have no problem with hexing me into the next week.

I'm sorry.

Why can't he accept it?

I've been naive and foolish.

But...how can he expect me to be selfish and just leave? Leave _him_? Let him suffer instead of me? Let him betray the Order in exchange for my safety? That's too much pressure. I couldn't do it.

I'd rather...remain in this dungeon.

I hope I won't change my mind in the future.

Yesterday I got a glimpse of what the guards really are capable of. All this time I was afraid of them, disgusted by them and what they might do. But now they have turned it around.

They made me afraid of Professor Snape.

He is a tool they will use to hurt me.

And that fact terrifies me.

I try desperately to ignore the...memory of the...kiss.

Can I even call it a kiss?

It sounds wrong.

If I could just close my eyes and pretend it did not happen.

ooo

"Where the bloody hell are they?"

My head snaps towards him in shock. I did not expect to hear that from him. Actually I did not expect to hear anything from him.

He has been pacing up and down the dungeon for about half an hour already, but I just figured he was nervous and in a bad mood.

Because of _me_.

"Y-You mean t-the guards?" I ask, unsure of if I should even say anything.

He looks at me, rolling his eyes, "Who else would I mean, Granger?"

I shrug my shoulders, not saying anything back.

He continues pacing, letting out sighs of annoyance every few minutes.

Why is he this nervous?

I have to pee too, but he is really over-reacting.

When I'm sure he's not looking, I throw a glance in his direction.

He seems...impatient. Nervous. Tense. Uncomfortable. And...as if he is in pain.

But that is not my business. And besides he does not want to talk to me, or hear my voice or feel my presence. I obviously annoy him that much.

ooo

The doors open.

There are two guards this time.

The taller one points at both of us, "It's time for your shower. The dungeon is starting to smell."

I tense, not expecting that. We just had our last shower two days ago. I was expecting the next one to be in a week, at least.

A bit confused, I stand up, looking at Professor Snape and the expression on his face surprises me. He looks absolutely terrified.

Then his eyes snap towards me, but there is no explanation in his look. His behavior makes me even more nervous. The fact that I still have my period does not worry me. It's almost the last day and I doubt they will notice anything.

But why is Professor Snape behaving in such a way?

Without words they lead us out of the dungeon.

ooo

Oh.

Now I understand.

The guards are still laughing as they bring us back to the dungeon.

"_Professor_," the leader starts, "We are not against teacher-student relationships, so feel free."

They both laugh again, then leave the dungeon, slamming the doors.

I slide down onto my mattress, refusing to look up at him.

How could I have been so stupid? I should have figured it out myself.

That's why he was uncomfortable and...angry all the time.

I can still hear the guards in my mind.

_"Oh, look at that, it seems like our favorite Professor's got a little problem."_

_Laughing._

_"He's got a stiffie."_

Still?

Or...again?

It's been two days since that incident when I saw his _problem_.

Why am I even thinking about it?

_Just pretend you didn't hear anything, Hermione._

I try to concentrate on other things.

I'm freezing.

My hair is wet. And at that moment I realize it was a good thing that the guards cut it off. That made it easier for me. It dries quicker.

That's it.

I have to think positive.

I have to find a good side to every bad thing that happens.

ooo

He's uncomfortable.

Not once has he looked at me.

Is he angry or embarrassed?

Perhaps both?

"Professor?"

He tenses, but still does not look at me, "Yes?"

I didn't expect him to actually answer me and now I don't know what to say.

"I-I...are you still angry with me because of what happened yesterday?"

He does not react for a long moment, then finally sighs, "I still think it was very foolish of you to do what you did."

"I know," I look down.

Silence.

ooo

"Granger."

My head snaps towards him, not believing if I heard him right. Did he just say something to me?

"Professor?"

He struggles with words, something I am not used to see.

"Next time the guards come, when it's your time to visit the loo, could you perhaps stay there a bit longer?" he asks, finally meeting my eyes.

"What do you mean? Why?"

"I am merely asking...you take a bit longer to return to the dungeon."

"A-Alright, I'll try, but...why?"

He looks away again, his jaw hardening.

He has to tell me. The request is unusual and I need to know why is he demanding this from me.

"I need some time alone, Granger," he finally forces out through his teeth, obviously not comfortable talking about it.

"But..." I start and he cuts me off.

"No questions," he says coldly.

He's fed up with me. My presence is annoying him that much that he desperately needs some time alone.

I can't help but feel a bit hurt at that, but I understand. We've been together for too long.

Eleven days.

24 hours a day.

Together in this small dungeon.

I quickly nod, "Of course, Professor. I'll do my best. H-How much time do you need?"

He seems thoughtful for a moment, then replies, "Five minutes, at least."

I nod again.

The visit to the loo usually lasts five minutes. And I'll try to stall. That's another five minutes.

Together ten minutes.

Hopefully he will be able to enjoy the time when I won't be around.

I know I'm not such an interesting company. I know I can be annoying, especially to him. He's never liked me. Well, obviously I'm getting _really_ on his nerves if he's that desperate to get ten minutes alone.

I don't say anything else.

Neither does he.

ooo

The guards finally come.

I am the first one to be taken to the loo.

I throw a glance at Professor Snape and nod, telling him I remember our deal.

ooo

I am pushed back into the dungeon.

I tried to stall as much as I could. The guards were even becoming impatient about me taking so long.

I've given Professor Snape not ten, but at least fifteen minutes of loneliness.

That is the least he deserves after putting up with me for so long.

I look at him as I come back into the dungeon.

That's strange.

He looks...a bit out of breath and...there is actually color on his face.

The guards point at him and he follows them out.

What happened to him?

Was someone in here while I was gone?

ooo

He is brought back after five minutes.

When the guards leave, I turn to him, unable to resist my curiosity, "What happened?"

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"When I came back...you looked - "

"Nothing happened."

"But - "

"_Granger_."

"Why are you keeping secrets from me?" I demand, a bit angry.

He sighs, then looks at me, "I helped you with _your problem_. I did not ask questions or try to embarrass you even more."

I blush and look down.

He continues, "Try to return the favor."

"Y-You want me...to help you?" I ask, confused, not understanding what he's trying to say.

His eyes go wide for a second, "No!" then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to calm himself down, "I am asking you leave the things as they are. Do not ask questions."

I look at him for a moment, then finally give up, "Fine."

He visibly relaxes at that.

ooo

A small piece of bread.

And two glasses of water.

How long can a person survive on bread and water?

I guess I'll find out soon.

We skip the formalities and just start eating.

ooo

I miss the outside world.

My mum. My dad. Harry. Ron.

Hogwarts.

It seems like I'm trapped in this black hole.

And like the time has stopped.

I find it difficult to imagine the world outside is...moving on.

Nothing has stopped just because I stopped existing in it.

That's the hardest thing to get used to.

The classes are still happening. Ron and Harry are still going to Hogwarts. My parents are still going to work.

And I am sitting here.

"Thank you for pushing me away yesterday," I suddenly say.

I know that the last thing he wants to talk about are yesterday's events, but _I_ have to talk.

The silence is killing me.

He seems unsure of what to say and finally he decides to remain silent.

But I _need_ to talk.

How can I make him talk to me?

"I have kissed before, you know."

He looks at me hard, but he still says nothing.

"I don't want you to believe that was my first kiss," I continue.

Silence.

He finally speaks, "Stop calling it...a..."

"A kiss?"

He tenses, "What happened was my lips being pressed to yours. You did not even move. It was as if...pressing my lips against this stone wall."

I am a bit taken aback at that sentence, "Oh."

He thinks of me as a stone wall.

Well, that's...

Silence.

"What is happening to us is disgusting. Sick. Disturbing," he growls, "And somehow...this is nothing in comparison to what they could do to us. Or will do in the future."

I nod, my eyes lost.

I remember something.

Should I tell him?

I cut through the silence, "I was at this party during the summer," I say quietly.

"Excuse me?"

"I was never one to go out and party, but I wanted to fit in. It was in the Muggle World."

He's looking at me, listening patiently, though there is confusion on his face.

"I met this girl, Joanna and she talked me into going to a party at her house," I explain, smiling slightly, "The party was nothing like I expected it to be. Do you know what parties are like in the Muggle World?"

He narrows his eyes in confusion, then raises his eyebrow and nods, "I can imagine."

"Everyone was drunk and I was left alone. Then this guy walked up to me and he seemed nice. A bit annoying, but I didn't want to be rude so I continued talking to him."

"Miss Granger - "

I continue, ignoring him, "Then he said he wanted to show something to me. Upstairs."

Silence.

A few long moments pass and neither of us speak.

Finally, I swallow hard and continue, "How stupid of me. He had something to show me. And it wasn't even his house!"

I look down into my hands, "The second we were in the room, he closed the doors and...jumped me. Literally. At first I was in complete shock, but then I started to resist. What was he doing? I couldn't believe what was happening. I panicked, I screamed. But he was too drunk."

"Miss Granger," Professor Snape says, slowly, "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I want you to stop treating me like a little child. You don't have to keep the awful truth from me, you don't have to protect me all the time. I've seen things, I've been through things. I can handle it. You _can_ talk to me."

He looks deep into my eyes and I try my best to hold my own.

Finally he nods, "Alright. As you wish, Miss Granger."

"Thank you."

Silence.

"What happened then?" he asks and his voice surprises me. Soft.

I shake my head, "He was drunk. I somehow managed to push him away and I ran. I ran out of the room, out of the house, all the way to my home."

I can't understand why am I telling him this. I haven't told anyone.

And now _he_ knows.

Professor Snape, of all people.

Why did I tell him?

The expression on his face is dark and he finally speaks, "Did he get punished for his actions?"

The question surprises me, then I shake my head, "No."

Anger shows in his eyes, "Why not?"

"I-I don't know. I never saw him again."

Silence.

ooo

The guards are back.

I did not expect that.

I thought we had at least a day before we had to face them again.

Obviously not.

The leader smirks at both of us and immediately I know they are not here just to talk to us.

"Why so tense?" he asks, "Luckily for you, we have only a couple of minutes, so let's skip formalities and go straight to business."

Then he pulls a knife out of his robes.

I gasp in shock and move away, my eyes on the knife in his hands.

This is different.

Even though a wand can do much more damage, seeing the knife is more terrifying.

I have trouble breathing and my eyes snap towards Professor Snape. He seems more calm than I.

Suddenly the guards throws the knife at the ground.

What?

"I will tell you what will be happening here tonight," the leader speaks, "One of you will be cutting the other, or better yet, _carving_ something into the skin of another. The question is who will be the carver?"

Sick.

Bastards.

My eyes land on the knife on the floor.

"And do not even try to attack us," the guard adds, "That would prove to be most useless."

Silence.

"Well? What is it going to be?"

I-I don't know.

We have to do this.

The consequences would probably be much more painful.

"You two are no fun," the leader smirks, "What I demand of you is _nothing _and yet you refuse to play."

Suddenly Professor Snape walks over to the knife and picks it up. I half expect him to attack the guards, but he does no such thing. He is not that reckless.

"Oh, Professor," the leader laughs, "You volunteer to carve your student?"

I freeze and wait for his reply.

He says nothing as he turns to face me. Then he offers the knife to me.

"W-What? No, no, no. I-I can't do it," I babble, shaking my head.

"You _can_," he says and his voice leaves no room for argument.

"I-I have high pain tolerance, really, Professor," I insist.

"I will _not_ be cutting my student," he replies coldly, "You will do it."

But I don't want to.

There is a...plea in his eyes.

What?

Then I understand.

I can't make him do this. It would be selfish to demand of him to hurt me. He already feels guilty about yesterday's event and this would only add up.

Shakily I take the knife from his hand.

"Well," the guard says, "I cannot say this is a surprise."

I look into Professor's eyes and he nods slightly as if to reassure me.

"Where would be the best place? Hmm?" the leader smirks, "The chest."

Immediately Professor Snape takes his robes off, throwing them onto the mattress and then starts unbuttoning his shirt. His face is impassive.

I take a deep breath, gathering my courage.

I can do this.

"And the word will be...'traitor'," the guard says and my eyes narrow in surprise.

Traitor?

Why?

"Hurry up, Mudblood, we have only a few minutes."

I quickly look at the bare chest in front of me.

Scars. So many scars.

"Do it, Granger," Professor Snape suddenly says.

I nod, bringing the tip of the knife to his skin.

_Breath, Hermione._

This is nothing in comparison to what they could demand of you to do.

Biting my lower lip, I press the knife into his skin, trying to carve the first letter.

Nothing happens.

I take a deep breath and try again, harder this time.

Blood appears.

I feel sick.

Professor Snape tenses, but that is his only reaction.

I look up at him, noticing his face is hard and his eyes are fixed on something on the wall.

I have to continue.

The first letter is made.

I try to make the letters as small as possible.

T.

R.

A.

I.

T.

O.

R.

Finally it's done.

I drop the knife and it lands on the ground next to my feet.

The guard waves his wand and it immediately disappears.

He steps closer to look at my work, "Magnificent," he then turns his attention towards Professor Snape, "Hopefully this will remind you of the greatest mistake in your life."

And then they leave.

Just like that.

As if nothing happened.

I look down at my hands, noticing there is a bit of blood on them.

"I'm so sorry, Professor," I whisper.

"You did well," is his only response.

"I feel awful."

"It was nothing, you did not even cut deep, it will heal soon."

"But the scars will remain."

He sighs before walking over to his mattress and sitting down, wiping the blood away from his chest.

Without worrying what he will say, I walk over to him and drop onto the mattress next to him.

"Miss Granger?" he looks at me, confused.

"Please, just for a while."

"Is your mattress not comfortable enough?"

"Please."

He sighs in annoyance, but does not say anything else.

"Why _traitor_?" I ask quietly.

He stops for a moment, then continues buttoning up his shirt, not giving me an answer.

I never expected him to.

I watch in silence as he buttons up his shirt, pulls the robes back on and then we sit in silence.

I close my eyes for a moment and then I remember nothing else.

**A/N: There was a misunderstanding in the last chapter, when Hermione said that the guards finally came after two days. What I meant by that was that two days have passed since they were last there, not that we skipped day 12 and 13. :) There will be no skipping of days. Thanks for reading! :)**


	13. Day 13

**Day 13**

Where am I?

I look around with one eye and everything seems _strange...unfamiliar._

I open the other eye and blink a few times. Then I understand.

I am not on my mattress. This is why the dungeon seems wierd. I'm not looking at it from my usual perspective.

Then I quickly pull myself up, noticing Professor Snape sitting on a chair in the corner. He's looking at me strangely.

"I'm so sorry," I mumble, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

This is the second time I've stolen his mattress. How could I have fallen asleep without realizing it?

"Well, I did try," he replies, "But then you started snoring and I realized it was pointless."

"I do not snore!"

He raises his eyebrow, "Is that so? Well, then I apologize, I must have confused you with another wild-hair-know-it-all sleeping on _my_ mattress."

"I don't snore," I repeat again, then stand up, stretching my arms above my head.

I actually slept well. There was no tossing around, no nightmares.

"Day thirteen," he suddenly says, his voice bitter.

I look at his direction, "Doesn't seem like it, does it?"

He is silent.

"Sometimes it seems like we've been in this dungeon forever," I admit, quietly.

Again, no response from him.

I sigh, realizing our morning conversation has come to an end.

ooo

"Professor," I start, "Who do you think they found to replace you?"

His head snaps towards me and I quickly realize how foolish I was.

Immediately, I try to fix it, "I-I mean...to replace you while you're gone."

His eyes are still hard and I know it really upset him.

I'll have to learn to think before I speak.

Ashamed, I look down, hoping the uncomfortable moment would soon pass.

"I do not know," he finally says, "There are a few that could be appropriate for the position."

"But they would surely be a weak replacement for you."

He looks at me, narrowing his eyes, "Miss Granger, there is no need for that. I cannot give you any house points."

"I'm not doing it for house points," I reassure him, "I mean it."

He does not believe me.

"You are the most strict teacher I've ever had. You demand a lot, but I know that's just because you want us to learn."

He smirks, "Are you sure about that, Miss Granger? Perhaps I simply am a bastard."

"I don't believe that."

"You are too naive for your own good."

I remain silent, thinking about his words. He is just saying that. It can't be true. I'm sure there is more to his behavior, more to him than meets the eye.

"But I assure you I am not a vampire," he suddenly says and I look up at him with wide eyes.

He continues, "I am fully aware of the rumors students make about me. Nor am I a bat."

I can't help but smile slightly at that, though I try to hide it, "Well, that's nice to know."

ooo

I has to be well past noon and no one has visited us yet.

"How is your...chest?" I grimace a bit at the memory of yesterday's events.

He does not answer immediately and that worries me.

"Professor?"

"It itches."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No," he shakes his head, "I will try to clean the wounds next time it's time for bathroom visit."

"Perhaps it would be better if you let a bit of air - "

"I am not taking my shirt off."

I blush, "I-I didn't mean it like that. Maybe you could just unbutton it? You don't want it to get infected."

I seems to think about it for a moment, then looks at me, "And it would not bother you?"

"Why would it bother me?"

"It is rather inappropriate."

I roll my eyes, "Professor, look at what is happening to us. We've...been through worse."

My mind immediately remembers all those showers we were forced to take together, but I push it away.

He sighs, then nods his head, removing his robes and slightly unbuttoning his shirt.

I look away, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable. I did not expect it to be.

My eyes slowly find their way to him and I can't help but look at his chest, observing it with interest. I never imagined I would see Professor Snape unbuttoning his shirt. I never imagined to see his skin, other than that on his hands and face.

Then I see the cuts. The wounds I caused.

_Traitor._

A wave of guilt hits me.

It was _me_. _I_ did this to him.

I quickly force myself to look away before he notices me staring.

ooo

"Do you need some time alone again?" I ask, cutting through the silence.

He looks at me, shocked, "_What_?"

"I could stall again," I say, "If you like."

He clears his throat, "No, I do not think that is necesary."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

ooo

"Miss Granger."

I look up at him in surprise and hope.

The silence is killing me.

I wouldn't be happier if he decided to talk to me. I would talk about _anything_, really.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking," he says, "Perhaps it would be a good idea if you learn the basics of Occlumency."

My eyes widen in shock, "W-What?"

He looks at me, annoyed, "You _do_ know what Occlumency is, do you?"

"Of course I know! It's an act of magically closing one's mind against Legilimency. The word "occlumency" comes from _occlude_, "to conceal", and _mens_, Latin for "mind"," I answer.

"I am aware of what Occlumency is, Granger, I do not need a definition of it."

I force my mouth to snap shut as I wait for him to continue.

"We have a lot of time and it would be smart if we tried to do something useful," he explains, "This ability could help you in the future."

"Of course!" I nod, " But it requires a great deal of will power, as with resisting the Imperious Curse as well as a high degree of mental and emotional discipline. It is also one method of resisting the influence of Veritaserum."

"You are quoting the text from books again, Granger."

"I-I'm sorry."

I'm just so excited. I've always wanted to learn this particular art, but never got a chance.

"It takes a long time to learn, some never master it," Professor Snape explains, "But I think it would not hurt to try."

I nod, "Alright, but...do you think I have any chance of learning it?"

"I would not suggest it if I did not think so."

Pride washes over me. Then fear. What if I'm not capable of learning it? I would just embarrass myself.

Before any of us can say anything, a guard enters, pointing at me first.

ooo

Finally we are both alone again.

I am really nervous. I've never had any private lessons with Professor Snape, but from what I've heard from Harry, he is even more demanding than he is during normal classes.

"C-Can you do it without a wand?" I ask.

"Obviously," he sneers.

"Did you ever read the guard's mind?"

"Yes, but I found nothing useful."

I take a deep breath, "How will we start?"

"Sit on the chair."

I obey, nervously licking my lips, thinking that perhaps this has been all a mistake.

He stands over me and suddenly he does seem like a bat. From my position he seems frighteningly tall and I can't help but feel like a little girl.

"Let's see how strong willed you are," he says and our eyes connect.

Then it seems as if darkness takes over the dungeon.

My breath catches in my throat and a dizzying sensation takes over me.

There is slight pressure in my head, as if I am about to have a headache.

I try to look away from Professor Snape but find myself unable to.

The pressure intensifies and I feel something moving inside my mind.

And then it suddenly ends.

I blink a few times, letting out short breaths.

"T-That is it?" I ask, trying to pull myself together.

He smirks, "That was only a glimpse of it, Miss Granger."

Oh Merlin.

"Empty yourself of emotions," he instructs, "your mind needs to be blank. _Empty_."

"That's easier said than done," I say quietly.

He ignores my comment, "Form a wall around those memories you wish to stay hidden."

I nod, even though I have no idea of how to do that.

He looks at me, his eyes intense and dark, "Again!"

ooo

I am breathing too fast, my heart pounding painfully in my chest.

"I'm trying!"

"Obviously you are not trying hard enough."

I'm not sure how many hours have passed. It seems like forever.

"We've just started!" I try to defend myself, "You can't just shove it down my throat all at once!"

He seems to be taken aback by that. And he is looking at me, unreadable expression on his face.

Finally he clears his throat and pulls himself together.

"This is nothing, Miss Granger," he says, annoyed, "I am only looking at the surface and you cannot seem to push me away."

"I don't know how!"

"Use your mind!"

I groan desperately, then look up at him, "Let's try again."

He smirks, "At least you are more stubborn than Potter. He wanted to quit after only the first couple of minutes."

I remain silent, simply staring at him, trying to concentrate.

"This time I will go further," he explains.

I do not react.

Then I feel him in my mind again.

ooo

I cry out as soon as he leaves my mind.

Everything seems to be spinning around me and I have trouble sitting on the chair.

My head hurts and it seems as it is about to explode.

He's seen too much.

I never wanted him to see some things. Private things.

My conversations with Ron and Harry.

My parents.

Me trying desperately to brush my hair, then giving up and throwing the hairbrush into the wall.

"A-Again," I manage to say.

"No."

"What?"

"It was enough for today."

"B-But I didn't learn anything!"

"I told you it was very challenging."

"I _can_ do it!" I insist.

"Tomorrow."

"But - "

"Granger, look at yourself. You will not be able to stand another round."

My face hardens, "One more time, Professor."

He looks at me, then after a few moments he slowly nods.

I take a deep breath.

Images flash in front of me.

_Hogwarts._

_Me studying._

_Me in the library._

_Me watching Quidditch practice._

_Me observing Ron while he's not aware of it._

Suddenly I feel something hard connect with my body.

"You foolish girl!" someone snaps at me.

I look around, realizing I am on the floor.

"W-What happened?" I ask, my head hurting.

"I should not have listened to you," he says, grabbing my arm and helping me to my mattress.

I collapse, feeling tired and weak.

"Rest," Professor Snape orders.

I close my eyes, "I am pathetic."

He simply sighs.

"I thought I would be better at it."

"Gryffindors always have the most problems with Occlumency."

"What do you mean?"

"You are provoked too easily, you cannot control your emotions."

I want to argue with him, but I'm too tired.

And sleepy.

I close my eyes.

ooo

I am alone.

That is the first thing I realize as I wake up.

Professor Snape is nowhere to be seen.

Panic shoots through me and I pull myself to my feet.

Where is he?

All his things are still here, but he's gone.

Calm down, Hermione.

It was probably just his visit to the bathroom.

But...why didn't he wake me? Why didn't the guards wake me? Why didn't _I_ wake up? The doors always make that horrible noise when they open.

What is happening?

ooo

He is still gone.

It's night already.

There was no visit from the guards as well.

I realize that we were not given food today.

But food is the last thing on my mind right now.

I can't even think straight.

I'm panicking.

What happened to him?

I miss him.

The dungeon seems _wrong_ without him. I am so used to seeing him standing in the corner, sitting on the chair, staring blankly into the wall.

Ignoring me.

How could he just disappear?

**A/N: I'm sooo glad you like my story. :) Thanks to everyone! I know this chapter is shorter than usually, but I wanted to publish it quick, as a Thank-you for your reviews. :)**


	14. Day 14

**Day 14**

He is still gone.

No sign of him.

No sign of the guards.

I am terrified.

I was awake the whole night, waiting, _hoping_ he would return. But he didn't.

It's probably still early in the morning. And the dungeon is still very dark.

Horrifying.

It seems to get smaller and smaller with each passing second. Is it closing up on me?

I try to breath normally, but I can't help but feel sheer panic crawl into me.

Such silence.

It's almost painful.

When Professor Snape was here the silence was annoying, but now it's _unbearable_.

I'm alone.

Completely alone.

My throat closes up with fear and I can feel tears beginning to form in my eyes. It's been so long since I last cried.

No matter what was happening, what horrible things the guards put us through, it was easier, because _he_ was here. I could count on him. I could _relay_ on him. He was like a rock.

And now he's gone.

ooo

Finally I allow myself to say those words in my mind.

Is he dead?

Is he?

No. No. No.

Why would they just kill him? That's not very likely. If they did kill him, they would want me to watch, wouldn't they?

Where is he?

Perhaps they have taken him to another dungeon to torture him?

Will he return?

ooo

Still no sign of him.

Wait.

Something horrible starts to form in my head.

_Doubt_.

What if my previous fears were true?

What if he really is working with the Death Eaters?

I freeze, realizing how very possible that it. It could happen.

Oh God.

He seemed very convinced to teach me Occlumency yesterday. He wanted to gain access to my mind to get information he needed and now he's gone.

I stand up, not able to sit down anymore.

I am a nervous wreck.

Did he take advantage of me?

Is he now talking to Voldemort, giving him all the information he got from me?

I don't know which thought is more horrible.

The thought of him being evil all along or the thought of him being dead.

ooo

My stomach hurts.

_Really_ hurts.

And it's not from my monthly visitor, that is over already. Thank God.

My stomach pain is coming from the fact that I'm hungry. And that's un understatement.

I'm _starving_.

I curl up into a ball, pressing my head into the mattress.

ooo

A loud noise pulls me out of my thoughts.

Immediately I stand up, noticing a guard enter the dungeon.

And there was no one with him.

I observe with horror as doors close behind him and he looks at me strangely.

I don't understand that look.

"Where's Professor Snape?" I demand.

"_Professor Snape_ is currently unavailable," is his only reply.

"Where is he? Is he alright?"

He rolls his eyes, "You ought to listen more and talk less."

I unconsciously take a step back and flinch when my back hits the wall behind me.

He smirks, "Let me explain why I am here."

I wait in silence.

"I was given the task of convincing you to turn against the Order."

I almost snort at that, but luckily I stop myself in time.

He continues, "I am allowed to do _anything_ to make sure I succeed. Do you understand that?"

"Y-You want me to...work with you? Why? I'm just a Mudblood, right? Surely Mudbloods aren't allowed into your circle."

"That is correct, but the Dark Lord is willing to make an exception this time. For you."

I shiver at the mention of Voldemort. It all seems more real to me now.

After a couple of minutes I shake my head, "You are losing your time."

"I expected that kind of an answer from you," he says, pulling a wand from his robes.

I tense even though I try to hide it.

"Let's try again," he sighs, looking at me, "Are you willing to help us?"

No.

No.

No.

The word is so clear in my mind, but for some strange reason I can't seem to say it. I open my mouth to speak, but my eyes are fixed on that wand and it seems like I'm paralyzed.

I don't want to feel pain anymore. I'm so sick and tired of the pain.

The guards smiles and walks up to me, "That's right, little girl. Just say yes and everything will be alright. You will be taken to our rooms upstairs, you will have your own bathroom, you will get a decent meal."

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Where is Professor Snape?" I ask, weakly.

"He is alright, he has already accepted our offer."

My eyes snap open at that, "W-What?"

"It took the whole night, but at the end he realized what the right thing is."

"He..." I can't even say it.

"Now it's up to you. Do the right thing. Just like Professor Snape."

Oh God.

I'm completely alone.

"What do you say, little girl?"

My eyes slowly make their way up to his face.

"No."

"What was that?" he leans closer.

"No," I repeat, stronger this time.

I am shaking with fear, panic, disappointment, rage, pain.

I don't know how much longer I can take it all, but I will not betray my friends and the Order. I will not betray good people.

The guards sighs, "How old are you?"

"Seventeen."

I don't even know why I'm answering him.

I'm just so tired.

"You are too young to die, girl," he replies, "What would your parents say? Do you want to hurt them? If we kill you, your body will be left on their doorstep. Do you want that?"

I'm sick.

My stomach twists and I'm glad I haven't had anything to eat.

I simply shake my head.

"You are quite pretty, you know that?"

What?

I shift uncomfortably, feeling uneasy about him being so close to me.

"I apologize for cutting your hair, but it was necessary," he explains, taking a step closer to me.

"Don't," is all I can say, "Please."

I don't even know what I'm asking for.

"It would be a shame if your life ended like that, girl."

I try to push him away, but he is stronger.

I have never before been this terrified. I have never been alone with a guard. Not like this.

Suddenly he backs away from me and I can breath again.

But it's not over.

His wand is pointed at me.

"Crucio."

My body hits the floor.

ooo

I cry out when it's finally over.

How long has it been?

An hour? More?

And how many doses of the Cruciatus Curse?

Three? Or perhaps ten?

I'm not sure. My mind is not working properly. I can't think straight.

It seems as if the cold ground has become my best friend. I can't even pull myself up.

"Girl," the guards says, "Have you changed your mind? I am already bored with the Cruciatus. We might try something different."

I do not react.

Am I even afraid?

Perhaps the Cruciatus has somehow damaged my ability to feel.

Suddenly the doors open and I tense, expecting another guard to come in.

But it's not a guard.

It's...a girl.

I look at her, surprised and she looks confused as well.

By her state, I would say she is a captive as well. But she seems to be here longer than I.

God, she's my age.

The guard grabs her arm and pushes her into the wall.

Then he looks at me, "Her name is Rose."

"W-What is she doing here?" I ask.

"That depends on you," he answers, "If you do as we say, she will survive. If not..."

My eyes meet with her terrified ones. She seems so afraid, she can't even talk. Her lips are not moving, but the look in her eyes is pleading. She's _begging_ me to help her.

"Don't...don't do this," I whisper to the guard, "You can do whatever you wish to me."

He simply shakes his head.

Silence.

Oh god. Oh god.

"Now," he starts, "Will you cross over to our side and help us to the best of your ability?"

"I-I don't even know anything! You think I have all this information, but I don't! I don't know anything!"

I'm panicking right now. What could I possibly say to save this girl?

"This is not up to me to decide. If our Master thinks you have potential, then you do."

I shake my head.

This is all crazy.

The guard lets out an annoyed sigh, then flicks his wand at the girl. She screams as a large cut appears on her neck. There is blood, but luckily it missed a vein.

I force myself to look away from her, "I can't."

"This is your last chance," the guard warns me, "You or her life."

"I _can't_!" I scream.

"Avada Kedavra."

Just like that.

"No!" I let out a horrible cry as the girl's body hits the ground.

She's dead.

My hand covers my mouth in shock.

"W-What did you do?" I whisper, "It wasn't her fault..."

I can't even cry, there is only this weird noise coming from me.

I barely acknowledge the guard as he walks over to me.

He kneels down next to me.

I try to pull myself up, but fail miserably. I feel so pathetic.

He points his wand at me again and I close my eyes, waiting for the curse to hit me.

God, I don't want to die.

I don't want this filthy dungeon to be the last thing I see.

I don't want to be alone.

As I wait, I realize that nothing is happening.

But...

My eyes snap open and I look down at myself, noticing something invisible slowly unbuttoning my blouse.

"No!" I protest, holding the material together and trying to roll onto my stomach.

Suddenly he's on me, his knees on either side of me. I try to push him away, but my arms are so weak I can barely move them.

The next thing I hear is a horrible ripping sound as my blouse is being forced open. Buttons are flying everywhere.

I struggle.

I can't believe what is happening.

Am I really about to get raped in this filthy dungeon with a dead girl's corpse just a few steps away?

I look at her and notice her eyes are still open.

Then something inside of me explodes.

I don't know where this strength came from. I was completely useless just a moment ago.

And now I'm twisting underneath him, kicking, hitting, biting.

I am like an animal.

But he is still somehow winning. Of course he is.

"You do have a nice body, no wonder your beloved Professor has trouble keeping it down around you," he whispers.

Disgusting.

"Let go of me!" I scream, my throat is hurting already from all the screaming.

He does not react at all.

His cold hands are suddenly on my stomach, traveling up, touching, _groping_.

One of his hands is pushing my skirt up and then something snaps inside of me.

I bite his other hand to confuse him and then my knee connects hard with his man part. I kick him so hard I'm positive I will have bruise on my knee.

He rolls off of me, crying out and holding his injured part of the body.

I crawl away from him, stopping when I reach the wall.

Then I wait.

The guard seems like he is in a great deal of pain.

He grunts and after a few moments manages to pull himself up, "We...will finish this another time. Do not think this will go unpunished. You've made things much harder for yourself."

I let out a breath of relief, not caring if he notices.

"For your punishment - no food today."

With those words he limps his way out of the dungeon.

I don't care about food at the moment. All I can think about is what almost happened.

Tears spill down my cheeks and I lay down onto the ground, trying to fix my destroyed blouse.

It's pointless.

I press my hand over my mouth to keep the cries in.

How did it come to this?

Where is the Order? Why don't they save us?

Why don't they help us? Have they given up?

I close my eyes, ignoring the sight of the dungeon and the dead girl's body.

ooo

Hours pass.

I do not even move. I am still in the same position since the guard left.

I'm afraid to open my eyes.

I don't want to see that girl. I know I should cover her with something, but I can't even move. Why did he leave her here?

Then there is that horrible noise again.

The doors opening.

I refuse to open my eyes, hoping it is simply my imagination.

Please, let it be my imagination.

The doors closing again.

But I can feel someone's presence.

I shiver and try hard to hold back my cries.

"Miss Granger."

My breath catches in my throat.

"Miss Granger."

That cold, silky voice.

Is it really him?

I can hear steps towards me, then a hand touches my shoulder and I flinch away, my eyes snapping open.

I can't believe it.

It's him.

Professor Snape.

"You're...alive," I manage to say.

I actually feel the need to hug him. I am so glad he's back.

"Y-You're here," I whisper, smiling.

"I am here," he replies, then his eyes move down to look at the girl laying next to his mattress, "What happened?"

He quickly walks over to her, leaning over her. After a moments, he looks back at me, "She is dead."

I nod, tears clouding my eyesight, "It's my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"H-He said he would kill her if I refused to help him and..."

Professor Snape takes a deep breath, realization forming on his face. He stands up, grabbing his robe from my mattress, then gently covers the girl.

I don't think I'll touch that robe ever again.

He then turns his attention towards me, carefully observing me, "What else happened?"

I pull my blouse tighter around me, not answering.

"Miss Granger?"

Then I notice something.

He seems...different.

Cleaner. His robes are different. He is clean-shaven.

"What happened to _you_?" I ask, confused, "Why are you..."

He does not answer immediately and I tense, "Is it true then?"

I try to move away from him, horror on my face, "You are on their side!"

"Granger, calm down."

"I trusted you," I can't stop my voice from shaking, "Were you watching? Did you enjoy the show?"

"Do not jump to conclusions," he says firmly.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, "T-They said you are on their side now."

"Miss Granger, that was a lie."

"Then where were y-you? I-I was so alone. So alone."

He sighs, "I was taken to a room and they spent the whole night convincing me to cross over to their side."

"And they...gave you a new haircut and a shave?"

"They were very persistent and convincing."

I try to move, but cry out as pain shots through me.

"Where does it hurt?" he asks with concern, his eyes roaming over my body.

I let out a short laugh, "E-Everything h-hurts."

"Granger, do you wish to tell me what happened?"

I look away from him, "The guard visited me. He was alone."

"They assured me you will not be harmed in my absence," he is angry, I can feel it.

Silence.

"What did he do?" he asks slowly.

"C-Crucio, mostly."

"_Mostly_?"

"And a-after that he...he tried something else a-and I was so weak and t-tired and couldn't stop him...I couldn't do anything."

"Miss Granger," he says in a pained voice.

I know what he wants to ask, but does not dare to.

I quickly shake my head, "Nothing happened," then I force a weak smile, "I think I've injured him for the day."

He visibly relaxes at that, then moves to help me, "Come."

He drops me on my mattress, then takes a step back, still looking at me.

"Why did you refuse?" I quietly ask.

"I see we still have some trust issues," is his only reply.

"I didn't want to think...at first I didn't...but then..." I trail off.

"Do you truly think I am capable of betraying the Order, betraying the Headmaster?"

I wish I could say no. But I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

"I see," he says after my silence.

"What...what will they do with her?" I ask, looking at that poor girl.

"They will not leave her here, do not worry."

"She's so young," I whisper, "Do you know her? Is she a student at Hogwarts?"

He tenses, "You should get some rest."

"It's all my fault."

"Granger - "

"I should have done _something_. She was looking at me and..."

"There are always innocent victims."

Silence.

"Get some rest," he says again.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?"

I feel like a little child, asking him that.

"You have my word," he answers.

I nod, closing my eyes, willing all the horrible memories of the day to disappear from my mind.

**A/N: He's back! ;) Do you believe him? I am updating quickly because I want to get to the end as soon as possible. The ending will blow you away, I hope. ;) Thank you for reading and I appreciate your opinion! Your reviews make my day. :)**

**p.s. There will be more Occlumency in the next chapter. :)**


	15. Day 15

**Day 15**

"Professor Snape!" I call out.

My eyes snap open and I immediately sit up, my throat closing up.

"Granger," comes the voice from the other side of the dungeon.

He's here.

I visibly relax.

He's here. Just like he promised.

Meeting his eyes for the first time this day, I can't help but feel strange.

He's..._different_.

It almost feels as if it's our first day here.

He seems as if it's his first day.

He's _clean_.

And then I look down at myself and reality hits me.

It's not _my_ first day.

It's day fifteen.

I never thought I'd live past the first day.

"Granger?"

He's noticed the expression on my face.

I just shake my head and then my eyes go straight to that unmoving body on the ground.

"S-She's still here?" I whisper.

"They are doing it on purpose," is his reply.

"But they can't just leave us here...with a...corpse," I am sick by now.

Thank God she is covered. I would not be able to look at her. Look at her _eyes_.

"Do not look at her," he says.

"It's not that easy."

"Look at me."

I don't obey.

"Granger," he says again, his voice firm, "_Look at me_."

Finally I tear my eyes away from the girl and I meet his.

He has really dark eyes. I've never noticed that before. Or I haven't given much thought to it. But they are _really_ dark.

"It is unfortunate that the girl lost her life," he speaks, "But we must not dwell on it."

I'm a bit taken aback by that, "How can you say that?"

"I am more worried about the two of us at this moment."

"But still - "

"We are the ones who need help, not her. She is already gone."

His words cut through me like a knife. He's...cold. Or perhaps I'm too...soft?

But I have to admit he has a point. The girl is gone and no one can help her anymore.

I remain silent, even though I do not agree with him completely.

ooo

"What exactly happened, Professor?"

He looks at me, "What do you mean?"

"When they came looking for you...why didn't I wake up?"

"They said it was the bathroom visit. I did not think it was worth waking you up."

"Oh."

I was very exhausted because of our Occlumency lessons. It could be true.

Long silence.

Then something occurs to me.

When I went to sleep last night it was late at night. The guards never allowed us a visit to the bathroom that late at night. It never happened. They usually come late afternoon, never after that.

Why didn't Professor Snape find it strange?

I suddenly tense, a strange feeling going through me.

Something is not right.

I allow myself to look at him.

Is he lying to me?

ooo

"Are you feeling alright?" he asks.

I look at him from my position on the mattress.

"I-I'm hungry," I answer truthfully.

He simply nods, then looks down. I think I saw shame on his face for a slight second.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing."

"There _is_ something," I insist.

He sighs, but does not answer.

Then I realize it, "You...were given food, weren't you?"

After a long moment he nods.

"Oh," I don't know how to react.

I'm...glad he's not starving as well, but I can't help but...envy him.

I'm so hungry.

"That's really good for you," I finally say, "What...what did you eat?"

He tenses, "Miss Granger, I do not think that talking about it would help you."

He's right.

Talking about food would only make everything worse.

I need something else to think about.

"How's your chest?" I suddenly ask, wanting to change the subject.

He looks at me, confused, "What do you mean?"

"Your chest?"

Still, no realization on his face.

"The cuts?" I add slowly, "When I carved traitor on your chest?"

"Oh, of course. I have completely forgotten about it," he replies, then nods, "They are healing without a problem."

I need a few moments to process what he said.

"T-That's good," I finally say, looking away from him.

Something is really wrong.

Or perhaps I am over-reacting. Is it just my paranoia?

ooo

The hours pass and I am more and more suspicious of him. I only hope he does not realize I am staring at him. But I can't help it. Something is off.

Very off.

There are moments I think the person in the dungeon with me is not even Professor Snape.

Is that possible?

Could they be playing a game with me?

Is the real Professor Snape somewhere else?

That thought is so horrible it sends shivers down my body.

"Professor?"

I need to try something.

I can't just do nothing. Or I might end just like that girl a few steps away from me.

"What is it, Miss Granger?"

I take a deep breath, "T-There is something I want to ask you."

"Yes?"

"It's been bothering me for a few years now."

He simply raises his eyebrows, waiting for me to continue.

"In our forth year, when there was an incident with Harry and Malfoy, when their curses rebounded and hit me and that...Goyle."

He is listening carefully, confusion written all over his face.

I continue, "Why did you...why did you insult my hair? Did you mean it? Or were you just trying to...embarrass me even more?"

I hold my breath, observing his face carefully.

At first he is confused, then he narrows his eyes in suspicion.

Everything depends on his next words.

They will determine if I'm sharing the dungeon with a Death Eater or with the real Professor Snape.

He finally speaks, slowly and calmly, "Miss Granger, what are you trying to do?"

"W-What do you mean?" I force my face to remain calm.

He repeats the question, "What are you trying to do?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you asking me about something that happened two years ago?" he is looking directly into my eyes, "And more importantly, why are you making things up?"

I tense, "W-What things?"

"We both know I did not insult your hair, even though it did deserve an insult. I made a remark about your teeth."

I let out a breath I've been holding, closing my eyes for a moment.

"What are you doing, Granger?" he demands.

I look at him, "I was merely...checking."

"_Checking_?" he asks, "Checking if my memory serves me right?"

"N-No."

He nods, "I see. You are checking if I am who I claim to be."

I let out a frustrating breath, "I am not allowed to? It was _you_, who was gone the whole night and then returns with no evidence of torture, if anything, you look even better and healthier."

His face hardens, "Alright. This is the fifteenth day and you still doubt me. Do you not think I have the same right?"

"W-What?"

"How do I know you really are Hermione Granger?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"How do I know you are who you claim to be?"

"I haven't given you any reason to doubt me!"

"Have _I_ given you a reason to doubt me?"

Silence.

"There are things that do not add up," I say quietly.

He sighs, "I have told you there are things I cannot explain to you. It has nothing to do with you."

"And it has to do with _you_?"

He simply rolls his eyes at that, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm himself down.

I continue, "Why the word _traitor_? How did you betray them? And after that you say they gave you all these things to try and convince you to cross over to their side?"

"Granger - "

"It doesn't make any sense, Professor!"

"Haven't I protected you all this time?"

That catches me off guard, "Y-You did, but - "

"But it could all be a part of my plan to gain your trust," he finishes the sentence for me.

I sigh, biting my lower lip in frustration.

"Do you not see it?" he asks calmly, "This is exactly what they want. They want us to start doubting each other. They want us to lose trust in each other."

"And it's working," I whisper.

"Unfortunately, yes."

Silence.

I wish I could believe him. God, I want to believe him. I am not doing all of this because I want to. It would be so much easier to trust him. But why does that small voice in my head keep whispering?

"You didn't remember the cuts on your chest," I say, looking at him.

"I had more serious thoughts on my mind."

"Still..." I trail off.

Suddenly he stands up and starts to remove his robes.

I quickly shake my head, "You don't have to do that."

He does not reply.

When he comes to his shirt, he quickly unbuttons it and walks closer to me.

I turn my head away.

"_Look_," he demands and his voice does not leave any room for arguments.

My eyes find their way to his chest.

The cuts are there.

_Traitor._

It's healing, but the scars will remain.

"Do you recognize your handwriting, Miss Granger?" he asks, almost mocking me.

I nod, looking away from him.

This _is_ Professor Snape.

He remembers things from the past, things only the real Professor would remember. And he has the same injuries he had before he disappeared.

But there is one thing that still bothers me.

Is he still on our side?

Did he cross over?

And there was no way of finding that out.

He turns away and puts his robes back on.

Neither of us speak again.

His story is not very convincing, but I can't do anything to find out. All I can do is play along.

ooo

The guard enters the dungeon, throwing a piece of bread on the floor. Then he waves his wand and a glass of water appears. My eyes go wide at the sight of it and I can barely control myself. I don't want to appear like an animal, I've still got a bit of dignity left. I will not throw myself at the food. At least not in front of the guard.

Then he looks at me, "Come."

Bathroom? Probably.

Quickly, I stand and leave with him.

ooo

Finally I'm returned to the dungeon.

I tried to be as quick as possible, wanting to return to that piece of bread.

The guard points at Snape, "Now you."

Professor walks over to him calmly, throwing a quick glance at me before they both leave the dungeon.

This is when it hits me.

I'm alone again.

Alone with the...girl.

Immediately all thoughts about food leave my mind. Slowly I walk into the furthest corner of the dungeon, eyeing the unmoving body.

Suddenly the doors open again.

And it's not Professor Snape.

Oh God. It's that guard from yesterday.

My throat closes up.

And there is another guard with him.

"Remove her," the leader says to him, looking at the dead girl's body.

The man obeys, pulling the robe away from her, then roughly grabbing her, dragging her out of the dungeon.

Her face is so _white_.

I force myself to look away as the guard disappears with her.

But the leader stays, looking at me.

Finally he speaks, "I have spent the whole night thinking about the ways to get back at you. You hurt me quite badly."

I should feel satisfaction at that. But I don't. Only fear.

"What do you think would the proper punishment be?" he asks.

I can't even open my mouth.

He smirks, "Have you heard about a phrase_ kiss and make it better_?"

My eyes go wide with shock.

He doesn't mean that. He can't be.

"Perhaps a caress will be enough," he adds, "if you try your best."

In a second he is next to me, pushing my body into the wall. I remain unmoving until he grabs my left hand, pulling at it.

"No - " I try to push him away, but it's pointless.

My other hand is hitting him, clawing, but it has no effect at all.

"If you try something cheeky, I will cut your hand off, is that understood?" he whispers in a dangerous tone.

I can't believe what is happening.

A sob escapes me and he simply laughs, "You can pretend I am your Professor if that will make it easier."

That sentence only adds to my disgust.

He forces my hand lower and lower.

His pants are suddenly unzipped.

I fight against him, trying to break free from his grasp, but I'm afraid he'll break my fingers, he's holding them so tight.

And then I'm touching him.

Bile raises in my throat and I freeze completely.

I simply stand there, my eyes fixed on that one spot in the wall as he uses my hand.

I can hear him grunting into my ear.

Then suddenly we both flinch as the doors open again. The guard quickly releases my hand and readjusts his robes before turning around.

It's another guard and Professor Snape.

I refuse to look at either of them. I just stand there, trying to pull myself together.

I can hear the guards exchanging some words and then they both leave, leaving me alone with Professor Snape again.

"They removed the body," he says calmly.

I swallow hard, nodding.

"Miss Granger," he starts, "What did we just walk in on?"

I can't look at him.

Shaking my head, I walk past him, "N-Nothing."

He sighs, "You said we need to trust each other."

"_Y-You_ said that."

"And I was right."

"I need to wash my hands."

"Excuse me?"

"I-I need to wash my hands," I repeat.

"You just came back from the loo," he states.

"I need to wash them again, alright?" I snap at him.

His face hardens and he remains silent.

I look at my left hand with disgust.

"As you wish," Professor Snape simply says, walking away from me, "You can eat all the bread. I am not hungry."

I drop onto my mattress, barely holding the sobs inside of me.

ooo

Silence.

I could not be happier when the next visit to the bathroom came.

I washed my hands thoroughly.

And now I can finally eat the bread.

I could not touch it with _that_ hand.

Still, even though I washed it, it feels dirty.

I wonder if I'll ever get rid of that feeling.

ooo

Perhaps Professor Snape is right.

I keep accusing him of betrayal. I demand of him to trust me, but at the same time I don't trust him.

Why am I ashamed of admitting what happened? It's not like it was my fault. It was something the _guard_ did.

Finally I take a deep breath, "Professor."

He does not look at me. He's probably still angry.

I continue, "I'm sorry."

Still, no reaction from him.

"When you walked in...we were...he was...I - "

He interrupts me, "I know."

"Y-You _do_?"

He's looking at me now, "How ignorant do you think I am?"

A breath escapes me, "W-Why did you..."

"I wanted to see if you would tell me."

I nod, understanding.

There is nothing else he can say.

Apologies would make no difference. Saying that _it will get better_ would be a lie.

So he remains silent.

"Can we never speak of it again?" I ask quietly, "Can you erase it from your mind?"

I know that he can't.

But he nods, "Of course."

A lie.

But it makes me feel better.

ooo

"Professor, can we try again? With the Occlumency, I mean?"

"I do not think that is such a good idea. Especially after what happened today," he replies, "You are too emotionally unstable."

I tense, "_Nothing_ happened today. Nothing at all."

He looks at me hard, "Granger."

"I can't just sit and do nothing."

"And I do not wish to see certain things," he says quietly.

"What are you saying?"

"You are not able to hide your memories or your thoughts," he explains, "I do not want to go through some...experiences again. And this time in _your_ point of view."

"You mean...when you were forced to kiss me?"

"And when I hit you," his voice is cold.

I sigh, "I'll try harder than the last time. Please."

He is not completely convinced, but after a few moments he nods. I think he realizes that sitting in the dungeon and not doing anything is a complete waste of time.

If I'm not going to classes, at least with the Occlumency lessons I'm doing _something_ for my education.

I sit on the chair and he moves to stand in front of me.

He looks at me hard before whispering, "_Legilimens."_

ooo

Professor Snape grimaces, "You are not even trying, Granger."

"I am!"

My head hurts.

"Obviously you are doing something wrong."

"I am trying."

"It appears you are not good at everything you do."

Annoyance shoots through me at that, "You didn't even tell me what do to!"

"There are no detailed instructions," he replies, "You need to learn to empty your mind. It has to be _blank_."

That's impossible.

There are million of thoughts in my mind right now.

Thoughts.

Emotions.

Memories.

How can I just erase all of that?

"Let us try again," he says.

"Alright."

ooo

No success.

I am making no progress.

Perhaps it's a hopeless case.

I will never learn.

Professor Snape seems frustrated too.

I am just waiting for him to snap and give up.

Finally he speaks, "I was too lenient."

"What?"

"I will try to access more painful memories. The ones you do not want anyone to see."

I look at him, alarmed.

He continues, "Perhaps I can try with the memory of today?"

It takes me a moment to realize what he means by that.

Then horror forms on my face, "No!"

"What exactly did that guard do?" he drawls, "I do have an idea, but it would be interesting to see it."

"_No_," I repeat.

"_Yes_."

I open my mouth to protest, but before I have a chance to say anything he's inside my mind again.

ooo

I let out a cry and jump from the chair, "You had no right!"

I can barely control myself. All I want to do is hit him.

Over and over again.

He seems disgusted and a bit taken aback, "I thought it would help."

"Well, it didn't! And...and you saw everything!"

And _I_ experienced everything again. He did not have the right to do that. He did not have the right to force me to go through all that again.

"I apologize."

What?

I look at him.

"I apologize," he repeats.

I can't speak to him. Not now.

I need some time for myself.

My head hurts.

My eyes hurt.

I walk past him and drop onto my mattress, "You demand of me to respect your privacy, Professor. Perhaps you should think about doing the same."

He says nothing.

It's dark already.

And our conversation is over for the day.

**A/N: Thank you for your support! I have to say there were a few very interesting theories in the reviews. Really interesting. I wish I could have used them, but then the end of the story would not make a lot of sense. ;) Keep reading! **


	16. Day 16

**Day 16**

I am still furious.

How dare he?

After everything we have been through, he _still_ does not see me as equal. I understand he is my Professor and that he's older, but that does not give him the right to completely ignore my wishes. My opinion matters too, especially in the given situation. It would be irrational to expect that our relationship would remain as it was at Hogwarts.

It's still early in the morning and we are both ignoring each other.

But...why is _he_ ignoring _me_? I have the right to be angry with him. And instead of apologizing to me, he is ignoring me, making _me_ feel guilty for snapping at him yesterday.

He _did_ apologize yesterday, but that does not simply erase what he did.

Of course. He is _Professor Severus Snape_. It was a miracle he even apologized. I am foolish to expect another apology from him in this lifetime.

ooo

We are still not talking.

And that gives me a lot of time to think.

Everything is so confusing. There are many holes in his stories. There are so many holes in my memory.

And this is day sixteen. I need some answers.

"Professor," I say with a strong voice.

I can tell he is surprised to hear me address him, but he looks at me.

I continue, "I demand that you tell me what happened that night I was taken."

Long pause.

At least he is not snapping at me for annoying him.

I continue, "I want the truth. It's been sixteen days already and the memory is not coming back. This is not simply from being hit in the head or the shock. Someone does not want me to remember."

"And you believe that someone is me?" he finally speaks.

I slowly shake my head, "No."

I hope I'm not mistaken.

"Then why are you demanding answers from me?"

I take a deep breath, "I just want to know what happened to me. You don't have to tell me anything about how _you_ got captured. But I need to know how _I_ landed in here. _How_?"

I sound desperate, but I couldn't care less.

Something changes in his look. His dark eyes seem thoughtful for a moment and then I realize it. He _knows_ something. He has known something all this time.

But he has never told me.

Why?

"Tell me," I demand again.

Silence.

After a long moment he finally speaks, "Alright."

My eyes widen in shock, "A-_Alright_?"

"If you wish to know, I will tell you," he says, "After all, it does not seem we will be getting out of here alive."

I should feel shocked and frightened by that last sentence, but I don't. It does not affect me anymore. It does not matter what he says or thinks. All it matters is what_ I_ believe.

But now it's not the time for a conversation about_ if_ and _when_ we will be rescued. It's time for the conversation about _how_ we got here.

I wait patiently, even though nerves are killing me.

His face hardens, "I lied."

Alright. I have always had a feeling he lied about something.

"About what exactly?" I ask, quetly.

"Do you remember when you said the last thing you remember is _me_ giving you a detention?"

I nod, "Yes, with Filch."

"It was not with Filch. It was with me."

Confusion passes my face, "But I remember - "

"I changed my mind at the last moment. I decided you will be spending the detention cleaning my stores and helping me brew some simple potions for Madam Pomfrey."

I try to remember that, but my mind is blank. I have absolutely no reconciliation about that event.

Nothing.

"What happened then?" I ask, "Did I come to your office?"

"You did."

He seems to be really uncomfortable now. I am almost afraid to ask what happened next.

He finally continues, "You arrived at the most unfortunate time."

"Why?"

"I was in the middle of a conversation with...someone. And you overheard some things you were never supposed to hear."

"Was that someone...a Death Eater?"

The look that he gives me is more than enough.

Oh.

So now I know half the story.

"Then...what happened?"

"I was ordered to get rid of you. You heard too much. You _saw_ too much."

"But...Why didn't you just Obliviate me?" I ask, confused.

"That is what I suggested but he would not even hear of it."

Who is _he_? I want to know, but somehow I have a feeling I would not get an answer even if I asked.

I take a deep sigh, "And...how did I end up here?"

"I did my best to make sure you remain unharmed. Unfortunately that gained a lot of suspicion."

It's all a bit more clear now.

"And then we were both brought here?" I ask.

He simply nods.

"That means," I start slowly, "That you are here because of me. Because you...wanted to protect me."

He does not answer.

But it's obvious.

I feel a wave of guilt hit me.

I can't even look at him. How can I?

Professor Snape is here because of me. Everything that happened to him is _my_ fault. Everything that _will_ happen to him is my fault.

"I cannot tell you anything else. I hope you will respect that," he speaks coldly.

I quickly nod, still looking down at my hands.

I don't think I can speak to him.

Finally I know the truth.

Perhaps it would be better if that truth had remained a mystery.

ooo

An hour has passed since our conversation. And something troubles me. I don't have a feeling he lied to me, but there are still things that are...strange. It seemed almost easy to get the answers from him. Why? For fifteen days he would not tell me anything. Why _now_?

I finally gather my courage to ask.

"What happened while you were away, Professor?"

"I already told you."

"You did not tell me everything, did you?"

Silence.

My voice shivers a bit, "Did you see...him? Voldemort?"

"Don't speak his name!" he snaps at me.

I flinch a bit at his tone, not expecting it, "W-Why not? What damage can it do? He already has us."

I observe his face carefully.

He slowly calms down, "It is a habit of mine."

Alright. I let that pass.

Then I repeat my question, "Well, did you see him?"

He tenses, but does not answer.

"Professor."

Still, no answer from him.

"Is that a yes?"

Nothing.

"What are you hiding from me, Sir?"

I almost give up, when he finally meets my eyes.

"There is no hope for me, Miss Granger."

My throat closes up, "What are you saying?"

"There is no hope for me," he repeats, emotionless, "There is no hope that they would let me go."

"B-But...that's nothing new," I speak, "There is no way they will ever let _me_ go."

"There is."

I am silent for a moment, simply looking at him.

He continues, "I should be dead. The only reason I am still breathing, is because they want to use me to get to you."

"Why?" I ask quietly.

He looks away, "I betrayed them."

"You - "

He seems to be struggling with words, "I am...was a Death Eater. Or at least I pretended to be," a slight pause, "But you already knew that, did you not?"

"You were a spy," I conclude, my eyes wide open.

He nods, "Yes."

"I...There were rumors about it."

He sighs, "Now you know the truth."

"They discovered you are loyal to the Order."

"And that is the ultimate betrayal," he replies darkly, "There is still hope for you, Miss Granger. They might let you go in exchange for something. My life, however, is over."

"No."

The word escapes me before I can stop it.

But I continue, "We will _both_ be saved. Nothing will happen to either one of us."

He looks at me for a long moment, then smirks, "Still, a Gryffindor."

"We will be saved," I repeat, stronger.

He does not believe me. I can see it on his face. He thinks I'm being immature and unrealistic. But he remains silent.

"We will be saved," I repeat again, more to myself than to him.

Nothing will happen to Professor Snape. I could not handle it. He's here because of me. The Order has lost a valuable spy because of _me_.

What have I done?

ooo

I stand up, feeling the need to stretch my legs.

Professor Snape clears his throat as if he is trying to tell me something.

What?

I look at him, confused.

He's looking away.

"Sir?"

"Your...your shirt, Miss Granger," he says awkwardly, still not looking at me.

My head snaps down to see what is bothering him.

Oh.

Quickly, I pull the shirt around me, arranging it again, hiding what I do not want anyone else to see.

I blush horribly.

I just revealed more than I wanted to.

Even though he has seen much more, I am still uncomfortable with the fact that he just saw my bra.

"What happened to it? Your shirt?" he asks slowly, finally meeting my eyes, "The buttons?"

I tense, wrapping my arms around me, "They all fell off...when...that guard was here."

He understands and does not ask anything else.

I am thankful for that.

ooo

Soon it will be time for the bathroom visit.

And my nerves are killing me.

When they take Professor Snape, I will be alone.

_That disgusting guard._

Will he come to me?

I can't even think about what he might do.

I makes me physically sick.

"Professor?"

My own voice surprises me. I'm panicking and it's evident.

He looks at me, surprised, "Yes?"

"Can you...Can I ask you for a favor?"

That catches him off guard, but he slowly nods.

"When you'll be taken to the bathroom...can you...hurry back?"

I sound pathetic. And that requests sounds really weird.

He narrows his eyes at me, "You are afraid of the guard."

It annoys me how easily he can read me.

A short breath escapes me, "He's...angry with me."

"I would not call it anger, Miss Granger," he says slowly, "But I will try my best to be back as soon as possible."

I nod, a thankful smile forming on my lips.

"However," he continues, "I do not see how _I_ would be able to do anything if he..."

"I know," I cut him off, "I just feel safer when you're here."

Perhaps I shouldn't have said that. He seems to be uncomfortable.

It will probably be best if I don't say anything else.

ooo

Bathroom visit.

They take Professor Snape first.

He looks at me before they take him away.

I'm alone again.

My heart starts beating like crazy. I keep looking at the doors, expecting someone to burst in at any moment. I have nothing to defend myself with.

Nothing.

A minute passes.

I'm still alone.

Then another minute.

No one.

Another minute.

My breath catches in my throat as I hear a noise coming from the outside of the dungeon.

I can't breath.

He's coming.

I can hear steps.

But...there's no one.

I observe the doors closely.

They do not move.

Such horrible silence.

Suddenly the doors burst open and I almost let out a short scream.

My heart is caught in my throat.

But it's only him.

_Professor Snape._ He's back.

I visibly relax and thank him with my eyes before I leave with the guards.

ooo

He waits until we are alone in the dungeon again before he speaks.

"Are you alright?"

I nod, "No one came."

"Good."

Yes. Good.

But I have a feeling it is not over.

That guard did not forget about me.

ooo

Food.

We actually got two apples this time beside the bread.

"They are worried about our health," I say, cutting through the silence.

Professor simply looks at me.

"It...it was a joke," I mutter quietly, chewing on a piece of bread, "Supposed to be funny."

"I am familiar with the term, Miss Granger," he says.

"Good to know."

ooo

I am on my mattress, staring at the ceiling and thinking.

That is all I can do.

All _we_ can do.

I look at my legs. They seem...thinner.

I then examine my arms. They too seem thinner.

I can feel my ribs poking out.

Disgusting.

How much weight have I lost?

I probably look horrible.

My eyes make their way to Professor Snape.

He does not seem to have lost weight. Or perhaps it only looks like it because of all the robes he has on. It would not hurt him if he took some of them off. How can he sleep in those heavy things?

He catches me looking at him and raises an eyebrow in question.

"N-nothing," I quickly shake my head.

Surprisingly, he lets that pass.

ooo

"Professor, why am I so bad at Occlumency?"

He sighs, "We have been only training for two days."

"But there should be _some_ kind of a progress," I say, "And there's nothing."

It frustrates me.

I am Hermione Granger. I am good at everything. Well, almost everything. And I thought Occlumency would be...easier.

"For any kind of progress your mind has to be at peace. Blank. You need to be calm inside," Professor Snape explains, "It is perfectly understandable that you are not at peace at the moment."

"I _should_ be better at it," I whisper.

"We have time."

That catches my attention, "How do you know that? They could walk in and...end us any moment."

"I do not think they will do that. They have gotten nothing from us yet."

"And they never will," I mutter, my voice low.

Silence.

Then I pull myself up in a sitting position, "Maybe we can try again?"

He shakes his head, "No. Not today."

"Why not?"

"I am not in the mood for snooping around in teenage girl's mind."

I tense, "Is it that horrible?"

He simply looks at me.

"_Well_," I continue, trying to defend myself, "It's not like _I_ enjoy it."

He remains silent.

I look at him, "You penetrating my mind ten times a day without giving me a chance to recover is more horrible than you having to see teenage girl's memories."

The looks he gives me is...

I cannot even explain it.

His lips are parted slightly and he's completely silent, only his Adam's apple displaying any movement as it rises and falls.

What is the matter?

Finally he clears his throat and looks away, "_Miss Granger."_

He is annoyed.

"Sir?"

"I would appreciate it if you could be more careful with your choice of words."

I look at him, confused, "_My choice of words_?"

"Yes," he drawls, uncomfortable.

I am silent, trying to remember what did I say that bothered him.

Oh.

That word.

How stupid of me.

It would be a normal and perfectly acceptable word in any other situation, but we've been in this dungeon for too long. Everything sounds twisted and strange.

I blush slightly, "I apologize. I'll be more careful."

He nods.

ooo

Another visit to the bathroom passes.

Still, no sign of the guard.

Perhaps he has given up on me?

I hope that is the case.

He has had his revenge.

My own hand disgusts me. It will probably disgust me for the rest of my life.

Isn't that punishment enough?

ooo

Night is slowly approaching.

I am always calmer when the night comes. It means there is no danger of seeing the guards. They have never visited us at night. Except that one time when they took Professor Snape.

As if they heard my thoughts, the doors slowly open.

Professor Snape and I both stand up and move closer to each other.

It's him.

That disgusting guard.

I can feel bile rise in my throat at the sight of him.

He's alone.

He first looks at me, smirking slightly, before his eyes move to Professor Snape.

"Do you two know which day it is?" he asks.

Silence.

"Well?" he continues, "Do you know how long you have been here?"

I can't speak.

"Sixteen days," he says after a long moment, "And we've gotten nothing from you."

Where is he going with it?

"Your friends and family have probably forgotten all about you," he says, then looks at me, "Well, _your_ friends and family. I do not think Professor here has anyone that cares about him."

I tense, anger rising in me. But Professor Snape is as cold as ever. The guard's words seem to have no effect on him. I wish I could be more like that.

The guard continues, "We will try something new. We have been focusing too much on you."

I do not want to listen to him.

I can just feel something terrible coming.

"Now we will focus on your family."

The words cut through me like a knife.

The guard looks straight at me, a grin on his face, "We have located your family."

My knees are weak. I'm not sure I'll be able to stand much longer.

"We have them, Miss Granger," the guards says, "And if you will not be willing to help us tomorrow, you will get a nice...present from your...mother? Father? Perhaps both? We haven't decided yet."

I feel light-headed.

The guard says nothing more. He simply turns and leaves, slamming the doors behind him.

I am on my knees a moment later, my breath coming out in short gasps.

I can't believe what is happening.

Oh God.

Professor Snape is beside me, telling me something, but I can't hear him, I can't hear his voice.

My parents.

My mum.

My dad.

They are...with the Death Eaters?

Are they torturing them at this very moment?

Tears spill down my cheeks.

I can't control myself.

It's all my fault.

It's my fault that Professor Snape is here. It's my fault that my parents are here.

I can't breath.

"Miss Granger."

I am crying hysterically, but no sound is coming from me.

Or maybe I can't hear myself?

Someone's hands are on my shoulder, trying to calm me down.

It's not working.

He's speaking to me.

His tone is...soft.

But Professor Snape does not have a soft tone.

I can't even see anything through my tears.

I'm shaking.

I am so alone. So very alone. And frightened.

Then without thinking I press myself to him, grabbing his robes desperately with my hands, hiding my face into his chest.

I need someone to hug me.

I need someone to tell me everything will be alright.

I can handle everything the guards decide to do to me.

But not my parents. Not them.

Professor Snape is not hugging me. He's just kneeling beside me awkwardly. He's tense, I can feel it, but I'm not moving away from him. I wish I could just lose myself inside his robes and never come out.

He is speaking again.

But I can't hear him. I can't understand him.

He is not moving at all.

And I am not letting go of his robes.

That is the last thing I remember.

**A/N: Just a couple of days left! Do you have Snape figured out yet? ;) Hope you enjoy the story, sorry this chapter took longer to get published. Your reviews make my day! :)**


	17. Day 17

**Day 17**

I actually don't feel anything.

_Nothing_.

I am sitting on the chair in the middle of the dungeon.

Professor Snape is standing in front of me.

He's talking.

Trying to get my attention.

It's not working.

I'm not looking at him. My gaze is fixed on that one spot on the wall. My ears are still working, I can hear him, but I am not listening to him.

I'm surprisingly calm.

I don't know how long I've cried into his robes, clutching to him as if my life depended on him. I've embarrassed myself enough for this lifetime.

All I can remember is...that I suddenly stopped crying. I let go of him, I even apologized for getting his robes wet. Then I simply stood up and walked to the chair.

I've been sitting on that chair ever since then.

It's morning.

"Granger."

Why is he calling me?

Why is there concern in his voice? I am alright. I am actually really calm. The state I am now in is much better than the one I was in a couple of hours ago.

"Damn it, Granger!"

I don't even flinch at the sound of his voice.

I just need time for myself. Why is he trying to snap me out of it?

Suddenly his hands are on my shoulder, shaking me slightly.

"Granger."

He stops when he gets no reaction from me.

Then he starts to talk again.

But my thoughts wonder off.

So much has happened.

Professor Snape.

That disgusting guard.

That innocent girl that got killed because of me.

My parents.

Why?

I am a horrible person? Why are all those things happening to me?

I did not sign on for this when I became Harry's friend.

So much has happened.

_Seventeen days._

"I'm fine, Professor," I finally let out, my voice calm.

"You are not fine."

Why does he always has to disagree with everything I say?

"Look at me," he orders.

I can't move my eyes.

"Granger, look at me."

Why? Looking at that wall is calming. Peaceful.

"This is wrong," I finally say.

"What is wrong?"

My eyes are lost, but my lips are moving, forming words,"We still haven't seen Voldemort."

I use his name on purpose.

Surprisingly he lets that pass.

"We are going to stay here until the end of our lives," I whisper.

Silence.

"It did not take much, did it?" he asks.

That gets my attention and finally I look at him.

He continues, "Just yesterday you were optimistic and completely convinced that we will both get out of here alive. What changed?"

He isn't serious.

What changed?

I can't believe he's asking me that.

"I'm tired," I finally say.

"We both are."

"I am sorry, Professor, but I think I've been through much more than you have."

My voice is so _calm_.

"Oh, have you, Miss Granger?"

"Yes, I have."

"Care to enlighten me?"

I look at him, again, "I know what you are doing."

He only raises an eyebrow in interest.

"You've already done it before and I have a good memory," I continue, "You are trying to make me angry so that I would open up."

"I cannot get anything past you, can I?" there is sarcasm in his voice.

"A girl was killed in front of me. _Because_ of me," I force out, "The way she looked at me, before..."

I trail off, memories coming back to me.

"I will never forget that look," I say, "And then they just left her on the ground...and then when they dragged her out as if she was...unworthy...filth."

"They are Death Eaters."

Such a simple sentence. As if that explains and justifies everything.

"And that guard..." my voice shivers, "I will never forget him. Even if I live through this. I have a feeling I'm...filthy...damaged. But the funny thing is...he hasn't done anything serious to me yet. Nothing. But I still feel like this."

"You are not damaged, Miss Granger."

"I am."

"No."

Silence.

I don't care what he says.

My hands are not even my hands anymore.

I can't forget that...feeling.

Disgusting.

"And now they have my parents," I whisper, "How did this happen?"

"You need to pull yourself together, Granger."

No.

I won't.

"We need to talk," he tries again.

No.

I look at that wall again and suddenly there is a complete silence around me.

I know Professor Snape is saying something, but I just can't hear him.

The place I'm in is better.

Safer.

Calmer.

ooo

It's time for the visit to the bathroom.

"Girl," the guard calls for me, but I don't even move.

I don't have to go to the bathroom.

"Come here," he orders, impatiently.

"I'm not going," I say quietly, not even looking at him.

"You are."

I remain silent.

"Granger," Professor Snape tries, moving closer to me, "You should go with him. Do not cause trouble."

"I'm not going," I insist.

Suddenly the guard is next to me and he grabs my arm painfully before dragging me out of the dungeon.

ooo

I am pushed back into the dungeon.

I don't care.

Slowly I walk to the chair and sit on it, never making any eye contact with Professor Snape, even though I can feel his gaze on me.

He then leaves with the guard.

I realize I am alone in the dungeon.

But that does not frighten me anymore.

I don't care about the guard.

The worst has already happened. I don't care what they decide to do to me if they hurt my parents.

If something happens to them, my life would be over.

ooo

I don't even flinch when the doors open again.

It's not the guard.

It's Professor Snape.

He waits until we're both alone again, then makes his way to me.

What does he want now?

He's standing in front of me.

And then suddenly he slaps me.

Not hard, but it certainly gets my attention.

I can't believe it.

"W-What are you doing?" I demand, looking up at him.

"Helping you," he sneers.

"By hitting me?"

Anger is slowly taking over me.

"Nothing else worked. You needed that slap, Granger."

"No, I did not!" I raise my voice, "I am not a little child you can just...harass and hit. I want to be alone."

"Well, unfortunately you _cannot_ be alone. We are in this together."

"Just leave me alone!"

He looks at me, hard, "No."

My anger is slowly turning into rage.

"You don't know how I feel," I say to him.

"Poor little you," he mocks, "Of course I do not know, because they have been treating me much better. This is what I call a vacation from Hogwarts."

I stand up, glaring at him, "I was forced to undress in front of those vile guards, I had to listen to their every remark. I don't remember them saying anything to you!"

"Granger - "

"Then I was attacked by the guard. _Three_ times!" I am screaming by now, "Look at my shirt! It's torn and I can't even move properly because I'm afraid I might show too much. But that doesn't matter anymore, because you've _already seen everything_!"

"Those events were unfortunate, _yes_, but it could be worse."

"It _is_ worse! They have my parents!"

"How do you know that?"

"I know! A-And if they do, then everything is over. I can't do this anymore!"

"You can."

"No!" I scream at him, "You would never understand anyway."

He leans away from me, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You are _cold_! Do you even feel anything?"

His face hardens.

I am shaking, but I still continue, "Do you know what it's like to care about someone, to love someone?"

"You better stop talking, Granger. Now."

"Or you'll do what? Slap me again?" I can't even control myself anymore, "They are my parents! Do you even know what that means? Did you have parents?"

Suddenly he grabs my arm roughly, bringing me closer to him, "Never again speak to me like that."

His voice is so low, but I can feel the dangerous vibe in it. He's never spoken to me in such a way before.

It seems to snap me out of it. And his grasp is really tight.

It actually hurts.

I look into his eyes. There is such darkness in his look. Am I the reason for it?

"Do you understand?" he asks calmly.

"Y-Yes."

Finally he lets me go and turns away from me.

My arm hurts.

But...I probably deserve it.

What was I thinking talking to him like that?

He is my Professor. And he has helped me many times.

I've messed everything up.

ooo

He doesn't even look at me.

Understandable.

He wanted to help me and I attacked him like that.

Such horrible silence.

ooo

He's here.

The guard.

He slowly walks into the dungeon, a satisfied smirk on his face. And he's holding something.

An envelope.

I wait in silence.

"How are you?" he asks, looking at me and Professor Snape, "I hope you slept well."

Bastard.

He simply shrugs his shoulders when he gets no answer, "Straight to the business then."

My throat closes up.

I can't stop looking at that envelope.

"Girl," the guard says, "I have something for you. In case you still have doubts about helping us."

The envelope.

"Here," he says and offers it to me.

Should I take it?

I don't want to.

I look at Professor Snape and he's as suspicious as I am.

Finally I walk over to the guard, quickly taking the envelope from him before backing away.

I don't want to be anywhere near him.

"I don't bite, little one," he laughs, "Well, I'll be back in a few hours. Have fun with what's in the envelope."

With that he leaves the dungeon.

My hands are shaking horribly.

There is something in the envelope.

A small object.

"Open it," Professor Snape orders.

I hesitate for a moment.

But then I slowly force myself to move and I open it.

Then I look inside.

_Oh God._

The envelope slips from my fingers and it hits the ground as I turn around, panicking.

"Oh God. Oh God."

I think I'm going to be sick.

Professor Snape carefully picks the envelope from the ground, then looks inside.

"Do you know whose is it?" he asks calmly.

I can't even speak. I can't even breath.

I'm just pacing up and down the dungeon.

"Granger, do you know whose finger it is?" he asks again.

_Finger_.

Someone's finger.

It has to be my mum's.

"It appears to be from a female," Professor Snape says.

I can't listen to him.

"M-My mum's," somehow the words leave my mouth.

"Are you sure?"

I can't even cry.

"I-I can't..."

"Granger - "

"We need to do s-something, anything. T-they can't hurt them," I am shaking uncontrollably.

"You need to calm down."

But I'm not listening anymore.

I make my way to the doors and start punching it with all my strength.

"That is not helping, Miss Granger," he says calmly.

"Why are you doing this to us?" I scream, kicking the doors.

"You will only end up hurting yourself."

I don't care.

"Use your brain, Granger," Professor Snape orders, "Are you sure you recognize the finger?"

I stop and turn to look at him, "Why would they bring me a stranger's finger? It's my mum's."

"Are you sure?" he insists.

Why is he torturing me?

A cry escapes me and I take a deep breath, _"W-What do you want from me?"_

"I want you to make sure this belonged to your mother."

I shake my head, "I-I can't - "

"Come here," his voice leaves no room for argument.

Slowly I walk up to him and force myself to look inside the envelope.

Again, sickness takes over me, "It's hers."

"Are you positive?"

I force myself to look at the finger again.

The blood.

The sickening white color of the skin.

But...

The nail.

Something is not right.

My mum has a different...form. Her nails are longer.

I slowly calm down, "Wait..."

After a long moment, I whisper, "I-I don't think it's hers."

A smile formes on my face, "I don't think it's hers," I repeat.

"How is that?"

"Her nails are...different."

Professor Snape is silent, simply observing me.

"I know that's not her finger," I say, "Why would they lie?"

"What do you think?" he asks, then closes the envelope and places it on the chair.

I am so confused.

"Does that mean they don't have my parents?"

I am barely able to breath.

"It is a possibility. And that is what I have been telling you the whole time," he explains, "You cannot blindly believe everything they say."

I let out a sigh, "I've been acting so...immature."

"Yes, you have."

I look up at him, "I'm sorry."

He simply snorts and turns away from me.

I feel like something heavy has been lifted off my shoulders.

I can breath again.

My parents are safe.

ooo

"Do you really believe they don't have my parents?" I ask again.

"Do you believe that the Order would leave them unprotected after your disappearance?"

"I-I don't know... I panicked."

"That is exactly what you should not do."

"I couldn't think straight," I admit.

"I noticed that."

Silence.

ooo

Finally the guard is back.

I can't stand that satisfied look on his face. He thinks he has both of us exactly where he wants.

"Well, have you two seen the present I gave you? Did you like it?" he asks.

Immediately I grab the envelope from the chair and throw it at him. It hits him on the chest and then falls to the ground.

"This is how much we liked it!" I growl at him.

He is now serious, "Is this any way to treat your mother's belongings?"

"This is not my mum's."

"Is that so?"

Professor Snape steps in, "There is no need for games. We have figured you out. Now take the envelope and leave."

The guard picks it up, then looks at me, "Alright, this is not your mother's. But we do have her."

I tense up.

"And your father too. We simply did not want to hurt her. She is truly beautiful."

Bastard.

I am shaking with rage.

He is lying. I must not listen to him.

"We wanted to have a little fun with her and that really upset your father. Overly protective, is he?"

He's lying.

I need to keep repeating it to myself.

The guard continues, "I've had the mother and I will have the daughter as well. Perhaps your father will watch. Haven't decided yet. The games have just begun."

With that he leaves the dungeon.

ooo

"He is lying," I say, not sure if that is a statement or a question.

"Yes."

"But...how can you be positive?"

I can't help it.

"They are Death Eaters. They _lie_," Professor Snape replies, then sighs, "Are we going through this again?"

I am silent for a moment.

Then something occurs to me, "Why haven't they raped me yet? They keep implying, but then don't do anything. God knows they had plenty of chances. Why not?"

Professor Snape tenses up. I can feel he is uncomfortable.

"I do not know," he finally answers.

"I don't want that to happen."

"I know."

There is such darkness in the dungeon.

I can't see anything.

It's late at night and I'm not even sure I know what I'm saying.

But somehow I continue, "I don't want it to be him."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...you know...T-The first one."

Silence.

I continue, "I know you think I'm being childish and...I am not living in a fairytale, but...I don't want it to happen that way. Not here. Not now."

Finally he speaks, "Miss Granger, I highly doubt this is conversation is appropriate."

I _know_ it is inappropriate. And I don't think I would be able to have this conversation if I could see him. But the darkness makes everything easier.

Safer.

And I can imagine how funny it is if he truly is a Death Eater and is working against me. He must be having so much fun listening to me.

But at this moment I can't think about that. My head hurts from all the suspicion.

All I want now is to feel safe.

To _talk_.

"I don't want it to be him," I repeat, "And not so much because of _me_, but...because of him. I don't want him to win and do this to me."

Professor Snape is silent for a moment, then he sighs, "What do you want me to say?"

There is nothing.

Nothing he can say to make it better.

Nothing he can do.

Why do I always expect him to make it all better?

He is just as helpless as I am.

"I'd rather kill myself than allow him to..." I trail off.

"Do not talk rubbish."

"I'm serious."

"Granger - "

"I know I can't hurt him, but...I can hurt myself."

"You will do no such thing," he replies, his voice stronger.

"I'm scared."

"I know."

Silence.

I close my eyes.

**A/N: Thank you for your support! :) 13 days left. I know many of you are confused about Snape, but it will all be clear when we come to the end. Hope this chapter did not disappoint. :)**


	18. Day 18

**Day 18**

I don't feel so good.

That's the first thing I realize as I wake up.

My throat aches, my eyes are watering for no good reason and my whole body feels weak.

I groan and pull myself up in a sitting position.

Then my eyes land on Professor Snape. He seems to be observing me with a strange expression on his face.

"Are you quite alright?" he asks.

That surprises me, he is rarely the one to start a conversation.

"Y-Yes," I answer, but he does not look away.

"What?" I ask.

"You do not look alright."

"Just tired...and hungry," I admit, realizing we were not given food yesterday.

But so much was happening yesterday and food was the last thought on my mind. But now I can't ignore it. My stomach is complaining.

Loudly.

This day did not start good.

ooo

I sneeze and my whole body convulses.

It's probably the dust in the dungeon.

And then I sneeze again.

It's not the dust.

I feel horrible.

"You are _not_ alright," Professor Snape says, making his way towards me.

"I am, really -"

But he does not listen as he kneels down in front of me, pulling his cuff back and laying his wrist to my forehead.

I feel something go through me at that.

A strange tingling sensation.

It's nice to feel someone's touch.

It's been so long since anyone has touched me in gentle way.

And his skin is so warm and soft.

I close my eyes, almost giving in to the feeling.

"You have a fever," he suddenly says, pulling me out of my thoughts.

When he removes his hand from my forehead, I almost groan with displeasure, but I stop myself in time.

Clearing my throat, I try to concentrate on what he just said, "Are you sure?"

"Positive," he replies, "It was bound to happen. No sun, no proper food, extreme amounts of stress you've been living under for the last seventeen days."

"What about you?"

"I am already used to such lifestyle, Miss Granger," he dismisses me, "You should rest. Try to get some sleep. Hopefully we will get some food today."

I nod, dropping back to the mattress unceremoniously.

ooo

"Miss Granger."

I groan, recognizing his voice.

"Miss Granger."

This time I open my eyes, noticing Professor Snape kneeling in front of me, holding a glass of water in his hand.

"You should drink this," he says.

"When did..." I stop, shocked at the sound of my own voice. It's so raspy and weak.

I clear my throat, speaking again, "When did they bring the food?"

"While you were asleep."

"I didn't hear them."

"There was nothing to hear. The guard simply conjured the food and left. Without a word."

I nod and then slowly take the glass with water from his hand. My fingers brush against his for a second and I _notice_ it. Normally I would not pay attention to this kind of a touch, but now it's different. Everything feels different.

I quickly bring the glass to my mouth, enjoying the sensation as water fills my mouth and runs down my dry throat.

"Slowly," Professor Snape instructs and I try to obey, taking my time.

After a minute or two he takes the glass away from me.

"You should try and eat the apple," he says.

"They give us an apple?" I ask, surprised.

"Two."

That's good. But I don't feel like eating it.

"Maybe later," I say, my head hitting the mattress, "I'm just so tired."

He simply nods and walks to his side of the dungeon.

ooo

I am really angry with myself. How could this happen? This is the least convenient time to get sick.

I can't do anything. I can't even think straight.

And I most certainly cannot handle the guards.

Hopefully this is one of those days they leave us alone.

ooo

Bathroom visit.

I can barely walk, but I _really_ need to use the loo, so I force myself to move.

Professor Snape sends me a worried glare, but I simply shake my head.

I'll be fine.

ooo

Every time I'm alone in the dungeon, panic fills my entire body.

I keep listening for any sound.

It seems as if I'm holding my breath in until Professor Snape finally returns.

ooo

"I can't die like this."

"You will not die, Granger, do not talk nonsense."

I force myself to look at him, "But what if it happens?"

"It will not."

"I'll never again see another human being. My parents...Harry, Ron."

He snorts at that and I almost smile. We are locked in a dungeon, we don't know if we will live to see another day and he still shows his displeasure at the mention of Harry and Ron. I never expected any less from him.

Then something occurres to me, "I was really rude to Ronald the last time I spoke to him. The last time I _remember_ I spoke to him, anyway. It annoyed me that I heard nothing from him during the summer."

"Hmm," is his only response.

I know he doesn't like the subject of the conversation. He dislikes both Harry and Ron and hearing me talk about them must be annoying.

So I decide to remain silent.

"Do you still have temperature?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.

"I-I don't know," then I add nervously, "Perhaps you could check?"

Stupid! What am I thinking?

He sends me an odd look. But then he does walk towards me, pressing his hand to my forehead.

I am disgusted with myself for enjoying the touch and the closeness. What is wrong with me?

He removes his hand, "You are still burning up."

"It'll pass."

He does not say anything to that.

ooo

"Did you know that girl?" I ask.

He knows what girl I'm talking about.

I have asked him that question once before and he refused to answer.

"Yes, I knew her," he finally says.

Well, I did not expect him to admit it.

"From Hogwarts?"

He nods.

"Why are you..." I can't find the words, but after a moment I try again, "Why are you acting like this every time I mention her?"

"You do not wish to know."

"I do."

His behavior is starting to concern me.

"Tell me," I insist.

He is silent.

"_Professor_," I try again.

His voice is so low when he finally speaks, "She was brought to me."

"What do you mean? When?"

"That day I disappeared from here."

"_She was brought to you_?" I repeat, "Why?"

"Many things happened that day," he replies, "Things I do not wish to talk about."

"But - "

"No questions, Granger. Just leave it."

My mouth snaps shut.

The tone in his voice is serious and it leaves no room for arguments.

I understand there are things he does not wish to discuss with me, but it still bothers me that he is keeping secrets from me. It's not fair. He knows everything about me and I know as much about him as I knew when I was at Hogwarts.

ooo

It's not my lucky day.

The guards obviously do not want to leave us alone. Not even for a day.

As soon as they walk in, I pull myself up from my mattress.

The room spins around me for a few seconds, but I steady myself.

Two of them.

The leader and another guard. I do not recognize him.

"How are we today?" the leader asks.

I am about to vomit on his shoes, that's how I am.

Silence.

"Not so talkative today, are you?" then he sighs, "Well, then we should just get to the point."

I tense, expecting him to mention my parents again. What has he come up with now?

"Time for your shower."

That sentence sends shivers down my body.

The guard looks at me, "I expected you to show more happiness. This place stinks."

I can't even react.

I want to take a shower. I feel filthy.

But at the same time I know what a shower means. I do not want to go through that again.

The guards and their comments. Their laugh.

Not now.

Professor Snape sends me a look and I know he knows what I'm thinking. And he's warning me with his eyes.

I can almost hear him in my head.

_Obey._

_Do not cause problems._

And for some strange reason I listen to him. Also, I feel so weak that arguing with the guards would be too exhausting.

We are led out of the dungeon.

ooo

I barely make it back to the dungeon. Then I collapse on my mattress.

Professor Snape remains silent until the guards leave us alone. Then he makes his way to me.

I look at him and notice him taking his cloak off.

"Here," he says, covering me with it.

I am shivering.

The water was so cold. Even my brain is freezing.

Silence.

He walks away from me and sits on the chair, still observing me.

"D-Did you see it?" I ask.

He sighs, "Yes, I did."

"The way he was looking at me...you heard what he said."

"I did."

The disgusting things that guard said. It really got to me. He did not touch me, but I feel as if he did.

"Do you think he'll really try anything?" I ask, even though it's a stupid question.

How can Professor Snape know? I always expect him to know everything. It's a bit unfair to him.

"You do not wish to have this conversation, Miss Granger."

"I do."

Well, I _don't_, but I have to. I have to know.

"You should get some sleep, you need to recover as soon as possible," he says calmly, completely ignoring my question.

"Stop protecting me!" I raise my voice.

He looks at me hard, "_Protecting_ you? Do you think I am _protecting_ you?"

I remain silent.

He continues, "I am _unable_ to protect you and that is eating me up inside. And as if that is not enough, you expect me to tell you every little detail about what they might do to you. Well, I am sorry, but that is something I will not do. And you cannot expect me to."

I bite my tongue, realizing what he's trying to say.

Horrible things might be ahead of us and he does not want to tell me about it. That fact frightens me the most.

I look away and the conversation is over.

ooo

The guard made a few remarks about the thing I'm worried about.

What was the expression he used?

_Teaching me about the ways of men._ Or something like that.

I wish I could just forget everything he said.

But I can't. My mind keeps replaying it.

And I realize something.

I can't allow that disgusting guard to win.

I just can't.

I know there is no way I can prevent him from doing what he wants, but I want to beat him somehow. I want to make sure he does not get what he wants.

And a dark and twisted idea forms in my mind.

I am shocked by myself for even coming up with it.

I would never have said it if things were different. If I were healthy.

But now the fever is making everything seem different. I can't see things clearly.

And suddenly I'm speaking, "Professor, I...I would like to ask you something."

"What is it, Miss Granger?"

"This is going to sound...wrong."

That catches his attention, "What is it?" his voice is more careful now.

"I was thinking...if you could perhaps help me with something."

He sighs, "I am almost afraid to ask."

I am silent.

"Spill it out, Granger."

Finally, I take a deep breath, "I don't want that guard to have his way. I can't allow him to be the first. That's too much."

He tenses, "You know I cannot stop him."

"I know and...that's not what I meant."

I am afraid to look at him.

He is silent.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yes?"

"Are you...are you proposing what I think you are? And I _hope_ I misundertood you."

"I-I don't know. What do you think I'm proposing?"

"Do not play games with me," he growls.

I tense, feeling tension in the air.

"I was j-just thinking - "

"You are walking on dangerous grounds, Granger."

His tone is dark and I know he wants me to just drop it and change the subject. Or just stop talking.

But I can't.

"Think about it, Professor."

He tenses, "You are asking me to_ shag you_ and at the same time you are calling me _Professor_," his voice is cruel and cold.

"It's better than that guard."

"Yes. It's better. For _you_," he pauses, "What about me? Do you think I could overstep that boundary? Having relations with students is something I am appalled by."

"Sleeping with my Professor was not something on my to-do list as well," I speak, my voice shaking, "But...I don't want it to be him. Please."

He looks at me hard, "You are asking too much of me, Granger. _Far_ too much."

"I-I know and I know this is a bit...rushed and...but, just think about it, please."

"I cannot believe we are having this conversation. This is outrageous."

"We were forced into this situation - "

"I am your teacher," he speaks, his tone a bit angry, "And what if we are saved? What then?"

"N-Nothing."

"You are not thinking, Miss Granger. I suggest you go back to sleep. And please, do not bring this subject up again. Ever."

I nod, feeling extremely guilty. What was I thinking? What is _he_ now thinking?

It was a stupid idea. I could never demand something like this from him. It's too much.

But...

If I had to choose between the guard and Professor Snape, I would not hesitate for a second.

Does that make me a bad person? A sick and twisted person?

ooo

The day is slowly coming to an end. I am pleased by the fact that the guards obviously do not plan to visit us again. And even though I am sick, I am much calmer than yesterday. Nothing was said about my parents and I hope that means they are not caught. The guards were lying yesterday. They had to be.

I can still feel the tension in the air, caused by my reckless request.

I need to make things better.

"So..." I start, "What potions are in the lesson plan for this year?"

"I am sure you already know that. You have probably read through the entire textbook a dozen times."

I blush. How does he know that?

He sighs, "I know what you are trying to do, Miss Granger."

"Start a conversation?"

"Hardly."

Silence.

Then he speaks again, "You should be sleeping and not trying to have a conversation."

"I can't...sleep."

"Why not?"

I'm not sure if I should tell him or not.

Then I finally decide, "Ever since you disappeared that night a few days ago...I've been having trouble sleeping. _Falling_ asleep."

He understands what I'm trying to say. I can see it on his face.

"You are relaying too much on me, Miss Granger. Far too much."

"I couldn't do this alone," I admit quietly.

"You could."

"No."

"_You could_," he repeats.

I try to change the subject, "Can I have that apple now, please?"

He raises his eyebrow at me, "You are sick, Granger, not paralyzed."

Of course.

I make a move to get up, but then he walks over to me and hands me the apple.

A small smile forms on my lips, "Thank you."

He does not say anything.

ooo

I want my mum.

I want her to tuck me in my bed. And bring me a hot cup of tea.

I want her chicken soup. And medicines. And books to read.

Instead all I have is a dirty mattress, I'm covered with Professor Snape's cloak and _he_ is taking care of me. Trying to, at least. He is not a caring type, but he is doing his best. I'm thankful for that.

I close my eyes, feeling safer knowing that he is not far away from me.

How long?

How long will this dungeon be my home?

When will it all end?

And I've come to a point where it doesn't matter how it ends, I just want it to end.

I want it all to be over.

**A/N: Thanks for your support! Many of you wanted to see Hermione asking Snape to do the deed instead. And this is how I think he would react. At first, anyway. ;) Keep reading. :)**


	19. Day 19

**Day 19**

"Wake up!"

It's not Professor Snape's voice.

My eyes snap open at the command. Immediately I sit up as I realize two guards are in the dungeon.

Everything is so confusing, I can't even think straight.

What are they doing here? And this early in the morning?

My eyes find their way to Professor Snape and I realize he's nervous as well. Although he _seems_ calm, but I can just tell he's confused.

"Good morning, prisoners," the leading guard finally speaks, "I trust you slept well?"

"To what do we owe this visit?" Professor Snape asks, his voice dripping with venom.

"I was getting to that, _dear Professor_."

This is wrong. They have never visited us this early. I can just feel something bad is going to happen.

"We have been thinking," the guard says, "And we have realized that perhaps we have made it too comfortable for you."

I can't believe him. Is he serious?

Professor Snape only raises an eyebrow and I know he is thinking the same thing as I am.

"You are our prisoners after all and up until now we have provided you with food, water, sleep, even showers."

"Yes, we both feel very special," Professor Snape replies, but the guard simply smiles at that.

"Well, we do not want you to feel special and that is why we decided to cut you short."

I force myself to speak, "Meaning?"

My voice is so raspy it surprises me.

The guard looks at me, "Miss Granger, how nice of you to join in on the conversation," he then continues, "Do not look so serious, both of you. We will not take away your rights to food or water. We have something else in our mind."

What could be worse than food and water?

The guard smiles, then finally speaks, "From now on, beloved prisoners, you are not allowed to sleep."

Silence.

_What_?

"Well, I must admit I was expecting to see more horror on your faces," the guard admits.

I look at Professor Snape and he is worried. His face is hard and he's thinking about something. If _he's_ worried, it means_ I_ should be as well. But for some reason, the threat of no sleep is not as horrible as the threat of no food or water.

The guard clears his throat, then looks at the other guard behind him, "Put it on them."

The man immediately obeys, walking towards me first. I freeze, observing him with fear, but he stops in front of me, looking at me coldly.

"Your hand," he orders.

I obey, extending my shaking hand towards him. He grabs it and then puts some kind of a metal bracelet on it. He then lets go of me and walks over to Professor Snape, who only looks at the guard with disgust.

"Your hand."

Professor Snape looks at the leading guard, "You do know that you will not be able to continue with this for too long."

"I do," he answers, "But I will enjoy as long as it lasts."

Professor Snape's eyes darken, but he makes no protest as the guard puts that metal thing on his wrist.

"We will know if you try to fall asleep and it will not be pleasant for you," the guard explains.

"What will happen?" I ask, looking at the small bracelet with fear.

He laughs, "Let that be a surprise, but I would not try it if I were you."

I can't help but tense at his words.

"Well, see you soon," he adds, then both he and the other guard leave the dungeon.

Silence.

Neither one of us speaks. We are too busy observing our new accessory. It's so small and it does not seem as if it can do much damage. But regardless of it's size, I can feel something from it. Some kind of an energy, or...magic.

"Do you feel...?" I ask, quietly.

"Yes," he answers, "Dark magic."

I take a deep breath, then caugh a few times as my eyes water.

Great. Just what I need at the moment.

"You are still sick."

It's a statement, not a question.

"I guess."

But I don't want to be. I _can't_ be. Especially not now when we're not allowed to sleep.

I can see Professor Snape is uncomfortable. He looks at me and opens his mouth to say something, but after a second he closes them.

I'm still sick.

I hoped it would pass if I get enough sleep. Obviously I was wrong.

The night was strange. I kept waking up. But I was probably dreaming, at least I had a feeling like it was all a dream. I remember seeing Professor Snape on the chair, then on his mattress, then he wasn't in the dungeon. I was alone. But that was all a dream. A nightmare, caused by the fear of Professor Snape being taken away again.

I sigh, meeting Professor Snape's eyes for a slight second.

The atmosphere is uncomfortable. And then I remember the reason behind it.

Last night's conversation.

How could I have been so stupid? What has gotten into me?

I can't but blush as I remember everything I said to him and then his reaction. It is completely understandable he reacted the way he did. I was a fool for even starting that conversation. He is my _Professor_, for God's sake.

I've ruined everything now.

"How is your temperature?" he asks.

"I-I don't know, I feel...hot," I admit.

"You _look_ hot," he says, then shock appears on his face, "I did not mean - ... I meant you look like you have a fever."

I blush, nodding, "I know what you meant, Professor."

This is really uncomfortable. And it's all my fault.

I quickly try to change the topic of the conversation.

"What did you mean when you said they won't be able to continue with this for too long?" I ask, pointing at my new bracelet.

He seems to relax a bit, "A human body does not last long without sleep."

"I know that."

He nods.

Then something occurs to me, "Do you think they know that? What if that's how they want us to...die?"

"I doubt that. I believe this is simply another method they wish to try on us."

"And...how long can a person last? A few days?"

"Approximately eleven days, but it depends on each individual."

I understand what he's trying to say, "We won't be able to last that long. We've been living in this horrible conditions for nineteen days, our health is not...the best at the moment."

He simply nods, "Do not worry about it. The guards know all of that and they will not go through with it."

I somehow know, _feel_, he is right. This is not how we will die. It's just another torture method. But I'm still frightened.

"It won't be such a problem to you," I say quietly.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing...it's just, in all this time we've been here I never actually saw you sleep. Well, I only once."

He narrows his eyes at me, "Contrary to popular belief, Miss Granger, I do sleep. Not as much as you do, but I do require sleep to function normally."

"I-I know and that's exactly what I wanted to say. You don't sleep so much."

He sighs, then turns away from me.

Why is he angry? What have I said this time to annoy him?

ooo

After an hour of silence I finally can't take it anymore.

"We have to talk," I force out.

He is silent.

Has he decided to completely ignore me?

But after a long moment he sighs, "Talk about what?"

"I don't know."

Now he looks at me, raising one eyebrow.

I try again, "It doesn't matter _what_ we talk about. But...if we are not allowed to sleep, we have to entertain ourselves somehow."

"I realize that."

He does?

I am a bit surprised, I did not expect him to agree with me.

"Then...what is the problem?" I ask quietly.

"I am not...talkative."

A laugh almost escapes me at hearing that.

"I-I have noticed that, Sir," I say, "But we need to talk."

He tenses, "Alright."

I nod, "Alright," a long pause, "So...let's start talking."

He nods as well.

And then silence takes over the dungeon again.

ooo

We are not talking.

And I know the problem is with _him_. I am perfectly capable of speaking, but there is just something about him. He does not want to talk. He does not even want to look at me. Every time I open my mouth, his dark gaze makes me forget what I wanted to say.

Alright. Then we won't talk.

I try to concentrate a bit on myself.

I am still sick. I can just feel my throat itching and my whole body burning. How long will it last? My head feels as if it's heavier than usual and all I can do is lay on the mattress like a doll.

There are some moments when I'm burning up and then I'm freezing and shaking.

Just what I needed.

ooo

Food.

The guard just conjures the bread, two apples and two glasses of water and then leaves. Without a word.

My eyes land on the glass of water and I lick my dry lips unconsciously. I want to move to get it, but simply can't. Professor Snape seems to read my mind as he takes the glass and walks over to me, handing it to me. I try to take it from him, but our fingers touch for a slight second and he immediately pulls his hand away as if it burnt him. The glass hits the ground and breaks into thousand pieces, the water spilling all over it.

"No!" I cry out, watching in despair as the shards magically disappear.

We have lost one glass of water.

I look at Professor Snape who seems tense and uncomfortable.

"What happened?" I ask desperately.

"I apologize, I thought you were already holding it."

"No, it wasn't that. You...snapped your hand away."

I observe his face for any kind of reaction.

His jaw hardens, "I did not."

"You _did_."

"Miss Granger - "

"_Professor Snape_."

Silence.

I take a deep breath, "What is happening? Why are you acting like this?"

"My behavior has not changed, Granger. You are only imagining it."

"Oh, is that so?" I ask, "You can barely say a word to me, you hardly look me in the eyes, you can't even touch me - "

His head snaps towards me, "As it should be, Miss Granger."

Then I understand.

I clear my throat awkwardly, "Is this about last night's conversation?"

He looks away immediately, "We agreed to never mention it again."

"So it is about that," I say quietly.

"Granger - "

"I'm sorry for...ever bringing that subject up, but you can't keep behaving in such a way because of it."

Silence.

"It was my fault," he finally speaks.

"What was?"

"It had to be something I did," he says, not looking at me, "I did something to...encourage you."

"Encourage me?" I ask with surprise, "Professor...I'm not...developing a crush on you."

His eyes widen with shock, "Miss Granger!"

"Is that's what you're worried about? You can relax."

"This conversation is heading into a wrong direction."

I take a deep breath, "You don't understand why - ...I didn't..."

It's difficult to explain.

Finally I pull myself together, "It wasn't about _you_. It was about me. I wanted a bit of control back."

He is uncomfortable, but he is listening. That is something at least.

I continue, "I didn't want it to be _their_ way. And I know I'm selfish for dragging you in this."

"You are," he agrees.

Silence.

"You just don't understand," I whisper, looking away from him.

"I do not want to understand," his voice is low, "I am your teacher. I have too many things on my conscience and I do not wish to add another one."

I slowly nod in understanding.

We should stop talking about it.

"You can have my glass of water. I am not thirsty," he says and turns away.

"But - "

"Granger," his voice leaves no room for arguments.

ooo

I return to the dungeon after the bathroom visit and exchange glances with Professor Snape before he's taken away. I take a deep breath and relax now that I have a few minutes to myself.

Then I hear something.

Is it...raining?

It sounds like it.

I look up at the small window high above me, but I can't see anything.

The sound of the rain has always had a calming effect on me.

I sit on my mattress, close my eyes and simply enjoy the sound.

ooo

"Who was that girl?" I suddenly ask.

Professor Snape tenses and I think I saw him roll his eyes.

"You cannot leave things be, can you?" he looks at me hard.

"I just want to know."

"You do _not_ want to know."

"Either you tell me or they will, I'm sure of it."

He sighs and the look on his face is almost desperate.

"I expected you to figure it out yourself," he says.

"Figure what? You haven't exactly given me a lot to work on."

"Fine. I will be short," he looks at me, "Do you remember what she looked like?"

I tense as a memory comes back.

She was scared.

Dirty.

Her clothes were a bit torn.

There were bruises.

After a few moments of silence, Professor Snape nods, "I am the one responsible."

"W-What?"

"_I_ did that to her. Well, mostly."

"You..." I can't even finish my sentence.

Why is he saying that?

"Were you...under the Imperio?" I ask quietly.

"No."

No? Such a simple word.

I am shocked. My mouth are open, but I don't know what to say. I keep waiting for him to say he is making it all up.

He stares into my eyes, "Does that disgust you? Does it scare you?"

I am unable to speak.

"She was begging for my help, kept calling me _Professor_, but I did nothing," his voice is hard.

"_Could_ _do nothing_," I correct him.

"It does not matter."

"Oh, it matters."

Silence.

I don't think I want to know more. I don't want to know what that girl had to go through.

"It didn't scare me," I speak, breaking the horrible silence.

He looks at me, surprised.

"I am a big girl now, you can tell me things, Professor. I can handle it."

He does not believe me, I can see it on his face, but he does not say anything.

I know he expects me to ask why he did what he did, to demand explaination, but I don't.

I remain silent.

ooo

The day is slowly passing.

I am probably losing my mind, because my mattress suddenly seems so comfortable. My eyes are closing, all my thoughts are disappearing somewhere. The sound of the rain is making me sleepy, but I am determined to stay awake.

I will just rest my eyes for a moment.

One minute passes.

Then two.

I am slowly losing myself.

Then I cry out in pain as electricity shots through my body.

It immediately disappears, but I'm still in shock.

"What happened?" Professor Snape asks, making his way towards me.

"I-I think I got...electrocuted," I explain, looking at the metal bracelet on my hand.

"So now we know what the punishment for falling asleep is," Professor says, his face hard.

"I just closed my eyes for a second and..." I trail off, still feeling a strange energy in my body.

"You cannot just close you eyes, Granger, you will fall asleep."

"But I'm...sleepy," I admit quietly.

He nods, then walks away from me, sitting down on the chair in the middle of the room.

"Miss Granger, can you tell me what Hellebore is?" he suddenly asks, in his usual teaching voice.

I blink a few times, "It's...one of the ingredients of Draught of Peace. It's poisonous."

He smirks, before looking at me coldly again, "Which potion requires Puffer-fish parts_?"_

I quickly start thinking, going through many textbooks in my mind before finally finding the answer.

"The eyes are used in Swelling Solution, Sir," I reply with confidence.

He nods before asking me another question.

And another.

ooo

"So, when we get back to Hogwarts..." I start slowly, "I believe I should get a few points for answering every question right?"

His lips curl up in a slight smirk, "We will see about that, Miss Granger."

I smile weakly.

When we get back to Hogwarts? _If_ we get back to Hogwarts.

Dark thoughts take over me again and I can't help it.

"Nineteen days," I whisper, "I never ever thought we would be here for so long. Where are they? The Order? Why haven't they found us?"

"Perhaps they have stopped searching."

I look at him, shocked, "No...don't say that."

"It could be the truth."

"It isn't," I shake my head.

"We have to face the reality, Granger. It's been _nineteen_ long days. It is completely possible that they have given up."

I can't listen to him.

But deep inside I know he could be right.

"I can't believe that," I say quietly, "Because if I do, then nothing matters anymore."

"We should change the subject."

But we don't.

Neither of us speaks for a long time.

ooo

What are the guards planning on doing with us today?

They haven't visited us again.

Is that everything?

They take sleep away from us and leave us be?

ooo

As the night approaches, the harder it is to resist falling asleep.

I can barely keep my eyes open. And Professor Snape seems restless as well. He keeps walking up and down the dungeon.

But I can't walk. I can barely stand without getting dizzy.

I need something to keep my mind busy.

"You are a Half Blood, aren't you, Professor?"

He stops and looks at me, "Yes."

"Which one of your parents was a Muggle?"

His eyes harden, "Why the sudden interest in my family tree, Granger?"

"I'm just...talking."

He takes a deep breath through his nose, "Find another topic."

That annoys me, "That's not fair. You know so much about me. I've told you things I've never told anyone. Why can't we talk about _you_ for a change?"

"Because I say so," he snarls.

I bite my inner cheek in anger, then continue, "Did you grow up in the Muggle World?"

He rolls his eyes, "Yes."

"Really?" interest shows on my face, "So you are familiar with all the things Muggle?"

"More or less."

Silence.

I finally gather my courage, "Why don't you like talking about your family?"

He sends me a cold glare, "Perhaps because my family was not as perfect as your is, Miss Granger."

There is such bitterness in his voice.

"My family is not perfect," I defend myself.

"Oh, forgive me, but the fights about _who ate the last cookie_ are nothing in comparison to - " he stops himself and takes a deep breath.

I am speechless. There is such anger on his face. Such...pain and resentment.

Perhaps it would be for the best if I just keep my mouth shut.

ooo

It's late at night.

The dungeon is dark.

I'm sitting on my mattress, rocking back and forth, trying to keep myself from falling asleep.

"This is torture," I whisper.

"Indeed," comes the reply from the other end of the room.

"I've read about sleep deprivation."

"Of course you have."

"It causes confusion, memory lapses, depression, hallucinations and headaches."

He simply snorts, "And knowing about this helps us how, Miss Granger?"

"I-It doesn't...I just thought..."

Silence.

"Miss Granger?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to promise me something."

That catches my attention and I'm almost afraid to hear what the promise is about.

"A-Alright," I force out.

"If we ever get out of here," he says, "I want you to find that...dunderhead from the party and make sure he pays for what he did."

That is the last thing I expected him to mention.

"But...why?" I can't believe he is bringing this up after so many days.

"Because he deserves to be punished," is his only explanation.

I am silent for a moment, then I nod, "I'll try."

"Good."

Silence again.

I don't know what to talk about. And at the same time I _can't_ talk anymore. I'm tired, I'm sleepy.

After a long moment I pinch myself hard to keep awake. It helps only for a couple of minutes, then my eyes threaten to close again.

How are we going to survive this night?

**A/N: Sorry! I know it's been more than a week since the last update, but I've had a bit of a writer's block. It's not completely gone, but I've managed to write this chapter. Hopefully you are not too disappointed. A lot will be happening in the last ten days and I hope you will keep reading. Thank you! :)**


	20. Day 20

**Day 20**

I don't know if I should be laughing or crying.

Perhaps both.

It's early in the morning.

I'm still alive. But barely.

Everything hurts. My eyes are burning.

During the night I was electrocuted three times. I just closed my eyes for a second and immediately I was woken up by the burning white pain that shot through my body.

Professor Snape slipped only once.

I was singing in my head when I heard a gasp from his side of the dungeon. And that apparently woke him up because it never happened again.

"I can't do this anymore," I say, blinking a few times.

"You do not have a choice, Miss Granger," he drawls.

I can see him, sitting on the mattress, completely covered with his dark robes. He seems a bit...defeated.

We didn't talk much during the night. We had nothing to talk about.

"How are you feeling? Your fever?" he asks quietly.

"It's better, but somehow I'm feeling worse than before. I'd rather be sick than...than this. I would _kill_ just for one hour of sleep."

"They cannot continue with this for too long."

That is supposed to make me feel better but it doesn't. We can't know how long they want to torture us like this. All I know is that I doubt I can go one more day without sleep.

"I don't understand," I whisper.

"What do you not understand?"

"How could this happen? I was safe at Hogwarts," then I pause for a moment, "Why did I have to walk into your classroom that night?"

He is silent.

"Why did I have to interrupt your...meeting?"

My voice is so low it seems like I'm talking to myself.

It seems so unbelievable that everything could be prevented if I was five minutes late for my detention. If only someone had stopped me on my way to the dungeons.

_If only._

"I had given you a detention," Professor Snape finally speaks, "I am responsible."

"No," I shake my head weakly.

"Do not be honorable, Miss Granger. It is my fault that you are now here."

"It was _my_ fault that I got a detention. I shouldn't have helped Neville, those are the rules and I broke them."

He looks at me hard and it seems like he wants to say something.

I wait and after a long minute he finally sighs, "I did not give you a detention because of that."

"What do you mean?"

"Helping Longbottom was not the only reason," he says quietly.

I am a bit confused by that, but I nod, "Alright. What was the other reason?"

He does not want to talk about it, I can see it on his face. As seconds pass, I start to get more and more curious.

Finally he speaks, "Because you are a Gryffindor."

What'

He continues, "Because you have annoyed me since the first year. Because you took too much pride in being the Know-it-all. Because - " he stops to let out a breath, "Because I wanted to punish you."

"Oh."

I don't even know what to say. It was not what I expected to hear from him.

That actually hurt my feelings.

"So," I start slowly, "Harry and Ron were right when they said you had it against us and that you were...tormenting us on purpose."

He does not respond.

I let out a small laugh, "I always defended you."

"Granger."

Keeping my eyes on my hands, I continue, "I always insisted that you were just a very strict teacher and that you wanted us to learn as much as we could."

"That is true."

I look at him.

Then he continues, "But I am not perfect. No one is."

But...he is a teacher and he should not be acting like that.

It's not right. It's not fair.

"Every teacher has a favorite student. The ones who say otherwise are liars," he says.

His words make sense, but I am too shocked and surprised to agree with him.

I need some time to absorb all the information. And decide how to proceed.

"I understand completely if you decide to hate me, Miss Granger."

A minute passes.

Then another.

Finally I speak, "I don't hate you, Professor. Regardless of what had happened, you have tried to protect me to the best of your ability all this time."

I need to remember that.

He does not respond. I notice he has trouble looking at me.

Again, there is tension in the dungeon.

ooo

I close my eyes and rest my head on my knees.

Just for a second.

Electricity shoots through me again and I gasp, barely holding in a cry.

Professor Snape looks at me, "Granger, you need to control yourself."

"I can't...and every time it seems to hurt even more," I admit, wrapping my arms around me.

"That is exactly why you need to resist it. I highly doubt that electricity is healthy for a human body."

"What do you mean?"

He is serious and I can't help but feel worried.

"You do not know what kind of an effect it can have on you, Granger."

He's not telling me everything.

"What? Can it stop my heart or something?" the question was not meant to be taken serious, but the look in his face tells me everything.

"Oh God," is all I can say.

Silence.

All of the sudden Professor Snape stands, "You should not be sitting down."

"But I can't stand," I admit.

"You _can_," he says then walks over to me, offering me his hand.

I look at him weakly, noticing he is giving me no choice. Finally I sigh and take his hand and he helps me stand up.

His hand is warm and...nice. And surprisingly gentle. Soft.

I would imagine his hands to be rough from all the cutting the ingredients and preparing different potions every day of his life. He is a Potions Master and he works with his hands.

But then why are his hands so - ?

Wait.

Why I am thinking about his hands?

I blush and pull my hand out of his awkwardly. He does not seem to notice my discomfort or he pretends not to notice.

"You should walk around to get your blood flowing," he instructs.

"A-Alright," I nod, slowly making the first few steps.

"Sitting is the worst thing you can do in this situation," he says.

I reach the first wall, then turn around and walk back to him.

"I know," I say quietly.

Silence.

Few minutes pass and I can feel the walking is really helping. I am still exhausted and sleepy, but at least I'm not almost day dreaming.

"My father was not a kind person."

I stop and turn to look at Professor Snape. Did he really say that or did I imagine it?

I am silent, not sure of how to respond.

"He was a drunk."

I blink a few times, "W-Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because, Miss Granger, I think I owe you," he says quietly, then adds, "Also, you wanted to talk."

"I know, but...you don't have to talk about those things...if you don't want to."

He ignores me, "It was rarely silent in our house, you could always hear noise, yelling or crying, that is how I've come to appreciate silence and peace."

It feels strange hearing him talk about such things. I never expected to hear anything about Professor Snape's private life. And now I'm simply standing there and listening. It almost feels wrong.

He is silent now, lost in his thoughts and perhaps memories.

I would feel immensely guilty if he was relieving his unpleasant memories because of me.

"Professor," I start, "I didn't know. I-I wouldn't have asked. I _shouldn't_ have asked."

He clears his throat, changing the subject, "Are you feeling better now? Did the walk help?"

"Y-Yes, it did. Thank you."

He simply nods.

I don't want to sit down just yet, so I lean against the wall and lose myself in my thoughts.

Professor Snape's story does seem completely logical. He did not have a happy childhood and that is why he is the way he is now.

Bitter. Angry. Resentful.

But noble.

"Granger, do not analyze me in your head," his voice snaps me back to reality.

I blush in embarrassment, "Did you use Legilimency?"

"No."

"But then now -?"

"_I know you_," he states.

I quickly nod, then look away and force myself to think about other things. He _could _be reading my mind and I do not want to annoy him even more.

ooo

The doors open.

I freeze in fear and move closer to Professor Snape.

One guard enters. It's the leader.

Then another one.

And another one.

I can't help but feel horror at seeing all three of the guards standing in front of us.

And I know they have planned something for us. Why else would there be three of them?

The leader speaks, "Have you slept well?"

When he gets no answer, he simply laughs.

Bastard.

He then waves his wand and a chair appears. He casually sits on it, then looks at me, "You don't have to look so frightened, girl. Tonight we will not be focusing on you."

My eyes snap to Professor Snape and at first he seems a bit taken aback, but then his face hardens, not displaying any weakness.

"Have you two bonded?" the question from the guard is completely unexpected.

I don't say anything, neither does Professor Snape.

"I would imagine you have," the guard continues, "You have been here, for how long now?"

You know how long we have been here, you monster.

"Twenty days? Something like that?" he asks, then continues, "And I can't help but wonder what kind of a relationship you two have developed."

"Strictly professional relationship," Professor Snape answers, his voice cold, "Simply because you are disturbed, does not mean that we are as well."

The leader chuckles, "Well, we will see about that soon."

I tense, hoping those are only empty threats.

"You have played us, Severus," he continues and I realize he called Professor Snape by his name which somehow makes it all more personal.

"You were not hard to play," Professor replies.

The leader simply looks at the guard standing next to him and nods.

I stand and watch in shock as the guard approaches Professor Snape and delivers a hard blow to his stomach. He doubles over in pain and groans. I make a move to approach him, but he stops me, raising his hand, "Do not get involved in this, Miss Granger," he orders and I freeze.

"You should take his advice, girl," the leader says, not even looking at me.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down and do what I am asked.

Professor Snape slowly recovers, standing straight, "What is the meaning for this visit? Do you want something or do you simply wish to torture me?"

He seems a bit out of breath.

"A bit of both."

I should be thankful that I am ignored, but seeing Professor Snape being tortured is just as painful.

And then it begins.

I can just stand there and observe.

The guard hits him again.

And again.

But after each blow Professor Snape stands up again. I can, however, notice that with each blow he seems to need more and more time to recover.

Stop it.

"Stop it," the words escape my lips.

But they ignore me.

The guards are laughing.

I can hear Professor Snape let out a silent groan of pain as the guard's fist connects with his ribs.

"Stop it!" I raise my voice and this time they all look at me.

"What do you want?" I ask, surprised by the strength in my voice.

"Well, we wanted to play with your Professor here, but it seems like you want to play as well," the leader speaks, looking at me with surprise.

"What can I say? I don't like being ignored," the words are flying out of my mouth and I can't stop it.

I know it's foolish and dangerous, but I can't just do nothing. Perhaps it's because of the lack of sleep and food, but I can't grasp how serious the situation is. I can barely realize what I am doing. At moments it seems as if I am dreaming.

The only thing that I am sure of is that it makes me physically ill seeing them torture Professor Snape.

"The girl wants to play," the leader smirks and stands up, slowly walking towards me.

I force myself to stay where I am.

His hand is suddenly on my neck and I freeze with panic. But then instead of squeezing it, his hand slides down, between my breasts, down to my stomach and he pushes my shirt apart.

I know he wants me to react and that is exactly what I can't do.

So I stand still and pretend nothing is happening.

He smirks, "Are you sure you want to play?"

Before I can answer, Professor Snape interrupts, "She is already playing you, you fools. She wanted you to leave me alone."

What is he doing? I am trying to help him.

Our eyes meet and I can see anger in his look. He is furious at me. Again.

"I know what she is doing," the guard whispers in my ear and it sends shivers down my body.

He continues, "But she wants to play and I can never turn a lady down."

I close my eyes, feeling a bit lightheaded and suddenly I can feel his hand on my breast, squeezing it through my bra.

Ignore it, Hermione.

Just ignore it.

His hand suddenly disappears, "Or perhaps," he speaks, "You like my touch. You enjoy it."

My eyes snap open, "_I enjoy it?_ I am _repulsed_ by your dirty hands, by your disgusting smell and your breath."

The guard's face changes. I've made him angry.

I continue, "I would rather cut my skin off, than let you touch it."

"Is that so?" he drawls coldly, "And whose hands would you like to feel? Hmm?"

"Anyone's is better than you!" I raise my voice, feeling all the anger and frustration from the previous days come to surface.

The guards looks at me hard, then finally steps away. But I know this is not the end. He would not let me win this easily.

"How about Professor Snape's?" he asks, an evil smirk on his face.

When he gets no response from me, he asks again, "Is your Professor more desirable?"

I can't answer that.

Slowly I look at Professor Snape and he is panicking.

And because of that, I start panicking as well. I've gotten us into this mess and I don't know how to get us out.

What am I supposed to do now?

"Of course she prefers me," Professor Snape suddenly speaks.

I can't hide the shock on my face when I hear him.

"Is that so?" the guard asks.

Professor nods, "And what does that say about you? I am dirty, ugly, bat of the dungeon and yet she still prefers me over you."

What is he playing at?

I can see anger on the guard's face and then he speaks, "Show us."

Before I can even understand what is happening, someone grabs me and then presses his lips against mine.

Professor Snape is kissing me.

It seems like a dream.

His lips are demanding and the kiss is rough. It feels as if I am going to suffocate.

I need to breath.

I groan as his hands come to rest on my waist, touching my skin.

What is happening?

Finally he lets go of me and I stumble away from him, losing my balance and falling to the floor.

The guards all laugh.

I breath heavily, still a bit disoriented.

"See?" Professor Snape says, "I am much better choice than you."

What is he doing? Why is he saying that?

Suddenly Professor Snape is thrown across the dungeon, hitting the wall hard and falling down, unconscious.

Immediately I am beside him, shaking him slightly, "Professor Snape!"

But he does not respond at all.

The guard speaks again, "Take care of your man. This is not over yet."

Then he conjures a piece of bread and two glasses of water before they all leave the dungeon.

I could not care less about them or the food.

"Professor?"

He is not moving.

But he is breathing. And he does not seem to be hurt too much. There is no bleeding on his head.

I look at his face.

He seems peaceful.

I should not wake him up. This way he could at least get some rest.

I sit beside him in silence.

Somehow I don't realize what just happened.

I can still feel him on my lips and I furiously wipe my mouth with my hand.

It feels wrong.

It feels wrong to even think about it.

So I force myself to pretend like nothing happened.

ooo

It's already dark in the dungeon.

He is still unconscious.

And that means that I am alone.

I keep walking up and down the dungeon, slapping my face to keep me awake.

But I'm so exhausted.

I think I might fall asleep while walking.

Then something occurres to me.

I look at Professor Snape, noticing he is still asleep.

Then I clear my throat and start hummin' to myself.

Slowly I get into the song and words start escaping me, "_Well she's all you'd ever want, she's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner_."

I pause for a moment, then gather my courage and continue, "_Well she always knows her place. She's got style, she's got grace, She's a winner."_

My voice gets stronger, "_She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, She's a Lady. Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine."_

Suddenly I hear a groan and I immediately close my mouth.

Professor Snape is waking up.

I kneel down next to him, "Sir?"

"Granger?" he opens his eyes and looks at me, surprised.

Slowly he pulls himself into a sitting position, leaning against the wall, "What happened?" he asks.

"You don't remember?"

He is silent for a long moment, then realization shows on his face.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

"I am fine, I feel...rested."

"Well, you were asleep for a long time."

He raises an eyebrow, "Asleep? How is that possible?"

I look at the metal thing on his wrist, "Perhaps it does not activate when you are knocked unconscious."

"Obviously."

He takes a deep breath and looks at me.

I move away a bit, "You know I need to ask."

"Ask what?"

"Why did you do it?" I blush, "Why did you...kiss me like that?"

Anger shows on his face, "Because I had to save you_ once again_."

"But I was saving you - "

"I do not need you_ saving me_," he interrupts me, "I want you to stop playing a hero."

"I was not trying to be a hero, I wanted to help you."

"And you see how that worked out," he rolls his eyes.

Then I understand, "It was your plan, wasn't it? To get them so angry that they hurt you?"

He nods, "I was hoping for unconsciousness."

"What if they revived you?"

He sighs, "I was willing to take that risk."

"And what - "

Again, he cuts me off, "I do not wish to speak of it again, Granger. Try using your head for a change and do not get involved into something that is not your business."

I feel hurt by his words.

Why does he keep attacking me? Every time I try to help him, he does not thank me, but only snaps at me. Is it so hard to understand I can't just wait and observe as he is tortured?

I move away from him, taking my piece of bread and walking to my mattress.

No words.

I know a difficult night in ahead of me.

Probably a couple of shots of electricity.

But that's alright.

I deserve the pain, don't I?

I try to do the right thing, but always end up messing things up and getting yelled at.

I eat in silence, trying to keep my eyes open.

**A/N: We are slowly coming to an end. :) There will be a surprise visit in the next chapter or the chapter after that. ;) Keep reading. A big Thank-you to all of you!**


	21. Day 21

**Day 21**

I can't even stand anymore. I get dizzy and the whole dungeon starts to spin around me. It's become unbearable. I find myself having trouble forming sentences. Even in my head everything is a big mess. I can't concentrate. There are million of pictures, memories, thoughts just swirling through my mind.

"Ouch!" I scream as the bracelet sends electricity through me again.

Tears start to form in my eyes, it really _is_ becoming more and more painful.

Or perhaps it's just my imagination?

"Granger."

I force my eyes into Professor Snape's direction, but I can't see him clearly.

My head is so heavy, all I want is to drop to the mattress, but I know it will only make everything harder. When I'm sitting, it's easier. A little bit.

"W-What?" I snap at him.

I know that I shouldn't be talking to my teacher like that, but I don't care.

I can barely see him.

He is walking towards me, then kneels down in front of me, "Miss Granger, how long have we been here?"

Why is he asking me that?

I start to think.

Nineteen? No, twenty. Around twenty days. Right?

Oh God, I can't even remember how long we've been here.

"What does it matter?" I ask, blinking a few times.

He sighs, "Alright, answer my next question."

"What question?"

"128 minus 31 is...?"

Numbers. Great.

What is he trying to do?

_128_

_minus_

_31_

That's easy.

But as I try to get to the answer, my mind just explodes with random numbers.

I can't even...concentrate. I can't even...

"Stop it!" I raise my voice, "Stop asking me these stupid questions!"

"Granger," he says, his voice cold, "I am merely trying to - "

"I don't care what you're trying to do."

I hide my face into the palms of my hand, forcing myself to calm down.

"Granger."

Slowly, I look at him and then freeze in shock.

As I stare at him, I notice his face is starting to change.

Morph.

Is he...smiling?

It looks like his lips are curling up and he's smirking at me.

Pure horror starts to form inside of me.

"Are you alright?" he asks, but he's still smirking at me.

"What is so funny?" I ask, not able to look away from him.

He's scaring me.

There is _evil_ in his eyes.

"Funny?" he asks.

I can't even speak anymore.

His face suddenly changes again. And he's not Professor Snape anymore. It's that guard. The leader. And he's before me, staring at me with that disgusting expression of his.

I can't breath.

"Get away from me!" I scream, standing up and running to the other side of the dungeon.

This can't be happening.

He turns to face me and it's Professor Snape again.

What is going on?

"What are you d-doing?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"I am not doing anything, Miss Granger," he says slowly, walking towards me.

"Stay there!"

He stops.

"J-Just don't come closer," I add, sliding down the wall.

I can't take this anymore.

"I believe you are experiencing panic attacks, am I right?" he asks calmly.

After a long moment I nod, blinking away the tears.

He continues, "Hallucinations?"

"P-Probably...I-I don't know."

He starts walking up and down the dungeon, "Two days without sleep is a lot. Especially in this conditions..."

He is still talking, I can hear him, but his words make no sense. I can't concentrate enough to listen to him.

It's too much.

"...irritability, headaches..."

Why is he still talking?

He's annoying me, his voice is annoying me! Why doesn't he just shut up already? It's not like all the talking about it will do me any good.

I'm shaking and twitching.

I actually want to...hit something. Or someone.

"...will stop...at least another day or two..."

Shut up.

_Shut up._

I find myself being furious at him.

_He_ got to be knocked unconsciouss. _He_ got his rest.

What about _me_?

"...you do not realize that we are playing with you..."

What?

"What...what did you just say?" I ask, my eyes wide open.

He looks at me, confused.

"_What did you just say_?" I repeat the question, louder.

"I _said_ you do not realize we can play with them."

No.

I shake my head, "N-No, you didn't say that."

He steps closer to me, narrowing his eyes, "And what exactly did I say?"

I remain silent, simply staring at him in horror. This could not be a mistake, I heard him, I know I did. It was _so_ clear.

I can still hear him in my mind.

'_"...you do not realize that we are playing with you...'_

"Miss Granger?"

"Stop calling me that!"

He is silent.

I slowly stand up, "You're playing with me, aren't you?"

He rolls his eyes, "Again with this subject? It is becoming tiresome."

"You are one of them and you...you are all playing with me, with my mind!"

"You are talking nonsense. _Again_."

"Stop lying to me!" I scream, but then my legs betray me, but before I can hit the ground painfully, Professor Snape catches me, his hands on my waist.

I struggle, "Let go of me!"

"Sit down and shut up," he orders, helping me to the chair.

I sit down, "Don't tell me what do to!"

"I will do exactly that until you stop acting like a moron."

"I _heard_ you before!"

He takes a breath through his nose to calm down, "And what exactly did you hear?"

"I heard you say 'you do not realize that we are playing with you'. I heard you."

"Why would I say that?"

"I don't know!" I growl, running my hands through my hair.

I'm losing my mind.

"You need to calm yourself down," he instructs.

"Easy for you to say."

"Granger, if anyone is playing with you, it is _your own_ mind."

"I need to sleep...I just..."

Professor Snape looks at me hard and it seems as if he is struggling with words, "There is...a way."

"Yes, I know. Unconsciousness. But they have put the anti-suicide spells on the dungeon and-and that means I-I can't hurt myself."

"Yes, that is true. _You_ probably cannot hurt yourself."

Oh.

Our eyes meet and now I understand why he is so uncomfortable. He knows what could help me, but is not capable to say it out loud.

I immediately stand up, "Do it!"

"I think we should talk about it first."

"N-No, I can't...what's there to talk about?" I shake my head, "_Please_."

He is silent for a long moment, but I know he is going to do it. He just needs time.

"I am only doing this because I know you desperately need to rest," he says as if he is trying to apologize.

"I know, Professor. I-I don't mind, _please_."

He clears his throat then approaches me.

He is nervous.

"So...how are we going to do it?" I ask, anxious about the possibility of finally getting some sleep.

I would do almost anything.

"I have been considering various options and I think I have found the one that would cause the least damage to you," he explains.

"And?"

I try to ignore the look of self hate on his face. I know I am asking too much of him again, but he is the only one that can help me now.

"A blow to the head would be effective and quick, but I would not want to risk any head injuries."

I shudder, "And what if it would not work in...the first try?"

The image of Professor Snape hitting me over the head is horrifying.

He tenses up, "It would work, believe me. But we are not using that technique."

I don't know how I feel about this. The fact that Professor Snape is capable of knocking someone unconscious with one blow is...interesting and horrible at the same time. I do not want to know where he got that knowledge from.

He finally speaks again, "I think...cutting off the oxygen supply would be the safest way. It is, however, painful and it takes longer."

I try to process the information, but everything is too complicated.

"What about...what about b-brain damage?" I ask, forcing myself to concentrate.

"There is no need to worry about that," is all he says.

Once again I am surprised and terriefied at the same time. But I don't ask questions.

Quickly I nod, "Alright. Do it."

I am desperate. I myself could do it if I could.

Then something occurres to me, "What if the guards come while I'm...sleeping?"

"We will think about that if it happens," he replies, "Now I am more concerned about your mental health."

Alright.

Without words he moves to stand behind me and my reflex is to run away, but I force myself to stay. It takes him a couple of seconds before he moves closer so I can feel his body against my back.

I start to panic. It seems I am already having trouble breathing.

"If you change your mind...if you decide you want me to stop, simply extend your hands in front of you. I will understand that as a sign to stop," he explains in a cold tone.

"W-Why can't I just grab your arm...or something?"

"Because you will be doing that in any case."

I am terrified.

Slowly he moves, his right arm going around my neck, while his other arm moves to rest around my waist. It feels as if I am being held by a snake.

It is uncomfortable. We have never been that close before, at least not in this position.

"Ready?" he asks from behind me.

I nod, "Y-Yes."

He tightens his grip and at first it's not so bad.

I can breath.

It's harder, but I can do it.

Then his grip tightens even more and I can feel my throat closing up.

I am calm.

Then seconds pass.

I start to panic.

I can't breath.

Desperately, I open my mouth, gasping for air, but it's useless.

My head feels as if it's going to explode.

My lungs hurt, needing oxygen.

A cry escapes me and I can't help but to struggle.

My body is moving on it's own, grasping Professor Snape's robes, his arm.

I try to escape.

But he does not let go of me.

I want him to stop, but at the same time I don't.

My visions starts to darken.

I can't feel my legs anymore. I would have dropped to the floor, if he was not holding me.

My lungs are screaming in pain.

Such _agony_.

My eyes will pop out of my head. I'm sure of it.

Hurts.

Hurts so much.

And then nothing.

ooo

I can't even move.

My body is exhausted.

Everything is dark around me.

Slowly, I start to wake up.

But I can't move. My arms are so heavy.

Somehow I manage to open my eyes.

"Miss Granger?"

Someone is kneeling next to me.

I mumble something and even I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Finally I gather my strength and move my body.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Sit...sit up."

He understands and immediately helps me, pulling me up and I lean against the wall, letting out a deep breath.

I thought I would feel better. More rested.

"Are you alright?" he repeats the question.

I nod, "I feel as if I fell into a big dark hole."

"What did you expect?"

Silence.

I clear my throat, "I'm good..._better_ than before, at least."

"You were asleep for a couple of hours."

"And no one came?"

He shakes his head, "No."

"We were lucky."

"Take your time," he says before walking back to his chair.

It does not escape my attention that he barely looked at me and it seemed he did not want to be close to me.

I close my eyes and try to pull myself together.

ooo

"Thank you."

He looks at me, then away again.

I continue, "I know it had to be hard to..."

"Suffocate my student?" he interrupts, "Well, I have done many things to be ashamed of and this one changes nothing."

"This isn't something to be ashamed of. You _helped_ me."

"You do not understand."

"No," I shake my head, "_You_ don't understand. You helped me."

His jaw hardens, but he says nothing. I can see this is something he does not wish to discuss. It is something he wants to forget it ever happened.

_He_ can forget.

But _I_ won't.

He did something he was not comfortable with just to help me.

I will not forget it.

ooo

I catch myself thinking strange things.

For example, Professor Snape's hands.

And his lips.

I can't seem to forget how he kissed me yesterday.

I was left breathless. Literally.

It was so possessive.

And even if it was only an act.

I have never felt something like that.

What was it?

"Whatever you are thinking, just drop it, Granger."

I snap out of my thoughts.

"W-What?" I ask, forcing an innocent face.

"I can see it," he replies, "Whatever you are thinking about, it's wrong."

"Did you...read my mind?"

"Do you truly want to know the answer?"

Do I want to know if he knows I've been replaying the memory of him kissing me?

No.

I don't.

I quickly shake my head.

"You are confused, it is perfectly understandable," he explains, calmly, "But...stop it."

I look away, a bit ashamed of myself.

What has gotten into me?

Is it even possible for me to ever be normal again?

ooo

A guard enters and conjures two slices of bread with two glasses of water.

I look at the food and unconsciously lick my lips.

I am so hungry.

It seems unbelievable that this is pretty much the only food I've eaten in the last twenty days.

"Eat," the guard says, "And I am also here to inform you that you will be getting a special visit soon."

"What visit?" I ask before I can stop myself.

He simply sends me a glare before leaving the dungeon.

Professor and I exchange looks, but neither of us speaks.

ooo

An hour passes in silence.

Finally I can't take it anymore.

"Who do you think he meant?" I ask, "Who will they bring?"

He sighs, "How many times do I have to tell you I cannot predict the future?"

"But...you have your suspicions?"

"Nothing I would like to share with you."

My mouth snaps shut.

At least ten minutes pass.

Then I speak again, "Why do you do that?"

He lets out a tired breath, "Do what?"

"Why don't you want to talk to me? We've been here for too long, I need to talk, I need something to entertain myself."

He raises his eyebrow, "I believe you are perfectly capable of entertaining yourself."

"What does that mean?"

"I can suggest some songs if you wish."

My eyes widen in shock, "W-What?"

"Do not play ignorant. I _have_ heard you yesterday. I am not deaf."

Oh God.

I blush, looking away, "I-I thought you were asleep."

"I was, until I heard you."

"Well, I am sorry for disturbing your sleep."

I just want to stop talking about it.

No one has ever heard me sing. It's something I do in private.

He narrows his eyes, "We have been through many humilliating moments and you are ashamed of being heard singing?"

I clear my throat awkwardly, "Let's just...drop it."

Silence.

"I quite liked your choice of the song," he says after a moment.

My eyes snap up at him, "You've heard of that song?"

Rolling his eyes, he replies, "I am familiar with most things Muggle."

I nod, "R-Right."

It's still strange. I've always thought Professor Snape had no idea that songs even existed.

I push that thought aside.

Hopefully he will forget he ever heard me sing.

ooo

We don't have to wait for too long.

The doors open.

And that guard enters, the _leader_.

Another guard follows.

I hold my breath as I await for the third person, but there is no one.

Strange.

Why didn't they close the door?

"Forgive me," the leader speaks, "But you two look _horrible_."

I don't say anything.

If not anything else, at least I am smarter than I was in the beginning. Now I know when it's not smart to use my tongue.

The guard continues, "I think we should end this torture. We would not want you to die, not yet, anyway."

My face lights up with hope and relief.

"Tomorrow we will discuss how you can thank me," he speaks with a smirk, "But for today I have a surprise for you."

He looks back at the other guard and nods to him.

The man obeys and walks over to me, grabbing my hand and removing the metal bracelet. He does the same thing with Professor Snape, then moves to stand behind the leader again.

I look at my hand and almost smile in relief.

It's gone.

No more fear of being electrocuted every time I close my eyes.

It's over.

But there is no time to celebrate.

"I have something that might convince you to join our side," the leader speaks.

I don't care what they have.

Nothing could ever convince me.

Nothing.

The guard turns to look at the door, "You can come in now."

I am actually calm.

I've been through worse.

And then someone enters the dungeon.

What?

No.

It can't be possible.

It can't be.

It's Professor Lupin.

And I can't even think.

What...?

Blinking a few times, I try to convince myself it's only my imagination.

It has to be.

It's from the lack of sleep.

"Well," Professor Snape's voice cuts through the silence, "I cannot say this is a surprise."

This can't be happening.

If Professor Snape can see him, then it's not my imagination.

I think I'm going to throw up.

"Hermione," Professor Lupin speaks, "I understand this is a big shock to you. But not everything is black and white as you think."

"Keep your philosophy of life to yourself, Lupin," Snape says coldly.

I-I can't even look at him. I'm surprised I'm still standing.

"Hermione, look at me. I am still that teacher, I simply see things different now."

"How...could you?" I finally find my voice.

"I had no choice and neither do you."

"Y-You had no choice?" I repeat, "There's _always_ a choice."

"Death is not a choice."

"It's better than betrayal!" I scream at him, "How _could_ you?"

The guard steps in, "He has made a right choice. You two should look up to him."

"Never," Professor Snape replies calmly and I can feel venom in his voice.

"H-How?" I manage to ask, then shake my head, "This isn't happening. I must be dreaming..."

Lupin sighs, "Not everything is as bad as you think. You can make a deal with them."

A laugh escapes me, "What deal?"

"If you cross over to their side, they will spare the life of the ones you love."

I look at him, "_Their_ side? Didn't you mean to say _'our'_ side?"

"Hermione," he starts, "You will die here. And I don't want to see that, you are the brightest witch of your age. It would be such a waste."

I want to cry.

It feels as if everything came crashing down.

Everything I believed in is gone.

I look at Professor Snape desperately, seeking some kind of a comfort or _something_. He is the only thing I've got.

Professor Snape nods, then meets Lupin's eyes, "The only waste here is _you_. Waste of space. Waste of air."

"No one is talking to you, _Snivellus_."

"I always knew you were nothing more than an animal."

"Oh, look who is talking - "

"Bastard."

"Enough!" the guard interrupts, "We are here to talk in a civil manner."

I finally gather my courage to look Professor Lupin in the eye, "I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to see you. I have nothing to say to you."

"But, Hermione, you _have_ to listen to me. If you would just hear what they are offering - "

I cut him off, "What? Are you going to offer me _chocolate_? You can keep it. I want _nothing_ from you."

With those words I turn away.

"Hermione - "

Professor Snape growls, "Have you not heard her? You are losing your time, traitor."

Lupin says nothing more.

I can hear someone walking out of the dungeon and I hope it's him.

It hurt to look at him.

I _trusted_ him.

He was the one I trusted completely.

Even more than I trusted Professor Snape.

How could this happen?

"Well, there goes your chance," the guard speaks, "I have to admit I thought you are smarter. Guess not. I will return tomorrow. Be prepared."

And then they all leave.

Such silence.

ooo

I think we are both in shock.

Professor Snape perhaps does not want to admit it, but I know it has surprised him. No matter how much he dislikes Lupin, this is the last thing he expected from him.

I don't speak.

Neither does he.

I return from the bathroom visit.

A few minutes later so does he.

And still, we do not speak.

What is there to say?

ooo

It's becoming dark.

"Professor," I start.

"Yes?"

"What if...what if it wasn't him?"

I hope, truly hope, that is the case.

"It could be," is all he says.

"But...what do you think?"

It takes him a long minute to answer, "It looked like Lupin. It sounded like Lupin."

"I _know_," I admit, "I didn't notice anything strange about him. Well, except for the fact that he..."

"Is a Death Eater."

It feels as if someone stabbed me with a knife.

Lupin is working with the Death Eaters.

It sounds surreal.

Even in my head.

"I never trusted him," he continues, "But nobody ever listens to me."

"W-We can't rule out the possibility that it could be someone else pretending to be Professor Lupin?"

"You mean Polyjuice?"

I nod.

"It could be, but it could also be Lupin," he says.

My voice shakes, "Who can we trust?"

"You can only trust yourself, Miss Granger."

"Not even you?"

"Not even me."

I tense up.

What does he mean by that?

"If you want to survive, only trust yourself," he adds, something dark in his voice.

Silence.

But I _want_ to trust him.

I do.

Finally I force myself to say something horrible, "They will never find us, will they? The Order?"

I don't want to hear the answer.

"Miss Granger...Never trust anyone and never lose hope."

But what if I've already lost it?

So much has happened.

I don't believe in happy endings anymore.

The irony.

We are finally allowed to sleep, but neither of us is sleeping.

Or planning to any time soon.

**A/N: Just a few more days. I am anxious to come to the end! :) Many shocking discoveries in the next chapters. Thank you so much for your support!**


	22. Day 22

**Day 22**

The dungeon has become my home.

I never thought I would spend enough time here to call it _my home_.

The mattress is not so horrible. It's actually very comfortable.

Wait.

What am I thinking?

No!

The dungeon is _not_ my home.

I have my home. And it's waiting for me. I will return there. It's just taking a bit longer than I expected. And this dungeon, this _prison_, will be nothing more than a bad memory.

And I will never _ever_ see it again.

I take a deep breath, then look at myself casually.

My clothes are dirty. I can't believe I've been wearing the same thing for more than twenty days.

My skirt is a bit torn and filthy. My blouse is completely ruined, all the buttons are gone, but I've managed to make it work somehow. I had to. I have nothing else to wear.

My legs are disgusting. Too thin. How much weight have I lost exactly?

And my hair.

I run my hand through it every day, hoping it has grown.

It hasn't.

It's still that horrible length. Just the way they cut it.

And the scars on my body.

Will they ever heal and disappear completely?

_Oh._

A new game.

I could count the scars on my body and try to remember how I got each one. That would keep me busy for an hour at least.

I look at my wrists and start.

_One._

"You are too calm," comes the voice from another side of the dungeon.

I look up in surprise.

Professor Snape is actually talking to me.

We haven't said one word to each other ever since we woke up. It's just been awkward glances.

I slept well, surprisingly. It took quite some time, but I managed to fall asleep. And that's a good thing. I am much more relaxed now. Much more rested.

Suffice it to say, I don't take sleep for granted anymore.

Clearing my throat, I try to reply, "I...I _am_ calm."

"Yes, I have noticed that."

"So...what is the problem?"

He narrows his eyes, "I expected you to show more...emotions."

Understandable.

I _too_ have expected to be more emotional about everything.

"Professor Lupin is one of them," I say calmly, "Or...isn't and they are just playing with us again."

"And that does not bother you?"

"Of course it does, but...I don't know," after a moment of silence I continue, "Should I be pacing up and down, crying and screaming? Would that be better?"

He quickly shakes his head, "No. You are confusing surprise with disapproval."

I wait for him to continue.

He does, "I much rather see you like this, than acting crazy. I am merely surprised. Why..." he trails off.

"Why am I not acting crazy?" I finish his sentence.

He nods.

Alright. Why am I not acting crazy?

"I...I don't know," I answer truthfully.

He takes a deep breath, still looking at me, "I think I know the answer to that."

"You do?"

"I believe you have not accepted it. You have not allowed yourself to believe that it could be the truth."

"Maybe..." I admit, "Professor Lupin...I trusted him. We all have. _Harry_...If Harry finds out..."

I don't finish that sentence. I don't want to think about it. Poor Harry would be devastated.

"You better hope Potter finds out. That might be the only chance we have of coming out of this alive," Professor Snape explains.

"I just don't understand. It...it seems very unlikely that Lupin would join the Death Eaters."

"Every person has a price."

That makes me look up at him, "You think so?"

"I know."

"So you think that Death Eaters could get _anyone_ on their side as long as they offer them enough?"

"I am not talking about money."

I nod, "I know that."

"There are things that are worth more than money," his eyes turn dark as he speaks, "I believe that every person has a price that is high enough to trade her or his values, family, personality, and anything else in order to acquire whatever it is they are being offered."

That's a scary thought. But at the same time it's very true. And that's exactly what makes it so terrifying.

"And what about...you?" I slowly ask, "Do _you_ have a price?"

"I believe I answered that question when I said that _everyone_ has a price."

I gulp. I did not expect that.

"And," I start, "What could they offer you to...make you change your mind?"

His face hardens, "That is personal."

Of course it is. Everything with him is _personal_.

But I don't give up.

"Is it money?" I ask.

He looks at me, "No."

"Is it a...high position in the society?"

This time he rolls his eyes, "Granger, I am a Potions Master. I have the abilities to be known worldwide, but instead I chose to teach dunderheads in the dungeons. Do you truly believe high position is what I want?"

I lower my eyes in embarrassment, "N-No, I guess it isn't."

Silence.

"What about you?" he suddenly asks, "What would your price be?"

"Oh, a large house with a pool. And enough money to never have to work. Also, a convertible would be nice."

The look he gives me is enough to make me let out a short laugh.

"I am joking, Professor."

The serious look on his face remains for a few more moments before it fades away.

"That is not something to _joke_ about, Miss Granger."

"Sorry."

"You have not answered my question."

I take a deep breath, but no words come out of my mouth. How can I say it?

"Granger?"

"I don't think you want to know."

"Try me."

Fine. Why not tell him?

"I love Harry," I start, looking down at my hands, "And I know the greater good is more important...but sometimes...I don't think I could choose between..."

"Between what?"

"Between...my family and the greater good."

_The greater good_. It sounds so stupid.

Professor Snape is silent and I know that I've said too much. Perhaps that confession is something I should have kept deep inside of me.

I try to explain myself, "I-I know it's not right."

"I did not say that."

"You didn't have to. The look on your face says it all."

"It is perfectly understandable."

I look up at him in despair, "But...that makes me a horrible, selfish person. I am not a hero a-and...I don't want to be."

"Nobody is a hero."

"You are," the words escape me.

_Oh no._

I bite my lip, but it's too late.

He's already staring at me, his dark eyes making me feel so small and vulnerable.

When he finally speaks, it's slow and calm, "You think of me as a...hero?

"N-No...well, in some way," I finally give up, letting out a tired sigh.

He seems to be taken aback by it.

"Professor - "

"I am _not_ a hero."

"You don't understand what I was trying to say..."

"Then explain it to me."

How can I?

"I'd rather not," I reply quietly, the awkwardness of the situation already making my face blush.

"I have a right to know why you see me in such a light," he says, "I need to know what on Earth gave you that idea."

Silence.

This conversation is going in the wrong direction.

"It's just...the vibe," I quickly say.

"The _vibe_?"

"Y-Yes, you are just giving off this vibe."

"I am _giving off a vibe_?"

It sounds stupid when he says it.

And I am not even explaining this right. He seems even more confused. If we could just stop talking about it.

Then something occurres to me, "Alright. If I explain this to you, do you promise to answer one question?"

"It depends."

"On what?"

"You know there are questions I cannot answer."

I nod, "It won't be that kind of a question. You will be able to answer it."

He seems to think about it.

Finally he nods.

I was actually hoping he would refuse.

Oh well.

So I start, "As I said before, I've always respected you as a teacher."

This seems to make him uncomfortable as he looks away. I know it's because of the conversation we had about the detention he had given me.

But I continue, "And I always thought there is more to you than meets the eyes. And when I heard about you working for the Order and doing all this...dangerous stuff...I just - "

"You created this image of me. An image that is _not real_, Miss Granger."

"It's not like I think of you as a superhero," I explain, feeling a bit stupid, "I just...think you are very noble and...no matter how hard you try to hide that, you are a good person."

I am afraid to look at him. Perhaps I've said too much?

"Why..." he starts before pausing for a slight moment, "Why would you spend your time thinking about me?"

I tense up, "Well...I have a lot of time. There is not much to do when you're stuck here."

He is silent.

Well, this is uncomfortable.

"I am not a hero, Granger. I am...far from being a hero."

I allow myself to look up at him, but I don't say anything.

He then clears his throat, "And...what is your question?"

"M-My question?"

He raises his eyebrows.

Then I remember, "Oh. Um, I don't know what to ask right now."

"The great Know-it-all does not have a question?" he mocks.

"Not at this moment. I will wait for the right moment to use it," I smile weakly.

"How Slytherin of you," he comments.

I don't know if I should be disgusted or proud of that.

ooo

We eat our meal in silence.

It's strange how my body has gotten accustomed to one glass of the water a day. It was so hard at the beginning, I was thirsty all the time, but now not so much. It's still difficult, but it's much easier to cope with. A person can never know how much they can handle until there is no other choice.

I am slowly finishing my slice of bread when the doors open.

The guard enters and points at me, "You. Come."

"What? Where?" I immediately tense up.

"Bathroom."

I relax a bit at that, but there is still something strange about it. They have never taken us to the bathroom right after giving us food.

But I can't refuse, so I slowly stand up and walk over to him.

Professor Snape is glaring at me and I know he too is suspicious.

But he can't do anything about it. He could ask questions, but it would only get us in trouble.

So I say nothing as the guard leads me out of the dungeon.

ooo

Cold.

So so cold.

I am shivering as the guard pushes me back into the dungeon. He leaves immediately.

Professor Snape is next to me in a second, "What happened? You have been gone for an hour at least."

There is panic in his voice. And confusion in his eyes as he takes a good look at me.

"Why is your hair wet?" he demands to know.

"I-I was taken to the bathroom and then...to the showers."

"What?"

He is surprised and so was I.

The guards have always forced us to take showers together. What changed?

"He just...took me there," I explain, wrapping my arms around my torso.

Professor Snape immediately takes off his cloak and wraps it around me.

I nod, "Thank you."

The last thing I need is to get sick again.

"What happened?" he asks.

"Nothing."

"_Nothing_?"

He is suspicious and so was I.

But then nothing happened.

Taking a deep breath, I bring the memory back, "I would be lying if I said I was not terrified. I was there alone and then the leader came and...I thought I would die of panic."

Professor Snape does not say anything, but his face hardens and I can't even see his chest moving. Is he even breathing?

"Nothing happened," I quickly say, "A-And I don't understand!"

He seems to relax a bit, "Hmm."

"_Hmm_?" I repeat, "I-Is that all you are going to say?"

"I am glad you were not harmed."

"But why wasn't I? This is getting ridiculous! He, _that guard_, keeps implying, but then does nothing. He kept looking at me and...making these dirty comments, but he never even _touched_ me."

"That is strange."

I sigh, desperation evident on my face, "Sometimes I wish he'd just do it already. To get it over with. Now I'm just terrified all the time. I keep expecting it to happen and...it never does."

"Perhaps he is not allowed to."

"W-What?"

Professor Snape's face is thoughtful when he speaks, "There have always been rumors about the vile things Death Eaters do. And some of them are just that...rumors."

"They don't kill and torture?" I ask with disbelief.

"_That_ part is true. But stories about Death Eaters using rape as a torture method on Muggles and Mugglebors is often not true. The Dark Lord is strictly against it. He thinks of it as a disgusting act."

That surprises me, "H-He _does_?"

"Not out of the reasons you would like to believe. He thinks Muggles and Muggleborns are barely above animals and for Purebloods to touch them in such a manner would be disgraceful. It is prohibited."

"But...does that mean Death Eaters don't rape?"

"I never said that. I only said the Dark Lord does not approve of it. But they do it behind his back."

I nod in understanding, "So...does that mean that the...You-know-who is here? And that's why the guards don't dare to touch me?"

He only looks at me.

He does not have the answer. It is only a theory.

But I should be glad it hasn't happened instead of wondering why it hasn't happened.

Then our eyes meet and I can't help but ask, "How do you know all these things?"

Again, he tenses up, "That, Miss Granger, is one of the questions I cannot answer."

Alright.

It doesn't matter anyway.

My problem is not Professor Snape and his past, but the present and the Death Eaters.

I sit down onto my mattress, covering my body completely with the cloak and trying to warm myself up.

The irony.

The guards hate me because of my _filthy_ blood, but that _filthy_ blood is now protecting me.

ooo

The guards are trying to scare me.

They are hurting me without _actually_ hurting me.

Does that make sense?

And if they want me to be scared and frightened, they've got another thing coming.

I'm done with it. What do I have to lose?

They have taken so much from me. I am not the same Hermione Granger as I was only a month ago.

And I am done with being vulnerable and frightened all the time.

ooo

"Are you surprised to know Lupin is one of them?" I quietly ask.

It takes him a couple of long seconds to answer, "We cannot be _certain_ that he is one of them."

"Are you actually _defending_ him?" surprise is evident in my voice.

"No," he immediately replies, "I am not saying this because I _care _about him. I am only saying this because there is a chance it was not Lupin. And I do not like anyone making a fool out of me."

I nod, "But if it turns out it is Lupin...would you be surprised?"

He is not looking at me. Instead he is staring at a wall.

"Professor?"

"Yes," he finally answers, "It would surprise me."

"But...you never liked him."

"That is true. I have my reasons for not liking him," he explains coldly, "I have _many_ names for him. But Death Eater was never one of them."

I can feel the reality of the situation slowly hitting me.

It is possible that Remus Lupin is a traitor.

It's a horrible thought.

One I am not yet ready to face.

"There was something..._off_ about him," I say quietly, "Did you notice it? There was just..._something_."

"I have learned to ignore my personal opinion and simply stick to the facts."

Well, I haven't learned that yet.

So I change the subject, "When...when are we going to continue with the Occlumency lessons? I'm not sick anymore."

"I have been thinking about that. Perhaps tomorrow would be the best."

"Why not today?"

"We have bigger problems to face today."

Then I remember, "The guards will be visiting us."

"Yes. And they expect us to _thank them_ for allowing us sleep again," there is pure hatred in his voice.

I can't help but tense.

What would they want his time?

ooo

My eyes are slowly closing and I can already feel myself being pulled into the world of dreams.

But then a loud noise wakes me up.

The guards are here.

I stand up, blinking a few times.

There are only two of them.

The leader and another one.

The leader conjures a chair and sits on it, before looking at me and Professor Snape.

"Why so surprised?" he asks, "I promised I would visit you today."

Silence.

He continues, "Do you remember _why_ I said I would visit you?"

Professor Snape is silent.

And then I decide to speak, "You wanted us to thank you."

"Good girl," he smiles, "And have you two decided how to do that?"

I am angry.

I can't stand to see that grin on his face.

"No?" he asks, then acts disappointed, "Well, that is too bad. Now I have to tell you what to do."

"Stop with the games and tell us what do you want," Professor Snape snaps at him.

"But we have not even begun playing, dear Professor."

I wait in silence and simply observe him.

He's conjured himself a chair and that means he's planning on staying here quite some time.

Oh God.

"Let us play a game," he continues, "A game about _Professor Severus Snape_."

What?

The guard looks at me, "We have noticed you two have developed a bond. You, girl, trust him too much. He is not worth it."

"I think that's my decision to make," I reply calmly.

"It is, and all I am going to do is help you. Think of me as your...guardian angel. Is that the correct term?" he asks, a big smile forming on his face.

"That is not necessary," I shake my head, "I think I know him enough to trust him."

"Granger, do not talk to him," Professor Snape says, quietly.

"The girl can do whatever she wants to," the guard immediately interrupts, then looks at me again, "You thought you knew Remus Lupin and look what he's done. Such a pity."

I tense, "I trust Professor Snape."

He smiles again, ignoring my statement, "Let us begin with the game. Girl, you are going to find it very interesting."

I exchange a few glances with Professor Snape but neither one of us speaks.

What is there to say?

"Severus - Do you mind if I call you that?" the guard asks.

"Yes," is his only response.

"Well, _Severus_," the guard continues as if he hadn't heard him, "Tell us about your childhood."

What? What kind of a question is that?

Professor Snape seems to think about it for a second, then he answers, his face emotionless, "I was a child. Then I grew up. Next question?"

"But tell us a bit more," the guard insists, "What was your family like?"

I know this is a subject Professor Snape hates. And I can't understand why the guard is asking him about it.

"I had a mother. I had a father."

"And what happened to your mother?"

What is the guard trying to do?

Professor answers, his voice cold, "She died."

"Tell us more about that."

"_She died_," is all he says.

The guard looks at me, "It is unbelievably difficult to talk to him. I can imagine being stuck here with him is incredible boring."

"Are we done?" Professor asks.

The guard turns his attention towards him again, "No, we are not. If you would tell us more about your mother's death than we could move on to our next question."

"I told you. She died."

"And how is your father connected to it?"

I look at my Professor, feeling guilty that I actually _do_ want to hear the answer. The curiosity is too strong.

The guard continues, "Is it not true that your father, Mr. Snape, gave your mother, may she rest in peace, one too many injuries?"

Professor Snape's face goes white, but other than that there is no reaction. Even I am more shocked than he seems to be.

"That is not your business," he speaks, his voice even.

"How old were you?" the guard asks.

Silence.

"Very young, am I correct?" he asks again, "But you were already attending Hogwarts."

Professor Snape does not answer, but it had to be the truth otherwise he would say something.

"And then what happened to your father?" another question.

I hold in my breath, waiting for an answer.

"He is dead," Snape replies.

"Yes, we know that. The question is how exactly did he die?"

What is he trying to achieve by asking those questions?

When he gets no answer, the guard speaks again, "Mr. Snape was poisoned. And not even the best Muggle...forensics, if that is the right word, could determine what kind of a poison it was. The ingredients were not familiar to them. I wonder why is that."

_What?_

I look at Professor Snape in shock, searching his face for something, _anything_. But there is nothing.

A complete mask.

"Let's move onto the next question," the guard says, taking a deep breath.

I can't believe it.

Is it true?

Did Professor Snape kill his own father?

Or is it just something the guard is trying to convince me into?

"How is your relationship with women like?" is the next question.

"None of your business."

"What can I say? I am curious," the guard smirks, "Answer the question."

Silence.

The guard narrows his eyes, "Do you even _have_ any kind of contact with women?"

This is not something I should be listening to.

"Why are you not married?"

"Leave him alone," I suddenly say.

The guard suddenly turns towards me, "You are still defending him. Well, I know something interesting about him."

I try to look bored.

He continues, "What if I were to say your _beloved Professor_ has visited more brothels than he would like to admit?"

"I do not believe that is something that concerns you or her, for that matter," Professor Snape replies dangerously.

I try to push that new information out of my mind, "I-I don't care. It's his life."

The guard nods, "I understand that. But listen to this. Many women, _ladies of the night_, complained about him. He is known to be aggressive, violent."

That _does_ get to me.

"What are you talking about?" Professor Snape demands.

"I am simply telling the truth. You leave a bloody path wherever you go," the guard answers, "Miss Granger deserves to know that about you. You should have told her that before you demanded that she trusts you."

"I have never demanded that of her."

The guard dismisses him, "That is a subject for another time. Now we are discussing your attitude towards women. Why such hate?"

"I do not hate women."

I wrap my arms around me, feeling very uncomfortable. The guard could be lying or he could be telling the truth. There are so many things I do not know about Professor Snape.

"Then why are you not married, dear Professor?"

Silence.

"Did you have your heart broken? What was her name?" the guard insists.

Professor Snape is getting more and more nervous. I can see pure hatred and rage in his eyes.

"Do _not_ go there," he says coldly and slowly approaches the guard, moving like a snake.

But the guard does not listen, "Why not? Was it at Hogwarts? What did she do?"

"_Do not go there_," he repeats.

"Perhaps we could ask Lupin?"

Before I even realize what is happening, Professor Snape grabs the guard by his throat, pulling him from the chair and throwing him across the dungeon.

Another guard immediately reacts, pointing his wand at Snape who drops to the floor, his body twisting with pain.

I can't believe what is happening.

Just a moment ago we were talking and now -

"Stop it!" I scream, rushing to Professor Snape, trying to help him somehow.

The curse is finally lifted and he just lays there, breathing hard and looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you alright?" I ask, but I am suddenly grabbed by my arm and pulled up.

The leader is staring at me, his expression angry, "He has made a huge mistake. And now he has to pay for it."

"Don't hurt him," I plead.

"Oh, we will not hurt him. Not _directly_, anyway."

I freeze, realizing what he is trying to say.

He continues, "The bond between the two of you is something we can use to our advantage."

"I'm...not afraid of you," I force out and I'm lying.

I'm lying.

I am actually terrified.

"I do not believe that, girl."

Finally, he releases me, "What to do? Hmm. Something that would leave a mark and it would remind him that it was all his fault."

My heart is pounding in my chest, threatening to escape.

And I just stand there.

What else can I do?

Run?

Plead?

Cry?

There is _nothing_ I can do.

The leader then looks at the other guard and simply nods. It seems as if they are communicating with their eyes.

"I do not like to do the dirty work," the leader says to me and takes a step away.

Before I can understand what that means, the other guard walks over to me and hits me across the face.

The force of it sends me to the ground immediately.

I can't help but to cry out, it hurts so much.

And there is blood in my mouth.

Oh God, my teeth.

Do I still have all my teeth?

Not only a second later the guard kicks me hard into the stomach and this time I scream, rolling away from him and curling up into a ball.

Please, no more.

It hurts_ so much._

I-I can't breath.

Are my ribs broken?

Is there a hole in my stomach?

It feels like it.

I am crying openly now, hiding my face into my hands, expecting the pain to hit me again.

Suddenly someone's body is over mine. I blink a few times to see through my tears and I recognize Professor Snape.

"_Enough_."

I could barely hear him.

Was it him who said that?

It _was_ his voice, I'm sure of it.

Suddenly the guard is speaking again, "We are leaving now. We only wanted to talk. It is your fault it ended like this, Severus Snape."

And then they are gone.

I think I heard them leave and close the doors.

A hand is suddenly on my shoulder, "Miss Granger?"

I can't speak.

I don't want him to see me like this.

First I need to stop crying.

But it hurts so much!

I can't even move.

"Let me see," he says softly, trying to move my hands away from my face.

I refuse, shaking my head.

"Granger?"

Why is he talking to me like that? I can feel pity in his tone and I can't stand it. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, especially him.

"Granger, let me see it," he says again, "You are bleeding."

I know I am. I can taste the blood in my mouth.

He is silent for a few long moments and I calm down a bit.

Then I slowly remove my hands from my face.

"Can you sit up?" he asks.

I shake my head, "I-I can't...move."

He nods, then takes a closer look at my face, examining the damage.

I feel so exposed and vulnerable under his gaze. So I force a strong face, even though I know I am probably not very convincing.

He grasps my chin, "I think you only have a split lip."

Thank God.

"M-My teeth?" I ask.

"Nothing seems to be wrong with them."

I close my eyes in relief.

Then I feel him pressing some kind of a material into my wound.

I recognize it as a piece of his undershirt. The one he tore to help me with my monthly visitor.

"I hope it will heal on it's own," he says, then his eyes move down my body.

"P-Professor?" I start slowly, "I-I think I've broken a rib."

His face darkens and he makes a move to touch my stomach, before he stops, "May I?"

I nod.

Of course he can.

I need to know if there is any serious damage.

He quickly pushes my blouse up and I flinch as the cold air hits my skin.

And then his hands are touching me. And he has _really_ warm hands.

I try to ignore the awkwardness of the situation as he slowly moves across my stomach, gently pressing and at the same time observing my face for any sign of pain.

It's easier if I'm not looking at him, so I remove my gaze from him.

But I still can't ignore the strange feeling as his hands slowly move up.

_And up._

And then I suck in a breath, realizing how close he is to touching me where he should not be touching me.

But he stops, removing his hands from me.

"Nothing is broken," he explains, "I believe your muscles are hurt, perhaps torn."

That's good news.

I pull my blouse down, then try to pull myself up from the floor.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I-I want to lay down on my mattress."

Without words he helps me, almost lifting me up in his hands.

I sigh as I feel the mattress underneath me and he backs away immediately.

Closing my eyes, I hope to fall asleep and just forget about everything.

"Do you still think of me as a hero?" he suddenly asks.

My eyes snap open and I slowly look at him.

He's standing in the middle of the dungeon with a dark expression on his face.

There is blood on his hands.

"I should not have snapped at him," he adds, "It is all my fault."

"Don't."

"Granger - "

"This is exactly what they want," I say, "Don't do it. Don't feel guilty. They would have done it anyway. They just want you to think it was because you attacked him."

He is silent.

But I know my words did not help.

"Was it true?" I slowly ask, "What he said about you?"

He tenses up, "My life."

"Yes...he was lying, wasn't he?"

Our eyes meet and I can feel hope disappear from me.

"No," he finally answers, "Not _everything_."

"W-Which part was the truth?"

"Are you disgusted?" he asks, his face hardening.

"It...depends on what part was the truth."

He turns away.

Then it occurres to me, "This is the question I want you to answer. You promised."

It has no effect on him.

Just as I think he is going to ignore me, he finally turns around and faces me.

"My father," is all he says.

My breath catches in my throat, "Y-You..."

Killed? Poisoned?

I can't even say it.

But he understands, "Yes."

And he's looking deep into my eyes. At the end I am the one who can't stand the intensity and I look away.

"What does that say about me?" he asks.

"E-Everyone makes a mistake..."

He cuts me off, "It was not a mistake."

I look at him again, shocked.

I know his father was a horrible person and perhaps he deserved what he got...but actually hearing Professor Snape admitting it and not showing the slightest sign of remorse is...almost too much.

I-I don't know what to think.

"And the part about me hating women was a lie," he speaks quietly, "I am _not_ my father. That is all you need to know."

With those words he walks away into the furthest corner, into the shadows.

I can barely see him. He wants to be left alone.

And I want that too.

Too much has happened today.

I need some time for myself.

I need to think everything through.

And I am not going to lie. After everything I've found out today, I can't help but see Professor Snape...differently.

We do not talk to each other for the rest of the evening.

**A/N: A bit longer chapter, hope you liked it. Many of you wanted more information about Snape, so I tried to concentrate on that. What do you think? Is he a hero? ;) I appreciate every review and you are the reason this story is being updated so fact. :) Thank you! **


	23. Day 23

**Day 23**

God.

Professor Snape looks horrible.

I have been observing him since I woke up.

I'm too lazy to get up or say anything, so I'm just resting on my mattress.

Hopefully he will not notice me looking at him. He seems to be lost in his thoughts. Not once has he looked at me. Perhaps he doesn't know I'm awake?

It doesn't matter anyway. I have every right to look at him, he is the only entertainment I'm allowed to have.

He needs a shave. He looks really horrible with all that hair on his face.

But...why is he not losing weight? His body does not seem to have changed much since day one. Not that I'm looking at his body!

Suddenly his eyes snap towards me.

I gasp, blood filing my head at the thought that he could be reading my mind.

Finally he speaks, "How is your lip?"

My...what?

"Oh," I suddenly remember, "It's fine."

I'm lying. It hurts like crazy. It's burning and itching and I don't know how it's going to heal on it's own.

"And your stomach?"

What does he want me to say?

It _hurts_. It feels as if I've done a thousand sit-ups in one go and now I can't even move from the pain.

And I lie again, "It's...better."

He nods.

It's funny.

It's been twenty-three days already and even after all this time we are still uncomfortable around each other.

We have gotten closer, at least I think so. We function good in life or death situations, we are good as a team, but when nothing dangerous is happening we are...awkward. We don't know how to talk about normal things.

And the atmosphere is still very tense because of last night's visit from the guards.

A lot has been said and done._ Too much._

I sigh, realizing Professor Snape is still looking at me.

He wants something from me.

And I know what it is.

An answer.

But I can't give it to him.

I learned a lot about him last night and I'm still not sure how I feel about it all.

Some things were lies, some were the truth. And it's too much.

Do I still see him as a hero?

I...I don't know.

So I look away from him, clearing my throat and hoping he won't start that conversation.

He doesn't.

ooo

"Um, Professor, you said today we will be continuing with our Occlumency lessons?" I ask.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes."

Silence.

I look at him, confused, "Do _you_ have a problem with it?"

"No."

Alright.

That 'no' seems a bit forced.

He speaks, "Sit on the chair."

I quickly nod, trying to pull myself up from the mattress, but then pain shots through my stomach and I cry out, biting my lower lip. Professor Snape turns to looks at me with a concerned expression. And I can't stand it. I don't know when exactly or how it happened, but I hate when he looks at me with pity or concern. I just can't stand it.

So before he has a chance to speak, I force myself to stand and quickly walk to the chair, sitting down. Hopefully my face is blank.

At first he narrows his eyes at me, but then clears his throat, ignoring the incident as if nothing happened. I'm thankful for that.

A few minutes pass in silence.

I wait.

He seems to be concentrating or preparing himself.

Should I be doing the same?

But I don't know _how_.

As I realize I have no idea what I am doing, he finally turns to me.

"Ready?" he asks.

I nod.

"Legilimens."

I wait for the headache to hit me, but there is nothing.

Well, there is _something_. I can feel...a light breeze in my mind. As if someone is touching me with a feather.

I look at Professor Snape in confusion and suddenly the strange sensation is over.

"Concentrate, Miss Granger," he orders.

"Sir...what was that? I did not expect it to be so..."

"Gentle?" he finishes for me.

I quickly nod.

"Well, Miss Granger," he starts, "I wanted to show you that sometimes it is nearly impossible to feel someone trying to break into your mind. That is why you need to be on guard all the time, you cannot afford to be ignorant."

Listening carefully, I put on a strong face, "Alright, try again."

He looks deep into my eyes, "Legilimens."

Again that strange sensation. It does not hurt at all.

I try to concentrate.

I need to push him out of my mind.

I need to build a wall around my memories.

I need to clear my mind.

I-I-I don't know how to do that.

The more I tell myself I should _not_ be thinking about it, the more I think about it.

"Granger," he sighs, pulling out of my mind.

I am embarrassed to even look at him.

I'm such a failure.

"Let's try something else," he suggests and it does not seem he is too angry.

This is why I look at him, "What do you mean?"

"We are going to try something different," he says, "I want you to construct a fake memory."

Alright. I can do that. That seems easier.

"One event. I do not care what it is. But it must be a fake one. Then you present that memory to me," he says, "Can you do that?"

"I think I can."

He nods, "I'll give you one minute to plan it."

Quickly I start thinking.

What could I use?

Funny.

_Now_ my mind is completely blank.

Then I think of something.

Oh. Alright. It could work.

I look at Professor Snape and nod. Then I force myself to replay the fake memory over and over again.

After a moment, he whispers, "Legilimens."

I can feel him inside my mind, stronger this time, but it's still not painful.

He's seeing the images. I see it as well.

_Me talking to Lavender in the Gryffindor common room._

_Us laughing._

But then he pulls out.

And he is not impressed.

"W-What is it?" I ask, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"It was bad. I could tell it was not a real memory."

"_How_?"

He takes a deep breath, "You were trying to show me a happy memory, I presume?"

I nod.

"Well, Granger, I could sense the bitterness in your mind. I could sense the slight anger and annoyance towards someone, I believe towards Miss Brown."

I blush, hating how he knew every little detail about me.

He continues, "You need to connect the right emotions to the memory. It makes it more real."

That makes sense.

"Alright, I-I'll try," I say, a bit more nervous.

"Also you need to give more thought to the details. Small details are very important, Granger."

I think I am trying to understand it.

"J-Just give me a minute, Professor."

I close my eyes.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize it's difficult to remember my life before this dungeon. I'm having a hard time remembering how the Gryffindor common room looked like or how people there looked like. I can't see them clearly in my head.

It's frustrating.

And horrifying at the same time.

Am I slowly forgetting about my life before all of this?

Professor Snape clears his throat, "Granger, you are not concentrating, I can see it."

I sigh, then close my eyes again.

There are things I _do_ see clearly when I close my eyes.

The dungeon.

Professor Snape.

That's it.

After a long moment, I open my eyes, "I'm ready. Let's try again."

"Legilimens."

_I am in the dungeon. Professor Snape is standing next to me. I can feel his presence._

_That guard is in front of us, he's alone. I can smell him, his disgusting smell. He's smirking at us._

_It makes me so angry, I am actually shaking with rage._

_The guard points his wand at us and then suddenly Professor Snape jumps at him, pushing him to the ground while I take his wand._

_I can feel it. The feeling of power._

_No more helplessness._

_Professor Snape looks at me, there is hope in his dark eyes._

_And then we run._

_Out of the doors._

_To our freedom._

My heart is pounding in my chest.

I could _feel_ it. I could feel what being free meant.

"Granger."

I need a minute for myself.

The thought of us escaping was so vivid, so _real_. But it was fake. We are still here. Trapped.

I actually feel so devastated at the moment.

"Granger."

But I need to pull myself together.

So I look up at him.

His face is emotionless, but then a small smirk forms on his lips, "That was better."

Better?

Really?

"You concentrated on the details, you added emotions."

I truly did.

Perhaps a bit too much emotion.

"But you could improve it," he says.

And we start again.

ooo

"Better," is all he says.

We have been practicing for over an hour.

I have made progress, I _know_ I have.

But all he says is 'better'.

"_Better_ how?" I ask, hoping he would compliment me some more. It could help my confidence and lead to more progress.

"You seem to notice the small attacks to your mind. Most people are oblivious to it," he explains in his teaching tone, "You have shown capacity to construct fake, yet very vivid memories in your mind."

I smile, feeling proud.

"_However_," he sneers, noticing the triumph on my face, "You still have not made any progress regarding the shielding of your mind from enemies. You haven't the slightest idea how to make your mind blank."

There goes my pride.

It is unbelievable how he can make me go from feeling good to feeling pathetic with just a few words.

"Why that face, Miss Granger?"

"Well... you just told me I suck."

"I did not."

I look up at him, raising my eyebrows.

He continues, "I acknowledged that you have indeed made some progress. But you still have a lot of work ahead of you."

I nod, trying to accept his comments in a good way.

"We will continue tomorrow," he states, walking away from me.

"W-Why?"

"It is not smart to practice so much in one day."

Then I notice something strange.

I turn to look at him, "Professor, you...always seem so sure that there _will_ be a tomorrow."

He tenses, his back turned to me, "Yes."

"Why is that?"

After a long moment he finally turns to look at me, "Do you think we will _not_ be alive tomorrow?"

"N-No, but...I can never say it the way _you_ do. It's almost as if you know for sure."

"I have told you already. They will not kill us just like that. Perhaps they will keep us alive until the War."

"W-War?"

Such a horrible word.

"What did you expect, Miss Granger? A peaceful agreement between the Light and the Dark side?"

Of course I didn't.

But it still sounds...horrible.

A War.

ooo

Where are the guards?

Not that I'm anxious to see them, but I'm starving. It has to be afternoon already and we still have not gotten our breakfast.

I need something to busy my mind with.

I look at my finger nails.

So dirty.

"Is something the matter?" Professor Snape suddenly asks.

I look at him in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"You are not as talkative. You have refrained yourself from asking personal questions."

"And that's wrong?"

He smirks, "No. But that is not like you."

I let out a deep breath. What does he want me to do?

I slowly start, "If you are talking about yesterday -"

"You know what I am talking about."

I tense.

He continues, his voice cold, "Ignoring things has never proved to be a smart move."

"I'm not ignoring it."

"You have learned I killed a man."

This time I look at him, shocked at hearing those words.

"Professor, w-we don't have to talk about it."

"Yes, we do."

"Well, I don't want to!" that actually comes out harsher than I intended.

His face hardens, "Bad things are not going to go away magically if you ignore them."

I try to calm down, "You killed your father."

"I did."

"H-How can you say that? So-so calm and cold?"

He does not answer for a long moment.

But when he does it's slow and barely above a whisper, "I had my reasons."

"I-I know."

"No, you actually _do not_ know."

"I know some of it. And I understand, but it really bothers me how you talk about it. Don't you regret it just a bit? Doesn't it make you feel..." I don't finish that sentence, not knowing which word to use.

"I did what I had to do."

I just shake my head, not wanting to listen to him anymore.

It's too soon.

So we stop talking.

ooo

I walk up and down the dungeon.

My nerves are killing me.

Where are the guards?

Something is wrong.

"Granger, stop it."

"Stop what?"

"You are making too much noise. Some of us are trying to concentrate. Do try to pace with less noise," he replies, his voice cold.

I simply roll my eyes and continue.

After a minute Professor Snape snaps, "Enough."

_Enough_.

That word brings back a memory.

Immediately I turn to face Professor Snape, "Sir...about yesterday...I need to ask you something."

He tenses up, I can see it even though he tries to cover it with a bored expression, "What is it?

"How come they listened to you?"

"Granger, try to form a question in such a way I will be able to understand it."

I let out a breath, then start, "When the guard kicked me and...you covered my body with yours...I was pretty out of it, but I heard you say 'enough'. How come they listened?"

His face remains bored, but he is quiet for a second too long.

When he speaks, it's calm, "I did not say that. It was the guard."

"No, it was you."

"Granger, it was the guard. He probably realized he has done enough damage to you."

Why is he saying that?

I observe his face, his expression, but he's simply staring at me.

So I try again, "I heard _you_. It was _your_ voice, I know it. You were so close to me, I couldn't mistake it."

"Well, you did mistake it," he replies, "Honestly, Granger, do you think the guards would listen to me? If I said something like that to try and stop them, it would only make them want to hurt you, _us_, more."

I don't say anything to that. I simply nod.

Then I turn around and walk back to my mattress.

God, how I hate this feeling.

Why can't I trust him?

Why is he keep giving me a reason not to trust him?

I know it was _his_ voice. _He_ said 'enough'. Not the guard. I am not stupid.

But I was in a lot of pain. Perhaps -

No! It was _his_ voice.

What is going on?

ooo

Something is definitely wrong.

It's starting to get dark and still no sign of the guards.

Have they forgotten about us?

No. They are doing this on purpose.

Alright. I can accept that there is no food, but...I _really_ need to use the bathroom.

My bladder is going to explode.

I can't even stand anymore.

I groan in frustration. There is no way I will be able to wait until the next day.

My eyes slowly find their way to Professor Snape. Is he not having the same problem? He does not seem like it. Sometimes I wonder if he's even human.

I am so humiliated.

Slowly I stand up, make my way to the doors and start banging on it.

"Guards! Why are you doing this?" I scream, "I-I need to talk to you!"

"And why exactly do you need them?" Professor Snape's voice comes from behind me.

I pause for a second, then ignore him, "Guards! I demand to see you!"

"Yes, that will work," he comments.

I turn to face him, "Professor, if you haven't noticed, there was no visit from them."

"Yes, it hasn't escaped my attention."

"And I need them to..."

"To what?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Well, I have been through worse.

"I need to use the bathroom," I answer, forcing my face to remain emotionless.

Realization dawns to him and he clears his throat, "Oh."

"Yes."

"Is it an emergency?"

"Why else would I be banging on the doors?" I ask, desperate.

"Granger, I do not believe they are going to visit us today."

A pained sigh escapes me.

He continues, "There is a small hole in the corner of the dungeon. I believe it was originally intended for us to use it as a loo."

Horror passes my features, "No!"

"Granger - "

"I am not peeing there, with you here. No!" I cover my ears and drop to my mattress.

I am going to wait for the guards.

ooo

I can't take it anymore.

Slowly, I stand up, sending Professor Snape a glare. He understands it.

I look at the small hole in the floor. Fortunately it's the furthest away from both our mattresses.

_Calm down, Hermione._

I slowly walk to it, taking a deep breath.

"I will just go over there," Professor Snape says, walking to the door, his back turned to me.

"Do not turn around," I say to him.

"Oh, thank you for telling me that. I had intended to look at you," he replies, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I tense, feeling extremely humiliated.

"Granger, hurry up, will you?"

"I-I can't do it."

"What do you mean you _can't_?"

"Not with you standing there."

"Well, I _would_ step outside, but am currently unable to."

"Then don't listen!"

"What on Earth are you on about?"

"Cover your ears."

"I am not doing that. Stop acting so childish, Granger."

"Just do it."

A second passes.

"My ears are covered."

Silence.

"Can you hear me?" I ask, waiting for his reply.

He says nothing.

I quickly push my skirt up and do my thing.

A minute later, I am done.

My face is completely blushed, I can feel it.

But at least my bladder is not threatening to explode.

I walk closer to Professor Snape, "I'm done."

He removes his hands and simply looks at me.

I know he thinks I'm immature, but I don't care.

I quickly move to my mattress and drop down, turning away from him.

I just need to sleep.

And forget what has happened.

ooo

It's dark in the dungeon.

I should be asleep. But I'm not.

And neither is he. I can just feel it.

Such silence.

Horrifying thoughts are slowly filling my mind. No matter how hard I try to push them away.

"Sir?"

"Hmm?"

He sounds sleepy.

"If something happens to me and...you come out of this alive," I start, my throat closing up, "I want you to promise you will tell my parents a few things. A message from me."

"Granger, you cannot be thinking about such things."

I ignore him, "Tell them I love them and that they were the best parents on the world."

I need to stop for a moment to compose myself.

Finally I continue, "Tell them I am sorry. And that...I didn't suffer. Tell them it was fast and painless. Tell them I wasn't scared."

He is silent.

"Oh, and tell them to take good care of Crookshanks."

"Crookshanks?"

I smile weakly, "My cat."

When he says nothing, I continue, "And I know how much you dislike them, but...I would appreciate it if you could tell Harry and Ron I could never wish for better friends. Tell Harry I never regretted being his friend. I knew it would be dangerous. He should not feel guilty."

"Granger, you do not know what is going to happen."

"And that is exactly why I'm telling you this," I say, fighting back tears, "I-Is there anyone _you_ would like to leave a message for?"

Silence.

Then a simple word, "No."

I'm a bit taken aback by that.

I have always known he is a bit of a loner, but the fact that he has no one to say goodbye to...it's just sad.

Or perhaps he's just saying that because he does not want to believe we are going to die.

Yes, I like that option better.

"Go to sleep, Miss Granger."

And I do just that.

**A/N: Another chapter! :) I just want to let you know I know what I am doing. And even if it seems as if the story is not coming to an end, it is. Everything will be clear to you with the last chapter. Also, there won't be a sequel. An epilogue, perhaps, but no sequel. Stay with me to the end! I love your feedback. :)**


	24. Day 24

**Day 24**

I wake up.

And I'm sick and tired of waking up _here_. Always the same.

The dungeon.

If only everything would turn out to be a dream. A very long dream.

But I know that is impossible.

I know I'm awake.

Unfortunately.

The first thing I do is to look over at Professor Snape. I need to make sure he is there and that he is alright.

And I notice he is sleeping.

That's strange.

He's actually on his mattress, sleeping.

His robes on, his arms crossed over his chest, his face wearing that hard expression.

To see him sleep is a rare event, so I decide to make the best of it. I won't make the mistake I made the last time I caught him sleeping. I can still clearly remember him being furious at him for walking up to him and...watching him.

So I stay where I am and simply look over at him.

He is human after all.

It's funny how he does not seem relaxed, not even in his sleep.

After a minute or two his eyes suddenly snap open. Immediately he sits up and blinks a few times before his eyes set on me.

"G-Good morning," I mumble, hoping he won't get angry again.

He looks at me confused, "Why are you awake already?"

"I don't know," I shake my head, "Just woke up."

"Hmm."

He takes a deep breath, then leans against against the wall.

Obviously he is not in the mood for conversations.

Our day begins.

ooo

"What do you think happened yesterday?" I ask, not able to push those questions out of my mind, "When the guards didn't visit us?"

He lets out a long breath and I know he is annoyed by me, "I do not know. It would be pointless to think over different theories. We will know if they decide to tell us."

"Yes, but what do you think?"

"Many things are possible."

"Such as?" I want to know.

He looks at me, nodding, "It could be their plan. To starve us. To isolate us."

"Or?"

"Or something had happened."

I tense up, "Do you think the Order -?"

"_I do not know_, Granger."

Slowly I bring myself to speak, "What if we are hidden somewhere far away? And even if the Order captures all the Death Eaters and defeats You-know-who...what if they won't be able to find us? And we'll be left here, alone, to starve to death?"

That horrifying thought does not seem to have an effect on him. There is no fear on his face, nothing.

"A-Aren't you scared?" I ask.

It takes him a long moment before he answers, "I am afraid of things I can see, things that are going to happen. I will not allow myself to be afraid of things that _might_ happen."

"That's smart," I admit, "But hard to follow."

"Try."

I will.

ooo

My heart almost betrays me as I hear the doors open.

The guards.

Finally.

Only one guard enters and he points at me.

Bathroom visit.

I stand up and slowly walk over to him.

And I can't help myself but ask, "Where were you yesterday?"

He simply glares at me.

"Where were you?" I ask again, "You left us here for the whole day. No food, _nothing_."

"Granger, do shut up," Professor Snape growls from behind me.

The guard looks at me hard, "Listen to your Professor or there will not be any food today as well."

That immediately shuts my mouth. At least I'm killing him with my eyes.

But he does not seem to care.

He roughly grabs my arm and leads me out of the dungeon.

ooo

I am brought back to the dungeon.

And now it's Professor Snape's turn.

We exchange a few glances before he is taken away. And I'm alone again.

That gives me a few minutes to think.

What day is it?

I can't even remember.

I used to know exactly which day of the week it was, I knew exactly how many classes I was missing, but...not anymore.

I don't care anymore.

All I care is that we get food and bathroom visits.

Pathetic.

ooo

I can't stand Professor's behavior anymore. He seems angry. Annoyed.

It's obvious he does not want to talk to me anymore. He does not mention the Occlumency lessons, even though we have agreed to continue today.

And...I know why he's acting the way he is. He is distancing himself from me.

"Sir," I start.

He lazily moves his eyes towards me.

I force myself to continue, "Death Eaters are liars. I know that."

"Your point being?"

"They lied about so many things, they lied about having my parents. And..." I pause for a moment, "I was stupid to doubt you. I was stupid to even give their lies a second thought."

He tenses up and I know he is not comfortable talking about that conversation from two days ago.

I continue, "I know you are not violent towards women."

He lifts an eyebrow, "And how can you be so sure?"

"I _know_," my voice sounds very convincing.

As I wait for him to reply I soon realize he is not planning to.

So I move on to the harder part, "And I do not care about your father. It is not my business. You did what you thought was right."

Again, he does not speak.

But I hold my gaze, determined to make him see I am serious and that I mean what I said.

Slowly he relaxes, "Thank you."

What?

Is he actually thanking me?

"Um...You're welcome," I reply as soon as I find my voice again.

A small smile forms on my lips as I look away.

ooo

Food.

I can barely control myself as the guard conjures two slices of bread and two glasses of water. I force myself to remain emotionless, but the second he leaves the dungeon, I almost jump at the food, enjoying the sensation of it in my mouth.

I even close my eyes to concentrate on the taste.

"You should slow down, Miss Granger."

My eyes open, "W-What?"

Professor Snape slowly makes his way to his glass of water, picking it up, "Eat _slowly_."

I watch in amazement as he calmly drinks his water. And I can't help but wonder how is he able to be like that. Why isn't he starving? Is he only pretending not to be?

Well, I _am_ starving and I will not hide it.

The next few minutes pass in silence.

I realize with sadness that I've eaten everything.

No more food until tomorrow. _If_ they decide to feed us.

_Feed us._

As if we are their pets.

Suddenly there is a loud gasp from the other side of the dungeon.

"Professor?" I call out, noticing there is something wrong with him.

He is tensed up, obviously in pain. But why?

"Sir?" I try again, getting up from my mattress and walking to him, "What's happening?"

He takes a deep breath through his nose, but does not answer.

And then I notice it.

He's clutching his left arm.

His forearm.

My eyes widen in shock, "Your Dark Mark?"

He looks at me, his eyes dark and a bit panicked.

"He's...calling you, isn't he?" I ask.

But...what am I saying? That does not make any sense.

"Professor, what's happening?" I demand.

"What do you think is happening?" he hisses at me, "Someone's sick joke."

"Why would he be calling you?"

"He is not calling me. He is torturing me."

I remain silent, waiting for him to continue, to explain.

"Obviously he has gotten tired of waiting for his Death Eaters to do the deed, so he is helping them."

I can hear the pain in his voice, even though it is obvious he is trying to hide it.

Slowly I drop to the mattress next to him, my eyes fixed on his left arm.

"Let me see it," I say quietly.

"No."

"Sir - "

"_Granger_," he warns me, "Drop it."

"No, let me see it," I insist, "I already know it's there. And I just want to see it."

He's looking at me angrily and all I want to do is to run away from him, but somehow I force myself to stay still.

Finally he moves, pushing the robes out of the way and slowly pulling up his sleeve.

I can't believe it.

I knew the mark would be there, but it's a completely different thing to actually see it.

On Professor Snape.

It's evidence that there really is or was darkness inside of him.

I can't help but stare in amazement and shock at the green skull with a snake protruding from its mouth.

"Enough to satisfy your curiosity?" he asks bitterly.

Silence.

The snake is actually moving. Or perhaps I'm only imagining it.

It's almost hypnotizing.

And then I reach out to touch it lightly, but Professor Snape jerks his arm away.

"What are you doing?" he demands.

"I-I just wanted to - "

"Touching a Dark Mark is never a good idea, Granger."

That seems to snap me out of the trans I was in.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, "Does it still hurt?"

"No."

Good.

He wants me to go back to my side of the dungeon, I can see it on his face. I am invading his personal space.

But I can't help myself, I need to learn more about it.

"What does it feel like?" I ask, "How does it hurt?"

He seems a bit surprised that I want to talk about it, but then composes himself quickly.

"It burns."

Such a simple answer.

"And you can't ignore it?"

He almost rolls his eyes at me, "No, Miss Granger, it cannot be ignored."

"It's really _black_," I comment and he immediately pulls his sleeve down, covering it.

I lean away from him, clearing my throat, "I-I heard it's impossible to get rid of it. Is it true?"

"It is."

So he's going to have that mark on his arm for the rest of his life. And every time he looks down at it, it will remind him of who he was in the past.

"There has to be a way - " I start, but he interrupts me.

"There is none. Believe me, I have tried."

I sigh in defeat, then nod.

"You should go back to your mattress, Miss Granger."

Obviously he does not want to talk to me anymore, so I quickly pull myself up and leave him alone.

ooo

I can't stop thinking about his Dark Mark.

It was so terrifying.

And black.

I didn't want to tell him, but I've read about it.

And I learned that if the Death Eater is not active it fades.

But what I saw on Professor Snape's arm was a _very_ black Dark Mark.

Should I worry about that?

Could it be that black because he does still has contact with Voldemort? He has to pretend to be active, he is a spy after all.

_Was_ a spy.

I try to calm myself with those thoughts, but still I can't seem to push the image of the Dark Mark out of my mind.

ooo

I hear laughing.

And it's coming towards us, towards the dungeon.

I exchange worried glances with Professor Snape.

Finally the doors open again.

It's happened so many times by now and I'm still not used to it. I still wait with anticipation what and who will come through that door.

And it's always them.

The guards.

Who else can I expect?

The leader enters, another guard following.

He looks at me, then Professor Snape.

"How are our favorite prisoners?" he asks with a huge grin.

There is something wrong about his smile. I just know something bad has happened.

He continues, "I apologize for leaving you all alone yesterday. We had...a situation."

I open my mouth to ask what he is talking about, but stop myself in time.

As if he's reading my mind, he raises he eyebrow in interest, "Well, are you not going to ask what happened?"

"No need," Professor Snape speaks, "I am sure you will tell us anyway."

The guard nods, "You are right."

I tense up, not sure if I want to hear the information.

"Well," the leader starts, "Let us say that you two are not the only prisoners from Hogwarts anymore."

"What?" the words escape me, "W-Who?"

He simply looks at me, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"And why would we believe you?" Professor Snape drawls, "This could be another one of your lies."

"It could be. But it's not."

Many people pass through my mind.

Students.

Teachers.

Who could it be?

"Believe me," the guard assures us, "And here comes the part that you will not like."

Silence.

When he realizes he is not getting any reply from us, the guard continues, "That person has already crossed over to our side. It did not take long. And now we have another ally. Isn't that marvelous?"

I take a step back, needing time and space to process everything I've heard.

"You are losing your time here," Snape speaks coolly, "I do not know what you are expecting to achieve by telling us that."

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all," the guards replies, "I only want to explain my absence for the rest of the day and the majority of the day tomorrow. We have much to discuss with our new colleague."

Professor Snape nods, "Do not lose your time here then."

The guard turn to leave, but then stops, "Oh, and another thing. You will be meeting that person tomorrow. And tomorrow is your last day to decide what to do with your life."

"Meaning?" I ask.

"Meaning, if you do not choose us, you will die. Simple as that. Tomorrow might be the last day of your life. Choose wisely."

And with those words he leaves, the other guard following.

I look at Professor Snape, noticing the strange expression on his face and I realize I'm probably wearing the same face.

Mixed emotions.

Fear.

Panic.

Relief.

Disbelief.

Neither of us speaks.

Not for a long time.

ooo

I'm not sure how much time it has passed.

But we are both still speechless.

Until I finally decide to break the silence, "That's it?"

"What do you mean?" comes the question from his direction.

"That's it. We are going to just...just..."

I can't even finish the sentence.

"Die?" he asks.

"Yes."

I'm numb. I can't even feel. I'm just...numb.

"After all we've been through," I continue, "I expected more."

"A heroic rescue? A spectacular escape?"

Actually I did expect exactly that.

He sighs, "Perhaps there will be a _spectacular death_."

"Stop that," I raise my voice a bit.

He looks at me, glaring.

I am almost screaming now, "Why can't you just once act like...like this actually touches you? We are going to _die_!"

"Do you want me to yell? To start punching the door? To cry like a little girl?" he sneers.

"I don't know! How can you just sit there?"

He stands up, his face angry, "Granger, lower your voice."

I stand up too, facing him, "No. I will not lower my voice. We are not at Hogwarts anymore. You can't tell me what to do anymore. And if I want to scream, I will scream!"

"You are getting on my last nerve," he speaks in a dangerous tone.

"Really? I wouldn't know, because you never show your emotions, your thoughts! We are going to die! Does that not affect you?"

"Death was not something I had in my plans, Granger. But I will not act crazy."

"But...we will never see anyone else. I am never going to...see my parents, finish school..."

"I cannot advise you what to do. But you do know that death is not your only chance."

I look up at him in shock, "What are you saying? That I turn against Harry? That I betray the Order?"

"You know what I am saying."

"Why don't _you_ do it?" I demand, "You have far more information than I do."

"I am not your age," he speaks, his voice softer, "I have been through things, I have experienced things. My life is finished."

"How can you say that?"

He is giving up? Just like that? I can't believe he is alright with dying.

"Why do you feel the need to interfere with my personal life?" he snaps , "Worry about yourself, Granger."

"I can't! I can't even...fight if _you_ are giving up."

"Why does it matter what I do?"

"Because," I start, "I've gotten...used to you."

"No. You have been _relying_ on me. Too much for your own good."

"And? I have a right to. You've been everything for me for the last twenty-four days. You've been the only one I could talk to. I have a right to worry about you."

He is glaring at me and then opens him mouth to speak, but then nothing comes out of his mouth as he hears my last sentence.

"You...worry about me?"

I calm down a bit, "Yes, I do. Why do you sound surprised?"

He does not say anything, but I can see I've perhaps said too much.

Silence.

And now I feel stupid for over-reacting and behaving in such a way.

"Stop it, Granger," he finally speaks, "Stop relying on me. What if you had been alone all this time?"

"I would be dead by now."

"You cannot know that."

I simply shake my head, not agreeing with him.

"_You cannot know,_" he repeats, "You do not realize how strong you are until...being strong is the only option."

Perhaps he's right.

But we will never know.

Thankfully I have him with me.

And I will never have to worry about being alone.

ooo

It's getting dark.

I realize with horror that this is probably the last evening in my life.

And I'm just sitting, not doing anything.

_Nothing._

I've never imagined dying like that.

I've always imagined it either being old and dying in my bed, surrounded with my family, or fighting for the good cause.

_Fighting_. With a wand in my hand.

Not sitting in a dungeon, waiting for _them_ to kill me when they decide.

A short laugh escapes me, "I guess it would be pointless to practice Occlumency now."

Then tears fill my eyes.

I happens in a second.

One moment I am smiling and now there are tears rolling down my cheeks.

I need to get it together.

"Granger...I do not know what to say."

He sounds defeated.

And that's scaring me the most.

I want him to lie to me, to tell me that everything is going to be alright.

"C-Can I..." then I shake my head, "Forget it."

"What is it?"

"Nothing."

"Granger."

I take a shaky breath, "Can I...sit with you?"

He obviously did not expect that and he's silent for a few long moments. It seems like an eternity to me.

Finally he speaks, "Alright."

I smile, even though he can't see it through the dark.

Immediately I stand up and rush to his side of the dungeon, dropping on the mattress next to him.

We are both sitting there in silence, leaning against the wall.

I can feel him beside me and it's comforting.

Even though the thing I desperately need is a hug, I know there is not a slight chance that I'm getting it tonight.

That would be too much.

"I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight," I admit.

"Understandable."

"Are you afraid?"

"Hmm."

Is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?

"How do you think they will do it? With a Curse or - ?"

"Granger, stop talking about it. Stop _thinking_ about it."

"I can't think about anything else."

"Try."

"What are _you_ thinking about, Sir?"

"How to make you stop talking."

I smile, shaking my head.

"Well, you've heard about 'the best way to stop a girl from talking is to kiss her'."

Silence.

_Oh God._

What did I just say?

I can feel him tense up beside me.

"I-I-I didn't mean..." I babble, trying to fix things, "I don't even know why I said that. I-It just popped up in my head. I-I'm sorry."

"Perhaps you should return to your mattress."

"No! Please, I didn't mean it. I swear, it was just supposed to be a joke."

"Change the subject," he speaks quietly.

I relax, "Um..."

There is nothing on my mind.

Nothing I would like to discuss.

And I notice I am slowly leaning towards Professor Snape.

What is wrong with me?

I quickly move away from him, hoping he did not notice anything strange.

After a few moments it's actually not uncomfortable anymore.

We've gotten used to each other.

Or that could be just because we are going to die tomorrow.

We do not speak.

We just sit there, waiting anxiously for the next day.

Our last day.

ooo

I can't die.

I have so much things ahead of me.

I want to live.

And now I can't breath.

"Granger, calm down."

I know what this is.

I've had it before.

Anxiety attack.

I-I can't breath.

I'm cold, but I'm sweating.

His hands are on my shoulders, "Shh. _Breath_. You are alright, Granger."

"N-No," I shake my head furiously, "W-We're going t-to die."

"Calm down."

I can't.

And then I can feel his hands on my neck.

Such warm hands.

"Shh."

And whatever he is doing is actually working.

I can feel something through his hands and it's calming me.

"Close your eyes," he orders.

I obey.

I can feel myself fall onto him, but I am gently pushed away and onto the mattress.

"Sleep."

Closing my eyes, I realize how exhausted I am.

"Y-You sleep too," I whisper.

"I will."

And then the darkness takes over me.

**A/N: The next chapter is going to be a shocking one. Keep reading! Thank you for your support. :)**


	25. Day 25

**Day 25**

Ron.

I can see him clearly.

Just as I remember.

I don't know how he got here.

And it doesn't matter.

He's here.

And I'm hugging him.

It isn't a dream.

I can feel him. His warmth.

And he's hugging me back, his arms wrapped around me safely.

It's over.

I'm saved.

I'm safe.

Then I try to kiss him.

I need to feel such contact.

But he's backing away from me.

Why?

"Ron..."

He's pushing me away.

I struggle.

"Granger."

Since when is he calling me Granger?

"Ron, stop it," I say, trying to press myself closer to him.

I try to look at him, but everything is blurred.

Then his face starts to change.

Black hair.

Crooked nose.

"Oh God," the words escape me.

I realize where I am.

In the dungeon.

On Professor Snape's mattress.

And he's sitting beside me.

I jump away from him, waking up completely.

Then embarrassment takes over me.

I hide my face in my hands, "What did I do?"

"You...were dreaming. I presume."

He's uncomfortable, but is trying to pretend it did not bother him. I can hear it in his voice.

Still, unable to look at him, I move away, "I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to..."

"You did not do anything, Miss Granger."

Slowly, I move my hands aside and look at him, "I didn't?"

"No. You were only talking."

A sigh of relief escapes me.

Then I look around, noticing the dungeon is still a bit dark. It has to be early in the morning.

I turn to look at Professor, "Did you sleep?"

"I did."

That's strange. We both slept. It was our last night on this world and we were able to sleep.

"Is this really happening?" I ask, quietly.

I still can't believe it. It doesn't seem real.

"It appears so," comes his calm reply.

"How?"

He does not answer.

I continue, "It seems pointless, doesn't it? Everything we've done in the last twenty-five days. It all led to this. We are going to die."

"It was not pointless."

"It was."

He looks at me, "We could have died the first day. But we did not. We managed to survive. Twenty-five long days."

I smile sadly, "Yes, and that could be a nice story. If we survive. But we are going to die. No one will ever know about everything we've been through."

He does reply.

We are going to die. There is nothing he could say to make it better.

I look down at my school uniform. I've never imagined I would die in it.

I fix my blouse and then wrap my arms around me.

He's looking at me. I can feel it.

There's that strange, tingling sensation on my skin.

My heartbeat accelerates.

Slowly, I turn to him and he _is_ looking at me. There's a dark look in his eyes and he's not even trying to hide it.

"W-What is it?" I ask.

"We have been brave. Remember that."

I gulp.

Why is he talking like that?

I don't want to hear it. He is going to make me cry and I don't want that.

"_Brave_," I repeat quietly.

"Yes."

_Were we?_

"Granger, they lost."

"How? We are the ones that are going to die."

He nods, "They could not get us on their side. They could not get us to obey them. We are going to die because they could not find a way to control us, to posses us."

"I-I know, but...I don't really feel victorious at the moment," I admit, feeling my throat close up.

"Do you have any doubts?" he asks.

Our eyes meet again and I know exactly what he's asking.

I could still save myself.

I could cross over, offer to help Voldemort, use my connection with Harry to bring down the Order.

"No," I answer.

Such a simple word.

And I think I can see respect on Professor's face for a sight second. Then it disappears.

"What do we do now?" I ask.

"We wait."

Wait.

We wait for our death.

ooo

I have no idea how much time it has passed.

All I know is that we have been sitting still, not talking, simply waiting.

My eyes are on the door, expecting it to open any moment.

But nothing happens.

"They are not going to make us wait all day?" I ask nervously.

"It is in their nature to torture, so I would not be surprised."

Any minute could be our last.

I take a deep breath and look down at myself. There are so many scars on my body, I can't even remember how I got them all.

I examine my arms, noticing bruises and cuts.

My lip still hurts. Well, soon I won't have to worry about that anymore.

My eyes travel down until I notice a large scar on my knee. That I remember. I got it at the beginning, the second or third day.

I slowly push my skirt up a bit, observing my thighs. I seem to bruise a lot easier because of the weight loss.

"Granger, what are you doing?"

I quickly push my skirt down, "Nothing. Just...observing."

"Perhaps you should go back to your mattress."

Why is his voice so...tense?

"Why?" I ask, a bit desperate, "Can't we just stay together until..."

It seems as if he is not breathing.

What is wrong with him?

"Professor?"

"You should go away, Granger."

"Go away?" I repeat, "What is it?"

"Just one do as you are told. Without questions."

"No."

He lets out a growl and that makes me even more curious and worried.

"Sir, what is it? Tell me."

After a long moment of silence he finally speaks, "I am...afraid I might do something. Something that is not right."

"You are scaring me," I let out, turning to him completely, "What is it?"

Suddenly he stands up, "You should be scared."

"What are you talking about?"

"You are too naive," he speaks.

"I'm not."

"You _are_."

I pull myself up as well, walking towards him, "Then explain it to me."

His back is turned to me and it bothers me that I can't see his face.

"I am having a...conflict," he forces out.

"With who?"

"Myself."

I can't help but feel confused, but I wait in silence for him to continue.

"I am a man," he speaks, "And we have been locked for too long."

Slowly, a realization comes to me.

"Oh," is all I can say.

Is he really saying what I think he's saying?

He turns to face me and I can see what he is talking about.

His expression is...it seems as if something is hurting him.

"Well," I start, "Perhaps...you shouldn't fight it anymore."

He takes a step back, "Do you realize what you are saying, girl?"

Do I?

"Y-Yes?" it comes out as a question.

"I am your teacher."

"That doesn't matter anymore. We are going to die. I don't care anymore, I just need..." I can't finish that sentence.

What _do_ I need?

All I know is that I am longing for something.

A contact.

A touch.

_Something_.

I need to have it before I die.

I need to feel _something_ before I die.

So I step closer to him, shivering slightly, "Nobody will know."

"_I_ will know," he replies, looking deep into my eyes.

"Not for long. In a couple of hours we won't exist anymore," I say.

He shakes his head and I move closer to him.

I don't even know what is it I am asking for.

What does he want to do exactly?

And then something seems to change in him.

He slowly moves closer to me, breathing heavily.

I stand completely still.

He bents down, staring into my eyes.

With each second he's closer to me and then he presses his lips onto mine.

What is going on?

I don't move.

I am kissing Professor Snape.

His hand moves to the back of my head as he adds more pressure to the kiss.

The kiss is slow, I doubt it could be any slower or gentler.

And then I feel it.

It's something that cannot be explained in words.

It's just something.

Something that I've been missing.

A contact.

A hug.

A touch.

Another person's presence.

All in one.

Slowly I start to respond, ignoring how wrong it is. I don't care.

We are going to die.

I have every right to do what I want.

I tense a bit as I feel his hand move down and open my blouse.

He is now touching my bra-covered breasts.

My eyes snap open and I discover he is looking at me.

His eyes, as black as ebony, are watching my face.

He's hating himself, I can see it.

Suddenly he breaks off the kiss and begins to turn away from me.

"Damn it all," he gasps, "I am so sorry, Miss Granger. What the hell am I doing?"

I am left standing there, feeling completely confused and speechless.

I don't exactly know what happened. But I do know that I liked it. I am not in love with Professor Snape, nothing like that is happening, but...I want what he can give me.

I grab his arm and make him face me.

"Don't say you're sorry," I whisper.

He is staring off into the distance.

"Look at me," I demand.

After a long moment he obeys, meeting my eyes.

And then I stand up on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him.

I expected him to push me away, but to my surprise, he wraps his own arms around me, pulling me closer.

He is not gentle anymore, he's rough now.

My blouse is suddenly on the floor.

He groans and grabs onto my hips.

Are we really going to do it?

We are moving, walking and then drop down onto the mattress.

I don't know whose is it and it doesn't matter.

His weight on top of me is comforting.

His body is so hard. And he seems so desperate.

He is hot, he is burning up through his robes.

"P-Professor - " the word escapes me.

And then he freezes.

I open my eyes to see what is the matter.

Suddenly he moves away from me, leaving me alone on the mattress.

He almost runs to the other side of the dungeon, dropping to his knees, breathing heavily. For a moment I think he is going to vomit, but he doesn't.

"Professor?" I ask, sitting up.

"Do not call me that!" he snaps, not looking at me.

And then reality hits me.

What are we doing?

And now _I_ feel like vomiting.

I quickly grab my blouse from the floor, putting in on and covering myself.

"I am sick," he whispers in a pained tone.

"Y-You're not," I shake my head, "We are both just...confused and - "

"I have done many horrors in my life, but I've never touched a student," he speaks, disgusted.

"I-I'm hardly your student anymore."

What is wrong with me?

Why do I feel dirty now?

Not only a week ago I asked him to do the deed and now I'm disgusted with myself. And all we did was kiss.

He suddenly stands up, hitting the wall with his fists, "I need to get out of here!"

I tense up, "Nobody can blame us for what we did."

"We can blame ourselves," he replies darkly.

"Sir..." I trail off, not knowing what to say.

Finally he turns to me, "You stay _there_ and I will stay _here_. We should not have any contact with each other anymore."

"You can't do that."

"I can and I will," is his only response as he drops onto his mattress.

Such horrible silence.

He won't even look at me.

Why is he angry?

Yes, perhaps we made a mistake, but we are allowed to make one, aren't we? It's a surprise we are not crazy after everything we've been through.

I know I can't talk to him.

I know he will snap at me even if I only open my mouth.

How has everything become so complicated?

ooo

I am so afraid.

And even more so, because I am alone now.

Professor Snape is in the dungeon with me, but it feels as if he wasn't.

He does not talk.

He does not look at me.

Why can't he just forget it? Pretend it didn't happen?

We made a mistake.

And I really need to talk to someone right now.

My eyes fill with tears and I furiously wipe them away.

I look at him.

He's still staring into the wall, pretending I am not here.

We can't part like this.

Words of anger can't be the last thing we say to each other.

"Sir," I start nervously, "Please, talk to me."

Nothing.

"We made a mistake. That's all," I speak, "Can you just talk to me?"

Still nothing.

He does not even look at me.

"Damn it!" I snap, "Look at me!"

This gets his attention.

His eyes move to me, but he still does not speak.

I lick my dry lips, "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" his voice is calm, yet dark.

I shake my head, "I-I don't know."

"That is not very mature, is it?"

"I don't care about being mature. Not now."

He sighs, "We should end this conversation."

"Fine," I agree, "We can talk about something else then."

"Such as?"

"Who do you think they've got? Who's the traitor?" I ask quietly.

"It could be anyone, Granger. I told you that."

I nod, remembering the conversation, "Do not trust anyone."

He does not reply.

ooo

I can't take this anymore.

Where are they?

Why are they torturing us like this?

The tension in the dungeon is mortifying.

It feels as if there is no air.

It's impossible to breathe.

I want the guards to come already and end it all.

_No_. I _don_'t want that.

I don't want to die.

But I can't stand to be in this situation anymore.

ooo

They are here.

The doors are opening. I can see it in slow motion.

And I can't breathe.

This is it.

Somehow I pull myself up on my shaky legs.

The leader enters. And two other guards follow.

They leave the door wide open.

If only I could run past them into the freedom.

But that is only a dream.

I stand in the middle of the dungeon and then I feel Professor Snape move next to me.

He's standing beside me.

We both wait.

I need to remind myself to breathe.

"I will not lose my time with small talk," the leader speaks, "We all know why am I here."

My vision is starting to darken and I blink a few times. If only I would pass out, making it easier.

"What is your decision?" he asks.

I can't talk.

I am having trouble even standing.

"Well?" the guard asks, looking at me, "You know what the question is. What is your answer?"

An image of my parents forms in my mind and I'm mentally saying my goodbyes to them. I hope I was the daughter they wanted. The daughter they could be proud of.

"Hermione Granger," the leader raises his voice, snapping me out of my thoughts, "What is your answer?"

I almost choke on my words, but I somehow manage to speak, "N-No."

"No?"

"My answer is no."

Silence.

I am going to die.

The leader looks at me darkly, "You do realize that you are signing your own death sentence?"

"I do."

My voice is not shaking. I should be proud of myself.

"Alright," he nods, "Suit yourself."

My throat closes up and I look up at Professor Snape.

But he's not looking at me.

He's staring at the guards.

And...he is not afraid. There is not fear in his eyes.

He does not look like a person that is supposedly going to die soon.

A silent cry escapes me as I face the guard again.

A sick smile forms on his lips, "There is one more thing. As I promised. Do you wish to see who the traitor is?"

No.

I don't want to.

Please, just stop playing with us.

The leader clears his throat, "I invite that person to step closer."

My eyes find the door as I wait for the traitor to walk in.

Just the last blow before my death.

And then Professor Snape moves.

I look at him in surprise.

He casually walks right to the guards, then stops and turns to face me.

What?

What is going on?

"Professor, what is - ?" I ask, not able to put together what was happening.

"Figure it out, Miss Granger," the leader speaks.

No.

I feel as if someone threw a bucket of cold water over me.

"I-I-I don't understand," I whisper, looking at Professor Snape for explanation.

His face is impassive and he's not even looking at me.

"You are a bright girl," the guard smirks, "You know what is going on here."

I ignore him and fix my gaze on Professor Snape, "Sir, what...why are you standing there?"

Finally he looks at me, his eyes dark and cold, "And I thought you were smart."

That comment hits me like a knife to the stomach.

No.

_No._

It can't be.

I search his face for any sign that he is lying, _joking_, but there is nothing except coldness.

No other emotions.

Nothing.

I can't...take this.

I double over, my hands on my knees, gasping for air.

I think I am going to pass out.

Or vomit.

I am sick to my stomach.

"You...you crossed to - " I can' speak.

"Oh no, he did not cross over to our side," the guard speaks, "He has been on our side from the very beginning."

I cry out, blinking a few times to clear my vision.

This isn't happening.

It isn't.

He's still beside me. He has to be.

I look up.

He's standing next to _them_. Not next to me like he used to.

He's equal to them.

He's one of them.

"It was nice playing with you, Miss Granger," the leader speaks, "But the game has become boring."

I feel like a fish, gasping for air.

"And no, you are not going to die tonight," he continues, "This is only a start of part two."

His words make no sense to me.

I can't stand anymore.

I drop to my knees, trying to clear my head.

The guard's voice cuts through me, "Good night, girl. Finally you will have the dungeon all to yourself."

They are leaving.

I manage to look up just to see Professor Snape turn his back and walk out.

Without hesitation.

The door snap shut.

I'm alone.

He's with them.

He's evil.

He's been with them all this time.

I scream.

Loudly.

I scream.

And scream.

Until my throat hurts.

And there's no voice left anymore.

I lay down onto the cold ground, my eyes wide open.

I don't move.

Soon the darkness takes over the dungeon.

It's cold. I know it is.

But I can't feel it.

I can't feel anything.

It's dark.

And I'm all alone.

**A/N: Did that shock you? Don't hate me. :) Hopefully you will stay to the last chapter. Thank you! :)**


	26. Day 26

**Day 26**

I can't move.

My eyes hurt from the light.

It's day again.

Where did the night go?

And why am I alone?

Where is Professor Snape?

Wait.

I _do_ know where he is. And what happened.

No, I don't want to think about it.

It hurts too much when I think about it.

But no matter how hard I try, the thoughts just won't go away.

How could he?

I'm hurting so much I can't even move.

I never thought emotions could actually _physically_ hurt. I feel as if there is a big hole in my chest and it's burning and burning and I don't think it's ever going to stop.

How could he do this?

How could I have been so stupid?

All this time he was playing with me.

Lying.

Pretending.

And I trusted him.

Even when there was evidence that I shouldn't, I decided to trust him.

I was so foolish.

Stupid.

I trusted him so much and he was probably laughing at me on the inside.

Tears fill my eyes again and I can't even see the dungeon clearly.

Why are they doing this?

I am not even so important, I don't know anything that could help them.

Why are they torturing me?

I curl into a ball and remain on the floor, hoping someone would just kill me.

And end it all.

ooo

It's really quiet in the dungeon.

Such horrible silence.

It's really only _me_.

I can't feel anything.

I'm not hungry.

I'm not sleepy.

Nothing.

I can hear footsteps.

And then suddenly the doors open.

But I don't look up. I don't care who it is.

Not moving, I remain on the ground, my eyes staring into distance.

There's only one person.

He walks closer to me and I can see his black boots right next to my face. It's probably the guard.

What does he want?

I don't care.

I'm not even going to acknowledge him.

He does not say anything, only walks around me, then stops for a long moment.

I can feel him looking at me and I hate it.

Then he walks away, out of the dungeon, shutting the doors behind him.

He's gone.

I close my eyes.

ooo

This is good.

If I keep my eyes closed, then I can't see what's happening around me, where am I. I can even pretend I'm somewhere else.

And then I hear it again.

Door opening.

I press my eyes shut, hoping the person would just go away and leave me alone.

Or kill me.

That would be good too.

The man shuts the doors behind him and then slowly walks over to me.

I pretend to be asleep, even though I know it's not very convincing.

Silence.

He's not moving and for a moment I think that I'm alone in the dungeon, but then I hear him breathing.

Should I open my eyes?

No.

I will ignore him and he will go away.

"I have been told you are not feeling well."

I freeze, my body going cold with shock.

It's _his_ voice.

But I won't look at him.

I _won't._

"Miss Granger, what are you doing on the floor?" he asks, calmly, "I am sure the mattress is much more comfortable."

I am shaking now.

It's all too much.

I can't take him making fun of me or even talking to me.

"Granger, do get up."

I ignore him.

His voice is making me sick.

His _presence_ is making me sick.

And so I ignore him, my eyes closed, my body still.

But then suddenly I am grabbed by my arm and pulled up. My eyes snap open in shock.

And then I see him.

He's...clean.

His robes are clean, probably new.

His face is shaven, his hair...cleaner.

He looks as if he had never been in the dungeon with me.

As if I imagined all those days.

It hurts looking at him, but at the same time I can't look away.

I can't look away from those dark eyes, such deep eyes, full of mystery and depth. How could I have missed the evil in them? Have I been so blind and stupid?

And he's looking at me too.

How dare he?

Isn't he ashamed?

I'm sure I look pathetic.

Dirty.

My eyes swollen and red.

I don't want him to know I've cried because of him, because of what he had done, but it's pointless now.

And he's touching me.

His hand is on my arm, holding me up.

And finally I speak, "Let go of me."

His eyebrow rise up in fake surprise, "Oh, you _can_ speak?"

Rage shoots through me and I spit at him. He flinches, but his face shows only annoyance as he wipes it off, finally letting go of my arm.

I stumble to my mattress and sit down, pulling my knees up.

He stands in the middle of the dungeon, observing me.

Why is he here?

To torment me?

"Miss Granger - "

"Don't call me that, you...traitor."

He tenses up, "And what should I call you then?"

"Why are you here?" I ask, not looking at him.

"I am here to talk to you."

I say nothing.

"Granger," he continues, "There are forces beyond your comprehension. Not everything is black and white."

"Bastard," I whisper, my lower lip shaking.

"Watch your tongue."

This time I do look at him, "No, I will _not_ watch my tongue."

He sighs, "Perhaps I should come back when you feel more relaxed and ready to have a civil conversation."

"Perhaps you should never come back."

He smirks, "You do not want that, Granger. Believe me."

I look at him coldly, my eyes full of anger and hate but it does not seem to have an effect on him.

I can't believe this is the same person I was kissing yesterday. I can't believe I actually hugged that person, seeking comfort from him.

Slowly he nods, "I will leave you alone for a couple of hours. When I come back we are going to talk."

No.

We are not going to talk.

I have nothing to say to him.

I can't even look at him without feeling ashamed.

Without words he leaves the dungeon.

And I am alone again.

ooo

It all seems like a dream.

I have a feeling I will wake up any moment and he'll be here with me.

Professor Snape.

But _no_.

He is a traitor.

A Death Eater.

I've told him so many things.

I've told him about that drunk guy in the Muggle World, I've told him that I always respected him as a teacher. I even told him what to say to my parents if I die.

I trusted him so much.

And it hurts.

It hurts knowing that it meant nothing to him. That he and the rest of the Death Eaters were probably laughing at me, thinking up new ways to humiliate me.

I have never in my life felt so alone.

And so frightened.

I am never going to be saved.

ooo

"Mudblood?"

I open my eyes, someone's voice pulling me out of my sleep.

And then I see him.

The guard. The _leader_.

He's kneeling next to me, staring at me with that disgusting smirk on his lips.

Immediately I pull myself away from him, hoping the wall could just swallow me whole.

"How are you, little one?" he asks, "I can imagine everything was a big shock to you yesterday."

I don't speak. What is there to say?

"How do you feel knowing there is no one to protect you anymore?"

How do I feel?

Terrified.

Wanting to die.

And not because there is no one to protect me, but because there is no one here for me, no one I can _talk_ to, _rely_ on.

There's no one.

But I don't say any of those things.

"I have having these monologues," he speaks, "So speak."

I don't.

Clearly that upset him, because he suddenly grabs my throat with his hand, pressing me into the wall. I gasp, trying to break free from his grasp, but he only tightens it. I cry out, desperately needing oxygen. And then I realize something. I don't have to fight. Perhaps this is the solution.

So I relax.

A few more moments and I will slip into unconsciousness. Hopefully death will follow.

Just as I start to see black spots, he suddenly releases my neck.

And I breathe again.

And that does not make me happy.

I take a few deep breaths, my heartbeat slowly becoming normal again.

"He is not here to protect you anymore. If I were you, _Miss Granger_, I would be very careful."

What does he want from me?

I glare at him, letting him know he is disgusting and vile and that I hate him, but he simply smiles.

Then I finally speak, "Do what you want. I don't care anymore."

"Is that what you think?"

"Yes."

And then I lay down, turning away from him.

He could do many things, he could kick me or curse me, anything. But he doesn't.

After a long moment I hear him leave the dungeon.

And then I have a small epiphany.

I can ignore them.

And they will go away.

ooo

I can't be here anymore.

I'm going crazy.

I hate this dungeon.

I hate _them_.

Emotions explode inside of me and I just have to do something to ease the pain and frustration inside of me.

Not even thinking, I bring my mouth to my wrist, biting down hard, letting all the anger and fear take over me. I can taste blood in my mouth, but I can't feel the pain.

Finally I stop, removing my mouth and looking down at the wound I've caused myself.

Blood.

And now it's starting to hurt.

_Really_ hurt.

And burn.

I gasp in pain, observing the teeth marks on my skin.

And then I realize something.

I can't do it anymore.

Slowly, I pull myself up, looking around, searching something, _anything_ that could help me.

I am never going to be rescued. I am never going to see the world outside.

Somehow I just know that I am going to die. All alone.

And _no_.

I will not die like that.

If I die, it is going to be because I decide so. Not _they_.

I remember when Professor...no, that _traitor_ said there is probably an anti-suicide spell on the dungeon. But I've never tried to test it. There was one time when pieces of broken glass disappeared, but I have never actually tried to hurt myself.

Until now.

There is no point in living anymore.

But...how to do it?

There is nothing in the dungeon that could help me, _nothing_.

I could try to bash my head into the stone hard wall, but...I can't.

I'm a coward.

Desperately, I drop to the mattress again, closing my eyes.

ooo

He's here again.

I can hear him.

And I know it's him, I can recognize his footsteps.

He closes the door and then goes to stand in the middle of the dungeon.

I am ignoring him.

He is silent for a few long moments and when he finally speaks, his tone is cold, "Have you calmed down, Miss Granger?"

No.

I will not talk to him.

"Granger, I know you are not asleep."

Silence.

"Stop acting as a child," he says.

"Go to hell."

The words just escape me and I know he is surprised.

"Is that a way to talk to your teacher?" he asks.

"You are not my teacher," I hiss at him.

Why am I even talking to him?

Why can't I control myself and ignore him?

He does not deserve to be talked to.

"Look at me," he orders.

And he's right.

He is the one who should be ashamed, not me. So why should I hide?

Slowly I sit up, turning to face him.

His lips curl up in a slight smirk, "Good. Now - "

"What do you want?" I snap.

"Do not interrupt me, Granger."

I raise my eyebrow at him in defiance.

He continues, "I am still the same person that was here with you. More or less."

How can he talk like that?

Liar.

"How are you going to explain your absence from Hogwarts?" I ask, "Isn't it suspicious that you disappeared around the same time as I?"

He shakes his head, "No. That is taken care of."

I almost cry out at that. No one suspects anything.

"I knew it," I whisper, "There was something off about you. There were things that didn't add up. I-I knew it."

"Then why did you trust me?" he asks, "You knew there was something strange, there were many things, but you still trusted me."

"I was stupid."

"Yes, that you were."

My eyes water, but I blink the tears away. I can't believe he is the same person that was here with me, the same person that I relied on.

He is like a stranger now.

I can't look away from him, I keep looking for something that would tell me he is a different person, that he is in fact a guard pretending to be Professor Snape, but I find no evidence.

And he's looking at me too, his black eyes fixed on my face.

But then he looks down, his brows furrowed.

"What is that on your neck?" he asks, still not meeting my eyes.

Instinctively my hand touches my neck, trying to find out what he is talking about.

Then I remember.

He moves closer, "Whose fingerprints are those?"

"None of your business."

Now I can see anger flash his eyes, but I don't care.

"Was someone here?" he asks.

I remain silent.

Why is he acting like this now?

Shouldn't he know if someone was here or not?

And besides, has he forgotten he is not my protector anymore?

"And those teeth marks?" he asks, his tone serious.

I immediately hide my arm behind me, "None of your concern."

He takes a deep breath, "Answer my question."

"No."

He suddenly grabs my arm, pulling it from behind me. I struggle, trying to free myself. Somehow I succeed and I crawl away from him.

"Don't touch me!" I scream, "Don't you dare touch me!"

There is rage on his face. His lips form a thin line and he's paler than usually.

He looks at me, "I _dare_, Granger. I can do many things, not only touch you. And you _will_ answer my question."

No.

I won't.

I'm shaking now, furious at him, but scared at the same time.

"Who was here?" he asks again.

"You played your part so well," I admit, "All the details, everything, was so well planned."

"Thank you."

Like a knife to the chest.

He continues, "Now, answer my question."

"Who do you think was here?" I raise my voice, "Santa Claus? It was that guard! You know which one, I'm sure you two are good friends! It was probably _you_ who ordered him to do all those things to me, you know what would hurt the most and he did exactly that!"

His face remains calm, "I see."

Then he walks away, sitting on the chair in the middle of the dungeon.

I look at him in surprise, "What are you doing? You're not staying here."

"Oh no, I am not. I have seen more than enough of this dungeon. I merely want to talk to you."

My voice sounds so weak and defeated, "I'm not going to join you."

"You do realize that is the only solution. You are not going to be rescued by your heroic Potter or the Order. They have already given up on you."

My heart drops, "W-What?"

"What did you think? It's been almost a month since your disappearance. And there have been no sign of you or your whereabouts. Nothing."

"They've...given up?"

"Yes."

I takes me a moment, but then I shake my head, "I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want, Granger. But I am offering you a solution. It is your only chance."

"Thanks, but no thanks," I force a fake smile.

He stands up, "Alright. Today you said _no_."

"And I will say _no_ tomorrow and the day after that."

He smirks, "We will see."

Just as he walks over to the door, I stop him, "Wait. I-I'm hungry. Are you going to let me starve?"

"Of course not," he says, pulling his wand out of his robes.

He waves it at the floor and suddenly a large glass of water and a slice of bread appear.

As always.

Why did I expect something more from him?

He looks at me one more time before leaving the dungeon.

I quickly grab the glass of water, drinking all of it in a couple of seconds.

I'm not hungry.

That is not why I asked him for food.

As I observe the glass in my hand, I wonder if I'm able to do it.

To end my life.

Taking a deep breath, I quickly throw the glass on the ground, smashing it. Before all the pieces disappear, I grab one shard, holding it in my hands.

And it remains there, not disappearing with the rest of it.

I don't care how or why it didn't.

All that matters is that now I have what I need.

ooo

I can't do it.

I try to bring the shard to my skin, but I just _can't._

Am I doing the right thing?

Suicide is never the right choice, but...I can't stay here anymore.

I need to...

It's slowly getting dark.

I can't believe it was just yesterday when we were together, thinking it's our last day.

Now everything's different.

Then I decide.

I quickly bring the shard to my wrist and without thinking or pausing I make a deep cut.

It burns and there is blood, but it's not deep enough.

I swallow my cries and try again, this time with more determination.

Oh God.

There's so much blood now.

The shard falls out of my hand and I simply stare at the blood.

I think I've cut the vein.

The sight is making me sick.

Soon I can't even sit up, my head is becoming heavy.

So I lay down, looking up at the ceiling.

I was right when I said that the dungeon is going to be the last thing I see.

ooo

It's taking too long.

Why am I not dead yet?

I should be.

My eyes are closed and I can't even open them anymore.

All my strength is gone.

Wait.

I can hear something.

Footsteps.

Then a voice.

Someone's shaking me, grabbing my hand.

I want to speak, to tell them to leave me alone, but no voice comes out.

"...come to this?"

"...observe her..."

"...too much..."

There are several people in the dungeon.

I can hear voices.

Someone's holding my hand, trying to stop the bleeding.

I groan, pulling my arm away, but it's pointless. I'm too weak.

They want to bring me back, to torture me more and I can't let them.

This is my chance to escape.

"...going to be alright..."

Is that his voice? Professor Snape's?

Why is he telling me that everything is going to be alright?

Then everything goes black.

ooo

It's dark.

I slowly open my eyes.

There's one candle next to my mattress, illuminating a part of the dungeon.

I try to move, but can't.

What is...going on?

"That was very foolish of you," comes a voice from the other side of the dungeon.

I wait in silence, still a bit confused.

Slowly, that person moves closer and I can see him.

Snape.

"What..." I try to speak, but my throat is dry.

"Did you honestly think you could escape just like that?"

I struggle, trying to move, but realize I am tied to the mattress.

Panic takes over me and I struggle harder, my breath coming out in short gasps.

My arms are tied above my head.

I can't move my legs.

But there's no visible rope, it's probably magic keeping me still.

I can see there is bandage wrapped around my wounded wrist and it still hurts.

"Why did you hurt yourself?" he asks.

I don't answer.

"Granger, to prevent further injury you will remain tied for the rest of the night."

"You can't do that!"

"It is for your own good. The Dark Lord does not want to lose you. You could still prove to be useful."

I remain silent, biting my lower lip.

There are so many things I would like to tell him.

So many questions I would like to ask him.

When I finally speak it's quiet and weak, "How could you?"

He tenses up, "You could have been harmed much worse."

Is that supposed to make me feel better? Should I thank him for not letting the guards hurt me too much?

What kind of a sick game is he playing?

"Good night, Miss Granger," he speaks, blowing out the candle.

Suddenly there is horrible darkness all around me.

He leaves the dungeon without a word.

**A/N: I've never gotten so much reviews as I did for the last chapter. :) I guess it really was a shocker to many of you. **  
><strong>Only 4 more days! I can't wait to get to the end and finish the story. I'm actually really proud of it and I can't wait to see it finished. Thank you for your support!<strong>


	27. Day 27

**Day 27  
><strong>

I want to laugh.

The situation is bizarre.

I'm alone in a dark dungeon. Tied to a mattress.

I'm not even trying to move, it's pointless. Invisible ropes are holding me in place, perhaps even too much because I'm starting to lose feeling in my arms.

The night was pure torture.

I couldn't sleep. I wanted to move, it was uncomfortable being in the same position for many hours.

And now I only lay there, staring at the ceiling.

_I tried to end my life._

It sounds so wrong now.

Yesterday it was so clear to me what I had to do, it seemed _right_. But now, in the light of the morning, I can't believe what almost happened.

I shouldn't have...

I shouldn't have tried that.

Now I'm just ashamed and in pain.

And now _they_ know they've broken me so much I tried to kill myself.

I can only imagine how victorious they feel.

I wanted to kill myself and they didn't let me.

_They_ control everything.

I close my eyes.

I'm so tired.

ooo

I hear the doors opening.

Immediately my eyes snap open and then I see him.

Severus Snape.

He casually walks up to me, then stops, looking down at my body.

What does he want?

I stare at him, refusing to look away first.

"How are you feeling?" he finally asks.

I don't have to answer that.

"Untie me," I demand, feeling too vulnerable just laying there with him hovering above me.

"No."

_What?_

"Untie me," I raise me voice.

He ignores me and walks over to the chair in the middle of the dungeon, "No," he repeats then sits down, "I have your attention this way and we have to talk."

I blink a few times, forcing myself to calm down, "About what?"

"You need to convince me that you will not try such a thing ever again and then, _perhaps_, I will untie you."

"No. I don't have to talk to you."

He nods, "As you wish."

And with that he stands up.

Is he leaving?

"Wait!" I start to panic, "You can't just leave me like this! I-I have to...use the bathroom."

Normally I would blush, but not anymore. We've been through much more together, even if it was all a lie on his part.

He sighs, then sits back down, "Then convince me."

"W-What?"

"Why should I trust you? Why should I believe that you will not try something stupid again?"

"It wasn't _stupid_," I argue, "It takes a lot of courage - "

"No," he cuts me off, "It is stupid. And immature. And cowardly."

My jaw hardens, he's making me angry and even more ashamed of myself.

He looks at me, "Are you a coward, Miss Granger?"

Silence.

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

"Answer me," he orders.

"No."

"No what?"

I stare at him, "I will not answer you. I don't have to do anything _you_ say."

"And why is that?" his voice is so calm, he does not seem to be affected by anything I say.

"Because I hate you."

"No. You do not hate me."

I force out a laugh, "Then you are the one that is stupid, Professor."

"Granger, I am still your superior."

"Just leave me alone," I turn my head away from him.

He's moving, I can hear him.

But he's not walking away, he's approaching me.

Suddenly I can feel his fingers grasping my chin and he's forcing me to look at him.

"We have to talk," he says, "But you do not have to talk to _me_. Is there anyone else you would feel comfortable with?"

I can't talk. I just want him to move his hand away from me. His touch disgusts me.

How dare he touch me?

He continues, "Perhaps that guard? Hmm?"

I tense up, but somehow force myself to speak, "Even _he_ is better than you. With him I at least know what to expect."

Finally he releases my chin and stands up, letting out a deep breath.

As I wait for him to leave, he slowly pulls his wand out and conjures food.

I'm not hungry.

"Eat. That is an order," he drawls in his teaching voice, "You need strength."

What for?

A moment later I can move again. Whatever was holding me in place is gone. I bring my arms down, noticing the bandage on my wounded wrist.

"I can assure you we have placed many additional spells on this dungeon. You will find no loopholes this time. And I advise you not to try," Snape explains, giving me a hard look.

I don't say anything.

He continues, "We will be checking up on you regularly."

Whatever.

I don't even look at him as he leaves.

My attention is now directed towards the food he left for me.

Orange juice.

Scrambled eggs.

Two slices of toast.

What is this?

My mouth waters just at the sight of it.

Suddenly I am hungry and I reach for the food, not losing any time.

It's been too long since I've tasted anything other than bread and water.

A moan escapes me, but it doesn't matter. I'm alone in the dungeon, no one can hear me and it's nothing wrong with enjoying food.

I notice with surprise that the glass of juice keeps refiling itself.

But I'm not stupid. I know they haven't had a change of heart. This is just their way of making sure I don't die. They want me alive. Voldemort wants me alive.

Well, then he's stupid.

I don't see how I could be of use to them, Snape's already searched through my mind many times, they've got everything that I know.

Now I'm completely useless to them.

So why keep me alive?

It doesn't matter now.

All that matters is the taste that the food leaves in my mouth. I try to eat slowly, but I can't control myself.  
>This could be my last delicious meal.<p>

ooo

I guess there won't be any bathroom visits anymore. Now that I'm alone I'll probably have to use that hole in the corner.

Well, it could be worse.

Right?

ooo

There is blood on my mattress.

Lots of it.

Dried and dark.

It's disgusting.

And there's a small amount of it on the floor as well.

It appears I've really lost a lot of blood. And I still feel it. I'm weak and light-headed. Everything goes black in front of my eyes if I stand up too fast.

I can't sit here. It's too disgusting.

Slowly, I pull myself up and walk to Professor Snape's mattress, dropping down onto it.

_Professor Snape's mattress._

No.

Not _Professor Snape._

Just _Snape_.

Yes. That's how I need to call him.

He does not deserve the title of _Professor, teacher._ He's corrupted and vile and evil and...and how could he do this to me?

_Stop, Hermione._

I need to pull myself together and stop thinking about such things. So I concentrate myself on the mattress I'm currently on.

I wonder how much he hated being forced to use it and pretend he is in the same situation as I am.

He is a really good pretender.

The mattress still smells of him. I can almost feel his...presence. Or I'm just imagining it.

I close my eyes and decide to take a rest.

There's nothing else I can do.

ooo

"Hello, Princess."

The voice snaps me back into reality.

And my stomach turns as I realize who is in the dungeon with me.

That disgusting guard.

And what is it with calling me _Princess_? A new joke of his, probably.

"How are you?" he asks, "Still alive I see."

I hate him so much.

I know what I've said to Snape, about rather talking to this guard than to him, but that was a lie.

This guard disgusts me more that Snape, much _much_ more.

And I only hope before I die, I can see him suffer and scream in pain.

"I was sent to see how you are doing," he continues in a playful tone, "So, how are you?"

"Peachy," I answer, but my voice is hoarse and weak.

He smiles, "Well, alright, then perhaps I should be going."

Yes, please.

Leave.

As if he can hear my thoughts, he grins, "Or...we could talk for a while."

No.

I remain silent.

"What could we talk about, hmm?" he looks up at the ceiling as if in deep thought.

It's then when I look behind him and notice he hasn't closed the doors completely.

I don't know why, but that makes me nervous. A strange feeling starts growing inside of me, as if I should...do something about it.

The doors were left open many times in the past, but this is the first time there is only one guard in the dungeon with me.

There is a chance, a very small one, but still a chance that I could...get to that door.

And then...

Then what?

"We could talk about your clothes."

My eyes snap to him, "W-What?"

His face grimaces, "Dirty. You've been wearing that for almost a month now. Would you like new clothes?"

"No."

His eyebrows rise in false surprise, "I know that you are a Mudblood, but I did not expect you to rather remain in your dirty clothes than to - "

"I am not changing my clothes," I snap at him.

Somehow I can't concentrate on the conversation, my eyes keep escaping towards the doors.

I know what is out there.

A long hallway with many doors.

Then stairs.

If you go past the stairs you reach the bathroom.

But where do those stairs lead?

In my many visits to the bathroom I've never encountered another Death Eater in that hallway.

So if I somehow make it past this...guard, I can reach the stairs and...

"What if it wasn't an offer, but an order?" he asks, glaring at me.

I swallow hard, making a decision.

"Fine," I nod.

That surprises him.

He waves his wand and an ugly grey robe appears in his hands.

I slowly stand up and walk over to him, my heart racing.

He offers the robe to me and I take it, moving to the other side of the dungeon.

There's still a glass of juice on the floor, next to the plate.

I try to remain calm and then I drop my robe to the floor. I can feel his eyes on me as I reach down to pick it up. Then everything happens very fast. Without thinking I grab the glass, turning around and smacking him over the head with it. I'm surprised by my strength. Where did _that_ come from?

He yelps in pain, falling to the floor and holding his head. I drop the glass and run towards the door, not looking back.

ooo

"Let go of me!" I scream, struggling as I'm brought back into the dungeon.

The guard pushes me onto the mattress and then turns to address his leader who is still on the floor, holding his head.

There's blood on his face.

I hit him hard.

Not moving, I listen to their conversation.

"What happened?"

"That animal attacked me!"

"She almost made it to the..."

"Where did you get her?"

"On the stairs."

It's true. I made it half way, then sat down, not able to move anymore. Everything was turning black and the last thing I wanted was to faint and fall down the stairs.

The leader finally gets up, making his way to me.

His expression is horrifying.

He is going to kill me.

"What is happening here?"

We all turn to see Profess - ...no, to see _Snape_ enter the dungeon, his face hard.

"We should have left her tied up!" the leader growls, "That little bitch attacked me."

Snape raises a brow, "Watch the language," after a second, he continues, "She attacked you?"

"Look at my head!"

I remind myself to breath as I watch the conversation between them.

Snape's face relaxes and a smile smirk appears on his lips, "You could not handle a little girl? Remind me to never send you alone to her again."

"This is not funny," the leader speaks, then his voice lowers, "She almost made it up the stairs."

I can see Snape's face harden again and there is concern in his eyes, but he hides in immediately.

"But I got to her before she could make it all the way up," the other guard speaks.

Snape nods, "Leave me alone with her."

The leader sends me an angry look and I know it isn't over between us, then he and the other guard leave.

I relax a bit.

Why do I do that?

Why do I feel safer and more relaxed in Snape's presence? Do I still see him as my protector, as someone I can trust?

If that's the case, it is _me_ who needs to be hit over the head, not that guard.

Snape takes a deep breath, crosses his arms over his chest, then he finally looks at me.

I hate looking into his eyes. The eyes of a liar.

"Why was that necessary?" he asks, calmly.

Is he serious?

I am kidnapped, tortured and he wants to hear a reason behind my attempt to escape?

"It felt good," I reply.

"It felt good to be caught and dragged back into the dungeon? If that is the case, then we can try it every day."

I roll my eyes at his sarcasm.

He continues, "Did you actually believe you could escape? That there is even a slightest chance?"

Did I?

No, probably not.

But I just...had to do it.

So that when I'm dying I can say that at least I tried.

And finally hitting that disgusting guard felt good.

My eyes find their way to that ugly grey robe on the floor and I pick it up, throwing it at Snape.

"He wanted me to wear that!" I raise my voice.

The robe lands on his shoulder and he pulls it off, looking at it.

"It's clean," is his only comment.

"I will never wear it."

He shrugs his shoulders, "As you wish. No one is forcing you."

He drops the robe onto the floor and looks at me again.

Why is he...staring at me like that?

It's like he has much to say, but his mouth remains closed.

So I speak, asking the question that has been on my mind for two days now, "You've been with them since the very beginning?"

"Yes."

But that does not make sense. There were so many moments...that do not make sense.

When I had to carve the word 'traitor' onto his chest.

When the guard tortured him with questions about his family.

When we kissed and he...stopped.

Nothing makes sense anymore.

"Why did you stop?" I finally gather the courage to ask, "That morning when I kissed you and...we almost..."

There is not even the slightest change on his face, "Would you rather see that I continued?"

I quickly shake my head, "No."

Not now that I know the whole truth.

"But why did you stop?" I repeat the question, "If you really wanted to hurt me...you should've went through with it. You know that."

He nods, "Yes, but that would have been too much for you. Realizing that you willingly gave your virginity to a Death Eater would have pushed you over the edge."

I tense at his harsh words.

"I-Is that the only reason?" I push, wanting to know everything.

He raises his eyebrows as he thinks about it.

Finally he speaks, "And you are not my type, Miss Granger."

"W-What?"

"You are not exactly a dream woman."

I am speechless.

Why does that hurt me so much?

I know that I'm not _beautiful_, but hearing those words from his mouth is just...cruel.

Taking a deep breath, I try to force myself to think nothing of it. He is a disgusting Death Eater, his words do not matter.

Why do I care what he thinks of me?

"Thank you for your answer," I force out.

Silence.

"Did that hurt your feelings?" he asks.

Bastard.

I lick my lips nervously, "Y-You...when we kissed, you..."

"I played my part," he cuts me off, "I am not saying it was not enjoyable, but it was nothing special."

_Nothing special._

I take a breath, "What are you still doing here? You can leave now."

"I _did_ hurt your feelings," he says, almost mockingly.

I force a laugh, "Believe what you want."

Silence.

Why is he still here?

"Granger," he speaks, "End this."

I look up at him in surprise.

"Cross over. You could be very useful to us. Accept the offer and you could go back."

My eyes brighten up, "Back home? Back to Hogwarts?"

"Yes. All you have to say is that you are going to help us."

"Betray Harry. The Order."

"And finally leave this place."

"No."

"Granger. You would come out as a survivor. The Dark Lord rewords those who help him."

I shake my head, "I'm a _Mudblood_, right? I would be killed as soon as I'm not useful anymore."

"No."

"_Yes_, now go away. I'm not betraying anyone. I'm not like _you_."

This affects him and his face hardens.

But he leaves.

Without a word.

ooo

I really should change my clothes.

Put on that ugly robe.

But...I can't. That would make everything more real. It would mean I'm their prisoner, their slave.

And I am.

Wait.

_No_.

I'm Hermione Granger.

Hogwarts' student.

The brightest witch of my age.

And my school uniform reminds me of it. Even if it's all dirty and messy and torn. It reminds me that I do not belong into this dungeon. I belong somewhere else.

If I put on that robe I might forget who I really am.

And I don't want that.

I need to keep reminding myself of who I am.

Hermione Granger.

And I haven't been their slave forever.

There were times when I was free.

And I can't allow myself to forget that.

ooo

The night is slowly approaching.

And it's quiet in the dungeon.

How much longer?

How much longer are they going to keep me here?

Forever?

Until I'm old and wrinkled?

Until the War is over?

When will that be?

What is going on in the outside world?

Have they really stopped looking for me?

That thought is too horrible so I push it out of my mind.

Then I hear it.

But before I can move, someone suddenly grabs my hair and pulls me up from the mattress.

As I face my attacker, I can almost feel the death coming from me.

How am I getting out of this alive?

It's that guard, the leader, and he's angry.

Pissed off.

I knew it would come to this. Of course he would not let my attack on him just slide without any punishment.

He pushes me into the stone wall and I drop to the floor, trying to crawl away from him.

"You will learn respect," he growls, "You cannot hit someone who is above you, girl."

Oh God.

Oh God.

He grabs my ankle and pulls me towards him.

I scream.

And scream.

Even though it's pointless. Why am I screaming? Who do I expect to hear me?

He crawls on top of me and pushes me harder into the cold ground. I'm on my stomach and I can't even hit him or kick him. I'm completely trapped beneath him.

He grabs my hair again and pulls and it feels as if he's going to rip my skull apart.

"You do not hit your superior, understood?" he demands.

I don't say anything.

I _won't_ say anything.

He can't make me.

"And," he continues, "You will wear what I order you to wear."

I can hear material ripping and suddenly I realize my blouse is off.

He throws it away and then his hands are on my skirt.

"Stop!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

The skirt is torn as well and I'm just in my underwear.

"What the hell is this?"

It's his voice.

It's Snape.

I blink away my tears and turn to look at him.

He's in the dungeon, standing at the doors.

The guard immediately stands up and moves away from me. Not waiting another second, I grab my skirt and try to cover myself.

"What are you doing?" Snape asks the guard.

"I was merely teaching her a lesson - "

"A lesson in what exactly?"

"She is disobeying my orders. I was only trying to force her to wear what she was ordered to wear."

"Ordered by _you_," Snape drawls coldly, "_I_ do not remember giving any kind of order that referred to her clothing."

I am shaking.

My clothes are ruined. Torn.

I can't wear them anymore.

My school uniform is gone.

Snape's speaking again, his voice angry and dark, "What happened here tonight is you sexually molesting the girl. _Again_. Are you purposely ignoring my orders?"

"Of course not - "

"Leave," he hisses, "I will deal with you later."

The guard is gone in less than a second.

I can still remember the day when I bought my uniform. I was with my mum and it was a sunny day.

She bought it to me. And now I've ruined it.

I can't even see through my tears.

"Here," Snape's voice makes me look at him.

He's holding that grey robe in his hand, offering it to me.

But I don't want it.

I want my school uniform. The one that my _mum_ bought for me.

I blink the tears away and realize I'm in my underwear.

And Snape's standing above me.

Immediately I grab the robe from him and pull it over my head, covering myself.

I guess it's better than wearing nothing.

He kneels down next to me.

"Are you alright?"

His gentle tone surprises me.

"Y-Yes."

"He did not hurt you?"

I shake my head.

I'm not hurt. At least not physically.

"I have warned him," he speaks, "He will be punished for what happened tonight. I assure you."

Why is he acting like that?

He's...caring and suddenly I feel the need to lean onto him, to find comfort in him.

It doesn't matter if he's a Death Eater.

"He will never again come near you," he says.

It feels so good to hear those words.

And his tone is so reassuring.

Wait.

Something is wrong.

Why would he be talking to me like that?

"Come," he stands up, offering me his hand, "I will help you to your mattress."

I stare at him for a couple of seconds.

"Well?" he asks.

"N-No."

"No?"

I shake my head, "No, you will not help me."

"Granger - "

"Why are you acting like this all of the sudden?" I demand, "Why do you want to make it seem as if you care about me? Just stop it."

"Granger, I am not as evil as you think. I do not want you to get hurt."

"W-What?"

"I do not enjoy seeing you tortured. You were my student. You are almost a child."

I listen to him, not believing what I'm hearing.

I _want_ to believe him.

It would be so easy.

He continues, "I want you to be free. And unfortunately there is only one option for you."

Then I realize it.

"Stop it," I whisper.

"Granger, listen to me."

"No! _You_ listen to _me_!" my own voice surprises me, "I am not as stupid as you think I am. I _know_ what you are doing!"

"And what am I doing?"

I slowly pull myself up, facing him.

He's taller than I am, but I stare directly into his eyes, not intimidated by his presence, "I _read_, Sir. And I've read about this psychological tactic used for interrogation."

He raises his eyebrow, "Enlighten me."

"T-There are two interrogators who take apparently opposing approaches to the subject. One takes aggressive, negative stance towards the subject. The other one will appear supportive, understanding and even show sympathy. That one will defend the subject, in that case _me_, from the aggressive interrogator."

He is silent, simply staring at me.

I continue, "And that method only works on weak, naïve and frightened subjects. And, Professor Snape, I am past that already."

Silence.

I stare up at him, standing behind my words.

Why else would he all of the sudden be so caring and protective?

After a long moment of silence, there is finally a change on his face.

A slight smile.

"Very good, Miss Granger," he speaks, "Apparently I have underestimated you."

I'm suddenly very cold.

All the mind playing, the betrayal, the sick games, it's all too much.

I walk past him and drop onto my mattress.

"Very good," he repeats, "You can be proud of yourself. And I mean it."

But I did not want to be right. I wanted him to be truly concerned about me.

I remain silent.

"I wish you a peaceful night," and then he leaves, closing the door behind him.

I should feel horrible.

But I don't. Not _entirely_, at least.

I saw right through him.

I beat him at his game.

At _their_ game.

My school uniform had to get destroyed in the process, but for the first time it was_ I_ who came out as a winner.

They did not play me as they wanted to.

I close my eyes, preparing to go to sleep.

I am still captured, I am still in the dungeon, but today I did something that made me feel less...helpless.

It's strange. Just yesterday I wanted to end my life and today I feel stronger than ever.

They will not play with me anymore.

I will not allow them.

The psychological games are over.

**A/N: I know it's been two weeks! Sorry! A bit of a writer's block. Hopefully I can finish the story soon. I am really eager to get to the end of it and take a bit of a break. I appreciate each and every review. :) You guys motivate me to write.**


	28. Day 28

**Day 28  
><strong>

I'm glad my confidence hasn't left over the night. I was afraid it would and that my positive thoughts were just staying for a few hours.

But as I wake up, I can feel all the energy coming back to me.

The energy.

The ideas.

_Hope_.

It's all still there.

Good.

I look down at myself and grimace at the ugly robe I'm wearing.

But it doesn't matter. It's just clothes. And it's clean.

It can't change who I am.

Neither can my new short hair change the fact that I am still Hermione Granger.

I smile.

Then look around, noticing the things in the dungeon. I need to change something, make it seem as if Professor Snape never was in here with me. It still hurts if I think about the betrayal and the best would be to simply stop thinking about it.

Pretend I am alright until I actually start _feeling_ alright.

I stand up, walking towards his mattress.

I hate what he did to me.

As anger resurfaces in me, I take a hold of the mattress and start dragging it across the dungeon. Somehow it's not as heavy as I expected.

But I'm still a bit breathless as I reach the corner where my mattress in and I gather my strength, dropping his mattress on top of mine.

There.

This looks much better.

I sit onto it, feeling a bit light-headed.

And it's much more comfortable this way too.

My eyes slowly find their way to that spot where his mattress was.

It's so...empty.

And then something catches my attention. There's something on the floor there.

I walk over to it.

Oh.

It's my hair.

The one the guards cut off.

The pile of hair he said he hid so that it wouldn't hurt me every time I looked at it.

I thought that was so nice of him.

He is such a liar.

Whatever.

I don't want to think about it.

It's still early in the morning, so I decide to take a rest and mentally prepare myself for the day.

ooo

Door opening.

I tense up.

I always tense up.

It's that guard.

The one from yesterday.

Snape said he would never let him anywhere near me anymore.

Liar.

That incident yesterday really was just a game.

But that's alright.

"You have rearranged the dungeon," he says, looking around.

I notice he is carrying a platter with food.

My breakfast.

I remain silent, hoping he would just leave the food and leave. But that's not very likely. Not after what happened yesterday.

"It looks good on you," he comments.

Silence.

"It's rude to ignore someone," he continues, "Especially when they compliment you."

Bastard.

But I'm annoying him. And that feels good.

A loud crash.

I flinch in shock, my head turning towards him.

My food.

Everything's on the floor. Ruined.

I can almost hear my stomach complain at the sight of it.

"You cannot ignore us," he hisses, "Will you ever learn?"

My face hardens and words form on my lips, "Never."

Anger flashes in his eyes, but he forces a smile, "We will see about that."

That does not scare me as it used to. What more could they do to me? I understand that there is still physical torture left, there are many ways in which they could make me beg for death, but I have survived the psychological torture. And that is much more damaging.

The guard grins at me, "Have a nice meal."

With those words he leaves the dungeon.

I look down at the floor, noticing a piece of bread, completely covered in water. The shards have already disappeared, leaving only a mess.

I am so hungry.

And thirsty.

I need food, but I will not eat that on the floor.

They can't force me.

ooo

I yawn, not opening my eyes yet.

How long have I been asleep?

It feels good to just rest.

Someone clears their throat.

Immediately I sit up, tensing.

Then I see him.

"Snape," I let out, my voice shaking a bit.

He's siting casually on the chair in the middle of the dungeon, observing me.

"H-How long have you been here?" I ask.

"It does not matter."

"It _does_," I insist, "Why are you here?"

He was watching me sleep.

That thought is so disturbing I decide to push it aside.

"You know why I am here, Miss Granger," he sighs, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

Why is he looking at me like that?

"Well," I start, "Whatever you are here to offer, my answer is _no_."

He narrows his eyes, "I see you have made use of my mattress."

"Why are you here?"

I don't want to lose time with stupid, pointless small talk. The only thing that I want is for him to explain why he is here and then leave.

Simple as that.

But nothing is simple with him.

He takes a deep breath, meeting my eyes. And for the first time I notice how tired he looks. There are bags under his eyes, he looks older and...drained.

Finally he speaks, "What do you want?"

That surprises me, "What do I want?"

"Yes, I believe that was the question."

I blink, trying to regain my composure, "I want _out_. You know that."

He nods, "And you can get that."

"By betraying the Order. By betraying myself," I speak, emotionless.

We've had this conversation so many times by now. I am sick and tired of saying the same thing over and over again.

_No._

_I will not join you._

_I will not help you._

_I will not betray anyone._

_No._

_No._

"Do you realize what we are offering?" Snape asks, raising his eyebrow.

"It doesn't matter to me."

"Knowledge," he says, "Things that you could never learn with the Order. Believe me, there are things they have never even heard of. And you can have it all. Do not let your potential be lost."

Did he just compliment me?

After a moment I simply shake my head, "Just go - "

"I am not finished," he interrupts, "Knowledge is not everything. Are you tired of rules? I know from personal experience that you have broken one too many rules while at Hogwarts."

"This isn't going to work. I don't care about those things. I just...want to go home."

"Revenge."

This makes me look up at him, "What?"

His face darkens, "You could have revenge on those who have wronged you. No consequences."

I smile weakly, "Draco Malfoy? Could I make _him_ pay for making my life miserable all these years?"

"That might be a problem."

"I thought so. I am sure his _daddy_ would have a problem with that."

"Think harder, Granger," Snape replies, "That boy from the Muggle world? The one that was a bit rough with you?"

I tense up at his words, sending him a cold glare.

He continues, "You could make him pay. You could make him beg for forgiveness."

"Don't mention him," I hiss.

How dare he use this against me?

"Granger - "

"Stop. I trusted you. I told you something private and how dare you bring this up now?"

I stand up, anger on my face, "I do not wish to talk to you anymore. Leave."

"You are throwing me out of the dungeon?" he asks, slightly amused.

"Yes."

He's looking at me with that strange expression.

It annoys me that I never know what he's thinking.

"If that is what you want," he says, standing up.

"And I demand _food_," I add, pointing at the mess on the floor.

"You are getting a bit cocky."

I do not reply to that.

But clearly the expression on my face convinces him that I am serious and he nods, "I will have the guard bring food to you."

"When?"

"Be patient."

And then he leaves.

Just like that.

ooo

It's been a few hours and still no food.

I can feel minutes pass by and my throat is getting more and more sore.

Somehow I think this is the worst torture.

Being left alone to starve.

And it comes to a point where food and water are the only things I can think about.

Even though that's the _last_ thing I should be thinking about.

I'm so thirsty.

ooo

Finally someone's here.

The guard. But not the leader.

It's a young man. I've never seen him before.

And he does not even look at me as he leaves the platter on the floor and then disappears from the dungeon.

Not losing any time, I almost throw myself at the glass of water, drinking like an animal.

Well, Snape at least did not lie about this. He held his promise and made sure the food was delivered to me.

_Hermione, stop._

_Stop making excuses for him._

_They just do not want you to die yet and that is the only reason you are getting food._

ooo

He's back again.

Snape.

I am tired of seeing him.

He walks right towards me and that catches me off guard.

"Granger, let me see your arm," he instructs, kneeling down next to me.

"N-No."

I don't want to be so close to him. And I don't want him touching me.

"Show me your arm. I have to see if the wound has healed properly."

I shake my head, "Why does it matter anyway?"

He sighs in annoyance, "I do not want to use force."

I get lost in his eyes for a moment.

"Well?" he asks.

Finally I give up. I don't want him to know he has such an influence on me. I don't want him to know that his touch bothers me.

So I extend my arm towards him.

He takes it gently, taking the bandage off.

My breathing is heavier, I can hear it.

It's his _presence_. He has always had such an effect on me. Even when we were at Hogwarts and he was looking over my shoulder at my cauldron.

So I try to concentrate on the wound on my wrist.

It's...almost gone. There's only a scar left.

I have always been impressed by the medical treatment in the Wizarding World.

Just two days ago the vein was cut, blood was pouring down my arm and now...almost nothing.

Snape releases my arm and I clear my throat, leaning away from him.

"Does my presence makes you uncomfortable?" he suddenly asks.

"O-Of course it does. I hate you," the words seem a bit forced.

"Your tone is defensive," he notices with amusement, "Is there something you wish to tell me?"

I meet his eyes.

Yes, there are many things.

I hate you.

You disgust me.

"Well?" he asks, staring at me, looking deep into my eyes.

He's doing that on purpose.

"Are you...attracted to me, Miss Granger?"

I almost choke, "W-What?"

"Is that the reason you seem to be so bothered by my presence?"

"I-I-I am bothered by your presence because you disgust me. Because you are a traitor!"

Quickly, I stand up and walk over to the other side of the dungeon, away from him.

He gets up as well and faces me.

"Calm down, Miss Granger."

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing when...you are the one who..."

"I _what_?"

My face hardens, "You are their leader. You are the one who gives orders here. I have seen the way other guards look at you. You are the authority here."

"You point being?"

"You have thought this whole thing up. It was _you_ who wanted us to be forced to shower together, it was _you_ who ordered that guard to molest me, it was _you_ who set that incident up yesterday," I accuse him, "Did you enjoy seeing my clothes being pulled off?"

Darkness takes over his face, "Do not talk about things you know nothing about."

"I know plenty!"

"Stop it, Granger."

"No!" I walk over to him, "I guess that guard was telling the truth when he said you hate women. When he said you are violent."

He suddenly grabs my arms and I cry out.

"Do. Not. Go. There," he hisses quietly.

And it actually scares me. He is not mocking me or playing a game. He's being serious now.

Finally he releases me and I stumble back.

A minute passes in dead silence.

Then I ask, quietly, "D-Did you order that girl to be killed? The one who who died in front of me?"

I don't breathe as I wait for his answer.

Slowly he looks at me, "Do you truly want to know?"

"Yes."

I want to know.

I _need_ to know what he's capable of.

That will make me hate him even more.

He takes a deep breath, then shakes his head, "No."

"No?"

I can't believe it.

"You had n-nothing to do with it?" I ask in disbelief.

"I will not repeat myself," he speaks, coldly, "And do not try to make me a hero again simply because of that."

I snap back into reality, "I-I won't. I know what you really are."

"Good."

He walks away, towards the door, then looks back at me as if he wants to say something. But he changes his mind and leaves.

ooo

Why did I get so defensive?

_Am_ I attracted to him?

A month in this dungeon and I am already going crazy.

He's Professor Snape, for god's sake!

He's...old and..._old_.

He could be my father.

And he's not exactly...handsome.

But I've never given that much thought to physical appearance anyway.

There is just something about him that makes my heart beat faster.

While we were together in the dungeon, we had quite a few interesting conversations.

He's intelligent and... and...there's something about the way he forms words and stares at you while speaking.

And even now, when he is not pretending to be good, he's not entirely evil. He can still talk in a soft tone, he can still be...gentle. Not at all like that other guard.

_Wait_!

What am I doing?

What is wrong with me?

He's a Death Eater. He's evil. He used me, he manipulated me, he lied to me.

And that is all I need to know about him.

ooo

It's raining.

And it's getting dark already.

I should try and get some sleep. The sound of the rain will help me relax.

As soon as I close my eyes, the doors burst open.

It's Snape, again.

And something is wrong.

He's...angry.

He shuts the doors behind him and looks at me.

"Enough," he whispers.

I can't even move, there is something in his eyes, something that frightens me.

"You have proven yourself," he speaks, "Now stop playing the brave little girl."

"What is..."

"The Dark Lord is becoming impatient," he answers, "It is my task to get you to our side and I do not wish to be punished because of your foolish pride."

"Punished?" I repeat, noticing that he seems a bit breathless and...in pain.

"I will not lose my life, girl, not _now_, not because of _you_."

Slowly, I stand up, "Well, you are going to have to find another way to make your Master proud."

He approaches me, "I will do anything, Granger. Are you aware of that?"

A cold shiver goes through me, "I am."

Silence.

I speak again, "I know that I am going to die here. At least I'm going to die for the right cause."

"There is no right cause for dying, you foolish girl!" he raises his voice, "You do not have to die."

"Why do _you_ care?" I snap at him.

It takes him a couple of moments to answer, "If we get nothing from you, it is _my_ life at stake as well."

I force a smile, "Then do what you have to do."

"Granger."

"Do it!"

"Stop being so stubborn!"

"Where is your wand?" I ask.

He slowly pulls it out of his robes.

I take a breath, "Start. Do what you have to. Then kill me."

Is this it?

Is this the end?

Snape closes his eyes for a moment, "You are forcing me to do this."

"_I_ am forcing _you_?" my voice is shaking, "It was _you_ who brought me here! You tortured me! Because of _you_ I am never going to see my parents again! Because of _you_ I am never going to leave this dungeon!"

It seems all my anger, all my frustration is finally coming out.

He's glaring at me.

"What are you waiting for?" I demand.

Then his face hardens and he points his wand at me, whispering something.

I cry out as deep cuts appear on my legs.

It _burns_.

But I somehow manage to swallow my cries and I look at Snape, daring him to continue.

There is no emotion on his face as he takes a step away from me, flicking his wand at me.

An invisible force throws me across the dungeon and I hit the stone wall hard before dropping to the ground.

Tears start to form in my eyes, but I furiously blink them away, waiting for the next curse to hit me.

Snape looks at me, "Are you willing to cross over to our side?"

"N-No."

Another cut appears, this time on my stomach. I can feel it and the blood is starting to show through the robe I'm wearing.

"Are you willing to cross over to our side?" he repeats.

"No."

Before I can even take a breath I am pulled up into the air and I levitate there for a few seconds.

"Are you willing to cross - "

"No!" I scream, "No, no, _no_!"

I am dropped to the ground with force and I think I've injured my arm.

_It doesn't hurt._

_It doesn't hurt._

I look up at him.

He's staring at the wall above me.

He can't even look at me.

"This is a bit too impersonal, S-Sir," I start, "Why don't you put that wand away?"

His eyes meet mine.

I hold the connection as I sit up, "I'm here. Strangle me. Break my neck. I-I think it will give you much more satisfaction than killing me with magic."

He points his wand at me again.

I close my eyes.

This is it.

I'm doing the right thing.

I'm doing this for the Order.

For Harry.

For my parents.

For good people.

I don't want them to live in the World ruled by Voldemort.

Silence.

Then I feel something.

Something strange.

_I_ feel strange.

I can't hear anything.

For a moment I think perhaps he left and I'm alone in the dungeon.

But then I hear his breathing.

My eyes snap open.

He's kneeling down next to me.

Finally he speaks, "Satisfaction?"

I remain silent, reminding myself to breathe.

His hand is suddenly on my thigh and I push it away immediately.

"Are you willing to cross over to our side?" he asks again.

He keeps repeating the question.

"N-No."

And I keep repeating the answer.

He nods, "Do you remember what you asked of me a couple of days ago?"

Silence.

I think I know what he is referring to.

"I accept," he says, mockingly.

I freeze completely.

He continues, "But I will not be gentle."

"Y-You can't do this," I panic, trying to move away from him.

He grabs my arm, pushing me to the floor, forcing my legs apart.

I don't even know why I'm fighting him.

This is the end.

I am going to die afterwards anyway.

He is silent.

No words.

Nothing.

My underwear is torn.

I can hear the rustling of his robes.

And then he thrusts.

The pain.

I scream, clutching his forearms.

"Are you willing to cross over to our side?"

His voice is even, calm, the situation does not affect him at all.

And I'm biting my tongue to prevent screams.

He moves again, making my eyes widen in pain.

"Are you willing to cross over to our side?"

He thrusts again.

His moves are precise, almost technical.

And this time I scream, my throat hurting.

"Answer me," he demands.

I shake my head, not able to form words.

It hurts _so much._

What is he doing to me? It should not hurt this much.

I'm about to be torn in half.

I can't believe what is happening.

It seems surreal.

Suddenly he stops moving.

I close my eyes.

And then he's not on top of me anymore.

And my breath is pushed out of me.

What is happening?

I don't feel pain anymore.

I open my eyes.

Where is he?

Why...how is it I'm wearing my underwear again?

I turn my head and there he is.

He's standing in the other corner of the dungeon like he was before.

His wand is pointed at me.

What is happening?

Slowly, I sit up, my eyes never leaving his form.

"What just h-happened?" I can barely speak.

"A vision," he answers, "I have created a vision and presented it to you."

"A _v-vision_?" my voice is still shaking, "It wasn't r-real?"

"No."

But it felt so real.

I could _feel_ it.

"You bastard," I whisper, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Are you willing to cross over to our side?"

"No! And stop asking that! I will never, _never_, do anything for Voldemort! I would never do anything for _you_."

He is silent.

His eyes are on me and I want to read his mind. I want to know why he is looking at me like that.

"Bastard," the word escapes me again.

"The vision can become reality, you do know that?"

He is so calm.

How could he?

"The vision was a mild version of what might happen," he explains.

His lips keep moving, saying those awful things, but his eyes...his eyes are telling me another story.

There's...hate.

And I don't think it's _me_ that he hates.

"I don't believe you," I force out, "Why would you present me with a vision?"

He is silent again.

And calm.

And _tired_.

He is simply standing there.

Almost as if he is defeated.

And I'm on the floor.

My cuts bleeding.

My arm hurting.

But I feel stronger.

Stronger than him.

"You do not realize..." he starts, deep into his thoughts, "You..."

But he does not finish his sentence.

He simply lowers his head and walks over to the door.

Is he leaving?

But...

I expect him to turn around and finish me off.

He never does.

He leaves the dungeon.

I can't even move.

I'm still alive.

Does that mean that I've won?

I don't understand anything anymore.

Not even bothering to crawl to my mattress, I remain on the ground. There won't be any sleep for me tonight.

I can still _feel_ him.

On top of me.

Inside of me.

Even if it did not actually happen, I can see it in my mind.

And why did he do that?

Why play with me?

Who is the real Severus Snape?

Am I ever going to find out?

I breathe.

I'm alive.

That is the only thing I should care about.

**A/N: Two more days to go! Many of you are confused, but I assure you it will all be explained at the end. :) Keep reading! Thank you. :) **


	29. Day 29

**Day 29  
><strong>

I somehow feel that the end is near.

They have used every method possible to make me betray the Order. What else can they do?

Even Snape said that Voldemort is becoming impatient and my guess is that I won't be alive next week.

I could even die today. Judging by Snape's behavior yesterday, there is not much time left.

Snape.

My whole body tenses if I think about him. No matter how hard I try, I can't get those images of yesterday out of my mind. Even if it was not real.

I could see it clearly.

I remember it as if it happened.

Doesn't that make it real in a way?

I did not close my eyes the whole night in fear of him returning. He was so desperate to do what Voldemort ordered him to do.

But the whole night without sleep is starting to take its tool.

My eyes hurt.

I'm tired.

My right arm hurts, I can't even move it. I don't think it's broken, though.

Perhaps I could just take a quick nap?

Getting up from the floor, I slowly walk over to the mattress and drop down onto it.

I close my eyes and the next moment I'm gone.

ooo

Someone's touching my arm.

But I feel so relaxed, I don't want to wake up completely.

I feel as if my whole body is so heavy and I can't even move.

I _don't want_ to move. This feels good.

Someone's shaking me slightly.

I groan, opening my eyes, not really realizing what is happening.

It's him.

_Professor Snape._

"Hi you," I smile, blinking a few times.

"Granger?"

Wait.

Then it hits me.

It's _Snape._

In a quick second I'm completely awake as I scream and crawl away from him, off the mattress and into another corner.

I stare at him, hoping he would just stay there and not come any closer.

He stands up, facing me.

His expression is dark, almost like it was yesterday.

"We have to talk," he speaks.

"N-No, we really don't have to," I somehow force out.

He ignores my comment, "They want to replace me."

"What?"

"Give a chance to another Death Eater."

"A chance to do what?"

"Convince you to help us."

I can't believe it.

Anger shoots through me and I stand up, "How many times do I have to tell you? In what language do I have to tell you?"

"Granger - "

"There is nothing you can do! I'm not going to give in! Take me to Voldemort so that I can tell it to his face."

"Don't say his name!" he hisses.

That surprises me, "Why not?"

His jaw hardens as he looks at me, "You only have two options. Either you agree to cross over or we both die."

"You too?"

He does not say anything, only stares at me.

I cross my arms over my chest, "And why would I care about you? I want you to...die."

"You do not want that."

How dare he assume he knows what I want?

I take a step forward, not even knowing what to say to him. It's pointless to scream at him, to accuse him of things he's done to me.

But I try anyway, my voice calm, "I won't even bring up everything you did. And if I didn't hate you then, I most certainly hate you after what happened yesterday. You _disgust_ me."

My voice shivers a bit at the last part.

He does not react at all. His dark eyes are almost dead. My words do not get through to him.

"Get out," I say, looking away from him.

"Does your arm hurt?" he suddenly asks.

He's always been a good observer.

I laugh bitterly, "Of course it hurts. I fell onto it after you decided to throw me about."

"I could heal it for you."

My eyes snap at him, "What?"

He simply raises his eyebrows, waiting for my answer.

I quickly shake my head, forcing a fake smile, "No. _Thank you_."

"Are you sure?"

"This isn't going to work. You hurt me and then offer to heal me. Just...stop it."

"There is no need for you to be in more pain than you have to be."

He's pissing me off. I hate it when he's calm and gentle and it almost seems as if he's not evil. It's easier when he's torturing me.

I _need_ to hate him.

Silence.

"Well?" he asks, pulling out his wand.

I gasp, backing even further into the wall.

"Do not worry," he drawls, "You will know if I am going to hurt you."

That's comforting.

"I can heal it," he says, pointing at my arm.

"No," my answer comes immediately, "Don't do me any favors."

He sighs, but nods, putting his wand away.

I could not stand him being close to me long enough so that he could heal my arm. If I smell him, it's going to bring back the memories.

The memories of the vision.

That's how _real_ it was.

I could even _smell_ him.

It wasn't like a dream where some things are strange, but you only realize that when you wake up.

The vision was completely realistic.

Perhaps it _was_ real and he's only messing with my head again?

What if _this_ isn't real? Am I experiencing another vision?

Or I'm over-thinking it again.

Any way, I need answers.

"You..." I start slowly, "You raped me yesterday."

He tenses up and there's that emotion in his eyes again.

_Hate_.

I wait for him to speak.

"It was not real," he replies coldly.

And that is all he has to say.

"It _felt_ real. I remember it. It's in my head."

"It was not real," he repeats.

I narrow my eyes and take a moment to observe him.

He's not looking at me.

If I didn't know any better I would say he's ashamed.

But I _do_ know better.

"Leave me alone," I whisper.

"This is my last day," he says, "The last day to get you to change your mind."

"Good luck with that."

So this is the last day.

I knew it.

My eyes drop to the ground.

He leaves the dungeon.

I'm left standing there, trying to truly understand what is happening.

It almost feels anti climatic.

There were a few days when I thought, I was _certain_, it was my last day.

So I can't quite believe it's really the end until I experience it.

Experience death.

Such a horrible thought.

I drop to the ground, taking deep breaths, not wanting to have another panic attack.

I have known all along the end would come. I even tried to end my own life.

But now...

But truly accepting death it is not as easy as I thought.

ooo

I haven't had the chance to finish school.

And travel.

And have my first job.

And do more than kiss a boy.

And live to see a new millenium.

The more I think about those things the more my throat closes up.

Alright.

I'll just stop thinking about it.

ooo

A guard comes in, bringing me food.

A slice of bread with a glass of water.

It's that guard from yesterday, the young one.

The one who acts as if he does not see me. As if I don't exist.

"Wait," I stop him before he leaves.

He turns and looks at me, not saying anything.

"I-I want to see Snape. Can you tell him that?" I ask, waiting for his answer, but he simply walks out of the dungeon.

Suddenly I feel stupid.

Why do I want to see Snape?

When he comes, _if_ he comes, what do I tell him?

I'm stupid.

I shouldn't have said anything to that guard.

ooo

More than an hour passes.

Or is it a few hours?

It's hard to keep track of time.

And just as I relax, thinking he is not going to come visit me, I hear that familiar noise.

Doors making that awful noise as they open.

And it's him.

His eyes are on me immediately.

He closes the doors and simply stands there, his arms crossed over his chest.

I'm glad he is not trying to come any closer to me.

After a long moment of silence, he raises his eyebrow, "Well?"

What do I say?

"You _did_ wish to see me?" he asks.

"I-I did."

"Why?"

Then the expression on his face changes and the words leave his mouth slowly, "Have you perhaps...changed your mind?"

"No," I shake my head.

He takes a deep breath, "Then what did you want?"

"I just...wanted to talk."

"_Talk_?"

I did not want to be alone with my thoughts, I would go crazy. I desperately need someone to talk to and he is the only one to...to _what_? To qualify?

Who else can I talk to? That guard?

Finally I speak, "I'd like to know a few things before...before I die."

He glares at me, not saying anything.

"I think you owe me," I say quietly.

That gets his attention, "Oh, you think that?"

"Yes, I do," my voice is a bit more decisive now.

After a moment he nods, sighing, "Alright. What do you wish to know?"

"Why me?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Why me? Harry has other friends, people that know more than I do. Why did you chose me?"

He seems to think about it for a long moment.

I wait in silence.

"Who else could we take?" he asks, "That moronic Weasley? Or incompetent Longbottom?"

"So...you chose me because I'm...smart?"

"Yes. You could be of use, if you decide to do the right thing."

I ignore his last comment, "What do you think of Professor Dumbledore?"

He tenses up, I can see it.

"He is a very capable wizard, very powerful," Snape drawls.

"Then why turn your back to him?"

"Power, Miss Granger. He has it, but not nearly as much as the Dark Lord."

I nod.

It would be pointless to argue with him now.

So I take a deep breath and ask my next question, "How am I going to die?"

"I do not know. But do not think it will be painless and quick. You will most likely be tortured for your stupidity before being rewarded with death."

His cruel words make me sick and I can't help but shiver, my mind filled with horrible images.

So it seems my death won't be like falling asleep. How could I even allow myself to think that?

"Are _you_ going to...?" I try to ask, but fail to finish it.

But he understands, "No. It probably will not be me. After you leave this dungeon, everything is out of my hands."

"And what now? I just wait?"

"You _think_," he snarls, "You still have time to change your mind."

No.

That is not an option.

I look up at him and a memory from yesterday flashes in front of my eyes.

A memory of him pushing me to the ground.

Ripping my underwear.

Holding me down.

I take a shaky breath, feeling sick to my stomach.

I am going to die.

But before I die, there is something I need to do.

Slowly, I approach him, eyeing him carefully.

He is surprised, but waits in silence.

"I-I just want to do something," I admit quietly.

I stand in front of him, gathering my courage.

And before he has a chance to speak, I bring my knee up, kicking him hard in his groin.

A pained gasp escapes him and he falls to the floor, breathing heavily.

I quickly back away from him, sarcasm evident in my voice, "I'm sorry. Did that hurt?"

He does not even look at me, it's obvious he is in excruciating pain. Holding the injured part of his body, he finally calms down after a few minutes.

I should have kicked him harder.

Slowly he stands back up, his face hard, looking at me dangerously.

"That was not necessary," he growls, pain still clear in his voice.

"That was nothing compared to what you did to me," I reply, now a bit afraid of the punishment.

He does not say anything to that.

And it surprises me. I expected him to be furious, to Crucio me until I die.

But he does nothing.

He simply stands there, breathing heavily.

"I will come back later," he whispers and limps his way out.

As the doors close, my eyes widen in shock.

That is it?

No punishment?

Nothing?

I just kicked him in his _man parts _and he just left.

He did not even scream at me.

What the hell is happening?

Why am I getting mixed signals from him?

Something is not right here.

ooo

The cuts on my legs are itching.

And burning.

Thankfully, they've stopped bleeding.

"Hello, little one."

My head snaps up.

When did _he_ come in?

How come I didn't hear him come in?

It's that guard.

The one I wish would die and finally leave me alone.

"What do you want?" I ask, standing up.

He smirks, "I am just here to tell you I cannot wait for this to be over."

"_This_?"

"You being here."

I remain silent, not understanding what he is trying to say.

He continues, "When the Dark Lord decides you have to die, he will give you to us."

"To you?" my throat closes up.

"Exactly. He will leave it up to us to kill you and that, my dear, could take a day. Or _two_."

I tense up, my body shaking, "You're lying."

But his calm expression tells me that he is telling the truth.

He seems excited.

And I feel sick.

"And finally I'll have the chance to punish you properly for giving me this scar," he points at his forehead.

I can't even talk.

What is there to say?

"And because I am a kind person, I am giving you a choice. You can choose how you are going to die," he explains, "Of course, that will be _after_ we are done with you."

I shake my head.

"There is the killing curse. Or we can leave you to bleed to death," he starts to think, "Or we could strangle you. Or - "

"Stop it!" I scream.

His face darkens, "Do not raise your voice at me."

I glare at him, wishing I could just kill him with my eyes.

"I am simply preparing you to what is to come. And I am giving you a choice," he barks, "You should be thankful."

I want to laugh out loud.

Then his face twists into a disgusting grin, "I have waited long enough, haven't I?"

I think I am going to vomit.

"That was everything I wanted to say, my little one," he says and then walks to the door, leaving the dungeon.

I drop to the ground, my head on my knees.

Just breathe.

Breathe.

ooo

I need to do something.

Buy myself more days.

I have to do what is in my power to stay alive for as long as I can.

I can't lose hope.

There is a chance the Order will burst into this very dungeon in three days. Or a week.

And I'll be dead by then.

No.

I have to try.

But how?

And then I realize it.

I could try and ask...Snape.

He is still the only one I can have a civil conversation with.

But how to convince him to stand up for me in front of his Master?

It's impossible.

ooo

My eyes are watering.

I want to cry, but there is no time.

There's no time to feel pity for myself.

I have to fight.

And so I wait for him to come.

As he said he would.

ooo

Finally.

It's evening already, I think.

He walks into the dungeon, slowly.

Very slowly.

He seems tired.

And I understand why.

If he's not lying to me, it is his last day too.

Finally he looks at me, but does not say anything.

He simply stares at me.

And then I decide to speak, "Sir...I know I refused earlier, but...could you perhaps heal my arm. It really hurts."

I'm lying.

It does not hurt that much.

He's surprised and does not react for a long moment.

I try to keep my face innocent.

And then he finally moves, walking towards me. I sit down on my mattress and he kneels next to me, pulling out his wand.

I extend my arm towards him, noticing it's shaking a bit.

He touches my arm gently and I bite my tongue to prevent a gasp. I have to keep reminding myself to not think about yesterday.

He casts a few spells and I feel a strange warm sensation in my arm for a few moments.

He slowly releases my arm, "There."

I move it a bit, not feeling any pain.

It's healed. Good. I'm going to need it.

Slowly I regain my breath and look at Professor Snape.

"I'm scared," I confess.

"What do you want me to do?" he asks, emotionless.

I'm shaking violently by now.

I have to do this.

"I know you're...the enemy, but..." I start, "Could you hold me?"

His eyes narrow in shock and no voice comes out of his mouth.

"Just for a minute," I ask, my eyes pleading.

After a moment he finally reacts, "I do not think that would be wise. Do you realize who I am?"

"Yes, I do. And...at this moment I don't care," I swallow hard before continuing, "I just need to feel a...warm body against me."

"Granger - "

I throw my arms around him, pressing my face into his chest, inhaling deeply.

I don't want to do this. But I _have_ to. I can only hope he believes me.

His whole body tenses.

And then I gather my courage and my hand sneaks down, down his chest, his stomach, lower, until it reaches that place I injured a couple of hours ago.

He immediately pushes me away, "What are you doing?" he demands.

"Did I do something w-wrong?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"What do you want, Granger?"

"I don't know. Let me continue and - "

"I am the reason you are here, you do still remember that?" he raises his eyebrow.

"Yes, I do."

God, I am so disgusted with myself.

I don't think I'll be able to go through with it.

But I have to.

I don't want to die.

Taking a deep breath, I quickly push my robe down my shoulders, revealing my chest. His mouths opens, but he does not say anything.

_I am seducing Professor Snape._

I sounds wrong.

It _is_ wrong.

I reach behind to unclasp by bra, but he stops me, "Leave it on."

That surprises me, but I nod.

He sits on the mattress as well, leaning against the wall.

There is a change in his expression.

No more surprise or shock or confusion.

He's only looking at me, with his dark, emotionless eyes.

"Continue," he instructs.

"C-Continue?"

"Continue with what you started, Granger. This is what you wanted, right?"

"I don't want to die," I whisper.

Silence.

"Do your best and I will see what can be done about that," he drawls coldly.

I blink a few times, trying to see if he is lying to me.

It's impossible.

There's nothing in his eyes.

_Blank_.

I look down, noticing his legs are parted slightly.

My hands are shaking as I push his robes out of the way and then I reach his trousers.

There's a bulge there.

I try to move my hands, but my body does not want to obey.

I can't move.

A minute passes in silence.

And still, I remain completely frozen.

"I cannot decide whether you are immensely brave or stupid," he finally speaks.

Our eyes meet and there's a slight smirk on his face before it quickly disappears.

He covers his legs with his robes again and sits up.

"You were trying to seduce me," he says.

"I tried," I admit, pulling my robe up and covering myself again.

"And you failed miserably."

There's a horrible blush on my cheeks.

I don't have to pretend anymore.

He knows what I was trying to do. And _why_.

My voice is strong as I speak, "I don't want to die. And I thought I was ready to try anything to save myself."

"And you realized you are not as ready as you thought."

I shake my head, "I guess not."

Silence.

It's gotten really dark.

I haven't noticed it.

Why is he still here?

I can't believe I am actually having a conversation with him after everything he's done to me.

"Are they really going to kill you too or you're lying to me again?" I ask, turning my head towards him.

It takes him a long moment to finally speak, "Why do you ask?"

"Why aren't you torturing me? I am, in some way, a reason you are going to die. If you're not lying."

"I am not lying," he speaks, his voice low, "Perhaps I've come to terms with it."

"Well,_ I_ haven't," I bark at him, "I want to live. I-I...I hate you."

And I'm afraid.

And nervous.

And tense.

And going crazy.

"I have done horrible things to you," he says.

I don't reply. What is there to say?

Is he perhaps sorry now? Does he regret it now that he is going to die?

He leans closer and I feel the need to run to the other side of the dungeon.

But for some reason, I remain still.

He seems indecisive, _hesitant_.

"Close your eyes," he instructs.

"What? _No_."

"What are you afraid of? If I wanted to hurt you, I would have done it."

I glare at him.

Alright.

What can I lose?

Nothing matters anymore.

I close my eyes.

I can feel him moving closer to me and I can feel his body pressing against mine.

What is he doing?

"No words," he whispers.

And then I can feel his arm, sneaking around me, down my stomach, up my robe and between my legs.

My eyes snap open, "What the hell are you - ?"

"Just trust me. For a few minutes trust me and then you can continue hating me."

It's completely dark now.

I can't see his face and that makes things even more difficult.

I force myself to relax.

Nobody is going to judge me.

Nobody is going to find out.

I'll be dead tomorrow.

I swallow hard, my heart beating like crazy.

"Close your eyes," he says.

I obey.

He runs his hand softly under my robe on the bare skin of my thighs. I arch my back, biting my tongue.

I miss someone's touch. It would feel good if he was touching my _arm_, that's how desperate I am.

But he's touching more than an arm and it feels unbeliveable.

I am a sick person.

But at this moment I don't care.

I feel my legs shake as his hand moves closer and closer to the outside of my panties.

Ignoring how wrong the whole situation is, my head falls back on his shoulder and a moan escapes me.

He does not say anything.

Nothing at all.

He is completely silent, not touching me more than necessary.

I can feel his touch perfectly through my underwear as it gets warmer from his touch.

My legs start to tremble and he continues, massaging, gently touching.

I'm starting to get really hot and I'm having trouble breathing. His fingers trace little circles and I bite my tongue harder to remain silent.

I want him to stop, but at the same time I think I would die if he stopped.

He keeps rubbing me through my panties, faster now, touching just the right spot, never stopping.

I grasp his knee for support.

I don't care if he hears me.

It feels _too_ good.

I whimper and gasp at his ministrations. Suddenly, my lower belly tightens and something explodes inside of me.

I press myself against his chest, my whole body trembling and I fight to catch my breath.

I've never felt so good. It feels like I'm in heaven.

Slowly he moves away from me and I body falls on the mattress, my eyes closed, legs shivering.

I can't even think.

For a few long moments I don't even know where I am.

Slowly I calm down.

I am so relaxed and sleepy.

It feels as if all my fear and nervousness just disappeared.

I open my eyes.

He's gone.

I'm alone in the dungeon.

That's probably for the best.

I don't know what I would say to him.

Could I even look him in the eye?

Why did he do it?

I can't even think now.

I close my eyes and within moments I'm asleep.

ooo

Someone grabs my arm, pulling me up.

I scream, struggling, but it's useless.

I can't see anything.

It's dark.

There are a few people in the dungeon, I can tell.

Is this it?

I try to speak, but no voice leaves my throat.

Without words I am dragged from my mattress and out of the dungeon.

**A/N: Only one more chapter. :) I can't wait to finish this story. Everything will be explained in the next update. Many of you have really interesting theories. ;) Love your reviews! Thank you!**


	30. Day 30

_"This is either going to end on a absolutely brilliant note and will end up in fic recs for years to come or all of the readers are going to be mercilessly trolled and you will be infamous in the HGSS fandom." ~ by a reviewer Blastoise._

But no pressure, right? ;)

**Day 30**

What is happening?

Where are they?

I look around again, hoping to find something to help me understand.

Some kind of a clue.

But there's nothing.

It's an empty room.

Not a dungeon. A _room_.

The guards took me from my dungeon in the middle of the night and brought me here.

Why?

If I close my eyes, I can still see it in my mind.

Darkness. And then someone grabbing me, pulling me away from my mattress, out of the dungeon.

There was a long hallway. Then stairs.

And then before I could realize what was happening, they pushed me into this small room.

And left me here.

It's morning already.

And I'm so tired.

I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. There's nothing in the room. Not even a mattress or a chair. _Nothing_.

All I can do is stand.

Or pace around.

Is this it?

The end?

Thirty days.

It's rather poetic.

But I can't allow myself to think that or I'll go insane.

What could I think about to entertain myself?

Snape.

I blush, even though I am completely alone. No one can read my mind, no one knows what I'm thinking, but it still feels wrong to think about it.

About what happened last night.

How could I?

Why did he - ?

_Ugh._

I can't even...

Luckily, soon I won't have to think about it anymore. I won't have to think about anything.

ooo

It's funny.

I should be a mess.

I should be crying.

Screaming.

Kicking the walls.

Doing something.

But I'm just standing there.

Waiting.

In the last month I've been through so much.

And somehow it seems as if the fear of death is not as...frightening anymore.

I'm calm.

ooo

My throat closes up as I hear the doors open.

_Finally_.

"Come," I hear a voice.

I take a step forward to see who that person is.

Immediately I tense up.

It's that guard.

I am so sick of seeing him.

Of dealing with him.

But...why isn't he coming in?

He's simply standing outside, waiting for me to come out.

But I don't want to.

"Come," he repeats.

_Calm down, Hermione._

He's taking you somewhere.

But on whose orders?

His face is serious.

He is not playing with me.

And then I decide.

Fine.

I take a step forward, then slowly walk out of the room.

ooo

What is this?

What do they want?

I'm in an office.

A simple, but large office.

There's a desk.

And bookshelves.

And an armchair.

And a window.

But I can't see anything because of the dark curtains.

It's been too long since I've seen anything so...normal.

There are actually _books_.

Wait. What am I doing?

I should be looking for a weapon, not admiring the room.

Quickly I run to the desk, opening the drawers, frantically trying to find something.

A letter opener.

Something sharp.

Anything.

But there is nothing.

Only papers.

I groan in frustration, turning around to look at the bookshelf.

There has to be something.

But...what if this is some kind of a trap?

Why else would they leave me alone?

They're not stupid.

I make my way to the window, pushing the curtains apart.

My heart jumps a bit at the sight of freedom.

I can see the outside world.

There's not much too see.

Only forest.

But this is the first time after a month.

I try to open the window, but then I hear a voice.

"Hermione."

I jump in shock and turn around, my heart beating like crazy.

Lupin.

He closes the doors behind him and slowly starts to walk towards me.

"Stay where you are!" I warn him, but then realize I have nothing to threaten him with.

Surprisingly he does stop, bringing his hands up, "It's alright."

Alright?

"What do you want?" I ask, trying hard to remain calm, "Where is everybody? What is going on? What am I doing here?"

"I will explain everything," he says, "You should sit down."

Why is he talking to me like that? Why is his voice gentle and calm?

He's trying to trick me.

"No," I shake my head, "I will not sit down."

He sighs, but then nods, "Alright."

"Where's Voldemort?" I demand.

"Hermione," he starts, "We only have a couple of minutes."

"What are you talking about?"

Just as he opens his mouth to reply, I interrupt him, "No, I don't want to know! I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to _look_ at you."

"Hermione, please."

"And stop saying my name!"

This is wrong.

It almost looks as if _I_ am the one who is crazy, because I'm angry and screaming and he's talking calmly, his tone even.

He takes a deep breath, "I...don't know how to say this."

"S-Say _what_?"

"Hermione," he takes a step closer, meeting my eyes, "Think about this last month. Does anything seem strange to you?"

I nod, "Yes. It seems strange to me that I ever trusted you."

"No, Hermione, I am serious. Think about this last month."

What is he talking about?

"You are safe here," he says.

I glare at him.

"There are no...Death Eaters here."

Silence.

What is he saying?

What is he trying to say?

He continues, "There's no You-Know-Who. At least not here."

"W-_What_?"

He's looking at me strangely and I'm slowly losing my patience.

"What are you saying?" I raise my voice, "Can you tell me everything at once or are you dragging it out for the dramatic effect?"

"I am so sorry."

A laugh escapes me, "Now you're sorry? I think It's a bit too late for that. Traitor."

"Hermione."

He's struggling with words.

"Stop talking."

"Listen to me," he orders, "I am going to tell you something that might shock you."

The tone in his voice surprises me.

Finally he looks at me, "The Order has a special department. A secret department. Only few know of it."

"I don't want to hear it! I am not talking about the Order with you."

"Hermione, _listen_!" he raises his voice as well.

I glare at him, wanting to shout and insult him, but the curiosity gets the best of me and I wait for him to continue.

"That department is in charge of special, risky missions," he explains, "And one of those missions is testing if a person could be trusted or not."

I listen.

"And that is exactly what has been happening to you for the past month. A test."

Silence.

And then a laugh escapes me.

He's actually funny.

Is he trying to make me die of laughter?

I'm laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes.

And when I look up at him, I start laughing even harder because of the expression on his face.

"Y-You really think I'm going to believe that?" I ask, still giggling, "Don't lose your time. I'm here, just finish it. Get over with it. Kill me and - "

"No one is going to kill you."

I stop laughing.

His voice is serious.

And for a slight second I think that perhaps he could be saying the truth.

But _no_.

That's crazy.

"You never saw You-Know-Who," Lupin says, "Why do you think that is?"

Suddenly I feel sick.

"B-Because...because he...the Death Eaters were supposed to..." I don't know what to say.

And I'm not so sure I can stand.

My legs are going to betray me any moment now.

"I am so sorry, Hermione. I never wanted for this to happen, but...I had no choice."

I slowly walk to the chair and sit down.

Where did all the air go?

"There are people who have more power than I do. People in charge," Lupin keeps speaking, but I can't concentrate on his words.

I need some time.

Is it true?

Was everything...fake?

There was no Voldemort.

No Death Eaters.

"But..." I finally speak, "The guards?"

"Order members, specialized for that sort of experiments."

Experiments?

I was an _experiment_?

"There are people who need to talk to you," Lupin explains.

I don't say anything. I can't even nod.

Then I can hear him walk away, doors opening, then closing again.

I'm alone.

I jump up, pushing the chair to the floor.

Like hell I'm going to believe his story.

This is another one of their tricks.

I-I have to find something.

If I'm going down, I'm not going down without a fight.

My eyes scan the room quickly. Is this some sort of an illusion? Another vision?

I make my way to the desk again, but turn around immediately as the doors open again.

Feeling the need to defend myself I grab the first thing that comes to my mind.

A book.

Stupid.

Lupin enters the room again. He's having trouble looking me in the eye.

And then a few other men enter as well.

I don't recognize them.

Probably Death Eaters.

As I take a step back, someone else walks in.

And it pushes all air out of my lungs.

Oh my god.

Professor Dumbledore.

I'm imagining it.

I have to be imagining it.

This is it.

I've officially gone crazy.

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore starts, his voice comforting. Just as I remember it.

"I believe you have been informed of everything," he says, walking towards me.

I can't look away from him.

I keep searching for a mistake, for something that would tell me he is not real.

But everything seems real.

There's even that little sparkle in his eyes.

"Perhaps you should take a seat," he says and Remus picks up the chair from the floor.

"Will everybody stop telling me that?!" I scream.

Dumbledore nods, "As you wish."

"I-I demand an explanation," I force out.

"And you will get one."

I feel vulnerable.

There's only one me. And there is five of them. Desk is the only thing separating us. And the only weapon I have is the book in my hands.

"You are safe now, Miss Granger," Dumbledore speaks, "In fact, you were safe all this time. We would never let things go too far."

Is he serious?

This is crazy.

I nod, "A-Alright. Let's say I believe you."

They all wait in silence for me to continue.

"And letting me starve, invading my privacy, humiliating me, beating me...that was not considered too much?" I ask, my voice shaking.

"I understand you are angry, but let me explain," Dumbledore replies, "I know you will understand it was necessary."

I lean back a bit, "Explain."

"You are one of Harry's best friends. And with that you have responsibilities..."

Time seems to slow down.

"...imagine how dangerous it would be if such information got out..."

"...you not strong enough..."

"...betrayal..."

"...you got lessions...occlumency..."

"...stronger after this..."

"...smarter..."

"...proved yourself to us..."

Finally they stop talking.

Finally I find my own voice.

"And...did I pass the test?" I ask quietly.

"Yes, Miss Granger," comes the answer from Dumbledore.

"But I tried to kill myself."

"You never agreed to cross over or offer any information to them. You have proved your loyalty."

Long moment of silence.

A minute passes.

Then another.

And another.

But they are all silent.

Am I really going to believe this?

"I...I've been gone for a month?" I ask, "What...what did you tell my family? Harry and Ron?" then I realize something, "Does Harry know about this?"

Dumbledore quickly shakes his head, "No. He does not know."

"He wouldn't agree to it," I say, "He would never allow you to do this."

Dumbledore is silent for a moment before speaking again, "You parents know nothing. They have been getting letters from you, as usual."

I gulp, "You...you have been sending letters to them in my name? They think I'm at Hogwarts?"

"We need to protect this secret, Miss Granger. I am sure you understand."

I understand?

I look at Remus who is standing behind Dumbledore, not looking at me. Is there shame on his face?

Then a knife cuts through me, "W-What about...Snape? He is a part this?"

"Yes. Think of him as your mentor. His role was to lead you through it all," Dumbledore explains.

Suddenly everything flashes before my eyes.

All our conversations.

Us kissing.

Us showering together.

Last night.

And they all saw it. They all know about it.

I'm sick.

I double over, holding my stomach.

"Hermione, are you alright?" Lupin asks, walking over to me.

I jump away from him, "Don't touch me!" I scream, throwing my book at him.

It hits him in his chest and he backs away immediately.

"Where is he?" I demand, "I want to see him. I want to talk to him."

"Severus?" Dumbledore asks, "He...is currently unavailable."

"Well, _sir_, make him available," I hiss, "I demand to see him."

Headmaster finally nods, looking at Lupin who sighs and then leaves the room.

"Severus has asked not to see you," Dumbledore says quietly.

"He...well,_ I want to see him_."

"Very well."

Silence.

I can't believe this is happening.

Am I dreaming?

"Miss Granger, you are not the only one."

"W-What?"

"Everyone who is important to the Order had to be tested. Even your friend Ronald Weasley."

"Ron?" I look up at him in shock.

"During the summer," Dumbledore says.

"That's why...he never wrote to me..." everything starts to make sense now, "What...was is like this?"

"Not exactly. There are different tests for everyone, Miss Granger."

"Why didn't he tell me?" I whisper quietly, "And what did you tell them? Harry and Ron?"

"They think you are with your family, taking care of your mother who has been sick for a while now."

All those lies.

Lies.

Lies.

This is all too much for me.

I'm tired.

And sleepy.

And hungry.

I look up at Headmaster, "Are you...real?"

He smiles slightly, "I assure you, Miss Granger, I am very much real."

I hug myself with my arms and wait in silence.

"Gentlemen, you can leave now," Dumbledore says to the men behind him.

They all nod and make their way to the door.

I look down, noticing how skinny my legs look and how dirty I am.

There are bruises on me.

I have scars.

My hair is shorter.

And it's all _their_ fault.

_They_ did this.

Not Voldemort.

_The Order._

All this time I was protecting them and they were doing this to me.

"Headmaster."

That voice sends a chill down my body.

I slowly look up, noticing him.

Snape.

He is avoiding my eyes, I can see it.

"Miss Granger requested your presence, Severus."

"I understand."

I finally speak, "I-I want to talk to him...in private."

He tenses up.

Is he even breathing?

Dumbledore nods, "Alright. I will come back in a few minutes. There are things we need to discuss."

And then he leaves.

I'm alone with Snape.

Again.

We are both avoiding to look at each other.

I can't look at him.

I keep remembering last night.

When I was shaking with pleasure against him.

And he can't look at me either.

Taking a deep breath, I finally force myself to speak, "Why?"

That is the first word that comes to my mind.

He is silent for a long moment.

I gather my courage and walk over to him, slapping him hard across the face. His head turns with the force of it, but that is all. He does not react. He does not show pain. Nothing.

I want to hit him again.

And again.

And again.

But before my hand connects with his face again, he grabs it, looking dangerously at me.

I pull my hand away from him.

"Why?" I ask again, "Answer me."

"I was ordered to."

He seems tortured.

Tired.

Ashamed.

Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?

"Is this real?" I ask, "Or is this another game? Another vision?"

"No. This is real."

I take a shaky breath, "You...all the things you did...everything that happened in the dungeon...they all saw...they all know about it?"

His eyes meet mine, "No. It is not like that."

"Then what is it like?"

"They were not listening in on us. They were not observing us. When we were in the dungeon, we were alone. Only _you_ and_ I._"

"I don't believe you."

"Believe me, Miss Granger. All they know is what I have told them."

I listen to him, hoping and praying he is not lying.

He continues, "During _bathroom visits_ I would talk to them, tell them what I thought they should know. Information about your mental state, your progress, my personal opinion. But they were never watching us in the dungeon."

"Then why did you...kiss me? And...last night? What was that?"

He takes a step closer, his voice dark, "They do not know about any of that. And they must never find out."

"Why...why did you...?" I ask again.

He looks away, "I only...wanted to do something for you."

After a long moment he finally meets my eyes, "I did not agree with what was happening. And I tried to...make it easier for you, at least for a few moments. To make up for everything."

"And you..." I can't even say the words, "So...it was not all planned? Dumbledore didn't order you to seduce me?"

"No," he shakes his head immediately, "I would never..."

"That means it was _you_. Why?"

He swallows hard, "Miss Granger. I was in that dungeon as well. I was there with you. For almost a month. And...things happened. Things I am not proud of."

"You..."

"I am older than you, I am your Professor. But I _am_ a man and you are a...woman. And I am not perfect, Miss Granger. And I am ready to accept any kind of punishment for what I did. I understand if you want to send me to Azkaban. You have every right to."

I short laugh escapes me, "I was so stupid. Looking back...I can see it clearly. You were never desperate and it seemed as if you _knew_ we are not going to die. All the things you said...about not trusting anyone, all those Occlumency lessions, you were preparing me. Training me. And when you refused when I...asked you to...you know...You knew we were not going to die. You knew the guards are not going to do anything like that. Because that would take things too far."

He does not say anything.

I take a deep calming breath, "But all those little things...the guard's comments about your family, about your..." I point at the lower part of his body, "...problem."

He tenses up, "We tried to make it as realistic as possible. It would be suspicious if it was only you who had embarrassing moments."

It was a masterpiece.

"So...those were all lies?" I ask.

He slowly shakes his head, "No. Not everything."

I'm not so sure I want to know more.

"What if I died?" I ask, "That night when I cut myself?"

"That was a mistake. I tried to convince them to end the whole thing when that happened, but they would not listen to me."

"And that _guard_? Who is he?"

"A member of the Order. Someone who helps us with things like this."

My head hurts.

I lean against the wall, "And that girl? Rose? She died in front of me! I saw her die!"

"She did not die."

"But - "

"Miss Granger, you of all people should know what magic can do."

I can't breathe.

"How could you?" I ask quietly, "Why didn't you put an end to it? You could...tell someone. The Ministry..."

He does not speak for a long moment.

I keep staring at him, waiting.

"It was not up to me," he finally says, "I did my best to make everything easier for you, but there was only so much I could do."

"Really? And how exactly did you try to make everything easier for me?"

He moves closer to me, "They wanted to keep you awake for many days. Do you remember that little bracelet? It was _my _idea to...help you get some sleep. I went against their orders to help you."

He continues, anger evident in his voice, "And their plan was for me to turn against you much _much_ earlier, but I refused."

"W-Why?"

"Because I did not want to leave you alone in there."

Should I believe him?

Does it even change anything?

My whole whole just came crashing down.

"Remember when you got something other than water and bread for a meal? That was also me," he hisses, "Do not try to make me a bigger monster than I am."

"What now?" I whisper, "What is _this_...between us?"

He clears his throat, moving away from me.

How am I going to move past it?

Will I ever be able to leave it behind me?

"Miss Granger, you are going to be alright."

There is _something_ in his tone.

But when I open my mouth to ask him about it, Dumbledore enters the room again.

"I hope I am not interrupting, but we have to finish this," he says to Snape.

"I want to go home," I whisper.

Dumbledore sighs, "Miss Granger. You have proven yourself worthy. And you will be rewarded for that after the War."

"Don't thank me, Headmaster," I interrupt him, "I'm not finished yet."

They both look at me.

I continue, "I am going to press charges against you."

Dumbledore's expression does not change.

Why is there not worry on his face?

"Didn't you hear me?" I ask, "What you did was _illegal_. No matter how _noble_ your intentions were. It doesn't matter if I understand _why_ you did it. It was wrong. You violated me. My body, my mind. Who do you think you are?"

I walk over to them, rage slowly growing inside of me, "I'm going to need therapy until the rest of my life! Do you know what it's like to live in fear for a month? Who gave you the right? You are no better than Voldemort himself."

"Miss Granger - " Snape starts.

"You too! How will I be able to return to Hogwarts? How will I be able to sit through your lessons and look at you and not think about...about everything that's happened?"

He speaks slowly, "You will not have to."

"What...what do you mean?"

He meets my eyes, "You are very brave, Miss Granger. You have made me proud many times."

Why is he talking as if we are never going to see each other again? Like he is saying goodbye to me?

Dumbledore steps in, "For your own safety...for your own good, your memories will be taken away."

My eyes widen in shock, "_What_?"

"Only until the end of the War."

"No! You will do no such thing!" I scream.

"Miss Granger."

"Then what was the point in going through all of it if I'm not going to remember anything? What was the point in the Occlumency lessons and - "

Dumbledore interrupts me, "You are going to remember some things. Mostly the knowledge you gained. But you will not remember where you learned it. It is the way to protect yourself and us."

"You are not serious," I try to walk to the door, but Snape grabs my arm.

"Miss Granger, you need to stop. Use your head," he says to me.

"Let go of me!" I struggle, "I refuse! And I'm leaving!"

Why isn't he letting go of my arm?

"I am sorry," he whispers.

And then I realize it.

"_No_," I struggle harder, "You can't do this to me! This is illegal! You could go to Azkaban for this!"

Dumbledore points his wand at me, "I am sorry, child. But this is for the best."

I look at Snape, "Please, help me. Don't let them do this!"

"I am sorry," is his only answer, "I am so sorry."

"No!" I try to escape his grasp, but it's useless.

He grabs my other arm too and I am forced to look at Dumbledore.

"Obliviate."

**A/N: Finally! The end. I've planned this ending since the first chapters. Like it or don't like it. This is how I wanted the story to end. A big Thank You to everyone who supported this story. There will be an epilogue after this. It'll be up in a few days. If you have any questions, feel free to ask and I will do my best to answer. :) THANKS AGAIN! **


	31. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

I run a hair through my hair, groaning.

What was I thinking cutting it this short? Was I even thinking at all?

I look at the schedule in my other hand, realizing I have five classes until the end. And then the rest of the day will be spent in the library studying, trying to catch on everything I've missed.

A month is a lot of time.

And I've been back only for a week. There's too much of school work ahead of me. At least the teachers have all been very understanding.

"Hermione!"

I turn around, "Oh, hi, Ron."

"Come on, we'll be late for Potions," he hurries me down the stairs.

"Where's Harry?"

"Don't know, he said he'll meet us there."

Silence.

"Why that face, Mione?" he asks, "Aren't you glad you're back? We missed you."

I smile, "You missed me because there was no one else to help you with your homework."

He blushes a bit, "Well, that was a reason too, but - "

"Oh, save it, Ron. And hurry, I don't want to be late."

ooo

"Snape?" Harry whispers, "What is _he_ doing here?"

I roll my eyes, "It's_ Professor Snape_, Harry."

There is a dead silence in the classroom. All students are surprised that there is Snape standing in front of them instead of Professor Slughorn.

"Professor Slughorn is currently unavailable," Snape speaks, his voice cutting through the whole classroom, "Therefore, you are stuck with me."

I listen patiently.

Snape's eyes move over each student carefully, but strangely enough he ignores _me_. He looks at Harry and Ron, his gaze remaining there for a couple of long seconds and then he jumps over me and continues with Neville, giving him a cold glare.

"You will be brewing Hiccoughing Solution, nothing _too_ complicated," he sneers, "Begin now."

Everyone starts gathering ingredients.

No one dares to speak.

ooo

"_No_," I whisper, "Add _one_ clockwise stir. _One_, Neville. _One_."

I sigh, sweat forming on my forehead. I wipe it off with my hand, moving closer to Neville who was panicking by now.

"It's alright," I say quietly to him, "It's not ruined yet."

And then I raise my head up, looking at Professor Snape who is sitting behind his desk going through some papers.

I lean closer to Neville, "Wait for a minute then start stirring again."

Looking at Snape's desk again, I find myself staring directly into his eyes.

And he's looking at me too.

He knows I'm helping Neville.

Biting my lower lip in fear, I wait for the punishment, but it never comes.

He simply looks down at his papers again.

What just happened?

"_Hermione_," Neville whispers nervously, "What do I do now?"

It takes a long moment before I pull myself together.

"Um, just stir it clockwise. _Once_," I repeat, feeling a bit strange.

Something isn't right.

A few minutes pass.

"Hermione, it's turning blue. It shouldn't be turning _blue_," Neville whispers, his voice shaking.

"You probably - " I start.

"Professor, Granger is helping Longbottom," Draco Malfoy calls out from behind us, "She's been helping him from the very start."

I turn around, noticing the smirk on Malfoy's face.

"Mind your own business, Malfoy," Ron comes to my defence.

"Silence," Snape finally speaks.

I look at him, blushing a bit.

But then he does not say anything.

I stare at him, raising my eyebrows, expecting a detention or something.

"Leave," is the only word that leaves his mouth.

"W-What?" I ask quietly.

"Out. All of you," he snaps, "The lesson is over. _Out_."

We do not need to be told twice.

We quickly gather our things and leave the classroom immediately.

ooo

"What was that, Hermione?" Harry asks as we walk up the stairs.

"I-I don't know," I answer truthfully.

"When has Snape ever hesitated before giving a detention to any of us?"

I shake my head, not knowing what to say.

"And that Malfoy," Ron joins the conversation, "Always has to butt in."

Harry and Ron keep on talking, expressing their surprise over Snape's behaviour and anger over Draco's, but I don't listen to them anymore.

I have other questions on my mind.

What is going on?

Why is Professor Snape acting strange?

I can't pretend not to see it anymore. Ever since I came back he's been looking at me, acting strangely around me. Last week I handed him my essay, apologizing why I was late and our fingers touched for the slightest of seconds. It's all it took for him to flinch away from me, my essay falling on the floor.

I sigh, pushing those thoughts out of my mind.

I have too much work ahead of me to lose my precious time with things like that.

ooo

"Hermione, can you hand me that piece of bread?" Ron asks, leaning over the table.

I stare at him, waiting for the magic word.

"_Please_?" he adds, smiling.

I can't say no to that.

A weak smile forms on my lips and I hand him his precious bread.

"Hermione," he suddenly becomes serious, "What is that on your wrist?"

I look down, noticing an ugly scar on the inside of my wrist.

"What happened?" Ron asks.

"I just...tried to pick up pieces of broken mirror. And I guess I...had an accident," I answer, lost in my thoughts.

"You _guess_?"

"I don't really remember much. That whole month is a bit confusing to me. My mother's illness, the stress. It was a hard time for me," I explain, still observing the scar on my wrist.

There are many other scars as well.

Scars I remember getting, but there is still that strange feeling.

Like something isn't right.

ooo

"I'm late for Transfiguration," I say to myself as I hurry down the hall.

I _really_ should not have studied all night.

Before I even realize what is happening I bump into something hard.

Something black.

Something warm.

"Miss Granger!"

I look up, noticing a very angry Professor Snape.

"I am so sorry, Sir, I-I wasn't looking!"

"I thought as much," he sneers, then backs away from me a bit.

Why is he doing this?

Why is he moving away from me?

Does he think I don't notice these things?

"The next time use the eyes the mother nature has given you and _look_ where you are going," he says coldly and then he's gone.

I stand there for a few more moments.

My heart is beating loudly.

There are some strong emotions inside of me.

Emotions I can't explain.

Emotions that are _not_ very logical.

What is happening to me?

ooo

Harry looks around, making sure we are alone in the Common room.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

Ron looks at me, "It's_ Dumbledore's_ idea."

"So?" anger starts to grow inside of me, "Just because it's _his_ idea does not automatically mean it's a _good_ idea."

Harry turns to me, "Hermione, what is the matter with you? You've been acting strange...ever since you came back."

I let out a deep breath.

"Look, Dumbledore wants me to get close to Slughorn and that's what I'll do," Harry explains, "He has a reason to ask this of me, I'm sure of it."

A snarky reply forms in my head, but I bite my tongue.

Why do I feel this anger?

Dumbledore does not deserve it.

All he's ever done is help us.

ooo

"Take...it...take it..."

My throat closes up as I watch Severus Snape dying in front of me.

And what is that strange _liquid_ on my face?

Am I...crying?

Something blue slowly forms around Snape's eyes and mouth and ears.

I know what it is.

But Harry does not seem to know.

I quickly conjure a flask and hand it to Harry, hoping he would know what do to with it.

He does, lifting the silvery substance into the flask with his wand.

I close my eyes, turning my head away.

Why does this hurt me so much?

Snape is a traitor.

He's never liked me. He's hated me. He's made my life a living hell.

But why do I feel like _this_?

"Granger..."

My eyes snap open.

_What_?

"Granger..." he whispers again.

He's looking at me.

For a long moment I don't move.

Why would he be calling _me_?

But then I notice something in his dark eyes.

A plea.

And then I finally move, kneeling down next to Harry.

I don't know what to say.

What should I say?

Snape is looking at me, trying to speak. His lips are moving, trembling, whispering.

I lean closer, trying to hear what he's saying.

"...sorry."

"He's probably...hallucinating," Harry says quietly.

"...Granger...sorry."

My heart breaks and I don't know why! And I feel like I _should_ know why, but there's just emptiness and I _can't_ remember!

"...Sir..." I start, then notice the silvery substance forming around his head again.

Without questions I conjure a flask again, repeating what Harry did a few minutes ago.

What does Snape want to show to _me_?

I lose myself in the depth of his eyes, trying to ignore the blood gushing from his neck, covering his robes.

"...the Order..." he forces the words out, "...department for secret...testing."

What is he talking about?

"...forgive me..." he whispers, his eyes digging a hole in my soul.

And before I even know what is happening, the words leave my mouth, "I forgive you."

I have no idea _why_ he is asking for my forgiveness.

I have no idea _why_ I am forgiving him.

But it seems to help him as he relaxes a bit.

And then finally he looks back at Harry, grasping the front of his robes, pulling his closer, "Look...at...me..."

And a moment later he is gone.

Severus Snape is dead.

ooo

I remember everyhing.

It's been almost an hour since I came back from my _memory_ journey.

And I still can't move.

I remember everything now.

Seeing the memories from Snape's point of view somehow triggered my own memories.

And it all came back to me.

_Everything_.

Many emotions passed through me.

Shock.

Anger.

Rage.

Disgust.

Sadness.

Confusion.

And now I just can't feel anything.

I'm surprisingly calm.

Dumbledore is gone. I can't take my anger out on him.

Snape is gone. I can't talk to him. So much happened between us. Things that need to be talked about, explained, cleared up.

But he's gone.

And I will never get answers.

The answer I so desperately need.

ooo

The War has ended.

Our side has won.

I'm happy.

But my work is not done yet.

ooo

Department for secret testing.

Everyone now knows about it. An article has been published in the Daily Prophet.

As has my story.

Not every little detail. There are some things I would like to keep to myself. Things that only I and Snape know about.

But at least people now know what was happening behind their backs. What the Order was doing.

The people responsible for it are being persecuted. The ones who are still _alive_, that is.

I've found the man who played_ the guard_, the one who overstepped his bounds and I will make sure he pays for his actions.

Ron is still in denial. He has been offered to get his memories back but he still has not decided. His fake memories are much better than the harsh reality of what happened to him during the summer. I don't blame him.

It's hard being able to remember.

But I'm fine.

I'm holding up.

I feel sorry for Harry. The man he trusted, _Dumbledore_, turned out to be a monster. And being a good guy as he is, Harry can't help but feel responsible for everything. But I know it's not Harry's fault. There was one moment in the dungeons when I regretted being Harry's friend, but that was a moment of weakness.

I'm proud to be his friend.

ooo

Was Severus Snape a hero?

I remember having that conversation with him many years ago when we were together in that dungeon.

He did not agree with me calling him a hero.

And perhaps he wasn't a hero.

But he was very brave.

And noble.

I admit, at first I was angry with him. But not anymore. Seeing the memories from his perspective helped. He was not some sick pervert or some disturbed sociopath. He was a good man. He could not get me out of there so he decided to help me survive it.

I understand now.

I'm stronger because of it.

There are still nights when I wake up screaming and expect _Snape_ to calm me down like he did many times. When I wake up in the middle of the night and everything's dark in the room, I feel as if I'm still in the dungeon and Professor Snape is on his mattress a few feet away from me.

But he's not.

I visited the dungeon once, months after the end of the War.

I broke down crying.

There were so many memories there.

And I could _feel_ Professor Snape's presence.

I miss him.

No one knows that. I can't admit it to anymore.

But I do. I want to speak to him so badly. I want to _see_ him.

But he's gone.

And I live my life.

I don't ever want to forget what happened in that dungeon. Even all the horrible things.

I want to remember.

That is why I named my daughter Rose, after that girl that supposedly died in the dungeon, in front of me. Because of me.

I have never been able to find that girl. Who was she? Did she even exist? Was that another vision?

I don't know.

And it doesn't really matter now.

I keep on living. My life is not perfect, but it's good.

There are always little things that remind me of those thirty days.

Seeing my scars.

Calling my daughter by her name.

Harry's second son.

Even seeing a piece of bread brings back memories. Memories when that was all I was given to eat.

Time passes.

And I live on.

But I will never forget.

**A/N: The End! Hope this brings closure of some kind to the story. Thank you for your continued support. I love you guys and I appreciate each and every one of you. There were few that did not like the way the story ended, but that's alright. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. :) I'm glad the story is finish, it was really challenging. Now I can finally take a break. THANK YOU! Oh, and one little request. Many of you said that there are a lot of stories HG/SS, where it ends with everything being a 'test'. I've never really come across that kind of stories and I would really appreciate it if you could suggest me a few fanfics like that. I would gladly read them. :)**


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